Double Standard
Publish Date: April 8, 2007
FAMILYIS UNEASYWHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S EX-LOVER
DEAR ABBY:
My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerousaffairsover the past several yearsafter her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lastedabout three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was lookingfor, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimateat that time, and we start-ed seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried abouthaving her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They sayit's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimatewith Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothersthem.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed to theirpressure, but my relationship withWill is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make mysister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relation-ship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILLIN WALLAWALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knowswhat she wants, and confrontthe double standardin your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough tohave serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldlythey have turned a blind eye to it, then they shouldall be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too.
Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be ableto get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people-pleaserfor the rest of your life.
