For a moment he was silent. Then he took her hand again and pressed it gently.

“You know, darling,” he said, “whatever happens we must keep Dorothy out of this.”

She looked at him blankly.

“But I don't understand. How can we?”

“Well, we can't only think of ourselves in this world. You know, other things being equal, there's nothing in this world I'd love more than to marry you. But it's quite out of the question. I know Dorothy: nothing would induce her to divorce me.”

Kitty was becoming horribly frightened. She began to cry again. He got up and sat down beside her with his arm round her waist.

“Try not to upset yourself, darling. We must keep our heads.”

“I thought you loved me… ”

“Of course I love you,” he said tenderly. “You surely can't have any doubt of that now.”

“If she won't divorce you Walter will make you corespondent.”

He took an appreciable time to answer. His tone was dry.

“Of course that would ruin my career, but I'm afraid it wouldn't do you much good. If the worst came to the worst I should make a clean breast of it to Dorothy; she'd be dreadfully hurt and wretched, but she'd forgive me.” He had an idea. “I'm not sure if the best plan wouldn't be to make a clean break of it anyhow. If she went to your husband I daresay she could persuade him to hold his tongue.”

“Does that mean you don't want her to divorce you?”

“Well, I have got my boys to think of, haven't I? And naturally I don't want to make her unhappy. We've always got on very well together. She's been an awfully good wife to me, you know.”

“Why did you tell me that she meant nothing to you?”

“I never did. I said I wasn't in love with her. We haven't slept together for years except now and then, on Christmas Day for instance, or the day before she was going home or the day she came back. She isn't a woman who cares for that sort of thing. But we've always been excellent friends. I don't mind telling you that I depend on her more than any one has any idea of.”

“Don't you think it would have been better to leave me alone then?”

She found it strange that with terror catching her breath she could speak so calmly.

“You were the loveliest little thing I'd seen for years. I just fell madly in love with you. You can't blame me for that.”

“After all, you said you'd never let me down.”

“But, good God, I'm not going to let you down. We've got in an awful scrape and I'm going to do everything that's humanly possible to get you out of it.”

“Except the one obvious and natural thing.”

He stood up and returned to his own chair.

“My dear, you must be reasonable. We'd much better face the situation frankly. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but really I must tell you the truth. I'm very keen on my career. There's no reason why I shouldn't be a Governor one of these days, and it's a damned soft job to be a Colonial Governor. Unless we can hush this up I don't stand a dog's chance. I may not have to leave the service, but there'll always be a black mark against me. If I do have to leave the service then I must go into business in China where I know people. In either case my only chance is for Dorothy to stick to me.”

“Was it necessary to tell me that you wanted nothing in the world but me?”

The corners of his mouth drooped peevishly.

“Oh, my dear, it's rather hard to take quite literally the things a man says when he's in love with you.”

“Didn't you mean them?”

“At the moment.”

“And what's to happen to me if Walter divorces me?”

“If we really haven't a leg to stand on of course we won't defend. There shouldn't be any publicity and people are pretty broad-minded nowadays.”

For the first time Kitty thought of her mother. She shivered. She looked again at Townsend. Her pain now was tinged with resentment.

“I'm sure you'd have no difficulty in bearing any inconvenience that I had to suffer,” she said.

“We're not going to get much further by saying disagreeable things to one another,” he answered.

She gave a cry of despair. It was dreadful that she should love him so devotedly and yet feel such bitterness towards him. It was not possible that he understood how much he meant to her.

“Oh, Charlie, don't you know how I love you?”

“But, my dear, I love you. Only we're not living in a desert island and we've got to make the best we can out of the circumstances that are forced upon us. You really must be reasonable.”

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realise that to you it was only an episode.”

“Of course it wasn't an episode. But you know, when you ask me to get my wife, to whom I'm very much attached, to divorce me, and ruin my career by marrying you, you're asking a good deal.”

“No more than I'm willing to do for you.”

“The circumstances are rather different.”

