Chapter 29

第二十九章

I kept silence for a little while, thinking of what Stroeve had told me. I could not stomach his weakness, and he saw my disapproval. "You know as well as I do how Strickland lived," he said tremulously. "I couldn't let her live in those circumstances—I simply couldn't."

我沉默了一会，思索着施特略夫对我讲的事情。我无法忍受他这种懦弱，他也看出来我对他这个做法不以为然。“你跟我知道得一样清楚，思特里克兰德过的是什么日子，”他声音颤抖着说，“我不能让她在那种环境里过活——我就是不能。”

That's your business, I answered.

“这是你的事。”我回答。

What would you have done? he asked.

“如果这事叫你遇上，你会怎么做？”他问。

She went with her eyes open. If she had to put up with certain inconveniences it was her own lookout.

“她是睁着眼睛自己走开的。如果她不得不吃些苦头，也是自找。”

Yes; but, you see, you don't love her.

“你说得对，但是，你知道，你并不爱她。”

Do you love her still?

“你现在还爱她吗？”

Oh, more than ever. Strickland isn't the man to make a woman happy. It can't last. I want her to know that I shall never fail her.

“啊！比以前更爱。思特里克兰德不是一个能使女人幸福的人。这件事长不了。我要让她知道，我是永远不会叫她的指望落空的。”

Does that mean that you're prepared to take her back?

“你的意思是不是说，你还准备收留她呢？”

I shouldn't hesitate. Why, she'll want me more than ever then. When she's alone and humiliated and broken it would be dreadful if she had nowhere to go.

“我将丝毫也不踌躇。到那时候她就会比过去任何时候都更需要我了。当她被人抛弃，受尽屈辱，身心交瘁，如果她无处可以投奔，那就太可怕了。”

He seemed to bear no resentment. I suppose it was commonplace in me that I felt slightly outraged at his lack of spirit. Perhaps he guessed what was in my mind, for he said:

施特略夫似乎一点也不生她的气。也许我这人太平凡了，所以对他这种没有骨气竟有一些恼火。他可能猜到我的想法了，因为他这么说：

I couldn't expect her to love me as I loved her. I'm a buffoon. I'm not the sort of man that women love. I've always known that. I can't blame her if she's fallen in love with Strickland.

“我不能希望她象我爱她那样爱我。我是滑稽角色。我不是那种叫女人钟情的男子汉。这一点我早就知道。如果她爱上了思特里克兰德，我不能责怪她。”

You certainly have less vanity than any man I've ever known, I said.

“我还从来没见到过有谁象你这样没有自尊心的呢，”我说。