[00:05.75]I’ve often felt that “step-parent” is a label we attach to men and women who marry into families where children already exist,
[00:13.59]for the simple reason that we need to call them something.
[00:17.29]It is most certainly an enormous “step”, but one doesn’t often feel as if the term “parent” truly applies.
[00:25.68]At least that’s how I used to feel about being a step-mother to my husband’s four children.
[00:32.21]My husband and I had been together for six years.
[00:35.69]Although over the years, we all learned to adjust, to become more comfortable with each other,
[00:41.58]I continued to feel somewhat like an outsider.
[00:45.71]There was a definite boundary line that could not be crossed, an inner family circle which excluded me.
[00:52.36]When the children moved away, we contacted Cyberspace in order to maintain regular communication with them.
[00:59.76]Ironically, these modern tools of communication can also be tools of alienation, making us feel so out of touch,
[01:08.80]so much more in need of real human contact.
[01:12.51]If a computer message came addressed to “Dad”, I’d feel forgotten and neglected.
[01:18.93]If my name appeared along with his, it would brighten my day and make me feel like I was part of their family unit.
[01:26.87]Late one evening, as my husband was asleep and I was checking my e-mail, an “instant message” appeared on the screen.
[01:35.26]It was Margo, my oldest step-daughter.
[01:38.53]As we had done in the past, we sent several messages back and forth, exchanging the latest news.
[01:44.08]When we “chat”, she wouldn’t necessarily know if it was me or her dad—unless she asked.
[01:50.61]She didn’t ask and I didn’t identify myself either.
[01:54.86]After hearing the latest volleyball scores, the details about an upcoming dance at her school, I said I should get to sleep.
[02:02.59]Her return message read, “Okay, talk to you later! Love you!”
[02:08.69]A wave of sadness ran through me as I realized that she must have thought she was writing to her father.
[02:15.77]She and I would never have openly exchanged such words of affection.
[02:20.67]Feeling guilty for not clarifying, yet not wanting to embarrass her, I simply responded, “Love you too!”
[02:27.85]I thought again of their family circle, that self-contained, private space where I was an intruder.
[02:35.30]I felt again the sharp ache of emptiness and otherness.
[02:39.89]Then, just as I was about to return the screen to black, Margo’s final message appeared.
[02:47.00]It read, “Tell Dad good night for me too.”
[02:50.39]With tear-filled eyes, I turned the machine off.