“The only difference is that you don't love me.”

“One can be very much in love with a woman without wishing to spend the rest of one's life with her.”

She gave him a quick look and despair seized her. Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Oh, how cruel! How can you be so heartless?”

She began to sob hysterically. He gave an anxious glance at the door.

“My dear, do try and control yourself.”

“You don't know how I love you,” she gasped. “I can't live without you. Have you no pity for me?”

She could not speak any more. She wept without restraint.

“I don't want to be unkind, and Heaven knows I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I must tell you the truth.”

“It's the ruin of my whole life. Why couldn't you leave me alone? What harm had I ever done you?”

“Of course if it does you any good to put all the blame on me you may.”

Kitty blazed with sudden anger.

“I suppose I threw myself at your head. I suppose I gave you no peace till you yielded to my entreaties.”

“I don't say that. But I certainly should never have thought of making love to you if you hadn't made it perfectly clear that you were ready to be made love to.”

Oh, the shame of it! She knew that what he said was true. His face now was sullen and worried and his hands moved uneasily. Every now and then he gave her a little glance of exasperation.

“Won't your husband forgive you?” he said after a while.

“I never asked him.”

Instinctively he clenched his hands. She saw him suppress the exclamation of annoyance which came to his lips.

“Why don't you go to him and throw yourself on his mercy? If he's as much in love with you as you say he's bound to forgive you.”

“How little you know him!”

他又沉默了好一会儿，然后，再一次牵起了她的手，并温柔地把自己的手放在了上面。

“你知道，亲爱的。”他说道，“无论发生什么事，我们都不要把多萝西牵扯进来。”

她一脸茫然地望着他。

“但是我不明白，我们怎么能不把她牵扯进来？”

“嗯，在这个世界上，我们不能只考虑我们自己。事情是公平的，在世上没有什么像娶你这样的事让我更愿意做的了，但是会有问题，我了解多萝西，她绝对不会跟我离婚。”

凯蒂完全被吓坏了，她又开始哭了起来。他站起身来，坐到了她身边，用手臂揽着她的腰。

“别再跟自己过不去了，亲爱的，我们必须保持理智。”

“我还以为你是爱我的……”

“我当然爱你。”他轻言细语地说道，“你不用有丝毫的怀疑。”

“如果她不跟你离婚，沃尔特会指控你破坏别人家庭。”

他很长时间没吱声，然后用干巴巴的口吻说道：

“这当然会毁了我的事业，但是我觉得对你也没有什么好处。如果到了迫不得已的时候，我会一五一十地向多萝西坦白的。她肯定会很受伤，而且也会很痛苦，但她终究会原谅我的。”他又有了一个想法，“我不能确定这是不是最佳方案，如果我全都向她坦白，如果她去找你的丈夫谈判的话，我敢说她一定会说服他闭嘴的。”

“那就是说你不想跟她离婚？”

“是的，我得为我的孩子着想呀，不是吗？而且我自然也不想让她难过，我们在一起一直相处得很好，你知道，对我来说，她真是一个特别称职的妻子。”

“那你以前为什么总跟我说她在你眼中什么都不是？”

“我从没这样说过，我确实说过我不爱她。除了偶尔在一起，比如圣诞节，或者她回国之前或者从国内回来。我们分居好多年了，她对夫妻间的事不太感兴趣，但是我们一直相敬如宾，我不介意告诉你我对她的依赖程度超过了任何人的想象。”

“那么你为什么来招惹我呢？”

一阵恐惧袭来让她无法呼吸，但奇怪的是，她竟然能平静地说话。

“你是我多年来所见到的最可爱的女人，我疯狂地爱上了你，你不能为此而责怪我。”

“不管怎么说，你承诺过不会抛下我不管的。”

“但是，上帝呀，我的确不会抛下你不管的，但现在身陷困境，我正打算尽一切力量把你解救出来。”

“除了一件显而易见和再正常不过的事之外。”

