Oral Workshop Discussion Lesson 20-22 ;
Lesson 20 ;
What Does Friendship Mean to You? Text A ;
Mr Brooks,Martin, Robert and Jean ;
are being interviewed on the subject of friendship. ;
MR BROOKS:I consider friendship to be one of the most important things in life- ;
whatever your status,married or single. ;
I see too many lonely people around. ;
A lot of us get so involved with material values, family problems, ;
"keeping up with the Joneses," etc., ;
that we forget the real meaning of friendship. ;
INTERVIEWER:Which is what,according to you? ;
MR BROOKS:They say "a friend in need is a friend indeed" which is partly true ;
but a real friend should also be able to share your happy moments- ;
without feeling jealous. ;
A good friendship is one where you accept and forgive faults, ;
understand moods,and don't feel hurt if a friend doesn't feel like seeing you. ;
Of course,honesty is an essential part of any relationship. ;
We should learn to accept our friends for what they are. ;
INTERVIEWER:As a married man, ;
do you find your friendships are only with other men? ;
MR BROOKS:Of course not! ;
Both my wife and I have men and women friends-thank goodness. ;
Although family life is fulfilling, it isn't enough! ;
Both my wife and I get tremendous satisfaction from our friends, ;
married and single, male and female-and we both have our separate friends too ;
We'd get bored with each other if we had the same friends! ;
INTERVIEWER:You must have a full life. MR BROOKS:We certainly do! ;
And as I say,our friends give us a lot of pleasure. ;
After all,friends should not be people with whom you kill time. ;
Real friendship,in my opinion,is a "spiritually deve- loping" experience. ;
(Martin,Robert and Jean are being inte- rviewed on the subject f friendship.) ;
INTERVIEWER:How important are friends to you, Martin? ;
MARTIN:I've never had a lot of friends. ;
I've never regarded them as particularly important. ;
Perhaps that's because I come from a big family. ;
Two brothers and three sisters.And lots of cousins. ;
And that's what's really important to me.My family. ;
The different members of my family. ;
If you really need help,you get it from your family, don't you? ;
Well,at least that's what I've always found. ;
INTERVIEWER:What about you,Jean? ;
JEAN:To me friendship... having friends, ;
people I know I can really count on... ;
to me that's the most important thing in life. ;
It's more important even than love. ;
If you love someone, you can always fall out of love again, ;
and that can lead to a lot of hurt feelings, ;
bitterness,and so on.But a good friend is a friend for life. ;
INTERVIEWER:And what exactly do you mean by a friend? ;
JEAN:Well,I've already said, someone you know you can count on. ;
I suppose what I really mean is... let's see,how am I going to put this... ;
it's someone who will help you if you need help, ;
who'll listen to you when you talk about your problems... someone you can trust. ;
INTERVIEWER:What do you mean by a friend,Robert? ;
ROBERT:Someone who likes the same things that you do, ;
who you can argue with and not lose your temper, ;
even if you don't always agree about things.I mean someone who you ;
don't have to talk to all the time but can be silent with perhaps. ;
That's important, too. ;
You can just sit together and not say very much sometimes. ;
Just relax.I don't like people who talk all the time. ;
INTERVIEWER:Are you very good at ;
keeping in touch with your friends if you don't see them regularly? ;
ROBERT:No,not always.I've lived in lots of places,and, ;
to be honest,once I move away I often do drift out of touch with my friends. ;
And I'm not a very good letter writer, either.Never have been. ;
But I know that if I saw those friends again, ;
if I ever moved back to the same place, ;
or for some other reason we got back into close contact again, ;
I'm sure the friendship would be just as strong as it was before. ;
JEAN:Several of my friends have moved away,got married, things like that. ;
One of my friends has had a baby recently, ;
and I'll admit I don't see her or hear from her as much as I used to... ;
She lives in another neighbourhood and when I phone her,she always seems busy. ;
But that's an exception.I write a lot of letters to my friends ;
and get a lot of letters from them. I have a friend I went to school with ;
and ten years ago she emigrated to Canada, ;
