[00:01.46]*******
[00:01.46]我们为什么打架?
[00:03.09]**thing deep within each of us,that compels us to settle disagreements with our fists?
[00:03.09]我们内心深处有股怎样的力量 迫使我们用拳头摆平异见?
[00:08.30]Whatever it is,it's there right from the beginning.
[00:08.30]不管它是何物 总伴随拳架始终
[00:10.84]Okay,okay,okay. Stop fighting!
[00:10.84]够了 够了 够了 别打了!
[00:13.24]Why?
[00:13.24]为什么?
[00:14.36]Because it's stupid and juvenile.
[00:14.36]因为打架很很蠢很天真
[00:16.65]We're six. We are stid and juvenile.
[00:16.65]我们才六岁 我们就是很蠢很天真的
[00:21.72]Okay,okay!
[00:21.72]别打了 别打了!
[00:22.72]Kids,I've only been in one fight in my life.
[00:22.72]孩子们 我这辈子只打过一回架
[00:25.24]And this is the story of how it happened.
[00:25.24]这个故事讲的就是打架缘由
[00:27.35]Now,as you know,I recently had been left at the altar.
[00:27.35]你们知道 额最近在婚礼上被人甩了
[00:29.98]And the worst thing about getting left at the altar?
[00:29.98]在婚礼上被人甩了最可悲的是什么?
[00:32.23]I mean,aside from actually getting left at the altar,was what came next.
[00:32.23]除了在婚礼上被人甩了这事以外 还有其他的更悲的事
[00:36.34]A steady unrelenting unbearable stream of pity.
[00:36.34]就是那一股滔滔不绝的无休无止的 令人无法忍受的同情洪流
[00:40.12]Vodka cranberry. Gin and tonic.
[00:40.12]伏特加红加伦 汤利水
[00:44.48]Scotch and soda.
[00:44.48]威士忌和苏打水
[00:48.33]Um,thank you.
[00:48.33]多谢
[00:52.61]Could I see a menu?
[00:52.61]我可以点菜了吗?
[00:54.02]Ted,Im going to go get you a menu...
[00:54.02]Ted 我这就去给你拿一份菜单...
[00:58.03]but I promise you I will come back.
[00:58.03]而且我保证我一定会回来的
[01:04.47]Okay,we have to start going someplace else.
[01:04.47]好了 我们要换个地方吃饭了
[01:06.93]At this bar,I'm always going to be the guy who got left at the altar.
[01:06.93]在这个酒吧 我总是被看做 一个在婚礼上被甩了的可怜虫
[01:10.24]That sucks!
[01:10.24]太讨厌了!
[01:11.70]Good times.
[01:11.70]美好的时光啊
[01:13.87]- We lost Barney. - What do you mean?
[01:13.87]- 我们就当 Barney不存在好了 - 你什么意思?
[01:15.50]There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater.
[01:15.50]那边有个穿着紧身红毛衣的妞儿
[01:17.85]So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying.
[01:17.85]他听不下我们说的任何一个字的
[01:20.14]Right,Barney?
[01:20.14]对吧 Barney?
[01:20.98]Give me a break!
[01:20.98]别理我!
[01:22.73]See,he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation
[01:22.73]瞧 等他回过神来 就能编出一长串的鬼话
[01:25.40]just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the 70's and 80's.
[01:25.40]只需说说七八十年代 那些讽刺喜剧的片名就行了
[01:28.73]What's happening?
[01:28.73]怎么了?
[01:30.34]Hey,Barney,want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do?
[01:30.34]嘿 Barney 想到楼上对我做些 我都甚至不会让Marshall做的事吗?
[01:35.77]different strokes.
[01:35.77]我俩不是一水准的
[01:39.69]What the hell is this?
[01:39.69]这到底怎么回事 ?
[01:41.19]I've told you kids about Doug,right?
[01:41.19]孩子们 我跟你们提过Doug的 对吧?
[01:43.03]I haven't? Oh,well...
[01:43.03]没有嘛? 哦 那好吧...
[01:45.34]Doug Martin was a bartender at MacLaren's.
[01:45.34]Doug Martin是MacLaren's酒吧的酒保
[01:47.82]He was always kind of around.
[01:47.82]他总是会在人周围晃悠
[01:49.41]- Have... you met Ted? - What? No,no,no.
[01:49.41]- 你... 有没有见过Ted? - 什么? 别 别 别
[01:51.34]We're not playing "Have you met Ted?"
[01:51.34]我们今天不用这招
[01:52.75]Am I dead? Am I dead?
[01:52.75]我死了没? 我死了没?
[01:56.16]Tonight... I pick up a lesbian.
[01:56.16]今晚 ... 我要钓一个拉拉
[01:59.61]Anyway,three things you need to know about Doug.
[01:59.61]你们必须知道关于Doug的三件事
[02:02.33]The first thing is that Doug had a bi ...
[02:02.33]第一件是Doug有点暴力倾向...
[02:04.84]just crumbled,so he's on the ground,right?
[02:04.84]脑袋破了 他倒在地上 知道吧?
[02:06.67]And we're just kicking him! He's making that face,all shaking.
[02:06.67]我们死命踢他! 他的整张脸啊 都在抽搐
[02:11.16]So,anyway,what we did was we left him there.
[02:11.16]然后 我们最后做的 就是把他扔在那里
[02:14.89]Top you off?
[02:14.89]给你满上?
[02:17.08]The second thing is that he was weird about his hair.
[02:17.08]第二件就是他对自己的发型神经过敏
[02:20.92]- What? - What?
[02:20.92]- 怎么? - 怎么?
[02:23.30]Are you looking at my hair?
[02:23.30]你盯着我的发型看吗?
[02:25.51]Uh,no,sir. I-I was not.
[02:25.51]没有 老兄 我没有
[02:28.16]It's a toupee.
[02:28.16]假发又怎么了
[02:30.94]Is that funny? You want to laugh it up? Is it funny,guy? Is it?
[02:30.94]好玩嘛? 你们想取笑一番吧 伙计们? 对吧?
[02:34.49]I'll tell you what,why don't you,why don't you grab it?
[02:34.49]我想说 你干嘛不来抓一把?
[02:36.04]- Excuse me? - Go ahead,grab it.
[02:36.04]- 什么? - 来吧 来抓一把
[02:37.59]Grab it right off my head. Go ahead.
[02:37.59]把它从我头上抓下来 来吧
[02:40.23]Huh,you don't want to grab it?
[02:40.23]你不想抓吗?
[02:41.39]Come on. Come on,go ahead and grab it,huh?
[02:41.39]来吧 来吧 来抓一把?
[02:43.79]Want to grab it off my head?
[02:43.79]想把它从我头上抓下吗?
[02:45.13]Grab my toupee right off my head.
[02:45.13]把我的假发从头上抓下吧
[02:52.53]I like you guys!
[02:52.53]我喜欢你们!
[02:54.90]But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars.
[02:54.90]第三件就是他对常客非常忠心
[02:58.33]There they are!
[02:58.33]你们来啦!
[02:59.49]- Hey,you guys want your booth? - Oh,no.
[02:59.49]- 嘿 你们想要做平常的那桌吗? - 哦 不必了
[03:01.17]- We're fine over here. - Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
[03:01.17]- 我们坐这儿挺好的 - 真的? 真的? 好吧
[03:03.09]Maybe a little too loyal.
[03:03.09]可能忠心的过头了
[03:04.39]Oh,no,it's fine,it's fine.
[03:04.39]哦 不必了 这样挺好的
[03:06.28]Okay,you two lovebirds!
[03:06.28]好了 你们老两口!
[03:07.58]Les take this somewhere else-- booth's reserved.
[03:07.58]去别处慢用吧-- 此桌已被预定了
[03:10.54]Let's go! Now! Come on!
[03:10.54]走吧! 马上! 快点!
[03:12.46]Let's see some htle,Father. Up you get.
[03:12.46]动作快点 神父 快走吧
[03:14.24]Okay,guys,here we are!
[03:14.24]好了 伙计们 搞掂了!
[03:16.92]So,that's Doug.
[03:16.92]这就是Doug其人
[03:18.31]What the hell is this?
[03:18.31]这TM怎么回事?
[03:19.54]Oh,um,well,some guys are sitting in our booth.
[03:19.54]哦 有人坐着我们的桌子呢
[03:21.46]But you know what? This is fine.
[03:21.46]但你瞧 没事的
[03:26.88]Let's go,I'll take care of it.
[03:26.88]行了 我来搞掂它
[03:29.05]Oh,boy,there he goes.
[03:29.05]哦 天啊 他过去了
[03:38.50]Ladies,if you'll please adjourn to your usual booth.
[03:38.50]女士们 敬请回到你们老位子去
[03:40.90]Gentlemen,I will require your assistance outside.
[03:40.90]先生们 我需要你们到外边给我帮个手
[03:43.59]Our assistance with what?
[03:43.59]帮个手干嘛啊?
[03:44.62]We're going to go out in the alley and fight those guys.
[03:44.62]我们要出到走廊去 和那群家伙干上一架
[03:47.64]What's happening now?
[03:47.64]现在是怎么回事?
[04:01.35]How I Met Your Mother Season04 Episode10
[04:01.35]老爸老妈浪漫史 第四季 第10集
[04:03.35]I'm sorry,did you just say we were gonna...
[04:03.35]抱歉 你刚才说我们要...
[04:04.50]Look,those guys are being inconsiderate,okay?
[04:04.50]瞧 那些家伙目中无人 对吧?
[04:07.85]So we're going to go outside and cave in their skulls,okay?
[04:07.85]所以我们要出去 打得他们满地找牙 好吧?
[04:10.86]This will be fun!
[04:10.86]真会很爽的!
[04:14.92]He wants us to fight?
[04:14.92]他要我们去打架?
[04:16.29]Like,with our hands and stuff?
[04:16.29]赤手空拳的?
[04:19.05]And feet maybe? I don't know what the rules are.
[04:19.05]脚也许也用上吧? 我还真不知道其中规则
[04:21.71]Wow,a fight. Should we go out there?
[04:21.71]哇 打架耶 我们要出去吗?
[04:24.73]Come on,Ted. There's only three this you'll ever see me fight:
[04:24.73]得了吧 Ted 要想看我打架只有这三种情况:
[04:27.75]the stubborn clasp of a bra,Sexual harassment charges-- nine for nine--
[04:27.75]难缠的胸罩扣子 指控我性骚扰--没一次告成功的
[04:34.07]And the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.
[04:34.07]还有当我看到有人穿着黑色西服 搭配棕色皮鞋让我作呕时
[04:40.68]Marshall?
[04:40.68]Marshall?
[04:41.51]Dude,fighting is for losers. We're civilized guys.
[04:41.51]伙计 打架是丧家犬的事 我们是文明人
[04:44.16]Civilized guys don't fight.
[04:44.16]文明人是不打架的
[04:46.03]Unless it's with lightsabers. But that's like three to five years away,so...
[04:46.03]除非武器是绝地武士的激光剑 但这至少也是三五年以后的事了 所以...
[04:49.19]Well,that's not true.
