Many superficial friendships end up being shelved after an argument because there isn’t enough depth to warrant all the trouble it takes to smooth over the disagreement. Unfortunately, even when the friendship reaches a deeper level, conflict continues to happen and can break apart a relationship. How can this be avoided?
First and foremost, when you have a falling out with a good friend, try to gain an understanding of each other’s perspective. To help understand why a disagreement started, it may be beneficial to ask questions about each other’s point of view. It is important to make sure that when you are listening to the other person’s perspective, you are actually listening and not adding your opinion. You will have the opportunity to tell your side in due time.
Also, it is important to avoid adding unnecessary drama. These things never help fix a problem and ultimately bring more hurt to all involved. Things like yelling, name calling, threatening to cut off the friendship, and personal attacks should be avoided at all costs. If it comes to that, walk away, breathe, step back and allow some time before you try again.
Last but not the least, agree to disagree. Resolving a conflict should not be seen as a contest to see who won or who was right or wrong. Even after taking steps to resolve a conflict, you still might not be able to agree. If you want to keep the relationship, it is okay to agree to disagree on an issue.
许多表面上的友谊最终在争吵之后被搁置起来，因为没有足够的深度来保证消除分歧所需的所有麻烦。不幸的是，即使友谊达到更深的层次，冲突仍在继续，并可能打破一段关系。首先，当你和一个好朋友闹翻时，试着了解对方的观点。为了理解争论产生的原因，询问他们的观点可能会有所帮助。重要的是要确保当你听别人的观点时，你实际上是在倾听而不是增加你的观点。你将有机会说出你的观点。同时，避免不必要的戏剧化。这样做永远不会有助于解决问题，最终会给所有相关人员带来更多的伤害，包括叫喊、骂人、威胁断绝友谊和人身攻击。如果到了这个地步，走开、(深)呼吸、退让，在你再试一次之前留出一些时间。最后但也很重要的是，允许反面意见。解决冲突不应被视为一场竞赛，看谁赢、谁对谁错。即使在采取措施解决冲突之后，你可能仍然不能同意。如果你想保持关系，就这一问题达成妥协吧。
笔记
being shelved：被搁置起来
enough depth to warrant all the trouble it takes to smooth over the disagreement：这里指友谊的深度不足以平稳的度过这次分歧
falling out：争吵
each other’s perspective：从别人的观点，这是口语和写作里面经常用到的短语
