Chapter 24

Cordt looked into the room where Fru Adelheid sat:

“Where is Finn?”

“I think he's in the old room.”

Cordt closed the door and walked quickly down the passage. She was sitting by the window and saw him in the square below, where he stood and looked up at the house. Then he walked away, in such a manner that she could see that he had no object for his walk.

The servant came and lit the candles. Fru Adelheid sat down by the freplace with her hands in her lap and listened for a sound in the quiet house.

Soon after, Cordt came home.

She heard his voice in the passage. Then he went into his own room…now he was outside again. She understood that he was on his way to Finn; but the next moment he came in to where she was sitting and sat down at a distance from her:

“Have you been up to him to-day, Adelheid?”

“No.”

Cordt moved restlessly in his chair, rose to go and sat down again. Fru Adelheid struggled with herself not to go over to him and take his hand and talk to him. Then he said:

“He has been so odd, lately. Brighter than usual, but more absent, nevertheless. He is not shamming, but still he is not himself.”Cordt went on talking about it, without looking at her and not so much in order to tell it to her as because he could not keep silent. She saw this exactly and turned away her face and cried quietly. Then he asked:

“Haven't you noticed it?”

“I think he is much as usual.”

Cordt rose and crossed the room. He stood for a time by the chimney, where she sat, and stared into the fire. She looked up at him with bright, moist eyes. Then he went over and sat where he had been sitting before and it was silent in the room.

“I wonder, oughtn't you to go up to him, Adelheid?”

He could not hear her reply and looked across at her. She had stood up and was coming towards him. He saw that she was very pale and that she was crying, but did not think about it and forgot it again at once.

Then she sat by him…so close that her white gown lay over his feet. She crossed her hands in her lap and parted them again and did not look at him while she spoke:

“Cordt…”she said.

And, when she had said that, she began to tremble and pressed her hands together.

“Yes?”

“You ought to go up to him, Cordt.”

He was silent for a moment. Then he bent closer to her and lowered his voice, as though there were some one in the room who could hear what he was saying and must not:

“I dare not. I have frightened him. He starts when he sees me…he stands outside my door and collects his courage when he comesto me to say good-morning. I will go quite away from him for a little while…go for a journey, I think, until he becomes more tranquil.”

She looked at him and pictured him roaming round the world so that Finn might recover his tranquillity. She saw him strolling in distant towns, where life fowed on around him, alone, knowing no peace, ever thinking of his son…longing for the day when he could come home, dreading how he would fnd him then.

Fru Adelheid slipped from her chair and lay on the foor before him, with her cheek against his hand and her eyes streaming with tears.

Cordt did not see. He stared into the room across her head, with the strained, racked look which he now always wore when he was alone:

“He does not like our parties, Adelheid,”he said, meditatively.“We only did him harm.”

“Yes.”

“But, if you would go up to him, Adelheid…very quietly…and sit with him a little, so that he could not give way to his thoughts. Or help him, so that his thoughts could find utterance. You two always got on well together, you know, and he was glad to see you whenever you came.”

“He is no longer glad to see me, Cordt.”

He looked at her in surprise and encountered her moist glance.

“If I went up now, Cordt…I could not sit with Finn as I used to. For I am no longer the same.”

“Ah, well!”was all he said.

He spoke calmly and indifferently, as though he had had no particular faith in his remedy and must look round for somethingelse.

“Cordt!…”

It was a scream.

He started. And, as if he had now first seen that she was kneeling before him, he pushed back his chair and rose to his feet.

He crossed the room and then came back and stood and looked at her with a sense of dislike that increased every minute. She crept to the chair from which he had risen and laid her head on it. She closed her eyes before his glance and wept silently and without stopping.

“You…?”he said slowly.

She received the blow which the word gave her without breathing a sound. Once she opened her eyes and immediately closed them again. Pale and still she lay before his feet.

Then his eyes blazed with anger and scorn:

“What a number of years have passed since we two frst met, Fru Adelheid…what a number of miserable years!”

“Yes,”she said and raised her head for a moment and laid it on the chair again.

“You went away…in search of your red happiness. You were not content with your husband, whom you loved and who loved you…you must have all men on their knees before your beauty…you must needs see the desire in their eyes and their unchaste hands cramped because they dared not lay them upon Cordt's wife.”

“Yes,”she said.

“Well, did you fnd the lover who bound your will to his foot? And did he spurn you when he had seen to the depths of your charming eyes? Or did you leave him of your own accord…and gofarther out into the world…in search of that which was greater still and redder?”