[04:49.19]嗯 那可不见得
[04:50.92]Robin,I'm on the forums every day.
[04:50.92]Robin 我天天逛论坛的
[04:52.73]Three to five Thanksgivings from now,I'm going to be carving e turkey with Old Green.
[04:52.73]至少要再过3-5个感恩节 我才能拿着绿色激光剑切割火鸡
[04:58.04]No,I'm saying there are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight--
[04:58.04]不是的 我说的是打架有很多正当理由--
[05:01.60]it might not be pretty,but in certain situations,you gotta do what you gotta do.
[05:01.60]可能不是很多 但是特殊情况 你只能这么办了
[05:05.73]Right,I forgot. She thinks fighting's sexy.
[05:05.73]好吧 我差点忘了 她觉得打架很性感
[05:08.89]No,I do not! A lot...
[05:08.89]不 我才没有! 是非常性感...
[05:12.36]Look,I come from a culture of hockey players.
[05:12.36]瞧 我受曲棍球队员精神影响很深
[05:14.45]If a guy can throw down,it's somewhat way hot.
[05:14.45]如果有人把对方撂倒 这还真蛮性感的
[05:18.93]And scars,hello!
[05:18.93]还有伤疤 天啊!
[05:20.98]If a guy's got a scar,he's got a Robin.
[05:20.98]身上如有疤 Robin心随他
[05:23.50]And if he's missing teeth? I'm missing my pants.
[05:23.50]嘴里缺颗牙 我裤子都脱下
[05:27.76]I'm missing my wisdom teeth.
[05:27.76]我拔了几颗智齿的
[05:30.62]Outpatient procedure.
[05:30.62]一般的门诊手术
[05:32.32]Local anesthesia. Whatever. It ain't a thing.
[05:32.32]局部麻醉 管他呢 不值一提
[05:37.07]Look,maybe we should go out there.
[05:37.07]瞧 也许我们真该出去
[05:38.73]I can't believe we're even having this discussion.
[05:38.73]真难以置信我们还讨论这种话题
[05:41.79]Ted,you're 30; you're too old to act like this.
[05:41.79]Ted 你都30岁了 要打架你忒老了点
[05:45.50]I was 30 and in those 30 years I'd been punched once.
[05:45.50]我30岁了 在这30年里我被揍过一回
[05:49.19]There's a very simple explana...
[05:49.19]我简单解释一下...
[05:51.96]There was that thing at camp.
[05:51.96]还有夏令营那一次
[05:53.38]Today,we're going to braid friendship bracelets.
[05:53.38]今天 我们来编织友谊手镯
[05:57.53]In college,I studied some Kung Fu.
[05:57.53]大学时 我学了点功夫
[06:05.82]And well,there was some other stuff.
[06:05.82]还有一些其他玩意
[06:12.10]The thing with the goat wasn't for another few months.
[06:12.10]关于这只羊的事 过了几个月就解决了
[06:14.48]The point is,I had never been in a fight.
[06:14.48]问题是 我从没打过架
[06:16.45]- I'm going out there. - No!
[06:16.45]- 我要出去 - 不!
[06:18.08]Dude,listen to me,please,trust me,I've been in plenty of fights.
[06:18.08]伙计 请听我讲 相信我 我打架无数
[06:21.45]It's really nothing to be proud of.
[06:21.45]这没什么值得骄傲的
[06:23.75]Who did you get in a fight with?
[06:23.75]你和谁打架?
[06:26.14]My brothers.
[06:26.14]我亲兄弟
[06:29.34]Yes,I'm sure that was quite a rumble in the Eriksen rumpus room.
[06:29.34]没错 我敢肯定Eriksen那混乱的房间里 可展开过一场混战啊
[06:33.85]I love brotherly horseplay!
[06:33.85]我爱兄弟胡闹!
[06:35.54]Here comes the tickle monster!
[06:35.54]挠痒怪物来啦!
[06:37.55]Noogie patrol!
[06:37.55]揉死你!
[06:39.79]Wait,wait,wait! Timesies! Timesies!
[06:39.79]慢着 慢着 慢着! 暂停! 暂停!
[06:43.25]Cocoa break.
[06:43.25]热可可时间到了
[06:47.67]Oh,cocoa break.
[06:47.67]哦 热可可时间
[06:51.14]Okay,it's clobbering time.
[06:51.14]好吧 打架时间到了
[06:53.40]Ted,don't do this; you're a nice guy.
[06:53.40]Ted 别这样 你是个好人
[06:56.04]That's your best quality.
[06:56.04]这是你最好的品德
[06:57.76]Is it?
[06:57.76]真的吗?
[06:58.75]'Cause I seem to remember this nice guy getting dumped by his fianc\e for a Tae Kwon Do instructor.
[06:58.75]因为我看到这个老好人被未婚妻甩了 投奔到跆拳道教练那儿去了
[07:03.23]Look,this may sound crazy,but I think I need to do this.
[07:03.23]瞧 这很疯狂 但我想我必须这么做
[07:06.10]I-I think this is an experience I need to have.
[07:06.10]我...我想我需要有这样的经历
[07:09.86]I'm going.
[07:09.86]吾往矣
[07:14.94]Me,too!
[07:14.94]我也去!
[07:18.57]Guys...
[07:18.57]伙计们...
[07:19.76]take a good look at this face,because the next time you see it,
[07:19.76]好好看看这张脸 因为下次你们再看到它时
[07:22.76]it will be disfigured in the hottest possible way.
[07:22.76]它已经被毁成最性感的样子了
[07:26.66]Because that's who I am-- I'm a man.
[07:26.66]因为我就是这样的-- 我是一个男子汉
[07:29.79]I like to fight and mix it up and get all dirty.
[07:29.79]我喜欢打架 摆平对方 清理一切
[07:34.39]Can you find a wood hanger for this?
[07:34.39]你能帮我找个木钩挂起来吗?
[07:41.12]Whoa,what happened here?
[07:41.12]哇 怎么回事?
[07:42.56]I know,right?
[07:42.56]我就知道 对吧?
[07:43.75]Who's not looking at my toupee now,huh?
[07:43.75]现在谁还敢不看我的假发 哈?
[07:46.54]- Look what we did to these guys! - We?
[07:46.54]- 瞧瞧咱们给他们好看! - 咱们?
[07:48.32]Yeah,"we." Come on,man,we're a good team.
[07:48.32]没错 "咱们" 来吧 伙计 我们合作得不错
[07:51.51]Nice work boys! We did it!
[07:51.51]干得好 小子! 我们赢了!
[07:53.33]No,no,no,you did it. We didn't do anything.
[07:53.33]不 不 不 是你干的 我们啥也没做
[07:55.96]Okay,yeah,yeah,sure,I just beat up three guys by myself.
[07:55.96]好吧 没错 当然了 我一个人把他们三打趴了
[08:00.75]You guys. That's good.
[08:00.75]伙计们 太棒了
[08:01.97]You and you-- free drinks for life.
[08:01.97]你 还有你--终身免费喝酒
[08:11.09]He thinks we were in this fight with him.
[08:11.09]他认为我们帮他打架了
[08:13.06]We were in this fight with him.
[08:13.06]我们确实帮他打架了
[08:15.87]And now we are going to go in there and tell everyone the legendary tale of how we beat up some guys.
[08:15.87]现在 我们回到屋里 告诉大家 我们把这些家伙撂倒的传奇过程
[08:20.98]And everyone is going to think it's great and everyone is going to sleep with me again.
[08:20.98]大家都会觉得这真太帅了 排着队来和我上床
[08:24.78]Dude,come on,no one is gonna believe we were in a fight-- look at us.
[08:24.78]伙计 得了 没人会相信我们打架了的 --瞧瞧我们身上
[08:28.02]Oh,that's a good...
[08:28.02]哦 打得好...
[08:30.96]What are you doing?
[08:30.96]你干嘛啊?
[08:31.82]What I should've done a long time ago.
[08:31.82]干我早该干的事
[08:33.64]- What? - I don't know,I just hit myself in the eye!
[08:33.64]- 什么? - 我也不知道 我刚打了自己的眼睛!
[08:36.11]I don't even know what I'm saying--
[08:36.11]我甚至都不知自己在说什么了
[08:39.51]I throw an awesome right hook,by the way.
[08:39.51]我使出了完美的右勾拳 顺带一提
[08:41.75]- Okay,are you ready? - To go back in?
[08:41.75]- 好了 你准备好了没? - 回屋去吗?
[08:43.67]No,for this.
[08:43.67]不 接我一拳
[08:47.61]God! You just punched me in the nose!
[08:47.61]天啊! 你刚打了我的鼻子!
[08:49.46]Are you crying?
[08:49.46]你哭啦?
[08:50.36]Yes,I'm crying!
[08:50.36]没错 我哭了!
[08:51.48]You just punched me in the nose!
[08:51.48]你刚打了我的鼻子!
[08:53.86]Oh,that's going to swell up real good.
[08:53.86]哦 这肿的形状真可爱
[08:55.14]You're going to look like Owen Wilson.
[08:55.14]你看着像Owen Wilson (大鼻子演员)
[08:56.60]Okay,let's get back in there.
[08:56.60]好了 咱回屋里去吧
[08:57.59]Okay,but just,let's just play this down,okay?
[08:57.59]好的 但是低调一点 好吧?
[08:59.70]I don't want this to turn into a big thing.
[08:59.70]我不想搞得轰轰烈烈的
[09:03.98]and takes his shoe off! Hits him in the mouth... Hey,there they are!
[09:03.98]然后把鞋子脱了! 打他的嘴... 嘿 他们回来了!
[09:08.15]The guys that got my back!
[09:08.15]帮了我一把的战友!
[09:22.91]You two got in a fight. Really?
[09:22.91]你俩打架啦 真的?
[09:25.87]Uh,no,Barney punched me and himself in the face to make it look like we got in a fight.
[09:25.87]没有 Barney给我和他自己各一拳 看着像是我们打架了
[09:29.51]Come on,Marshall!
[09:29.51]够了 Marshall!
[09:31.99]Wow,look at your eye.
[09:31.99]哇 瞧瞧你的眼睛
[09:34.74]You look like a badass.
[09:34.74]你看起来像个坏家伙
[09:37.30]I'm surprised to see you had it in me.
[09:37.30]我真惊讶从我心底看到了坏坏你
[09:39.06]You. Had it in you.
[09:39.06]呃...是从你心底 看到了你自己
[09:42.63]Do you... want to touch it?
[09:42.63]你...想摸摸吗?
[09:49.69]Oh,my God,it's warm!
[09:49.69]哦 天啊 还是暖的!
[09:53.95]Victory drinks!
[09:53.95]庆功之酒!
[09:55.90]Free! Free! Free! Free!
[09:55.90]免费！免费！免费！免费！
[10:00.25]7.50
[10:00.25]盛惠7.5美元
[10:02.60]Why do I have to pay?
[10:02.60]为啥我要给钱?
[10:03.95]'Cause you don't got my back. These guys got my back.
[10:03.95]因为你没有陪我打架 他们可是跟我并肩作战的
[10:07.34]You know what,Doug? I will gladly pay. And you know why?
