“I want to go away,” he told Franz. “For a month or so, for as long as I can.”

“Why not, Dick? That was our original arrangement—it was you who insisted on staying. If you and Nicole—”

“I don’t want to go away with Nicole. I want to go away alone. This last thing knocked me sideways—if I get two hours’ sleep in twenty-four,it’s one of Zwingli’s miracles.”

“You wish a real leave of abstinence.”

“The word is ‘absence.’ Look here: if I go to Berlin to the Psychiatric Congress could you manage to keep the peace? For three months she’s been all right and she likes her nurse. My God, you’re the only human being in this world I can ask this of.”

Franz grunted, considering whether or not he could be trusted to think always of his partner’s interest.

In Zurich the next week Dick drove to the airport and took the big plane for Munich. Soaring and roaring into the blue he felt numb, realizing how tired he was. A vast persuasive quiet stole over him, and he abandoned sickness to the sick, sound to the motors, direction to the pilot. He had no intention of attending so much as a single session of the Congress—he could imagine it well enough, new pamphlets by Bleuler and the elder Forel that he could much better digest at home, the paper by the American who cured dementia pr?cox by pulling out his patient’s teeth or cauterizing their tonsils, the half-derisive respect with which this idea would be greeted, for no more reason than that America was such a rich and powerful country. The other delegates from America—red-headed Schwartz with his saint’s face and his infinite patience in straddling two worlds, as well as dozens of commercial alienists with hang-dog faces, who would be present partly to increase their standing, and hence their reach for the big plums of the criminal practice, partly to master novel sophistries that they could weave into their stock in trade, to the infinite confusion of all values. There would be cynical Latins, and some man of Freud’s from Vienna. Articulate among them would be the great Jung, bland, super-vigorous, on his rounds between the forests of anthropology and the neuroses of school-boys. At first there would be an American cast to the congress, almost Rotarian in its forms and ceremonies, then the closer-knit European vitality would fight through, and finally the Americans would play their trump card, the announcement of colossal gifts and endowments, of great new plants and training schools, and in the presence of the figures the Europeans would blanch and walk timidly. But he would not be there to see.

They skirted the Vorarlberg Alps, and Dick felt a pastoral delight in watching the villages. There were always four or five in sight, each one gathered around a church. It was simple looking at the earth from far off, simple as playing grim games with dolls and soldiers. This was the way statesmen and commanders and all retired people looked at things. Anyhow, it was a good draft of relief.

An Englishman spoke to him from across the aisle but he found something antipathetic in the English lately. England was like a rich man after a disastrous orgy who makes up to the household by chatting with them individually, when it is obvious to them that he is only trying to get back his self-respect in order to usurp his former power.

Dick had with him what magazines were available on the station quays: The Century, The Motion Picture, L’Illustration, and the Fliegende Bl?tter, but it was more fun to descend in his imagination into the villages and shake hands with the rural characters. He sat in the churches as he sat in his father’s church in Buffalo, amid the starchy must of Sunday clothes. He listened to the wisdom of the Near East, was Crucified, Died, and was Buried in the cheerful church, and once more worried between five or ten cents for the collection plate, because of the girl who sat in the pew behind.

The Englishman suddenly borrowed his magazines with a little small change of conversation, and Dick, glad to see them go, thought of the voyage ahead of him. Wolf-like under his sheep’s clothing of long-staple Australian wool, he considered the world of pleasure—the incorruptible Mediterranean with sweet old dirt caked in the olive trees, the peasant girl near Savona with a face as green and rose as the color of an illuminated missal. He would take her in his hands and snatch her across the border…

…but there he deserted her—he must press on toward the Isles of Greece, the cloudy waters of unfamiliar ports, the lost girl on shore, the moon of popular songs. A part of Dick’s mind was made up of the tawdry souvenirs of his boyhood. Yet in that somewhat littered Five-and-Ten, he had managed to keep alive the low painful fire of intelligence.

