For all that has been written about cross cultural relationships I am really surprised no one has really mentioned sajiao. Of course there are a lot of cultural differences that influence any romantic relationship between a Chinese and a Westerner but in my opinion none as often, or as much, as sajiao.
描写跨国恋情的文章很多，但令我惊讶的是居然没有人谈论“撒娇”这个话题。诚然，由中国人和西方人所组成的跨国恋情会受到很多文化差异的影响，但我认为没有一样能像“撒娇”这样举足轻重。

So what is sajiao? It's not as easy to answer as you might think. Chinese people know what it is because it's such a big part of their romantic and family relationships. Almost every young Chinese man wants his woman to sajiao to him. But if you ask them for a definition most have a hard time coming up with something precise.
什么是撒娇？答案可能没有你想象的那么简单。中国人很清楚撒娇的含义，那是因为这是他们婚恋生活的重要组成部分。几乎所有中国男人都希望自己的另一半和自己撒娇。但如果你要他们给“撒娇”做个定义，大多数人都很难给出准确定义。

"Now that you asked me it's not so easy to explain," one of my Chinese friends told me.
我的一个中国朋友回答我：“既然你问了，（我本该回答你）但这个问题确实很难解释。”
 
But from a conglomeration of sources that includes my friends and cultural bloggers I will attempt to give you some kind of definition of what sajiao is. So buckle you seatbelt and prepare to be schooled in the art of sajiao.
但在兼顾几位朋友和文化博主的意见后，我想给撒娇下几点定义。现在，系好你的安全带，来学习一下“撒娇”的艺术。
 
One way to describe sajiao is when Chinese women act like a cute but spoiled child in nough to melt the heart of any Chinese man, making them ready to do anything for such an innocent and helpless looking beauty. Which by the way brings me to another aspect of sajiao...the feminine performance of appearing weak to get what you want.
当中国女人为展现温柔，变得像个可爱的、被宠坏的孩子时，这就是“撒娇”。嘟嘴的表情加上天真的眼神足以融化任何一个中国男人的心，让他们甘愿为这位天真无助的美女赴汤蹈火。综上所述我们可以看到撒娇的另一面——为达成己愿而表现出柔弱的女性行为。

 A perfect example would be when I am sitting at my computer surfing the Internet and my Chinese girlfriend is sitting across the room, right next to the water dispenser, watching TV. She will then turn to me with a sulky face and in a childish voice ask me, "baby can you get me some water?"
这里举一个再恰当不过的例子，我在上网，我的中国女友就坐在我对面看电视，而她旁边就是饮水机。通常这时，她都会撅起小嘴，孩子气地和我说道：“亲爱的，能递给我一些水吗？”

From my Western perspective my first thought is, "What the hell! You are the one right next to the water dispenser...get it yourself." But most Chinese men would jump to their feet and rush to the water dispenser to get a fresh glass of water to reward the sajiao of their girlfriend. While I might think it is acting spoiled, Chinese men love sajiao. It makes them feel wanted and gives them a chance to act as the stronger sex.
作为一个西方人，我的第一反应是：“搞什么！你紧挨着饮水机，自己拿。”但大多数中国男人却很享受女友的撒娇，他们会毫不迟疑地起身，冲到饮水机旁为女友接一杯水。虽然在我看来这是种宠溺，但中国男人却对此情有独钟。撒娇使他们觉得自己是不可或缺的，同时也给了他们一次展现男性魅力的机会。

In fact one of my Chinese friends often complains that his girlfriend doesn't sajiao enough. "You know, she is too harsh," he said, "I really feel like I can't please her."
事实上我的一位中国朋友经常抱怨自己的女友不常撒娇，他说：“你知道的，她太严厉了。我真的觉得无法让她开心。”

Which brings me to the main thrust of this article as to why sajiao is to blame for many of the problems in cross-cultural dating. While things like curiosity, loneliness, and practical benefits help create cross-cultural relationships, nothing destroys them faster than misunderstanding sajiao.
探讨为何跨国恋情中的很多问题都归咎于撒娇正是我写这篇文章的主要动力。在好奇、孤独以及现实优势等因素成就了跨国恋情的同时，对于撒娇的误解也成为跨国恋情的头号“终结者”。