[10:07.34]好吧 Doug 我给得心甘情愿 知道为啥不?
[10:09.93]Because that's what grownups do.
[10:09.93]因为这才是成年人做的事
[10:11.60]They pay for their drinks,and they don't get into fights.
[10:11.60]喝酒给钱 而且不打架
[10:14.35]You know what I was doing,while you guys were out there being immature?
[10:14.35]当你们在外面打架的时候 知道我在干嘛吗?
[10:16.65]- I'll tell you what I was doing. - Your nails?
[10:16.65]- 让我告诉你们吧 - 修指甲?
[10:19.92]No.I was doing--
[10:19.92]不是 我在--
[10:21.08]The relationship quiz in this month's Cosmo?
[10:21.08]做Cosmo杂志上的情感测试?
[10:23.71]No.I was doing--
[10:23.71]当然不是 我在--
[10:24.94]Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?
[10:24.94]看欲望都市看到 Big重回Carrie身边时强忍住不哭?
[10:28.91]- No. - Spoilers much?
[10:28.91]- 不是 - 别那么损好不好?
[10:30.72]No. I'll tell you what I was doing--
[10:30.72]才不是呢 让我告诉你们吧 我在--
[10:32.80]The captain of the football team because he gave you his promise ring
[10:32.80]穿着露背晚装在返校节上 美美的向橄榄球队长献身
[10:35.56]and you look so pretty in your open back Homecoming dress?
[10:35.56]因为他拿着戒指跟你求婚?
[10:41.42]Sorry.
[10:41.42]对不起
[10:44.03]I hate those guys!
[10:44.03]那些家伙太讨厌了!
[10:45.78]Acting like they're the manliest guys in the universe,
[10:45.78]装作好像宇宙间 最有男子气概的人那样
[10:48.06]like they're Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff.
[10:48.06]装什么鳄鱼邓迪 海岸救护队的David Hasselhoff
[10:51.62]Those are the manliest guys in the universe?
[10:51.62]他们很有男子气概吗?
[10:53.76]I don't understand why they're getting all this attention.
[10:53.76]真的不知道他们怎么会这么受欢迎?
[10:55.69]I mean,I'm the real hero here.
[10:55.69]我是说 我才是真英雄呢
[10:57.95]Mm,yeah,you are.
[10:57.95]没错 你真是个英雄
[10:59.52]I'm serious,woman. Put it back in your pants.
[10:59.52]我是说真的 婆娘 把腿挪开
[11:03.56]Marshall,you're the man every boy should grow up to become and every girl should marry.
[11:03.56]Marshall 你才是男孩子的学习榜样 女孩子的梦中情人
[11:10.65]You know what?
[11:10.65]你知道吗?
[11:12.02]I have two kids in my class who won't stop fighting.
[11:12.02]我班里有两个整天打架的孩子
[11:14.55]If you come to school tomorrow and tell them your story of choosing the path of nonviolence,
[11:14.55]如果你明天能来我们班 跟他们讲一下今晚你反对暴力的故事
[11:19.24]it might really set them strait.
[11:19.24]或许会让他们醒悟过来
[11:21.50]And save me having to get up early to make a lesson plan.
[11:21.50]我还不用早起备课了呢
[11:25.60]All right. Okay. I'll set them straight.
[11:25.60]好吧 就这么定了 我要让他们醒悟
[11:29.23]- You're a wuss. - What? No!
[11:29.23]- 你真是个软脚虾 - 啥?才不呢!
[11:32.95]Mahatma Panda and Martin Luther Koala are telling you kids this story to illustrate--
[11:32.95]熊猫Mahatma 跟考拉Martin Luther的故事告诉你们--
[11:37.16]To illustrate that you're a wuss?
[11:37.16]告诉我们说你是个软脚虾?
[11:39.70]Why didn't you just fight those guys?
[11:39.70]你怎么不直接揍翻那些家伙呢?
[11:42.00]Were you scared?
[11:42.00]你害怕了吗?
[11:43.73]What? Pssht! No! I wasn't scared!
[11:43.73]啥玩意儿? 没可能 我才不会害怕呢!
[11:48.30]I've been in plenty of fights,okay?
[11:48.30]我可是个打架王 知道不?
[11:50.17]You're huge!
[11:50.17]你身型很巨大啊
[11:51.56]You must weigh like a thousand pounds.
[11:51.56]肯定有一千磅重吧
[11:55.10]Okay,first of all,I'm wearing a baggy sweater,and it has horizontal stripes.
[11:55.10]第一 我今天穿的衣服比较肥大 还是横纹的
[12:01.76]And I also-- and I had a salty lunch...
[12:01.76]我还--我今天的午饭吃得比较咸
[12:03.78]And so I'm retain-- You know what? Shut up!
[12:03.78]而且我还没-- 算了 闭嘴!
[12:06.00]Wuss!
[12:06.00]软脚虾!
[12:14.26]Wow,so,you just beat those guys up?
[12:14.26]你们就这么揍了他们?
[12:18.30]Just?
[12:18.30]就这么?
[12:20.20]Oh,Amanda,were it so simple.
[12:20.20]Amanda 可没这么简单的
[12:22.73]You see,hand to hand combat is about so much more than
[12:22.73]知道吗 徒手格斗不单单是
[12:26.19]just administering brute force on your opponent,right B?
[12:26.19]把拳头狠狠地 挥到你对手脸上就行的了 是不? B
[12:29.05]You know it!
[12:29.05]可不是
[12:30.49]It's a science.
[12:30.49]这可是一种拳术
[12:32.69]The sweet science,as it were.
[12:32.69]考究的艺术哦
[12:35.09]Wait,I'm confused,what did those guys do to deserve it?
[12:35.09]等等 我想问一下 那些家伙干了什么?
[12:38.60]- Well,this may sound petty,but they sat in ourooth. - They sat in our booth.
[12:38.60]- 都是些小事情 他们坐了我们的专座 - 他们坐了我们的专座
[12:44.36]- And nobody... - Nobody.
[12:44.36]- 没人可以... - 没有任何人
[12:46.06]sits in our booth.
[12:46.06]可以坐我们的专座
[12:51.93]Are you going to beat those guys up?
[12:51.93]你们要揍翻他们吗?
[12:58.29]yes,we are going to beat those guys up. Ted,come on.
[12:58.29]当然 揍翻那些家伙 Ted 上
[13:04.71]You two. Our booth. Get out. Now!
[13:04.71]你们两个 这是我们的专座 滚 立刻滚!
[13:08.87]What are you doing?
[13:08.87]你在干嘛?
[13:10.05]Relax,we got Doug. Big Doug's got our backs.
[13:10.05]放宽心吧 有Doug在 他会帮我们撑场的
[13:11.93]Yeah,Doug's not here tonight.
[13:11.93]想得美 今晚Doug不在
[13:14.17]Can I get you guys anything? Drinks? Cash?
[13:14.17]有什么可以效劳的吗? 要喝的? 要钱?
[13:16.32]Those two girls over there?
[13:16.32]还是那边俩女孩?
[13:18.38]Are you Ted Mosby?
[13:18.38]你就是Ted Mosby?
[13:19.98]Um,uh,yeah,I am.
[13:19.98]没错 我就是
[13:22.14]And you're Barney Stinson?
[13:22.14]而你就是Barney Stinson?
[13:23.92]They've heard of us.
[13:23.92]他们听过我们的威名
[13:25.57]It's cool,guys.
[13:25.57]没事儿 伙计
[13:26.70]We'll,uh,let you leave with your asses unkicked.
[13:26.70]呃... 乖乖滚出去 我们不会为难你们的
[13:30.13]This time.
[13:30.13]下不为例了!
[13:31.91]A'ight?
[13:31.91]知道不?
[13:34.59]What's,uh,what's this?
[13:34.59]这--这是啥?
[13:36.29]- You've been served. - You're being sued for assault.
[13:36.29]- 你们有的受了 - 告你们伤人
[13:39.91]Enjoy your booth.
[13:39.91]好好享受你们的专座吧
[13:47.25]That was close.
[13:47.25]九死一生啊
[13:52.76]Assault! They're suing us for assault!
[13:52.76]伤人! 他们要告我们伤人!
[13:55.29]Okay,well,what's the penalty for assault?
[13:55.29]伤人罚什么的?
[13:57.76]What,do I have to pay a fine?
[13:57.76]怎么了 要罚款吗?
[13:59.29]Pick up trash on the highway?
[13:59.29]还是罚在高速公路捡垃圾?
[14:00.97]'Cause I've done that before,know what I me?
[14:00.97]我以前高速公路上可捡过不少好东西呢 知道什么意思吧?
[14:03.64]I don't know.
[14:03.64]我不知道
[14:04.84]Actually,he did know that the worst we were looking at was a small civil settlement,
[14:04.84]实际上 他知道这事最多是个民事纠纷
[14:08.61]and probably no criminal charges.
[14:08.61]没什么可能构成刑事罪
[14:10.35]But he was really pissed at us.
[14:10.35]可他对我们真的很生气
[14:12.03]I mean,you guys could be looking at some serious prison time.
[14:12.03]我是说 你们很可能 要在监狱度过一段时间了
[14:15.26]- Prison? - I can't go to prison!
[14:15.26]- 监狱? - 我不想去监狱!
[14:18.09]I mean,I could get a lot of reading done,finally write some short stories.
[14:18.09]我还有那么多书要读呢 我没准还能写点短篇小说呢
[14:22.15]Work out all the time.
[14:22.15]要不就健身也行
[14:23.64]Seriously,if I don't come out there completely ripped--
[14:23.64]说真的 如果我还能活着从里面出来的话
[14:25.24]Ted,we can't go to prison!
[14:25.24]Ted 我们不能进监狱!
[14:28.23]People get shivved in the joint!
[14:28.23]不死也要掉层皮的!
[14:31.17]Plus the meals are really starchy.
[14:31.17]而且那里的伙食很烂
[14:34.00]Well,you guys should have thought of that before you bt up those guys.
[14:34.00]你们跟人打架时应该好好想想后果
[14:39.80]What if we didn't?
[14:39.80]如果我们没有呢?
[14:41.40]- Didn't what,Ted? - Didn't beat up those guys.
[14:41.40]- 没有什么? Ted - 没有打他们
[14:43.24]What if Doug beat up tho guys all by himself and we didn't do anything?
[14:43.24]如果是Doug一个人揍翻那些家伙的 我们完全没动过手呢?
[14:45.98]I knew it!
[14:45.98]我就知道!
[14:47.34]I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
[14:47.34]我就知道! 我就知道! 我就知道!
[14:49.39]You guys didn't throw a single punch.
[14:49.39]你们俩一拳都没出过
[14:51.41]Well,I hit Ted and myself,so...
[14:51.41]事实上 我给了Ted跟我自己一拳 所以...
[14:54.20]Well,who's the wuss now?
[14:54.20]看看现在谁才是软脚虾?
[14:56.52]Answer: You guys.
[14:56.52]答案是:你们俩
[14:58.52]Look,can you just help us get out of this?
[14:58.52]听着 你就不可以先帮帮我们吗?
