A: I want to close my account.

B: We're sorry to lose you as a customer. Can I ask why?

A: I keep getting hit by fees.

B: We have a new low fee checking account.

A: I was already on the basic checking plan and you guys still charged a ton of fees.

B: Have you registered for online banking?

A: Yeah, and I never got my statements.

B: Have you tried our mobile app with text alerts?

A: My phone isn't compatible. Just close the account.

B: You have $425 in the account.

A: Pay it to me in cash.

B: We hope you will try banking with us again.