but she still writes to me every month, and I write to her just as often. ;
Text B ;
A Friend in Need of Help ;
You and Sol have been friends for over fifteen years. ;
You went to high school together and now work in the same company. ;
For the past several months,Sol has been very irritable ;
and at times has shown his emotions by openly criticizing the company ;
and some of his fellow workers. ;
Most of the people in the office know that he sometimes drinks too much ;
when he feels depressed about some of his personal and family problems. ;
But recently Sol made a very nasty personal comment ;
which hurt one of the people in the office.No one said anything to him, ;
but it was obvious that many people were angry at what he said ;
and now have little sympathy for him. ;
You are beginning to wonder whether you should say something to Sol. ;
You don't consider him your best friend, ;
but he might possibly lose his job because you didn't try to help him. ;
On the other hand, you don't know whether Sol would think that you were ;
interfering in his private life by talking about his personal problems. ;
What would you do in this situation? ;
Additional Information ;
In fact,studies of friendship seem to implicate more complex factors. ;
For example,one function friendship seems to fulfil ;
is that it supports the image we have of ourselves, ;
and confirms the value of the attitudes we hold, ;
Certainly we appear to project ourselves onto our friends; ;
several studies have shown that we judge them to be more like us than they ;
(objectively) are. ;
This suggests that we ought to choose friends who are similar to us ;
("birds of a feather")rather than those who would be complementary ;
("opposites attract"), ;
a prediction which is supported by empirical evidence, ;
at least so far as attitudes and beliefs are concerned. ;
In one experiment, some developing friendships were monitored amongst ;
first-year students living in the same hostel. ;
It was found that similarity of attitudes(towards politics, ;
religion and ethics, pastimes and aesthetics ) ;
was good predictor of what friendships would be established ;
by the end of four months, ;
though it had less to do with initial alliances-not surprisingly, ;
since attitudes may not be obvious on first inspection. ;
There have also been studies of pairings, both voluntary ;
(married couples) and forced(student roommates), ;
to see which remained together and which split up. ;
Again,the evidence seems to favour similarity rather than complementarity ;
as an omen of a successful relationship, ;
though there is a complication:where marriage is concerned, ;
once the field has been narrowed down to potential mates who come from ;
similar backgrounds and share a broad range of attitudes and values, ;
a degree of complementarity seems to become desirable. ;
When a couple are not just similar but almost identical, ;
something else to be needed. Similarity can breed contempt; ;
it has also been found that when we find others obnoxious, ;
we dislike them more if they are like us than when they are dissimilar! ;
The difficulty of linking friendship with similarity of personality ;
probably reflects the complexity of our personalities: ;
we have many facets therefore require a ;
disparate group of friends to support us. ;
This of course can explain why we may have ;
two close friends who have little in common,and indeed dislike each other. ;
By and large,though, it looks as though we would do well to choose friends ;
(and spouses)who resemble us.If this were not so, ;
computer dating agencies would have gone out of business years ago. ;
Lesson 21 ;
Why Are They So Unlucky? Text A ;
I wonder why so many shop-assistants are so foul-tempered? ;
Inspite of so many "campaigns" to improve the services in the past years, ;
we see no appreciable change so far. If Dad and Mum are to be believed, ;
the services used to be quite good in the fifties. ;
But then,they always say everything used to be good in the fifties. ;
I find the older people grow,the more nostalgic they become. ;
Now Granny never lets a day go by without remi-niscing on the ;
good old things in the good old days. ;
Once when she saw Xiao Hong and me eating some mooncakes with relish, ;
she said pityingly, "You poor children, ;
you don't know what real mooncakes taste like. ;
The worst in the old days tasted much ;