“我想出去一趟，”他告诉弗朗茨，“一个月左右吧，或者说能待多久到时候再说吧。”

“这有什么不行呢，迪克？原来咱们就是这么安排的——去多长时间由你定。要是你和尼科尔……”

“我不想同尼科尔一起去。我要一个人去。最近发生的事弄得我头昏脑涨，要是一天能睡上两个小时，那真是茨温利的奇迹了。”

“你想过一段闲云野鹤般的潇洒日子？”

“应该说是‘出差’。这样说吧。如果我去柏林参加精神病学会议，这里的情况你能应付得了吗？这三个月她很正常，也喜欢她的护士。上帝呀，在这个世界上我只能求助于你了。”

弗朗茨嘴里含混地说了句什么，心里有点缺乏底气，不知道自己是否能不辜负这位合伙人的重托。

一个星期后，迪克在苏黎世坐车去机场，然后搭乘大客机飞往慕尼黑。飞机轰鸣着腾空而起，翱翔于蓝天。他觉得肢体有些麻木，这才意识到自己是何等疲惫。这时，他的心里一片宁静，一种静谧感悄然而至，使他忘掉了一切——就让病人自己操心他们的病吧，就让飞机轰鸣吧，就让飞行员决定航向吧！他并不打算去参加这样的一个学术会议——开会的情况完全可以想象得出来，还不就是散发散发布洛伊勒和老福雷尔的新作（这种书更适宜在家里看）。会上还要宣读一个美国人的论文，此人认为通过拔牙或者烧灼扁桃体腺便可以治疗精神分裂症——可笑的是，这样的观点竟然还能得到尊重，恐怕多半是因为美国是一个富裕强大的国家。另外参加会议的还有一些美国代表，其中包括红头发的施瓦茨，此人有一张圣人的面孔，不厌其烦地穿梭往来于欧美两大洲。其他的十几位美国代表属于唯利是图的学者，个个都是猥琐相，他们来参加会议，一方面是想抬高他们的声望，以便将来骗大钱，另一方面则是想猎取一些新的奇谈怪论，好掺进他们的异端邪说，达到混淆视听、浑水摸鱼的目的。参会的可能还有愤世嫉俗的拉丁人，以及来自维也纳的弗洛伊德的门徒。其中的翘楚当属伟大的荣格，无论是针对人类学研究，还是针对在校学生的心理研究，他都有精彩的论述、清晰的观点以及非凡的结论。大会一开始都是美国人唱主角，从形式和仪式上看，有一股“扶轮国际”的味道。之后，组织严密、充满活力的欧洲代表会向他们发起挑战。但最终，美国人会亮出王牌——宣布捐献大笔的财物，兴建大型诊所和培训学校。面对一串串数字，欧洲人一个个灰头土脸，连走路都蹑手蹑脚的。然而，迪克可不愿到那儿看到这样的场面。

到了福拉尔贝格境内，飞机绕过阿尔卑斯山的山峰，脚下的村庄美得像田园诗，让迪克看得心旷神怡。一眼望去，总能看见四五个村子，每个村子中央都有一座教堂。从高空看大地的景色，可以一览无余，无异于观赏玩偶和士兵的游戏——政治家、将军和所有的隐士都是这般观察事物。不管怎样，大地的景色叫人看了心情放松。

一位英国人隔着过道跟他搭话，但他近来觉得英国人有些讨厌。此时的英国就像一个装腔作势的富人，自己纵欲狂欢过后，又想和家里人和好言欢，但谁都看得出他只不过是想找回尊严，好重新作威作福。

迪克随身带了几本杂志，那是他在机场买的，有《世纪》、《电影》、《画刊》和《飞叶杂志》。但他觉得遐想比看杂志更有意思——他想象自己下了飞机，走进村庄，同农夫们握手；想象自己在教堂做礼拜（就跟小时候跟父亲去布法罗的教堂做礼拜一样），周围净是穿着笔挺节日服装的教徒；想象自己到了近东，听圣徒宣讲耶稣的故事，讲耶稣怎样被钉死在十字架上，后归葬于乐土；想象自己在教堂捐钱时，由于身后坐着那个臆想中的女孩，真不知该捐五美分还是十美分好。

那个英国人一直在冲着他说话，此时话题一转，说想借他的杂志看看。迪克乐得把杂志交给对方，这样他就可以沉湎于遐想，想象接下来的旅途会是什么样的情景。他想象自己穿着澳大利亚羊皮衣服，衣服上的绒毛长长的，看上去像狼一样；想象自己到了一个欢乐的世界，那儿是地中海乐园，橄榄树上沾染着尘土，散发着清香，萨沃纳附近的农村姑娘的脸蛋绯红鲜嫩，就像弥撒书中的插图一般，他真想一把抓住那个农村姑娘将其带出国……

……但他不得不丢下她，因为他必须朝前走，到希腊群岛去——彼处有海水混浊、异国情调的港口，海岸上有迷途的姑娘以及流行歌曲中讴歌的朗月。他的想象有一部分是来自于童年时代丰富多彩的憧憬——在那个乱糟糟的廉价商品店里，他绞尽脑汁地加以保留，才使得它们生动地再现。