[15:00.41]You know the old expression:
[15:00.41]有句老话说得好:
[15:01.79]If you're not prepared to do the time don't pretend to do the crime
[15:01.79]没有金刚钻 别揽瓷器活儿
[15:04.67]and laugh and get free drinks and not stand up for your friend who,
[15:04.67]你们还要又唱又笑喝着免费啤酒 还阴阳怪气的嘲笑
[15:08.51]incidentally,has been in plenty of fights with his brothers.
[15:08.51]你们事实上以前整天跟他兄弟练手的朋友
[15:14.17]Look,you've got to help us out,Marshall.
[15:14.17]听着 你可要帮帮我们 Marshall
[15:16.89]We're the Three Musketeers!
[15:16.89]我们可是三剑客啊!
[15:19.51]If I give up Ted,how much time am I looking at?
[15:19.51]如果我出卖Ted的话 我要坐多久?
[15:22.58]Hey,guys!
[15:22.58]嘿 伙计们!
[15:26.01]Barney,I've been looking for you.
[15:26.01]Barney 我正找你呢
[15:30.07]I got,uh,tickets to this hockey game tonight. It's stupid.
[15:30.07]我有 呃--今晚的曲棍球赛的票 我有点傻哈
[15:33.53]You want to go?
[15:33.53]有兴趣吗?
[15:34.80]It might go kind of late,so,maybe,after the game we can grab a drink.
[15:34.80]估计会挺晚的 所以... 看完比赛后我们可以去喝点东西
[15:37.92]Oh,hey,Robin,get this. You know that fight?
[15:37.92]嘿 Robin 听着 记得那场打斗不?
[15:42.03]These guys faked the whole thing.
[15:42.03]他们骗人的
[15:49.96]Oh,I forgot! Tonight is no good.
[15:49.96]我忘了! 今晚不方便啊
[15:53.50]I uh,I can't go to that hockey game tonight,I got that,uh...
[15:53.50]我--我今晚去不了曲棍球赛了 我要 呃...
[15:58.62]That,uh...
[15:58.62]我要 呃...
[16:01.33]that,uh...
[16:01.33]我要 呃...
[16:04.61]That,uh...
[16:04.61]我要 呃...
[16:08.29]That,uh... That,uh...
[16:08.29]我要 呃... 我要 呃...
[16:16.45]Good news-- I talked to the guys.
[16:16.45]好消息--我跟那些家伙谈好了
[16:18.75]What guys?
[16:18.75]什么人?
[16:19.46]The guys you didn't beat up.
[16:19.46]没有被你们揍翻的家伙
[16:20.90]They agreed to drop the lawsuit. Boom! Lawyered.
[16:20.90]他们决定撤诉了 砰! 律师的威力
[16:24.36]What? They agreed to drop it?
[16:24.36]啥? 他们同意撤诉了?
[16:25.90]Yeah,I just explained that you two are wusses.
[16:25.90]没错 我只不过 跟他们说你们俩是软脚虾而已
[16:29.18]We had a good laugh about that. A good long laugh,actually.
[16:29.18]我们大笑了一通 久久不能停止啊 说真的
[16:31.89]I explained how you get a mani/pedi once a month.
[16:31.89]我跟他们说你们每个月都要去美甲
[16:35.22]Weekly,Wolverine-- some of us care.
[16:35.22]每个星期都去的 密歇根土包子 我可是很注重小节的
[16:38.07]And how you played the hammer dulcimer in the Pre-Reformation Dance Society at Wesleyan.
[16:38.07]还有你在卫斯理大学舞蹈社团 是玩榔头扬琴的
[16:43.42]Did you at least tell them we were one of the premier Medieval chamber groups in the Little Ivies?
[16:43.42]那你有跟他们说我们是 "小长春藤盟校"的创始学校的一员吗?
[16:48.15]Oh,I did.
[16:48.15]我说了
[16:49.33]And we all agreed it was much more likely that one guy beat up the three of them
[16:49.33]我们都认为 一个人放倒了他们三个
[16:52.39]than that you two had anything to do with it,so...
[16:52.39]比你们参与了这次殴斗更有可能 所以...
[16:56.17]Wait,so... so now they're only suing Doug.
[16:56.17]等等 这--这么说他们现在只告Doug咯?
[16:58.90]Affirmative.
[16:58.90]毫无疑问
[17:00.77]Angry,irrational,violent Doug,
[17:00.77]亢奋的 野蛮的 暴力的Doug
[17:04.37]who now knows we were the ones who threw him under the bus.
[17:04.37]现在估计已经知道是我们出卖了他
[17:08.48]They what?
[17:08.48]他们要怎么我?
[17:10.56]- Look,Doug,we can explain-- - Explain what?
[17:10.56]- 听着 Doug 我们可以解释 - 解释个啥?
[17:13.79]Explain how you stabbed me in the back right to my face?
[17:13.79]解释你们怎么在我面前背后捅我一刀? (够有难度的...当面背后捅...)
[17:16.90]- Robin,I'm scared. - Yeah,is Doug seeing anyone?
[17:16.90]- Robin 我好害怕 - 我也是 Doug有跟什么人约会吗?
[17:20.22]Are you seeing anyone? You really should.
[17:20.22]你有跟人约会吗? 你真该找个人好好约会去了
[17:22.98]Doug,look,you don't understand,you beat up those guys all by yourself.
[17:22.98]Doug 你不理解 是你自个儿把那些人打倒的
[17:27.28]It's true,all right? They had nothing to do with it.
[17:27.28]这是事实 知道不? 他们与此无关
[17:29.62]I mean... look at these two.
[17:29.62]我的意思是... 看看他们两个
[17:34.56]It was all Ted!
[17:34.56]都是Ted干的!
[17:37.59]- Look at this guy. - Yeah,look at me!
[17:37.59]- 看看这家伙 - 没错 看看我!
[17:39.76]He wouldn't last five minutes in a fight.
[17:39.76]要他打架的话 五分钟就趴倒了
[17:41.47]Well,I think I could last at least five--
[17:41.47]我想我至少能坚持五分钟的--
[17:42.97]He's got the muscle definition of linguini.
[17:42.97]他那些肌肉好像拉面一样
[17:46.01]Yeah,linguini with meatballs maybe-- check it.
[17:46.01]没错 肉丸拉面-- 看着
[17:49.58]- Ted,Ted,don't. - Look!
[17:49.58]- Ted Ted 别这样 - 瞧瞧!
[17:52.98]Okay,you know what,maybe it was just me.
[17:52.98]好吧 就算在我头上吧
[17:55.60]Actually,you know what,that makes a lot of sense.
[17:55.60]实际上 还真是那么回事
[17:57.02]I tend to black out a lot.
[17:57.02]我是有点晕晕乎乎的
[17:58.68]Anyway,look,I always got your back.
[17:58.68]无论如何 听着 我每次都支持你们的
[18:01.93]All I ask in return is that you got mine.
[18:01.93]我只想要你们都支持回我而已
[18:03.85]But you know what? You don't. You can't be counted on.
[18:03.85]可知道不? 你们没有 你们太不可靠了
[18:09.95]No wonder your fianc\e left you.
[18:09.95]怪不得你未婚妻抛弃你了
[18:12.68]And here it is,kids,the only fight I've ever been in.
[18:12.68]孩子们 这就是我一生中唯一的一次打架
[18:16.10]So what can I share about the experience?
[18:16.10]从中能得到什么教训呢?
[18:20.84]Well,for starters,when you punch someone in the face,
[18:20.84]这么说吧 你终于动手狠狠一拳打向某人的脸
[18:24.59]it hurts your hand...a lot.
[18:24.59]你的手会很痛...非常痛
[18:30.24]But what hurts even more than that?
[18:30.24]可有什么事是更加痛的呢?
[18:33.34]This.
[18:33.34]那就是...
[18:35.51]And the next thing I remember was waking up.
[18:35.51]接着我就晕倒了 醒来之后...
[18:38.66]Okay,I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing.
[18:38.66]好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧
[18:42.68]Turns out getting in a fight was a terrible idea.
[18:42.68]由此看来打架这主意太差了
[18:46.03]And that's my story.
[18:46.03]这就是我的故事
[18:47.90]And what did you learn?
[18:47.90]而你从中学到了什么呢?
[18:49.73]Well,I learned that fighting is bad
[18:49.73]我懂得了打架是不好的
[18:54.18]and you shouldn't do it ever.
[18:54.18]以后都不能再这么干了
[18:56.90]Any questions?
[18:56.90]有没有问题?
[18:58.88]Yeah,where do you find these people?
[18:58.88]我 你在哪儿找到这些人的?
[19:02.25]I know!
[19:02.25]我知道!
[19:03.49]Was there a big sale at the wuss market?
[19:03.49]是不是软脚虾超市大减价呢?
[19:05.83]Wuss! Wuss! Wuss!
[19:05.83]软脚虾! 软脚虾! 软脚虾!
[19:08.86]Of course,I didn't tell those kids what really happened.
[19:08.86]当然 我没有告诉 这些孩子事情的真相
[19:12.58]Okay,I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing.
[19:12.58]好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧
[19:17.56]- What happened? - This happened.
[19:17.56]- 发生啥事了? - 就这么回事
[19:24.79]Holy crap!
[19:24.79]我的天!
[19:26.76]Yeah,turns out Uncle Marshall and his brothers did a littleore than just roughhouse.
[19:26.76]看来Marshall叔叔和他的兄弟们 不仅仅是打打闹闹这么简单
[19:37.47]Cocoa break!
[19:37.47]热可可时间
[19:48.02]Marshall looks good. Has he lost weight?
[19:48.02]Marshall看起来不错 他减肥了?
[19:50.37]Bitch,don't even.
[19:50.37]婊子 别想了
[19:53.56]Kids,I'd love to leave you with the message that fighting is bad and you shouldn't do it,
[19:53.56]孩子们 我想告诉你们打架是不好的 你们不应该打架
[19:57.59]but I knowhat's pointless.
[19:57.59]但我知道这么说很空泛
[19:59.20]So,I'll leave you with this:
[19:59.20]所以我这么说吧
[20:01.10]don't ever get in a fight with Uncle Marshall.
[20:01.10]永远不要跟你Marshall叔叔打架
[20:03.58]That guy's freaking crazy.
[20:03.58]这家伙是个疯子
[20:11.09]thankgiving.....
[20:11.09]感恩节...
[20:10.78]It is so good to be home.
[20:10.78]回家的感觉真好
[20:12.80]Mom,Lily,fantastic job.
[20:12.80]老妈 Lily 这餐饭太棒了
[20:15.55]Good food,good meat,good God,let's eat. Right?
[20:15.55]吃好喝好 上帝好 是不?
[20:18.24]Okay,here we go.
[20:18.24]好 来吧
[20:19.65]Goggles on.
[20:19.65]戴上护目镜
[20:26.08]Alright,so,you guys pass the plates.
[20:26.08]好 你们都把盘子拿过来
[20:28.66]Lily,you want white or dark meat?
[20:28.66]Lily 你要胸肉还是腿肉?
[20:30.72]Dark! Honey,please be careful.