better than the best that money can buy nowadays!" ;
We burst out laughing,not taking her words seriously. ;
Now to come back to the bad service in shops and department stores. ;
People often say that when you buy something, ;
you are spending money to buy rudeness and anger. ;
Today I saw a man doing exactly that. ;
I was at a department store and I happened to witness a typical quarrel. ;
I was next to a counter selling tea and I saw an elderly man ;
come up and ask a young woman who was ;
busy weighing and wrapping tea into standard-sized packs. ;
"Do you have very good green tea?" The woman glanced up to size him up. ;
He was ordinarily dressed and spoke with a provincial accent, ;
obviously a man of no consequence. ;
She went on with her work and the man had to repeat his question. ;
After another pause the woman snorted out:"Yes,Twenty-six yuan a liang." ;
Not believing his ears,the man tried to correct her. ;
"You mean twenty-six yuan a jin?" ;
Upon this the woman flared up and shouted: ;
"I said twenty-six yuan a LIANG! Can't you hear straight? ;
If you want a jin, then it's two hundred and sixty yuan.Is that CLEAR?" ;
The man seemed to be stunned by her sudden outburst, ;
but he kept his temper and asked again. ;
"Do you have something under two yuan a Liang?" ;
Obviously she was making things difficult for the old man ;
for she answered as rudely as before: "What do you mean under two yuan? ;
Anything from one cent to one yuan ninety-nine cents is under two yuan." ;
I don't remember what exactly the man said, ;
but somehow he managed to find out ;
there was a kind costing one yuan ninety-six a liang. ;
"Can you show it to me?" "Do you want to buy it or not?" ;
"Well,I want to look at the leaves and smell the flavour first." ;
"You can look,smell, eat,drink or do whatever you like with it at home. ;
Here I only sell tea.If you want to buy it,buy it. ;
If you can't afford it,don't come here to waste people's time! ;
Obviously you don't know what is proper in Beijing!" ;
"Look here young lady,it's you who don't know what is proper! ;
I have been living in Beijing long before you were born, ;
and I've never seen anyone as rude as you are. ;
Your job is to serve the customers,not to insult them. ;
Now for the last time,are you going to show me the tea or not?" ;
"And for the last time I am telling it to you. ;
Either buy it or get out of here! I know the likes of you ;
--you want something good,and yet grudge the money you have to spend on it!" ;
"This is insufferable! Who is in charge here? ;
I want to see your head!" "My head? It's on my shoulders. ;
Take a good look if you want to." The old man went away fuming. ;
"I've got down your number.I'll write to the Evening News." ;
The threat didn't seem to frighten the girl. ;
At most she'll have to make a self- criticism,which costs her nothing. ;
Even if she should lose a month's bonus,it is only a few yuan. ;
But if she could be sacked. ;
I bet she wouldn't dare to be so rude and aggressive. ;
Text B ;
All the housewives who went to the new supermarket had one great ambition: ;
to be the lucky customer who did not have to pay for her shopping. ;
For this was what the notice just inside the entrance promised. ;
It said:"Remember, once a week,one of our customers gets free goods. ;
This may be your lucky day!"For several weeks Mrs Edwards hoped, ;
like many of her friends,to be the lucky customer. ;
Unlike her friends, she never gave up hope. ;
The cupboards in her kitchen were full of things which she did not need. ;
In vain her husband tried to dissuade her. ;
She dreamed of the day when the manager of ;
the supermarket would approach her and say:"Madam,this is your lucky day. ;
Everything in your basket is free." One Friday morning, ;
after she had finished her shopping and had taken it to her car, ;
she found that she had forgotten to buy any tea. ;
She dashed back to the supermarket, ;
got the tea and went towards the cashdesk. ;
As she did so,she saw the manager of the supermarket approach her. ;
"Madam",he said, holding out his hand,"I want to congratulate you! ;
You are our lucky customer and every- thing you have in your basket is free! ;
Additional Information ;
Three times a man in his early 30s approac- hed Shen Limin's clothes counter ;
in the Baihus Garment Store on busy Xidan Street in central Beijing. ;
