Section C

What Life Is like When Out of Work

(Fortunately, Jan Halvorsen was unemployed only four months. She is now assistant editor of the Twin Cities Courier（《双城信使报》）in St. Paul, Minnesota. The following essay appeared as Newsweek's（《新闻周刊》）"My Turn" article in September of 1980.)

Being laid off from work, job loss and recession（衰退）have always affected Walter Cronkite's tone of voice and the editor's page. And maybe they affected a neighborhood business or a friend's uncle. But these terms have always been just words, affecting someone else's world, like a passing ambulance. At least they were until a few weeks ago, when the ambulance came for me.
Even as I sat staring blankly（茫然地）at my boss, hearing, "I've got bad news: we're going to have to let you go," it still seemed no more related to my daily life than a "60 Minutes" program. I kept waiting for the alternative — "but you can come back after a couple of months," or "you could take a salary cut, a different position," or even, "April fool." But none of these came. This was final. There was no mistake and no alternative.
How it all echoes through your evenings and wakes you up in the morning. The mornings are probably the worst — waking up with the shock, for the first two weeks, thinking, "I'm late!" Late for what? The dull ache in your lower stomach reminds you: late for nothing.
Again, you face the terms: "Loss of self-worth and security, fear of the future, stress, depression（抑郁）." You wonder if eating a dozen chocolate-chip（碎片）cookies, wearing a house coat until 4, combing your hair at 5, cleaning behind the stove (twice) and crying in a job-agency parking lot qualify as symptoms of stress or maybe loss of self-worth. Fighting with your spouse/boyfriend? Aha — tension in personal relationships.
The loss of a job is rejection, resulting in the same hurt feelings as if a friend had told you to "bug off". Only this "friend" filled up 40 to 60 (or more) hours of your week. Repeated references（提到）to the staff as "family" only emphasize the feeling of being left alone and having been told a lie. You picture yourself going home to your parents or spouse and being informed, "Your services as our daughter/my wife are no longer required. Pick up your baby pictures as you leave."
Each new act that confirms your job loss starts the pain again: the first trip to the employment agency, the first friend you tell, the first interview and, most fearful of all, the first trip to the unemployment（失业）office.
You do eventually become accustomed to being unemployed, in the way you might accept a bad limp. And you eventually quit beating yourself for not having been somehow indispensable — or for not having become an accountant. You tire of straining（尽力使用）your memory for possible mistakes. You recover some of the confidence that always told you how good you were at your job and accept what the boss said: "This doesn't reflect on your job performance; sales are down 30 per cent this month."
But each time you recover that valued self-worth, you renew（重新开始）a fight to keep it. Each time you go to a job interview and give them your best and they hire someone else, you go another round with yourself and your self-worth. Your unemployment seems to drag on beyond all reason. You start to see a stranger in your rearview mirror. The stranger suddenly looks like a bum（无业游民）. You look at her with clinical curiosity. Hmmm. Obviously into the worst stages. Definitely not possible to be employed.
We unemployed share a social prejudice similar to that of the rape（强奸）victim. Whether consciously or subconsciously（下意识地）, much of the public driven by work ethics（伦理）feels that you've somehow "asked for it", secretly wanted to lose your job and "flirted（轻率对待）" with unemployment through your attitude — probably dressed in a way to invite it.
Almost everyone has heard about the need to be a useful member of society. What you didn't know about was the loneliness. You've spent your life almost always surrounded by people, in classes, in residences and at work. Suddenly to find yourself with only your cat to talk to all day alters your sense of reality.
But you always were, and still are, stronger than that. You maintain（保持）balance and perspective, mainly through relying frequently on sarcasm（讽刺）and irreverence（不敬）. Although something going wrong in any aspect（方面）of your life now seems to push you into temporary despair much more easily than before, you have some very important things to hang on to — people who care, your sense of humor, your talents, your cat and your hopes.
And beyond that, you've gained something — a little more knowledge and a lot more understanding. You've learned the value of the routine you hated and the importance of the job you took for granted. But most of all, you've learned what a "7.6 per cent unemployment rate" really means.
Words: 798