[20:30.72]腿肉! 亲爱的 小心呐
[00:01.46]我们为什么打架?
[00:03.09]**thing deep within each of us,that compels us to settle disagreements with our fists?
[00:03.09]我们内心深处有股怎样的力量 迫使我们用拳头摆平异见?
[00:08.30]Whatever it is,it's there right from the beginning.
[00:08.30]不管它是何物 总伴随拳架始终
[00:10.84]Okay,okay,okay. Stop fighting!
[00:10.84]够了 够了 够了 别打了!
[00:13.24]Why?
[00:13.24]为什么?
[00:14.36]Because it's stupid and juvenile.
[00:14.36]因为打架很很蠢很天真
[00:16.65]We're six. We are stid and juvenile.
[00:16.65]我们才六岁 我们就是很蠢很天真的
[00:21.72]Okay,okay!
[00:21.72]别打了 别打了!
[00:22.72]Kids,I've only been in one fight in my life.
[00:22.72]孩子们 我这辈子只打过一回架
[00:25.24]And this is the story of how it happened.
[00:25.24]这个故事讲的就是打架缘由
[00:27.35]Now,as you know,I recently had been left at the altar.
[00:27.35]你们知道 额最近在婚礼上被人甩了
[00:29.98]And the worst thing about getting left at the altar?
[00:29.98]在婚礼上被人甩了最可悲的是什么?
[00:32.23]I mean,aside from actually getting left at the altar,was what came next.
[00:32.23]除了在婚礼上被人甩了这事以外 还有其他的更悲的事
[00:36.34]A steady unrelenting unbearable stream of pity.
[00:36.34]就是那一股滔滔不绝的无休无止的 令人无法忍受的同情洪流
[00:40.12]Vodka cranberry. Gin and tonic.
[00:40.12]伏特加红加伦 汤利水
[00:44.48]Scotch and soda.
[00:44.48]威士忌和苏打水
[00:48.33]Um,thank you.
[00:48.33]多谢
[00:52.61]Could I see a menu?
[00:52.61]我可以点菜了吗?
[00:54.02]Ted,Im going to go get you a menu...
[00:54.02]Ted 我这就去给你拿一份菜单...
[00:58.03]but I promise you I will come back.
[00:58.03]而且我保证我一定会回来的
[01:04.47]Okay,we have to start going someplace else.
[01:04.47]好了 我们要换个地方吃饭了
[01:06.93]At this bar,I'm always going to be the guy who got left at the altar.
[01:06.93]在这个酒吧 我总是被看做 一个在婚礼上被甩了的可怜虫
[01:10.24]That sucks!
[01:10.24]太讨厌了!
[01:11.70]Good times.
[01:11.70]美好的时光啊
[01:13.87]- We lost Barney. - What do you mean?
[01:13.87]- 我们就当 Barney不存在好了 - 你什么意思?
[01:15.50]There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater.
[01:15.50]那边有个穿着紧身红毛衣的妞儿
[01:17.85]So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying.
[01:17.85]他听不下我们说的任何一个字的
[01:20.14]Right,Barney?
[01:20.14]对吧 Barney?
[01:20.98]Give me a break!
[01:20.98]别理我!
[01:22.73]See,he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation
[01:22.73]瞧 等他回过神来 就能编出一长串的鬼话
[01:25.40]just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the 70's and 80's.
[01:25.40]只需说说七八十年代 那些讽刺喜剧的片名就行了
[01:28.73]What's happening?
[01:28.73]怎么了?
[01:30.34]Hey,Barney,want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do?
[01:30.34]嘿 Barney 想到楼上对我做些 我都甚至不会让Marshall做的事吗?
[01:35.77]different strokes.
[01:35.77]我俩不是一水准的
[01:39.69]What the hell is this?
[01:39.69]这到底怎么回事 ?
[01:41.19]I've told you kids about Doug,right?
[01:41.19]孩子们 我跟你们提过Doug的 对吧?
[01:43.03]I haven't? Oh,well...
[01:43.03]没有嘛? 哦 那好吧...
[01:45.34]Doug Martin was a bartender at MacLaren's.
[01:45.34]Doug Martin是MacLaren's酒吧的酒保
[01:47.82]He was always kind of around.
[01:47.82]他总是会在人周围晃悠
[01:49.41]- Have... you met Ted? - What? No,no,no.
[01:49.41]- 你... 有没有见过Ted? - 什么? 别 别 别
[01:51.34]We're not playing "Have you met Ted?"
[01:51.34]我们今天不用这招
[01:52.75]Am I dead? Am I dead?
[01:52.75]我死了没? 我死了没?
[01:56.16]Tonight... I pick up a lesbian.
[01:56.16]今晚 ... 我要钓一个拉拉
[01:59.61]Anyway,three things you need to know about Doug.
[01:59.61]你们必须知道关于Doug的三件事
[02:02.33]The first thing is that Doug had a bi ...
[02:02.33]第一件是Doug有点暴力倾向...
[02:04.84]just crumbled,so he's on the ground,right?
[02:04.84]脑袋破了 他倒在地上 知道吧?
[02:06.67]And we're just kicking him! He's making that face,all shaking.
[02:06.67]我们死命踢他! 他的整张脸啊 都在抽搐
[02:11.16]So,anyway,what we did was we left him there.
[02:11.16]然后 我们最后做的 就是把他扔在那里
[02:14.89]Top you off?
[02:14.89]给你满上?
[02:17.08]The second thing is that he was weird about his hair.
[02:17.08]第二件就是他对自己的发型神经过敏
[02:20.92]- What? - What?
[02:20.92]- 怎么? - 怎么?
[02:23.30]Are you looking at my hair?
[02:23.30]你盯着我的发型看吗?
[02:25.51]Uh,no,sir. I-I was not.
[02:25.51]没有 老兄 我没有
[02:28.16]It's a toupee.
[02:28.16]假发又怎么了
[02:30.94]Is that funny? You want to laugh it up? Is it funny,guy? Is it?
[02:30.94]好玩嘛? 你们想取笑一番吧 伙计们? 对吧?
[02:34.49]I'll tell you what,why don't you,why don't you grab it?
[02:34.49]我想说 你干嘛不来抓一把?
[02:36.04]- Excuse me? - Go ahead,grab it.
[02:36.04]- 什么? - 来吧 来抓一把
[02:37.59]Grab it right off my head. Go ahead.
[02:37.59]把它从我头上抓下来 来吧
[02:40.23]Huh,you don't want to grab it?
[02:40.23]你不想抓吗?
[02:41.39]Come on. Come on,go ahead and grab it,huh?
[02:41.39]来吧 来吧 来抓一把?
[02:43.79]Want to grab it off my head?
[02:43.79]想把它从我头上抓下吗?
[02:45.13]Grab my toupee right off my head.
[02:45.13]把我的假发从头上抓下吧
[02:52.53]I like you guys!
[02:52.53]我喜欢你们!
[02:54.90]But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars.
[02:54.90]第三件就是他对常客非常忠心
[02:58.33]There they are!
[02:58.33]你们来啦!
[02:59.49]- Hey,you guys want your booth? - Oh,no.
[02:59.49]- 嘿 你们想要做平常的那桌吗? - 哦 不必了
[03:01.17]- We're fine over here. - Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
[03:01.17]- 我们坐这儿挺好的 - 真的? 真的? 好吧
[03:03.09]Maybe a little too loyal.
[03:03.09]可能忠心的过头了
[03:04.39]Oh,no,it's fine,it's fine.
[03:04.39]哦 不必了 这样挺好的
[03:06.28]Okay,you two lovebirds!
[03:06.28]好了 你们老两口!
[03:07.58]Les take this somewhere else-- booth's reserved.
[03:07.58]去别处慢用吧-- 此桌已被预定了
[03:10.54]Let's go! Now! Come on!
[03:10.54]走吧! 马上! 快点!
[03:12.46]Let's see some htle,Father. Up you get.
[03:12.46]动作快点 神父 快走吧
[03:14.24]Okay,guys,here we are!
[03:14.24]好了 伙计们 搞掂了!
[03:16.92]So,that's Doug.
[03:16.92]这就是Doug其人
[03:18.31]What the hell is this?
[03:18.31]这TM怎么回事?
[03:19.54]Oh,um,well,some guys are sitting in our booth.
[03:19.54]哦 有人坐着我们的桌子呢
[03:21.46]But you know what? This is fine.
[03:21.46]但你瞧 没事的
[03:26.88]Let's go,I'll take care of it.
[03:26.88]行了 我来搞掂它
[03:29.05]Oh,boy,there he goes.
[03:29.05]哦 天啊 他过去了
[03:38.50]Ladies,if you'll please adjourn to your usual booth.
[03:38.50]女士们 敬请回到你们老位子去
[03:40.90]Gentlemen,I will require your assistance outside.
[03:40.90]先生们 我需要你们到外边给我帮个手
[03:43.59]Our assistance with what?
[03:43.59]帮个手干嘛啊?
[03:44.62]We're going to go out in the alley and fight those guys.
[03:44.62]我们要出到走廊去 和那群家伙干上一架
[03:47.64]What's happening now?
[03:47.64]现在是怎么回事?
[04:01.35]How I Met Your Mother Season04 Episode10
[04:01.35]老爸老妈浪漫史 第四季 第10集
[04:03.35]I'm sorry,did you just say we were gonna...
[04:03.35]抱歉 你刚才说我们要...
[04:04.50]Look,those guys are being inconsiderate,okay?
[04:04.50]瞧 那些家伙目中无人 对吧?
[04:07.85]So we're going to go outside and cave in their skulls,okay?
[04:07.85]所以我们要出去 打得他们满地找牙 好吧?
[04:10.86]This will be fun!
[04:10.86]真会很爽的!
[04:14.92]He wants us to fight?
[04:14.92]他要我们去打架?
[04:16.29]Like,with our hands and stuff?
[04:16.29]赤手空拳的?
[04:19.05]And feet maybe? I don't know what the rules are.
[04:19.05]脚也许也用上吧? 我还真不知道其中规则
[04:21.71]Wow,a fight. Should we go out there?
[04:21.71]哇 打架耶 我们要出去吗?
[04:24.73]Come on,Ted. There's only three this you'll ever see me fight:
[04:24.73]得了吧 Ted 要想看我打架只有这三种情况:
[04:27.75]the stubborn clasp of a bra,Sexual harassment charges-- nine for nine--
[04:27.75]难缠的胸罩扣子 指控我性骚扰--没一次告成功的
[04:34.07]And the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.
[04:34.07]还有当我看到有人穿着黑色西服 搭配棕色皮鞋让我作呕时
[04:40.68]Marshall?
[04:40.68]Marshall?
[04:41.51]Dude,fighting is for losers. We're civilized guys.
[04:41.51]伙计 打架是丧家犬的事 我们是文明人
[04:44.16]Civilized guys don't fight.
[04:44.16]文明人是不打架的
[04:46.03]Unless it's with lightsabers. But that's like three to five years away,so...
[04:46.03]除非武器是绝地武士的激光剑 但这至少也是三五年以后的事了 所以...
[04:49.19]Well,that's not true.
