Dear Annie: My unmarried 30-year-old daughter has a drinking and behavioral problem that has escalated over the past year. We have encouraged Terrie to get alcohol counseling or attend A.A. She tried it once and quit. I believe she is bipolar, but mental health counselors will not treat her until she quits drinking. After her last outburst, I sent her a text message and said we could no longer have a relationship unless she gets help. Shortly after, she left town and moved to Florida with a friend who also drinks. Should I keep the lines of communication open, or will my ultimatum help her reach bottom so she can start climbing back up? I tried Al-Anon, but the members only offer support and friendship to each other, which is nice, but it doesn't change my daughter. — Concerned Mom Dear Concerned: Al-Anon is not intended to change the alcoholic's behavior, only your response to it. Choosing not to stay in touch would be for your mental health, not hers. No one can "fix" Terrie until she admits she has a problem, and she doesn't seem ready. Many who are bipolar self-medicate with alcohol and drugs, and there are treatment programs that address both disorders. If Terrie wants help, she should contact a university medical center department of psychiatryfor a referral.