The first time Shen showed him the various garments. ;
He left but returned a while later and stood there staring at a skirt. ;
Then he went away again,but came back after a few minutes. ;
Curious,Shen asked, "Why don't you buy that skirt since you love it so much? ;
"The man said that he really wanted to, ;
but the 198-yuan price was too much for him. ;
She suggested that he choose something cheaper, ;
but he replied that the skirt was what his wife would like most. ;
They started talking and he told her he bought his wife ;
a gift every year in celebration of their wedding anniversary. ;
Shen was so moved that she offered the skirt to him for 130 yuan, ;
the whole sale price.When the man hesitated in surprise, she told him, ;
"I do that simply because you are a good husband." ;
As a divorcee,Shen, 35,spoke from the depths of her heart. ;
She could not imagine any husband being so considerate or tender. ;
Her failure in marriage and her ;
divorce three years ago scared her away from men ;
and prompted her to resign from her job as a log keeper in a film studio ;
and become a self-employed garment seller. ;
What makes Shen unusual is that she makes money to help deserted kids. ;
Her love of children and her sympathy for the wretched ;
stemmed from the day her six-old younger brother was crushed to death ;
in a mishap in a warehouse near her home. ;
Her sympathetic nature kept her marriage together for seven years. ;
Her husband had been a clarinet player in an army band. ;
A go-between had introduced them. ;
One cold snowy night they decided to get married. ;
He had been walking her home and kept darting into shops. ;
She grew impatient thinking he was merely wanting ;
to buy cigarettes and she stomped off. ;
But he ran after her and presented her with a gauze mask he had bought ;
for her to help keep out the cold.His thoughtfulness moved her to tears. ;
He said that perhaps they should break up since she could not understand him. ;
"I will marry you if that can atone for my mistake." ;
Shen said she responded.And so the matter was sealed. ;
The death of a bosom friend seven years later ;
marked the beginning of the end for Shen and her husband. ;
As the friend lay dying of heart disease, ;
20 days after giving birth to a son- ;
a pregnancy she had risked because her husband was the only son of his family- ;
she asked Shen to care for the child. ;
Shen promised she would,even though she had a son of her own. ;
Her husband was strongly opposed, however. ;
Still,Shen would often o to see the child, who was living in his grandmother's home. ;
"I felt guilty when I saw the child wearing dirty clothes," Shen said. ;
"I thought the child would not have been like that had his mother been alive. ;
"When the grandparents decided to send the boy to friends in Tianjin, ;
Shen wanted to adopt him. ;
Her husband then moved out and said he wanted a divorce. ;
Shen went to Tianjin to look for the child and found him. ;
But the family refused to give the boy up. ;
Shen would not leave until she was convinced ;
the child was being kindly treated and properly cared for. ;
Her years of marriage had given Shen a comfortable life-style ;
but that was all,she said. ;
The divorce made her realize she had feelings and ambitions again. ;
Shen had once dreamed of becoming a film actress, ;
and tried out for roles but only ended up with bit parts. ;
She fared better on the stage with amateur troupes. ;
But her dreams were shattered when she was refused admission to a ;
professional art school because of her age. ;
She was too old to learn how to act,she was told. ;
Now dreams filled the void of her disappointment. ;
She turned to helping children. She wrote to the SOS Village in Tianjin, ;
a home for orphaned children,applying for a job as a nurse. ;
But she was turned down because she had a son. ;
She still wanted to help children but did not know how. ;
Finding a way to make money became a practical and urgent problem. ;
Early last year she started her own business as a clothing dealer, ;
setting up a stall in west Beijing. ;
Her mother did not like the idea and felt it would be bad ;
for her grandson to be brought up in such an environment. ;
She threatened to smash the stall,but gradually Shen won her over. ;
"I don't want my son to follow my example," she said. ;
"I expect a lot of him." ;