[04:49.19]嗯 那可不见得
[04:50.92]Robin,I'm on the forums every day.
[04:50.92]Robin 我天天逛论坛的
[04:52.73]Three to five Thanksgivings from now,I'm going to be carving e turkey with Old Green.
[04:52.73]至少要再过3-5个感恩节 我才能拿着绿色激光剑切割火鸡
[04:58.04]No,I'm saying there are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight--
[04:58.04]不是的 我说的是打架有很多正当理由--
[05:01.60]it might not be pretty,but in certain situations,you gotta do what you gotta do.
[05:01.60]可能不是很多 但是特殊情况 你只能这么办了
[05:05.73]Right,I forgot. She thinks fighting's sexy.
[05:05.73]好吧 我差点忘了 她觉得打架很性感
[05:08.89]No,I do not! A lot...
[05:08.89]不 我才没有! 是非常性感...
[05:12.36]Look,I come from a culture of hockey players.
[05:12.36]瞧 我受曲棍球队员精神影响很深
[05:14.45]If a guy can throw down,it's somewhat way hot.
[05:14.45]如果有人把对方撂倒 这还真蛮性感的
[05:18.93]And scars,hello!
[05:18.93]还有伤疤 天啊!
[05:20.98]If a guy's got a scar,he's got a Robin.
[05:20.98]身上如有疤 Robin心随他
[05:23.50]And if he's missing teeth? I'm missing my pants.
[05:23.50]嘴里缺颗牙 我裤子都脱下
[05:27.76]I'm missing my wisdom teeth.
[05:27.76]我拔了几颗智齿的
[05:30.62]Outpatient procedure.
[05:30.62]一般的门诊手术
[05:32.32]Local anesthesia. Whatever. It ain't a thing.
[05:32.32]局部麻醉 管他呢 不值一提
[05:37.07]Look,maybe we should go out there.
[05:37.07]瞧 也许我们真该出去
[05:38.73]I can't believe we're even having this discussion.
[05:38.73]真难以置信我们还讨论这种话题
[05:41.79]Ted,you're 30; you're too old to act like this.
[05:41.79]Ted 你都30岁了 要打架你忒老了点
[05:45.50]I was 30 and in those 30 years I'd been punched once.
[05:45.50]我30岁了 在这30年里我被揍过一回
[05:49.19]There's a very simple explana...
[05:49.19]我简单解释一下...
[05:51.96]There was that thing at camp.
[05:51.96]还有夏令营那一次
[05:53.38]Today,we're going to braid friendship bracelets.
[05:53.38]今天 我们来编织友谊手镯
[05:57.53]In college,I studied some Kung Fu.
[05:57.53]大学时 我学了点功夫
[06:05.82]And well,there was some other stuff.
[06:05.82]还有一些其他玩意
[06:12.10]The thing with the goat wasn't for another few months.
[06:12.10]关于这只羊的事 过了几个月就解决了
[06:14.48]The point is,I had never been in a fight.
[06:14.48]问题是 我从没打过架
[06:16.45]- I'm going out there. - No!
[06:16.45]- 我要出去 - 不!
[06:18.08]Dude,listen to me,please,trust me,I've been in plenty of fights.
[06:18.08]伙计 请听我讲 相信我 我打架无数
[06:21.45]It's really nothing to be proud of.
[06:21.45]这没什么值得骄傲的
[06:23.75]Who did you get in a fight with?
[06:23.75]你和谁打架?
[06:26.14]My brothers.
[06:26.14]我亲兄弟
[06:29.34]Yes,I'm sure that was quite a rumble in the Eriksen rumpus room.
[06:29.34]没错 我敢肯定Eriksen那混乱的房间里 可展开过一场混战啊
[06:33.85]I love brotherly horseplay!
[06:33.85]我爱兄弟胡闹!
[06:35.54]Here comes the tickle monster!
[06:35.54]挠痒怪物来啦!
[06:37.55]Noogie patrol!
[06:37.55]揉死你!
[06:39.79]Wait,wait,wait! Timesies! Timesies!
[06:39.79]慢着 慢着 慢着! 暂停! 暂停!
[06:43.25]Cocoa break.
[06:43.25]热可可时间到了
[06:47.67]Oh,cocoa break.
[06:47.67]哦 热可可时间
[06:51.14]Okay,it's clobbering time.
[06:51.14]好吧 打架时间到了
[06:53.40]Ted,don't do this; you're a nice guy.
[06:53.40]Ted 别这样 你是个好人
[06:56.04]That's your best quality.
[06:56.04]这是你最好的品德
[06:57.76]Is it?
[06:57.76]真的吗?
[06:58.75]'Cause I seem to remember this nice guy getting dumped by his fianc\e for a Tae Kwon Do instructor.
[06:58.75]因为我看到这个老好人被未婚妻甩了 投奔到跆拳道教练那儿去了
[07:03.23]Look,this may sound crazy,but I think I need to do this.
[07:03.23]瞧 这很疯狂 但我想我必须这么做
[07:06.10]I-I think this is an experience I need to have.
[07:06.10]我...我想我需要有这样的经历
[07:09.86]I'm going.
[07:09.86]吾往矣
[07:14.94]Me,too!
[07:14.94]我也去!
[07:18.57]Guys...
[07:18.57]伙计们...
[07:19.76]take a good look at this face,because the next time you see it,
[07:19.76]好好看看这张脸 因为下次你们再看到它时
[07:22.76]it will be disfigured in the hottest possible way.
[07:22.76]它已经被毁成最性感的样子了
[07:26.66]Because that's who I am-- I'm a man.
[07:26.66]因为我就是这样的-- 我是一个男子汉
[07:29.79]I like to fight and mix it up and get all dirty.
[07:29.79]我喜欢打架 摆平对方 清理一切
[07:34.39]Can you find a wood hanger for this?
[07:34.39]你能帮我找个木钩挂起来吗?
[07:41.12]Whoa,what happened here?
[07:41.12]哇 怎么回事?
[07:42.56]I know,right?
[07:42.56]我就知道 对吧?
[07:43.75]Who's not looking at my toupee now,huh?
[07:43.75]现在谁还敢不看我的假发 哈?
[07:46.54]- Look what we did to these guys! - We?
[07:46.54]- 瞧瞧咱们给他们好看! - 咱们?
[07:48.32]Yeah,"we." Come on,man,we're a good team.
[07:48.32]没错 "咱们" 来吧 伙计 我们合作得不错
[07:51.51]Nice work boys! We did it!
[07:51.51]干得好 小子! 我们赢了!
[07:53.33]No,no,no,you did it. We didn't do anything.
[07:53.33]不 不 不 是你干的 我们啥也没做
[07:55.96]Okay,yeah,yeah,sure,I just beat up three guys by myself.
[07:55.96]好吧 没错 当然了 我一个人把他们三打趴了
[08:00.75]You guys. That's good.
[08:00.75]伙计们 太棒了
[08:01.97]You and you-- free drinks for life.
[08:01.97]你 还有你--终身免费喝酒
[08:11.09]He thinks we were in this fight with him.
[08:11.09]他认为我们帮他打架了
[08:13.06]We were in this fight with him.
[08:13.06]我们确实帮他打架了
[08:15.87]And now we are going to go in there and tell everyone the legendary tale of how we beat up some guys.
[08:15.87]现在 我们回到屋里 告诉大家 我们把这些家伙撂倒的传奇过程
[08:20.98]And everyone is going to think it's great and everyone is going to sleep with me again.
[08:20.98]大家都会觉得这真太帅了 排着队来和我上床
[08:24.78]Dude,come on,no one is gonna believe we were in a fight-- look at us.
[08:24.78]伙计 得了 没人会相信我们打架了的 --瞧瞧我们身上
[08:28.02]Oh,that's a good...
[08:28.02]哦 打得好...
[08:30.96]What are you doing?
[08:30.96]你干嘛啊?
[08:31.82]What I should've done a long time ago.
[08:31.82]干我早该干的事
[08:33.64]- What? - I don't know,I just hit myself in the eye!
[08:33.64]- 什么? - 我也不知道 我刚打了自己的眼睛!
[08:36.11]I don't even know what I'm saying--
[08:36.11]我甚至都不知自己在说什么了
[08:39.51]I throw an awesome right hook,by the way.
[08:39.51]我使出了完美的右勾拳 顺带一提
[08:41.75]- Okay,are you ready? - To go back in?
[08:41.75]- 好了 你准备好了没? - 回屋去吗?
[08:43.67]No,for this.
[08:43.67]不 接我一拳
[08:47.61]God! You just punched me in the nose!
[08:47.61]天啊! 你刚打了我的鼻子!
[08:49.46]Are you crying?
[08:49.46]你哭啦?
[08:50.36]Yes,I'm crying!
[08:50.36]没错 我哭了!
[08:51.48]You just punched me in the nose!
[08:51.48]你刚打了我的鼻子!
[08:53.86]Oh,that's going to swell up real good.
[08:53.86]哦 这肿的形状真可爱
[08:55.14]You're going to look like Owen Wilson.
[08:55.14]你看着像Owen Wilson (大鼻子演员)
[08:56.60]Okay,let's get back in there.
[08:56.60]好了 咱回屋里去吧
[08:57.59]Okay,but just,let's just play this down,okay?
[08:57.59]好的 但是低调一点 好吧?
[08:59.70]I don't want this to turn into a big thing.
[08:59.70]我不想搞得轰轰烈烈的
[09:03.98]and takes his shoe off! Hits him in the mouth... Hey,there they are!
[09:03.98]然后把鞋子脱了! 打他的嘴... 嘿 他们回来了!
[09:08.15]The guys that got my back!
[09:08.15]帮了我一把的战友!
[09:22.91]You two got in a fight. Really?
[09:22.91]你俩打架啦 真的?
[09:25.87]Uh,no,Barney punched me and himself in the face to make it look like we got in a fight.
[09:25.87]没有 Barney给我和他自己各一拳 看着像是我们打架了
[09:29.51]Come on,Marshall!
[09:29.51]够了 Marshall!
[09:31.99]Wow,look at your eye.
[09:31.99]哇 瞧瞧你的眼睛
[09:34.74]You look like a badass.
[09:34.74]你看起来像个坏家伙
[09:37.30]I'm surprised to see you had it in me.
[09:37.30]我真惊讶从我心底看到了坏坏你
[09:39.06]You. Had it in you.
[09:39.06]呃...是从你心底 看到了你自己
[09:42.63]Do you... want to touch it?
[09:42.63]你...想摸摸吗?
[09:49.69]Oh,my God,it's warm!
[09:49.69]哦 天啊 还是暖的!
[09:53.95]Victory drinks!
[09:53.95]庆功之酒!
[09:55.90]Free! Free! Free! Free!
[09:55.90]免费！免费！免费！免费！
[10:00.25]7.50
[10:00.25]盛惠7.5美元
[10:02.60]Why do I have to pay?
[10:02.60]为啥我要给钱?
[10:03.95]'Cause you don't got my back. These guys got my back.
[10:03.95]因为你没有陪我打架 他们可是跟我并肩作战的
[10:07.34]You know what,Doug? I will gladly pay. And you know why?