他站了起来，又坐回了他自己的椅子上。

“我亲爱的，你必须清醒。我们最好直面目前的状况。我不想伤害你的感情，但我必须告诉你实话，我很在意我的事业，有朝一日我会成为总督，殖民地总督真是一个再轻松不过的职位。除非我们把这事压下去，否则我根本不会有一丝的机会。我可能不得不辞职，但总有一个污点，对我以后的发展不利。如果我被迫离开这个职位，我只能去中国经商，因为在那儿我还有些熟人。但无论是哪种情况，我都会让多萝西留在我身边。”

“那你当初有必要一再跟我说，在这个世界上除了我，你什么都不想要吗？”

他的嘴角又生气地耷拉了下来。

“哦，我亲爱的，当一个男人爱上你的时候，他说的话是当不得真的。”

“你的意思是你说的话也不能当真？”

“当时我可是真心的。”

“如果沃尔特和我离婚了，我怎么办？”

“当然，如果实在无能为力了，我们也就放弃抵抗了。这事不会闹得尽人皆知的，而且现在的人们对这种事都很宽容。”

凯蒂第一次想到了自己的母亲，她浑身颤抖着，又看了看查理，她的痛苦现在附加上了怨恨。

“我敢肯定我所承受的痛苦，对你来说根本不算回事。”

“我们不要再相互指责了吧。”他回答道。

她绝望地哭喊了出来。她全身心地爱着他，现在却对他满腔哀怨，这也太可怕了，他不可能理解他在她心里的分量。

“噢，查理，你难道不知道我有多爱你吗？”

“但是，亲爱的，我也爱你。可我们不是生活在荒岛上，我们得尽一切努力从目前的困境中解脱出来，你真的必须保持理智。”

“我怎么能保持理智？对我来说，我们的爱情就是一切，你是我的整个生命，而我现在认识到，对你来说，我不过是你生命中的一段小插曲，这可无法让我高兴起来。”

“你当然不会是一段小插曲。但你得知道，你要求我离开我妻子——对于她，我是很依赖的——让我跟她离婚，而且要因为娶了你毁了我的前程，你的要求就有点儿过分了。”

“要是换作我，我是愿意为你放弃一切的。”

“咱俩的情况不一样。”

“唯一不同的就是你不爱我。”

“一个男人深爱着一个女人，并不意味着希望余生和她一起度过。”

她快速地看了他一眼，绝望又一次占据了她的身心，她忍不住又一次泪如雨下。

“噢，太残忍了，你怎么能如此绝情？”

她开始歇斯底里地哭泣着，他焦急地看了一眼房门。

“亲爱的，试着控制一下你自己。”

“你不知道我有多爱你。”她喘了一口气说，“没有你我无法活下去。你真的一点儿都不可怜我吗？”

她不再说什么了，只是不住地抽泣。

“我也不想这样，老天知道我不想伤害你的感情，但我必须告诉你实情。”

“你已经毁掉了我的整个生活。为什么你不能让我好好生活，要来招惹我？我究竟欠你什么了？”

“如果你觉得好受些，当然可以把一切都怪在我头上。”

突如其来的愤怒让凯蒂像火山一样爆发了。

“我想我是主动向你投怀送抱了，我想我是缠着你不放，让你不得安宁了，直到你不得不答应我的求欢。”

“我并没有这样说。但是，如果你没有清楚地表明你已经准备好要和我做爱的话，显然当初我不会想到要和你做爱的。”

啊，多丢人呀！她知道他的话没有错。他的脸现在变得更加阴沉和焦虑，他的手也不安地乱动。时不时地，他会生气地瞟她一眼。

“你丈夫不会原谅你吗？”过了一会儿，他问道。

“我绝不会乞求他的原谅。”

本能地，他握紧了双手。她看出他把到了嘴边的气话咽了回去。

“你为什么不去跟他谈谈，主动请求他的原谅？如果他真像你说的那么爱你的话，他肯定会原谅你的。”

“你真的一点儿也不了解他！”