听力课堂TED音频栏目主要包括TED演讲的音频MP3及中英双语文稿，供各位英语爱好者学习使用。本文主要内容为演讲MP3+双语文稿:《阴道独白》剧作者：真诚道歉的巨大影响力，希望你会喜欢！

【演讲人】夏娃·恩斯勒（Eve Ensler）创造了开创性的“阴道独白”，其成功促使她创立了“ V-Day”运动，该运动旨在终结对世界各地对妇女和女孩的暴力行为。

【演讲简介】真正的道歉不只是后悔。在这场坦率而痛苦的演讲中，她分享了如何将自己的虐待经历转变成对不法者可以做什么并说出真正悔改的智慧-并提供了四个步骤的路线图来帮助开始这一过程。

【演讲文稿-中英文】

翻译者 Jiasi Hao 校对：Chen

00:13

在过去几年， 我们不断在揭发男人们的恶行。我们必须做这件事。

e past few years, we've been callingmen out. It had to be done

00:20

（掌声）

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00:22

但最近，我一直在思考我们需要做一项更艰巨的事情。就像我朋友托尼·波特说的那样，我们需要找到一个方法，让男性参与到这项事业。

But lately, I've been thinking we need todo something even harder. We need, as my good friend Tony Porter says, to finda way to call men in.

00:37

我父亲在我5岁的时候，开始对我进行性虐待。他会在半夜进到我的房间，看起来神情恍惚。虐待持续到了我 10岁的时候。当我尝试拒绝他，当我终于能够说“不”，他开始殴打我。他辱骂我愚蠢，称我是个撒谎者。

My father began to sexually abuse me when Iwas five years old. He would come into my room in the middle of the night. Heappeared to be in a trance. The abuse continued until I was 10. When I tried toresist him, when I was finally able to say no, he began to beat me. He calledme stupid. He said I was a liar.

01:02

父亲对我的性虐待在我10岁的时候停止了，但实际上，从未停止。改变了我。我曾总是满怀焦虑、愧疚和羞耻的情绪，我也不知道为什么。我讨厌自己的身体，我讨厌我自己，我病得很重，无法思考，记性也很差。我被危险的男女所吸引，我自愿的——实际上，我很乐意——被糟糕地对待，因为这是我父亲教我的，对爱的理解。

The sexual abuse ended when I was 10, butactually, it never ended. It changed who I was. I was filled with anxiety andguilt and shame all the time, and I didn't know why. I hated my body, I hatedmyself, I got sick a lot, I couldn't think, I couldn't remember things. I wasdrawn to dangerous men and women who I allowed -- actually, I invited -- totreat me badly, because that is what my father taught me love was.

01:38

我等待了一生，等着我父亲向我道歉。他没有，也不会这样做。最近一些男性公众人物的丑闻 一个个被揭露，我意识到一件事： 我从未听到过一个犯下强暴或肢体暴力罪名的男性曾向其受害者公开道歉。我开始思考，一个真诚的道歉会是怎样的？

I waited my whole life for my father toapologize to me. He didn't. He wouldn't. And then, with the recent scandals offamous men, as one after another was exposed, I realized something: I havenever heard a man who has committed rape or physical violence ever publiclyapologize to his victim. I began to wonder, what would an authentic, deepapology be like?

02:20

所以有些奇怪的事情开始发生。我开始写作，之后我父亲的声音开始重现。他开始告诉我他之前到底做了什么错事，以及为什么他会这么做。他开始道歉。我父亲已经去世了将近 31 年，但是，在这封我替他写的道歉信中，我发现了道歉的力量，这实际上可能是一种能让所有施暴男性和受暴女性度过眼前危难的方法。

So, something strange began to happen. Ibegan to write, and my father's voice began to come through me. He began totell me what he had done and why. He began to apologize. My father is deadalmost 31 years, and yet, in this apology, the one I had to write for him, Idiscovered the power of an apology and how it actually might be the way to moveforward in the crisis we now face with men and all the women they abuse.

02:57

道歉是一种至高无上的承诺。它要求绝对的诚实。它需要深层的自我拷问和时间。不能着急。 我发现，道歉通常有 4 个步骤，如果你要道歉，我很乐意和你们分享这4个步骤。

Apology is a sacred commitment. It requirescomplete honesty. It demands deep self-interrogation and time. It cannot berushed. I discovered an apology has four steps, and, if you would, I'd like totake you through them.

03:16

第一，你必须要详细陈述你做了什么。你的描述不能模棱两可。“如果我伤到你了，对不起。” 或“如果我性虐待你了，对不起。”这样的话并没有任何帮助。你必须要说清真正发生了什么。“我在半夜跑到你的房间，脱下你的内裤。”“我贬低了你，因为我嫉妒你，我想要让你感到自己一文不值。”解脱在于细节。道歉是一场追忆。它联系着过去和现在。它诉说着过去真实发生的事情。

The first is you have to say what, indetail, you did. Your accounting cannot be vague. "I'm sorry if I hurtyou" or "I'm sorry if I sexually abused you" doesn't cut it. Youhave to say what actually happened. "I came into the room in the middle ofthe night, and I pulled your underpants down." "I belittled youbecause I was jealous of you and I wanted you to feel less." Theliberation is in the details. An apology is a remembering. It connects the pastwith the present. It says that what occurred actually did occur.