[10:07.34]好吧 Doug 我给得心甘情愿 知道为啥不?
[10:09.93]Because that's what grownups do.
[10:09.93]因为这才是成年人做的事
[10:11.60]They pay for their drinks,and they don't get into fights.
[10:11.60]喝酒给钱 而且不打架
[10:14.35]You know what I was doing,while you guys were out there being immature?
[10:14.35]当你们在外面打架的时候 知道我在干嘛吗?
[10:16.65]- I'll tell you what I was doing. - Your nails?
[10:16.65]- 让我告诉你们吧 - 修指甲?
[10:19.92]No.I was doing--
[10:19.92]不是 我在--
[10:21.08]The relationship quiz in this month's Cosmo?
[10:21.08]做Cosmo杂志上的情感测试?
[10:23.71]No.I was doing--
[10:23.71]当然不是 我在--
[10:24.94]Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?
[10:24.94]看欲望都市看到 Big重回Carrie身边时强忍住不哭?
[10:28.91]- No. - Spoilers much?
[10:28.91]- 不是 - 别那么损好不好?
[10:30.72]No. I'll tell you what I was doing--
[10:30.72]才不是呢 让我告诉你们吧 我在--
[10:32.80]The captain of the football team because he gave you his promise ring
[10:32.80]穿着露背晚装在返校节上 美美的向橄榄球队长献身
[10:35.56]and you look so pretty in your open back Homecoming dress?
[10:35.56]因为他拿着戒指跟你求婚?
[10:41.42]Sorry.
[10:41.42]对不起
[10:44.03]I hate those guys!
[10:44.03]那些家伙太讨厌了!
[10:45.78]Acting like they're the manliest guys in the universe,
[10:45.78]装作好像宇宙间 最有男子气概的人那样
[10:48.06]like they're Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff.
[10:48.06]装什么鳄鱼邓迪 海岸救护队的David Hasselhoff
[10:51.62]Those are the manliest guys in the universe?
[10:51.62]他们很有男子气概吗?
[10:53.76]I don't understand why they're getting all this attention.
[10:53.76]真的不知道他们怎么会这么受欢迎?
[10:55.69]I mean,I'm the real hero here.
[10:55.69]我是说 我才是真英雄呢
[10:57.95]Mm,yeah,you are.
[10:57.95]没错 你真是个英雄
[10:59.52]I'm serious,woman. Put it back in your pants.
[10:59.52]我是说真的 婆娘 把腿挪开
[11:03.56]Marshall,you're the man every boy should grow up to become and every girl should marry.
[11:03.56]Marshall 你才是男孩子的学习榜样 女孩子的梦中情人
[11:10.65]You know what?
[11:10.65]你知道吗?
[11:12.02]I have two kids in my class who won't stop fighting.
[11:12.02]我班里有两个整天打架的孩子
[11:14.55]If you come to school tomorrow and tell them your story of choosing the path of nonviolence,
[11:14.55]如果你明天能来我们班 跟他们讲一下今晚你反对暴力的故事
[11:19.24]it might really set them strait.
[11:19.24]或许会让他们醒悟过来
[11:21.50]And save me having to get up early to make a lesson plan.
[11:21.50]我还不用早起备课了呢
[11:25.60]All right. Okay. I'll set them straight.
[11:25.60]好吧 就这么定了 我要让他们醒悟
[11:29.23]- You're a wuss. - What? No!
[11:29.23]- 你真是个软脚虾 - 啥?才不呢!
[11:32.95]Mahatma Panda and Martin Luther Koala are telling you kids this story to illustrate--
[11:32.95]熊猫Mahatma 跟考拉Martin Luther的故事告诉你们--
[11:37.16]To illustrate that you're a wuss?
[11:37.16]告诉我们说你是个软脚虾?
[11:39.70]Why didn't you just fight those guys?
[11:39.70]你怎么不直接揍翻那些家伙呢?
[11:42.00]Were you scared?
[11:42.00]你害怕了吗?
[11:43.73]What? Pssht! No! I wasn't scared!
[11:43.73]啥玩意儿? 没可能 我才不会害怕呢!
[11:48.30]I've been in plenty of fights,okay?
[11:48.30]我可是个打架王 知道不?
[11:50.17]You're huge!
[11:50.17]你身型很巨大啊
[11:51.56]You must weigh like a thousand pounds.
[11:51.56]肯定有一千磅重吧
[11:55.10]Okay,first of all,I'm wearing a baggy sweater,and it has horizontal stripes.
[11:55.10]第一 我今天穿的衣服比较肥大 还是横纹的
[12:01.76]And I also-- and I had a salty lunch...
[12:01.76]我还--我今天的午饭吃得比较咸
[12:03.78]And so I'm retain-- You know what? Shut up!
[12:03.78]而且我还没-- 算了 闭嘴!
[12:06.00]Wuss!
[12:06.00]软脚虾!
[12:14.26]Wow,so,you just beat those guys up?
[12:14.26]你们就这么揍了他们?
[12:18.30]Just?
[12:18.30]就这么?
[12:20.20]Oh,Amanda,were it so simple.
[12:20.20]Amanda 可没这么简单的
[12:22.73]You see,hand to hand combat is about so much more than
[12:22.73]知道吗 徒手格斗不单单是
[12:26.19]just administering brute force on your opponent,right B?
[12:26.19]把拳头狠狠地 挥到你对手脸上就行的了 是不? B
[12:29.05]You know it!
[12:29.05]可不是
[12:30.49]It's a science.
[12:30.49]这可是一种拳术
[12:32.69]The sweet science,as it were.
[12:32.69]考究的艺术哦
[12:35.09]Wait,I'm confused,what did those guys do to deserve it?
[12:35.09]等等 我想问一下 那些家伙干了什么?
[12:38.60]- Well,this may sound petty,but they sat in ourooth. - They sat in our booth.
[12:38.60]- 都是些小事情 他们坐了我们的专座 - 他们坐了我们的专座
[12:44.36]- And nobody... - Nobody.
[12:44.36]- 没人可以... - 没有任何人
[12:46.06]sits in our booth.
[12:46.06]可以坐我们的专座
[12:51.93]Are you going to beat those guys up?
[12:51.93]你们要揍翻他们吗?
[12:58.29]yes,we are going to beat those guys up. Ted,come on.
[12:58.29]当然 揍翻那些家伙 Ted 上
[13:04.71]You two. Our booth. Get out. Now!
[13:04.71]你们两个 这是我们的专座 滚 立刻滚!
[13:08.87]What are you doing?
[13:08.87]你在干嘛?
[13:10.05]Relax,we got Doug. Big Doug's got our backs.
[13:10.05]放宽心吧 有Doug在 他会帮我们撑场的
[13:11.93]Yeah,Doug's not here tonight.
[13:11.93]想得美 今晚Doug不在
[13:14.17]Can I get you guys anything? Drinks? Cash?
[13:14.17]有什么可以效劳的吗? 要喝的? 要钱?
[13:16.32]Those two girls over there?
[13:16.32]还是那边俩女孩?
[13:18.38]Are you Ted Mosby?
[13:18.38]你就是Ted Mosby?
[13:19.98]Um,uh,yeah,I am.
[13:19.98]没错 我就是
[13:22.14]And you're Barney Stinson?
[13:22.14]而你就是Barney Stinson?
[13:23.92]They've heard of us.
[13:23.92]他们听过我们的威名
[13:25.57]It's cool,guys.
[13:25.57]没事儿 伙计
[13:26.70]We'll,uh,let you leave with your asses unkicked.
[13:26.70]呃... 乖乖滚出去 我们不会为难你们的
[13:30.13]This time.
[13:30.13]下不为例了!
[13:31.91]A'ight?
[13:31.91]知道不?
[13:34.59]What's,uh,what's this?
[13:34.59]这--这是啥?
[13:36.29]- You've been served. - You're being sued for assault.
[13:36.29]- 你们有的受了 - 告你们伤人
[13:39.91]Enjoy your booth.
[13:39.91]好好享受你们的专座吧
[13:47.25]That was close.
[13:47.25]九死一生啊
[13:52.76]Assault! They're suing us for assault!
[13:52.76]伤人! 他们要告我们伤人!
[13:55.29]Okay,well,what's the penalty for assault?
[13:55.29]伤人罚什么的?
[13:57.76]What,do I have to pay a fine?
[13:57.76]怎么了 要罚款吗?
[13:59.29]Pick up trash on the highway?
[13:59.29]还是罚在高速公路捡垃圾?
[14:00.97]'Cause I've done that before,know what I me?
[14:00.97]我以前高速公路上可捡过不少好东西呢 知道什么意思吧?
[14:03.64]I don't know.
[14:03.64]我不知道
[14:04.84]Actually,he did know that the worst we were looking at was a small civil settlement,
[14:04.84]实际上 他知道这事最多是个民事纠纷
[14:08.61]and probably no criminal charges.
[14:08.61]没什么可能构成刑事罪
[14:10.35]But he was really pissed at us.
[14:10.35]可他对我们真的很生气
[14:12.03]I mean,you guys could be looking at some serious prison time.
[14:12.03]我是说 你们很可能 要在监狱度过一段时间了
[14:15.26]- Prison? - I can't go to prison!
[14:15.26]- 监狱? - 我不想去监狱!
[14:18.09]I mean,I could get a lot of reading done,finally write some short stories.
[14:18.09]我还有那么多书要读呢 我没准还能写点短篇小说呢
[14:22.15]Work out all the time.
[14:22.15]要不就健身也行
[14:23.64]Seriously,if I don't come out there completely ripped--
[14:23.64]说真的 如果我还能活着从里面出来的话
[14:25.24]Ted,we can't go to prison!
[14:25.24]Ted 我们不能进监狱!
[14:28.23]People get shivved in the joint!
[14:28.23]不死也要掉层皮的!
[14:31.17]Plus the meals are really starchy.
[14:31.17]而且那里的伙食很烂
[14:34.00]Well,you guys should have thought of that before you bt up those guys.
[14:34.00]你们跟人打架时应该好好想想后果
[14:39.80]What if we didn't?
[14:39.80]如果我们没有呢?
[14:41.40]- Didn't what,Ted? - Didn't beat up those guys.
[14:41.40]- 没有什么? Ted - 没有打他们
[14:43.24]What if Doug beat up tho guys all by himself and we didn't do anything?
[14:43.24]如果是Doug一个人揍翻那些家伙的 我们完全没动过手呢?
[14:45.98]I knew it!
[14:45.98]我就知道!
[14:47.34]I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
[14:47.34]我就知道! 我就知道! 我就知道!
[14:49.39]You guys didn't throw a single punch.
[14:49.39]你们俩一拳都没出过
[14:51.41]Well,I hit Ted and myself,so...
[14:51.41]事实上 我给了Ted跟我自己一拳 所以...
[14:54.20]Well,who's the wuss now?
[14:54.20]看看现在谁才是软脚虾?
[14:56.52]Answer: You guys.
[14:56.52]答案是:你们俩
[14:58.52]Look,can you just help us get out of this?
[14:58.52]听着 你就不可以先帮帮我们吗?