     失业之后的人生含义是什么
                                                                                                    
    （简·霍尔沃森很幸运, 只失业了4个月。 她现在是明尼苏达州圣保罗《双城信使报》的助理编辑。 下面这篇文章发表在《新闻周刊》1980年9月号上名为"轮到我了"的专栏里。
    下岗、失业和经济不景气一直影响着沃尔特·克朗凯特的情绪和报纸的社论版。 也许它们还影响到了附近的一家商店或一位朋友的叔叔。 但是这些字眼一直只不过是些字眼而已，就像一辆驶过的救护车，影响的只是别人的世界, 至少在几星期前这辆救护车朝我驶来之前，就一直是这么回事。
    甚至当我坐在那里，茫然地看着老板，听着他说:"我有个坏消息要告诉你：我们将不得不让你走了"时， 这件事还好像是一档"60分钟"的节目一样与我的日常生活没有任何关系。 我继续等待着他所可能提出的供我选择的各种解决办法--"但是你可以在1、2个月后再回来，"或"你可以选择减薪，去干另一件工作，"或者甚至"这是愚人节，给你开个玩笑。" 但是这些选择一个也没来。 这是最终的结果。 一点也没搞错，而且也没有回旋的余地。
    一连好几个晚上这一切都在你的耳边回响，并在早晨把你弄醒。 早晨很可能是最糟的--在开始的两个星期里，你会被惊醒, 脑子里还在想: "我迟到了！" 迟到什么呀？ 胃下部的隐痛在提醒你：已没有什么让你去为之迟到的了。
    你又一次面对这些字眼： "失去了自尊和保障、害怕未来、精神紧张、沮丧消沉。" 你不知道这些情况是否可以归类于因紧张、或许还有失去自身价值所引起的症状：一连吃下十几块巧克力曲奇、下午4点钟还穿着居家便服、5点钟才梳头发、在炉子后面东扫西抹 (两遍），以及在职业介绍所的停车场上哭泣。 还与你的配偶 / 男朋友干上一架！啊哈--结果是人际关系紧张！
    失去工作就是被人拒绝，它引发了像有一个朋友在叫你"快滚"时那样的伤心感觉。 原因只是因为这个"朋友"填补了你一周中的40至60（或者更多）个小时。 反复称全体雇员为"一家子人"只会使你更感到自己被遗弃后孤零零的感觉，以及被人骗了的感觉。 你想像着你正回家去与父母或配偶团聚，却听到他们说："再也没有人需要你来尽一个女儿或妻子的义务了。走时把你儿时的照片也带走吧。"
    每一个进一步让你确认自己已失去了工作的新情况都会重新激起你的痛楚： 第一次到职业介绍所去，第一个听你说你已失了业的朋友，第一次求职面试，最可怕的是第一次到失业办公室去。
    最后你终于习惯了失业，就像你接受自己的脚跛了一样。 终于你不再因为自己没有能成为一个不可或缺的人物--或者没有成为一个会计--而痛不欲生。 你不再去冥思苦想自己是否做错了什么。 你恢复了一些自信, 这种自信一直使你相信自己过去的工作做得十分出色，并接受老板的说法: "虽然这个月的销售额下降了30%，但这不影响你的工作业绩。"
    但是每当你重新找回那珍贵的自尊时，你又得开始一场新的战斗来维护它。 每次去求职面试，你都把你主要的优点陈述给他们听，可他们雇佣的却总是别人。你只好带着你自己和你的自尊开始另一轮的求职。 你的失业好像在毫无理由地缠住你不放。 你开始在汽车的后视镜里看到了一个陌生人。 这个陌生人突然看上去像个游手好闲的无业游民。 你带着超然的好奇心审视着她。 嗯哼。明摆着的是十分糟糕。处于这种状态是绝对不可能被雇佣的。
    我们失业者都经受过类似于强奸受害者所经受的社会歧视。 不管是有意识还是无意识地，许多职业伦理观念强的公众会觉得, 你的失业是 "自找的"，是暗自故意想丢掉自己的工作，以自己的态度来与失业 "玩一把"-- 很可能是你故意穿得怪模怪样以达到这一目的。
    差不多每个人都听人说过成为社会有用成员的必要性, 但孤独却是你所还不了解的。 你一生几乎总是生活在人群中、在班级里、在家里、在你工作的地方。 突然间你却发现你整天只能与你的猫聊天，这种情况会改变你对现实的认识。
    但你一直表现得比这坚强，过去是，现在还是。 你基本上是经常通过依赖冷嘲热讽和无礼傲慢来保持心境的平和和洞察力的。 虽然你生活的任何方面的问题好像远比过去更容易地把你推进暂时的绝望的境地，但你还是有一些很重要的东西可以依赖--那些富有爱心的人们，你自己的幽默感，你的才干，你的猫和你那许许多多的希望。
    除此以外，你也得到了某些东西--增长了一点点的知识和大大加深了的对生活的领悟。 你已经理解到了你原本讨厌的按部就班的生活的价值, 理解到了你原本视为理所当然的职业的重要性, 但最重要的是, 你懂得了 "7.6%的失业率" 的真正含义。