She still maintains contact with her friend's son in Tianjin. ;
She moved to Xidan this summer when the new Baihua Garment Store opened. ;
She now has two assistants,one of them a university graduate. ;
Shen said that her business life has made her a different woman, ;
one who is independent and full of confidence. ;
Friends try to get her to date but she is not interested. ;
At first,she said, her distaste of marri- age of love affairs was so strong ;
that she cut her hair short and wore men's clothes. ;
"I am afraid of falling in love," Shen said with a bitter smile. ;
She doubts whether she could be a good wife, ;
saying she would be better as a friend or companion. ;
Many of her customers have become friends. ;
To one frequent caller,she is Sister Shen. ;
"I really love my customers," Shen said. ;
"I do my business for the sake of love. ;
Lesson 22 ;
Tell Us About Your Hobbies Text A ;
JOHN:What I like most,I suppose, is the fact that it's so unusual. ;
I mean,when I tell people what I do, ;
they just look at me usually as if I'm mad. ;
Maybe I am,anyway what I do is this. ;
I get up about a quarter past six every morning. ;
I leave my wife in bed because she's not as mad as me- ;
and I put my trunks on under my tracksuit ;
and drive down to the park with my clothes in a case. ;
It only takes about five minutes because ;
there's no traffic of course at that time in the morning. ;
So,when I get there I leave the car in the car park and run round a bit. ;
I usually run for about ten minutes till I'm nice and warm, ;
then comes the interesting bit. ;
I run over to the car,get my case and then over to the pool. ;
I take my tracksuit off and-in I jump. ;
It's pretty cold I can tell you especially in the middle of winter- ;
but I do a couple of quick lengths and then I climb out, ;
get changed and drive home,I just get back in time for breakfast- ;
and I normally feel I've earned it too. ;
JACK:Well,it's very detailed work you see,but I find it very relaxing. ;
It's strange I suppose that something like this where you have to ;
concentrate a lot can be relaxing, ;
but you see in my job I'm always making decisions ;
and telling people what to do but I never actually see what I've done. ;
This is completely different. ;
You see,here I'm actually making something myself. ;
I start with a kite, usually it's got all the basic materials in it. ;
Then you have to cut out all the shapes from the wood and stick them together. ;
When you've made the frame,the wings and the fuselage, ;
that is,you cover them with special paper and paint. ;
Of course if it's going to fly properly, ;
everything has to be properly balanced, you know. ;
I must say really though. ;
I think I enjoy actually making them more than flying them. ;
JANE:Well in a sense I suppose I do it to save money. ;
I mean things are so incredibly expensive in the shops nowadays, aren't they? ;
But that's not the only reason really. ;
No,the beautiful thing is that you can make what you want when you want- ;
and in material you're chosen.I mean you don't have to depend on ;
some Paris designer to say what is fashionable. ;
If you like an idea you see then of course you can copy it, ;
but it gives you much more independence to do it yourself. ;
I mean obviously it takes time, but I enjoy it, ;
and with a sewing machine it doesn't take all that long ;
to make even quite complicated things. ;
And then finally you know that you're got something really unique. ;
Especially if it's something you've designed yourself. ;
HARRY:Well,it gives me the chance to be alone- ;
and for me that's really the most important thing I suppose, ;
after being with crowds of people all week. ;
It gives you time to think,you know. ;
And another thing is that it gets me out of doors. ;
I suppose it isn't very energetic really after all. ;
I mean you don't do very much except just sit there, ;
but at least it's in the fresh air. ;
And that's more than you can say for things like darts,isn't it? ;
No,that's really what I like about it. ;
I like having time to think in the open air. ;
I'm not terribly keen on the man against animal bit, ;
you know man the hunter against nature. ;
No,actually I don't usually catch very many you know. ;
And if I do,I always throw them straight back. ;
Text B ;
JEFF:What's on the telly this evening? I feel like relaxing. ;
MARY:Why ask me that? You know I never watch it. ;