[15:00.41]You know the old expression:
[15:00.41]有句老话说得好:
[15:01.79]If you're not prepared to do the time don't pretend to do the crime
[15:01.79]没有金刚钻 别揽瓷器活儿
[15:04.67]and laugh and get free drinks and not stand up for your friend who,
[15:04.67]你们还要又唱又笑喝着免费啤酒 还阴阳怪气的嘲笑
[15:08.51]incidentally,has been in plenty of fights with his brothers.
[15:08.51]你们事实上以前整天跟他兄弟练手的朋友
[15:14.17]Look,you've got to help us out,Marshall.
[15:14.17]听着 你可要帮帮我们 Marshall
[15:16.89]We're the Three Musketeers!
[15:16.89]我们可是三剑客啊!
[15:19.51]If I give up Ted,how much time am I looking at?
[15:19.51]如果我出卖Ted的话 我要坐多久?
[15:22.58]Hey,guys!
[15:22.58]嘿 伙计们!
[15:26.01]Barney,I've been looking for you.
[15:26.01]Barney 我正找你呢
[15:30.07]I got,uh,tickets to this hockey game tonight. It's stupid.
[15:30.07]我有 呃--今晚的曲棍球赛的票 我有点傻哈
[15:33.53]You want to go?
[15:33.53]有兴趣吗?
[15:34.80]It might go kind of late,so,maybe,after the game we can grab a drink.
[15:34.80]估计会挺晚的 所以... 看完比赛后我们可以去喝点东西
[15:37.92]Oh,hey,Robin,get this. You know that fight?
[15:37.92]嘿 Robin 听着 记得那场打斗不?
[15:42.03]These guys faked the whole thing.
[15:42.03]他们骗人的
[15:49.96]Oh,I forgot! Tonight is no good.
[15:49.96]我忘了! 今晚不方便啊
[15:53.50]I uh,I can't go to that hockey game tonight,I got that,uh...
[15:53.50]我--我今晚去不了曲棍球赛了 我要 呃...
[15:58.62]That,uh...
[15:58.62]我要 呃...
[16:01.33]that,uh...
[16:01.33]我要 呃...
[16:04.61]That,uh...
[16:04.61]我要 呃...
[16:08.29]That,uh... That,uh...
[16:08.29]我要 呃... 我要 呃...
[16:16.45]Good news-- I talked to the guys.
[16:16.45]好消息--我跟那些家伙谈好了
[16:18.75]What guys?
[16:18.75]什么人?
[16:19.46]The guys you didn't beat up.
[16:19.46]没有被你们揍翻的家伙
[16:20.90]They agreed to drop the lawsuit. Boom! Lawyered.
[16:20.90]他们决定撤诉了 砰! 律师的威力
[16:24.36]What? They agreed to drop it?
[16:24.36]啥? 他们同意撤诉了?
[16:25.90]Yeah,I just explained that you two are wusses.
[16:25.90]没错 我只不过 跟他们说你们俩是软脚虾而已
[16:29.18]We had a good laugh about that. A good long laugh,actually.
[16:29.18]我们大笑了一通 久久不能停止啊 说真的
[16:31.89]I explained how you get a mani/pedi once a month.
[16:31.89]我跟他们说你们每个月都要去美甲
[16:35.22]Weekly,Wolverine-- some of us care.
[16:35.22]每个星期都去的 密歇根土包子 我可是很注重小节的
[16:38.07]And how you played the hammer dulcimer in the Pre-Reformation Dance Society at Wesleyan.
[16:38.07]还有你在卫斯理大学舞蹈社团 是玩榔头扬琴的
[16:43.42]Did you at least tell them we were one of the premier Medieval chamber groups in the Little Ivies?
[16:43.42]那你有跟他们说我们是 "小长春藤盟校"的创始学校的一员吗?
[16:48.15]Oh,I did.
[16:48.15]我说了
[16:49.33]And we all agreed it was much more likely that one guy beat up the three of them
[16:49.33]我们都认为 一个人放倒了他们三个
[16:52.39]than that you two had anything to do with it,so...
[16:52.39]比你们参与了这次殴斗更有可能 所以...
[16:56.17]Wait,so... so now they're only suing Doug.
[16:56.17]等等 这--这么说他们现在只告Doug咯?
[16:58.90]Affirmative.
[16:58.90]毫无疑问
[17:00.77]Angry,irrational,violent Doug,
[17:00.77]亢奋的 野蛮的 暴力的Doug
[17:04.37]who now knows we were the ones who threw him under the bus.
[17:04.37]现在估计已经知道是我们出卖了他
[17:08.48]They what?
[17:08.48]他们要怎么我?
[17:10.56]- Look,Doug,we can explain-- - Explain what?
[17:10.56]- 听着 Doug 我们可以解释 - 解释个啥?
[17:13.79]Explain how you stabbed me in the back right to my face?
[17:13.79]解释你们怎么在我面前背后捅我一刀? (够有难度的...当面背后捅...)
[17:16.90]- Robin,I'm scared. - Yeah,is Doug seeing anyone?
[17:16.90]- Robin 我好害怕 - 我也是 Doug有跟什么人约会吗?
[17:20.22]Are you seeing anyone? You really should.
[17:20.22]你有跟人约会吗? 你真该找个人好好约会去了
[17:22.98]Doug,look,you don't understand,you beat up those guys all by yourself.
[17:22.98]Doug 你不理解 是你自个儿把那些人打倒的
[17:27.28]It's true,all right? They had nothing to do with it.
[17:27.28]这是事实 知道不? 他们与此无关
[17:29.62]I mean... look at these two.
[17:29.62]我的意思是... 看看他们两个
[17:34.56]It was all Ted!
[17:34.56]都是Ted干的!
[17:37.59]- Look at this guy. - Yeah,look at me!
[17:37.59]- 看看这家伙 - 没错 看看我!
[17:39.76]He wouldn't last five minutes in a fight.
[17:39.76]要他打架的话 五分钟就趴倒了
[17:41.47]Well,I think I could last at least five--
[17:41.47]我想我至少能坚持五分钟的--
[17:42.97]He's got the muscle definition of linguini.
[17:42.97]他那些肌肉好像拉面一样
[17:46.01]Yeah,linguini with meatballs maybe-- check it.
[17:46.01]没错 肉丸拉面-- 看着
[17:49.58]- Ted,Ted,don't. - Look!
[17:49.58]- Ted Ted 别这样 - 瞧瞧!
[17:52.98]Okay,you know what,maybe it was just me.
[17:52.98]好吧 就算在我头上吧
[17:55.60]Actually,you know what,that makes a lot of sense.
[17:55.60]实际上 还真是那么回事
[17:57.02]I tend to black out a lot.
[17:57.02]我是有点晕晕乎乎的
[17:58.68]Anyway,look,I always got your back.
[17:58.68]无论如何 听着 我每次都支持你们的
[18:01.93]All I ask in return is that you got mine.
[18:01.93]我只想要你们都支持回我而已
[18:03.85]But you know what? You don't. You can't be counted on.
[18:03.85]可知道不? 你们没有 你们太不可靠了
[18:09.95]No wonder your fianc\e left you.
[18:09.95]怪不得你未婚妻抛弃你了
[18:12.68]And here it is,kids,the only fight I've ever been in.
[18:12.68]孩子们 这就是我一生中唯一的一次打架
[18:16.10]So what can I share about the experience?
[18:16.10]从中能得到什么教训呢?
[18:20.84]Well,for starters,when you punch someone in the face,
[18:20.84]这么说吧 你终于动手狠狠一拳打向某人的脸
[18:24.59]it hurts your hand...a lot.
[18:24.59]你的手会很痛...非常痛
[18:30.24]But what hurts even more than that?
[18:30.24]可有什么事是更加痛的呢?
[18:33.34]This.
[18:33.34]那就是...
[18:35.51]And the next thing I remember was waking up.
[18:35.51]接着我就晕倒了 醒来之后...
[18:38.66]Okay,I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing.
[18:38.66]好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧
[18:42.68]Turns out getting in a fight was a terrible idea.
[18:42.68]由此看来打架这主意太差了
[18:46.03]And that's my story.
[18:46.03]这就是我的故事
[18:47.90]And what did you learn?
[18:47.90]而你从中学到了什么呢?
[18:49.73]Well,I learned that fighting is bad
[18:49.73]我懂得了打架是不好的
[18:54.18]and you shouldn't do it ever.
[18:54.18]以后都不能再这么干了
[18:56.90]Any questions?
[18:56.90]有没有问题?
[18:58.88]Yeah,where do you find these people?
[18:58.88]我 你在哪儿找到这些人的?
[19:02.25]I know!
[19:02.25]我知道!
[19:03.49]Was there a big sale at the wuss market?
[19:03.49]是不是软脚虾超市大减价呢?
[19:05.83]Wuss! Wuss! Wuss!
[19:05.83]软脚虾! 软脚虾! 软脚虾!
[19:08.86]Of course,I didn't tell those kids what really happened.
[19:08.86]当然 我没有告诉 这些孩子事情的真相
[19:12.58]Okay,I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing.
[19:12.58]好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧
[19:17.56]- What happened? - This happened.
[19:17.56]- 发生啥事了? - 就这么回事
[19:24.79]Holy crap!
[19:24.79]我的天!
[19:26.76]Yeah,turns out Uncle Marshall and his brothers did a littleore than just roughhouse.
[19:26.76]看来Marshall叔叔和他的兄弟们 不仅仅是打打闹闹这么简单
[19:37.47]Cocoa break!
[19:37.47]热可可时间
[19:48.02]Marshall looks good. Has he lost weight?
[19:48.02]Marshall看起来不错 他减肥了?
[19:50.37]Bitch,don't even.
[19:50.37]婊子 别想了
[19:53.56]Kids,I'd love to leave you with the message that fighting is bad and you shouldn't do it,
[19:53.56]孩子们 我想告诉你们打架是不好的 你们不应该打架
[19:57.59]but I knowhat's pointless.
[19:57.59]但我知道这么说很空泛
[19:59.20]So,I'll leave you with this:
[19:59.20]所以我这么说吧
[20:01.10]don't ever get in a fight with Uncle Marshall.
[20:01.10]永远不要跟你Marshall叔叔打架
[20:03.58]That guy's freaking crazy.
[20:03.58]这家伙是个疯子
[20:11.09]thankgiving.....
[20:11.09]感恩节...
[20:10.78]It is so good to be home.
[20:10.78]回家的感觉真好
[20:12.80]Mom,Lily,fantastic job.
[20:12.80]老妈 Lily 这餐饭太棒了
[20:15.55]Good food,good meat,good God,let's eat. Right?
[20:15.55]吃好喝好 上帝好 是不?
[20:18.24]Okay,here we go.
[20:18.24]好 来吧
[20:19.65]Goggles on.
[20:19.65]戴上护目镜
[20:26.08]Alright,so,you guys pass the plates.
[20:26.08]好 你们都把盘子拿过来
[20:28.66]Lily,you want white or dark meat?
[20:28.66]Lily 你要胸肉还是腿肉?
[20:30.72]Dark! Honey,please be careful.
[20:30.72]腿肉! 亲爱的 小心呐
