Passage 83. Why I Want a Wife

I belong to that classification of people known as wives.

I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally,I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce.

He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife.

He is looking for another wife.

As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening,

it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife.

Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become econmically independent,

support myself, and if need be,support those dependent upon me.

I want a wife who will work and send me to school.

And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children.

I want a wife who take care of my physical needs.

I want a wife who will keep my house clean.

I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook.

I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping,prepare the meals,

serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying.

I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick

and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school.

I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties.

But I want a wife who will listen to me

when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies.

And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

When I am through with school and have a job,

I want my wife to quit working and remain at home

so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have,

I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one.

Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life;

my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

My god, who wouldn’t want a wife?