03:55

第二步，你需要询问自己为什么。幸存者始终会被“为什么”所烦扰。为什么？为什么我的父亲想要性虐待自己的大女儿？为什么他会抓着我的头并用力往墙上撞？以我父亲为例， 他比其他兄弟姐妹小很多。他的出生是一个“奇迹般的”意外。他一直都是个被家人爱慕宠溺着的男孩。但是“爱慕”，实际上与“爱”不同。爱慕是一种其他人将所有期望寄托于你， 想要你变得完美的情感。 我的父亲必须承担起这些 难以实现的期望，所以他从来不被允许做自己。他从来不被允许表达自己的温柔 或是脆弱、好奇和疑问。他从来不被允许流泪。 因此他被迫将所有的 这些感情和情绪隐藏起来，以至于最终它们都被转移了。这些压抑的情绪后来变成了他内心深处的人影，使他失控了，最后他把那些激动情绪都发泄在了我的身上。

The second step is you have to ask yourselfwhy. Survivors are haunted by the why. Why? Why would my father want tosexually abuse his eldest daughter? Why would he take my head and smash itagainst a wall? In my father's case, he was a child born long after the otherchildren. He was an accident that became "the miracle." He was adoredand treated as the golden boy. But adoration, it turns out, is not love.Adoration is a projection of someone's need for you to be perfect onto you. Myfather had to live up to this impossible ideal, and so he was never allowed tobe himself. He was never allowed to express tenderness or vulnerability,curiosity, doubt. He was never allowed to cry. And so he was forced to push allthose feelings underground, and they eventually metastasized. Those suppressedfeelings later became Shadowman, and he was out of control, and he eventuallyunleashed his torrent on me.

05:10

第三步，就是你需要敞开心扉，对你的受害者在被你虐待时所承受的痛苦感同身受。你必须让自己感到撕心裂肺。你必须让自己感到恐惧、背叛，以及你的虐待行为对受害者造成的长期影响。你必须与自己招致的煎熬共处。

The third step is you have to open yourheart and feel what your victim felt as you were abusing her. You have to letyour heart break. You have to feel the horror and betrayal and the long-termimpacts of your abuse on your victim. You have to sit with the suffering youhave caused.

05:31

当然，第四步，就是承担你过去行为的责任，并改正。

And, of course, the fourth step is takingresponsibility for what you have done and making amends.

05:38

为什么有人会想经历这样一个磨人且屈辱的过程？为什么你想要揭开自己的旧痂？因为这是唯一一个你能解放自己的方法。这是唯一一个你能解放你的受害者的方法。你不仅只是摧毁了你的受害者，你也摧毁了自己。没有人能对自己施于他人的暴力行为的影响无动于衷，他们因自己的行为饱受折磨。这能在你的整个余生中，创造出一个令人难以置信的黑暗且被玷污的灵魂。

So, why would anyone want to go throughsuch a grueling and humbling process? Why would you want to rip yourself open?Because it is the only thing that will set yourself free. It is the only thingthat will set your victim free. You didn't just destroy your victim. Youdestroyed yourself. There is no one who enacts violence on another person whodoesn't suffer from the effects themselves. It creates an incredibly dark and contaminatingspirit, and it spreads throughout your entire life.

06:19

我写下的道歉——我从中学会了一件事：我们需要从不同角度来了解男性的暴力问题，这个曾一直困扰 我与其他十亿女性的问题。 我们总是首先寻求惩罚。 这是我们的本能直觉， 但实际上，尽管有时惩罚本身是有效的， 但仅靠它，还远远不够。我的父亲惩罚了我。我变得渺小无力，我变得支离破碎。我认为惩罚只会让我们变得更加强硬，而非反思教育。羞辱某人并没有任何启发性作用。我们实际上需要建立一个可能包含但不仅局限于惩罚的流程。我们可以为那些施暴者打开一扇门，给他们一个机会去改过自新。

The apology I wrote -- I learned somethingabout a different lens we have to look through to understand the problem ofmen's violence that I and one billion other women have survived. We often turnto punishment first. It's our first instinct, but actually, although punishmentsometimes is effective, on its own, it is not enough. My father punished me. Iwas shut down, and I was broken. I think punishment hardens us, but it doesn'tteach us. Humiliation is not revelation. We actually need to create a processthat may involve punishment, whereby we open a doorway where men can actuallybecome something and someone else.

07:09

那么多年来，我一直痛恨我的父亲。我想他死，我想要他进监狱。但其实这一愤怒情绪一直让我父亲的故事与我牵绊在一起。我真正想要的不只是阻止我父亲的行为，而是他本身的改变。我希望他能道歉。这是我想要的。我们不想要施暴者们被摧毁，我们不想要施暴者们仅仅被惩罚。我们想让他们正视我们，我们这些他们曾经伤害的受害者们，我们也想让他们感到悔恨，并且做出改变。我相信这是可能的，我也相信这是我们前行的道路。但我们需要男人加入我们。我们需要男人鼓起勇气，成为这一转变的一部分。我用了大半生致力于揭发男人们的恶行。今天，我站在这里，就在此时此刻，我想邀请你们加入我。

For so many years, I hated my father. Iwanted him dead. I wanted him in prison. But actually, that rage kept meconnected to my father's story. What I really wanted wasn't just for my fatherto be stopped. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to apologize. That's whatwe want. We don't want men to be destroyed, we don't want them to only bepunished. We want them to see us, the victims that they have harmed, and wewant them to repent and change. And I actually believe this is possible. And Ireally believe it's our way forward. But we need men to join us. We need mennow to be brave and be part of this transformation. I have spent most of mylife calling men out, and I am here now, right now, to call you in.

08:13

谢谢。

Thank you.

08:14

（掌声）

（Applause） Thank you.

08:17

（掌声）

（Applause）

08:00

谢谢，谢谢。

Thank you, thank you.

08:20

（掌声）

（Applause）