JEFF:Too busy with the latest hobby, are you? ;
What is it this time, knitting socks for your nephews? ;
Or collecting buttons?I wish I had as much free time as you do. ;
MARY:Men!As a matter of fact, you probably have more than I do. ;
But you waste it all watching your telly. ;
JFFF:That's not a waste of time. I've got to rest sometimes. ;
MARY:Sometimes, maybe,but not all the time. ;
And anyway,I relax with my hobbies.A change is as good as a rest. ;
JEFF:Well,the telly's my hobby, and I learn a lot from it. ;
MARY:But it doesn't teach you to do anything,does it? ;
You just sit there and stare at it. That's not earning. ;
JEFF:But I do learn. There are lots of educational programmes. ;
MARY:But you don't watch them,do you? ;
Whenever an educational programme comes on, ;
you either switch over to the other channel or go to sleep. ;
JEFF:When I come home from work. ;
I need to put my feet up,at least for a while. ;
Life's not all work, you know. ;
MARY:Hobbies aren't work,Jeff. ;
I like putting my feet up,too,at the end of the day, ;
but I like doing things while I rest. ;
Life's too short for us to waste time. ;
JEFF:Mary dear,as I've said many times,we're different. ;
There are two kinds of people in the world... ;
MARY:I know,I know. Those who are never happy ;
unless they're running about doing things... ;
JEFF:That's right, and those who are never happy unless ;
they're doing nothing.I'm one of the latter and you... ;
MARY:I know,dear. I'm one of the former.And proud of it. ;
JEFF:So now we agree.Live,and let live. ;
You can go peacefully back to your button collection and I can watch TV. ;
MARY:If only you organised yourself better, ;
there's so much you could do,really. You're wasting your talents. ;
And one last thing: I'm not collecting buttons. ;
JEFF:What are you doing then? Making sculptures from potatoes? ;
MARY:No,I'm learning how to make Turkish cakes, ;
and the first ones came out very well. ;
Of course,if you're too tired,I won't insist on you trying them. ;
Additional Information ;
A hobby can be almost anything a person likes to do in his spare time. ;
Hobbyists raise pets,build model ships,weave baskets, ;
or carve soap figures.They watch birds. ;
hunt animals,climb mountains,raise flowers,fish,ski, skate,and swim. ;
Hobbyists also paint pictures,attend concerts and plays, ;
and perform on musical instruments. ;
They collect every- thing from books to butterflies,and from shells to stamps. ;
People take up hobbies because these activities offer enjoyment, ;
friendship, knowledge,and relaxation. ;
Sometimes they even yield financial profit. ;
Hobbies help people relax after periods of hard work, ;
and provide a balance between work and play. ;
Hobbies also offer interesting activities or persons who have retired. ;
Anyone,rich or poor,old or young, sick or well, ;
can follow a satisfying hobby, regardless of his age position,or income. ;
Hobbies can help a person's mental and physical health. ;
Doctors have found that hobbies are valuable in helping patients recover ;
from physical or mental illness. ;
Hobbies give bedridden or wheel-chair patients something to do, ;
and provide interests that keep them from thinking about themselves. ;
Many hospitals treat patients by having them take up ;
interesting hobbies or pastimes. ;
In early times,most people were too busy making a living to have many hobbies. ;
But some persons who had leisure did enjoy hobbies. ;
The ancient Egyptians played games with balls made of wood, ;
pottery,and papyrus. Some Greeks and Romans collected miniature soldiers. ;
People today have more time than ever before for hobbies. ;
Machines and automation have reduced ;
the amount of time they spend on their jobs. ;
Hobbies provide variety for workers who do the same monotonous tasks ;
all day long.More people are retiring than ever before, ;
and at an earlier age.Those who have developed hobbies never need to worry ;
about what to do with their newly- found leisure hours. ;
Sir William Osler, a famous Canadian doctor, ;
expressed the value of hobbies by saying, ;
"No man is really happy or safe without a hobby, ;
and it makes precious little difference what the outside interest may be ;
-botany,beetles,or butterflies;roses, tulips,or irises; ;
finishing, mountaineering, or antiques ;
-anything will do so long as he straddles a hobby and rides it hard." ;