I know a monster of a man from Canada. When he first came to China he looked like a shaved Paul Bunyan on steroids. He wasn't mean; in fact he was actually very nice and quite funny. Combine this with his handsome looks and Chinese girls quickly started lining up for just a chance to talk with him. But my Canadian friend couldn't stand most of them. "I hate it when they act so childish," he would fume. "It drives me nuts...it feels like they are playing some kind of game with me."
我认识一位如同怪兽般的加拿大男人。第一次来中国时，他看上去像极了刮了胡子、打了类固醇的保罗•班杨。当然他并不会暴跳如雷；事实上他人很友善，也十分有趣，再加上英俊的外表，很快便有很多中国女孩排队抢着和他搭讪。但对于其中大多数女孩，我的这位加拿大朋友都无福消受。他生气地说：“我讨厌她们幼稚的样子。我简直要发狂了。就好像她们在和我玩游戏。

I have another American friend that simply walks out the door as soon as a Chinese girl starts to sajiao to him. "I don't mean to be cruel but I can't stand all that," he said.
当中国女孩开始撒娇时，我的另一位美国朋友选择立即闪人。他表示：“ 我并不想变得冷酷无情，但我实在没办法忍受这些。”

It might be easy for them to find a new girlfriend given the immense curiosity many young Chinese women have for foreign men, but a lot of these relationships don't work out. Blame it on sajiao.
就如同中国女人对外国男人充满好奇一样，他们很容易也出于好奇而结识新女友，但大部分恋情都无疾而终。而这些都要归咎于撒娇。

On the flip side, I know a lot of Chinese men that are interested in foreign women for the same reason, they are curious with something that is so different. Yet sadly most can't even get their foot in the door.
另一方面，我知道许多中国男人也是出于好奇而对外国女人情有独钟，他们对差异充满好奇。但遗憾的是大多数人甚至无法成功迈出第一步。

I've heard many explanations as to why Chinese men largely fail to pick up a Western girl; everything from media stereotypes to the fact that Chinese men are somehow less aggressive and confident.
关于为何大多数中国男孩无法掠获西方女孩芳心这一问题，我曾听到过多种解释：从媒体的老生常谈到中国男人不够积极、自信的事实。

But is this really the case, or do the above explanations miss a much more important reason why Chinese men have a problem with foreign women, I think it's because they ignore the fact that foreign women don't sajiao. They don't put on the cute whiny face and play the weaker sex. They want to be equal! For a man that is used to and expects sajiao this can be quite a rude awakening!
但这就是跨国恋情触礁的真正原因吗，抑或是上述理由缺少了一个更重要的支撑？我想，中国男人之所以无法获取外国女性的芳心是因为他们忽略了后者不会撒娇的事实。她们不会做出可爱且幽怨的表情，不会扮演弱势的女性角色。她们希望男女平等！讲到这里，那些已习惯撒娇且欲罢不能的男人应该如梦初醒了吧！

In the end whether you are a Chinese or foreign guy and want to find a functioning and lasting relationship you are going to have to adapt. If not, well then at least you now have something to blame...sajiao.
最后，无论你来自哪个国家，只要你想拥有一段长期而稳定的恋情你都要试着去适应这一切。如若不然，那现在你至少可以将所有的错都归咎于“撒娇”。
 

相关词汇：

　　buckle 用搭扣扣紧
　　
　　conglomeration 聚集,混合物
　　
　　water dispenser 饮水机
　　
　　fume 发怒
　　
　　harsh 严厉的, 严酷的
　　
　　innocent 天真的，无辜的
　　
　　mean 要发怒的，要发狂的
　　
　　pouty 撅嘴的,容易生气的
　　
　　precise 准确的
　　
　　spoiled 被宠坏的
　　
　　steroid 类固醇
　　
　　surfing 网络冲浪
　　
　　thrust 要旨，重点