Passage 1 The Serious Side Effects of Small Rejections 121
“拒绝”的严重后果 《新闻周刊》

[00:01]In a modern world, our hypersensitivity to rejection
[00:05]can have surprisingly destructive consequences.
[00:08]When we're socially or romantically excluded,
[00:11]even in seemingly insignificant ways,
[00:16]it can lead to a host of negative psychological and physical side effects.
[00:22]That includes everything from lower scores on intelligence tests
[00:26]to a weakened immune system and increased aggression.
[00:30]Twenge's research has found that rejected individuals also become less social,
[00:36]more likely to interpret neutral words
[00:39]and behaviors as signs of rejection and score lower on intelligence tests.
[00:44]And this pain was felt whether the rejection
[00:47]came from someone we want to like us, or someone we couldn't care less about.
[00:53]"There really aren't any limits," says Twenge.
[00:57]"Of course it hurts more when someone we care about rejects us,
[01:01]but it even hurts when people that we hate reject us."
[01:05]For a while, researchers had two theories about
[01:08]how one rejection would impact future social interactions.
[01:12]Either it would make individuals more social and friendly,
[01:16]since they want to find a place to belong,
[01:18]or less social to prevent another hurtful rejection.
[01:22]Research over the past decade has sided with the later hypothesis:
[01:27]socially rejected individuals become more aggressive and less likely
[01:32]to exhibit prosocial behavior.
[01:35]Twenge describes it as an "interesting little paradox"
[01:39]because the more we get hurt by rejection,
[01:42]the more we push away connections.
[01:44]"It's possible that in some cases it's self-protective," says Twenge.
[01:50]"Even though we know it's illogical, that it makes more sense to be nicer,
[01:55]that's not what happens. The immediate reaction is to withdraw."
[02:00]That angst seems to be amplified if we have the perception
[02:04]that we're the only one who's left out or who's been hurt;
[02:08]that, in other words, everyone else is either well-liked
[02:13]or too independent to have rejection bother them. And, according to Schwartz,
[02:18]Americans are particularly reluctant to admit that we're feeling rejected.
[02:24]We're often told we should be able to brush off rejection without a thought.
[02:29]And that if we can't, we're weak and whiny.
[02:33]But the experts don't recommend pretending everything is OK. Rather,
[02:39]Schwartz and Olds say accepting loneliness
[02:42]as a condition that everyone experiences from time to time
[02:46]and taking active steps to combat it can help people cope better
[02:51]with the blow of rejection and the pain of loneliness.
[02:55]One tactic to fight feeling left out can be to make an invitation
[03:00]instead of waiting for one to arrive.
[03:03]"People feel so embarrassed to take social risks," says Olds.
[03:08]"It never occurs to them that almost everyone feels the same way.
[03:12]But chances are, they do."
[03:15]Some of Twenge's recent studies looked at other factors
[03:20]that can mitigate the anti-social,
[03:22]aggressive reactions that usually follow social rejection.
[03:27]A friendly encounter after a social rejection-as small
[03:31]as thanking people and giving them a piece of candy
[03:34]for their participation helped quell some of the aggression.
[03:38]And, she found that when participants were socially rejected,
[03:43]but then wrote about a loved one for two minutes they no longer were aggressive.