“I had no lover,”she said, in a low voice.

He tossed back the hair from his forehead and clenched his fsts:

“No,”he said.“You did not. That is your disgrace and your judgment.”

“Cordt…Cordt…suppose I had had…”

“Yes…if you had had a lover and were here to-day, then I should take your hand and lead you to our son and say to him,‘Here is your mother, who has been unhappy. She loved your father and her love died when the man came who was more to her than he. She has not known a really happy day in all these years, because her fate was too strong for her. Now she has come to ask for your affection and needs it.’”

He crossed the room and then came and stood by her again:

“Get up, Adelheid.”

She rose from the foor and sat down in her chair again, with her white hands crossed in her lap, silently and quietly. He looked at her and it was as though her humble obedience added to his anger:

“Where did you go on the day when you broke the bonds of your marriage, because the air in the old room was too pure for you and too strong? Where have you been since?”

“I went to God.”

Cordt laughed:

“Show me your God.”

He bent over and looked her in the face:

“I don't believe in your God,”he said.

She did not take her eyes from his and stretched out her trembling hands to him and her red mouth quivered with weeping:

“Then I don't believe in Him either, Cordt.”

He turned away from her. Quietly she bowed her head, her tears fell upon her hands, she listened and moaned under the blows which she had received and longed for more.

But Cordt sat at the window and looked out where the rain came pouring down and the fame of the lamps fickered in the wind. His anger was over. He could not remember what they had been talking of. His thoughts were where they always were and all the rest was nothing.

Then he suddenly stood by her again and struck his hand on his temples and looked at her with fear in his eyes:

“Adelheid…do you think Finn won't come to us at all to-night?”

She understood that it was too late…irremediably, hopelessly too late. She would never be able to tell him what was burning in her soul. He would never know that she did not come, because she was weary and because she was afraid, but that she had honestly wiped out the bad years of her life and stood again as he would have had her the time…the time he wanted to have her thus.

“He will come and say good-night,”she said calmly.

Fru Adelheid raised her folded hands to her mouth.

Things could not remain thus for ever. But she could wait. She could go barefoot over the stones, if only once she reached a place in his house where she could stay. There must be a road somewhere that led to him.

And the evening sped on.

She sat beside him again and held his hand in hers, happy that he allowed her to keep it. She wanted to push his hair off his forehead, where the wrinkles lay so sharply marked, but did not. She wanted to put her hands on his tired eyes, but dared not.

They talked of Finn and she talked softly and soothingly to him as to a child, happy to be going the way he wanted. She found such gentle words and such impressive ones…she found her smile again and looked at him and met his smile, which came stealing to his face like a sun-gleam and vanished again at once.

He heard but little of what she said. But the sound of her voice did him good. He heard it and the rain, which beat against the panes, and it grew warm and peaceful around him.

His fears, which had aroused and spied and driven his every thought and turned and weighed his every doubt, slumbered in this quiet hour. He sat there like an old man who has suffered so much that his faculties have been blunted to pain and who takes his solace as it comes and is thankful.

He looked at her as he used to look at his mother when he was young and unhappy. He thought of her as of a young girl who knew the old man so little and owed him nothing, but went to his chair and laid her roses in his hand, so that things might be a little pleasanter for him.

And once he moved uneasily in his chair and looked at her quite differently and said:

“Adelheid…why have I no child but him?”

He said that very quietly and, a little after, he said it again. He said it to himself and not to her. She saw this and wept, because sheknew he did not perceive it.

And the evening sped on.

They sat quietly and she was silent and talked again of their son up there in the old room. Then she said:

“Cordt, let us go up to him!”

“Both of us?”

She listened anxiously whether he would say any more…whether he would reflect who she was and thrust her from him in anger, as he had done before.

But he sat silent and looked at the red glow in the freplace.

Then she rose and put out her hands to him:

“Come…Cordt…let us go. We will sit with him a little and talk to him, quietly and cheerfully, till the shadows disappear. Then we will come down here again and they will return, when he is alone. But we will go up every day and fght with them for him and win him.”

He rose heavily and took her hand.

Fru Adelheid led him through the room like a child. They went through the long passage and up the secret stairs…She was always a little in front of him. Her eyes shone with happiness. The bells rang out in her soul and she held Cordt's hand so fast as though she would never let it go.

They came to the door of the old room and knocked and listened. She looked at him and bent over his hand and kissed it with streaming tears.

Then she opened the door briskly and went in with head uplifted and drew him after her.

Over by the window sat Cordt's son, in one of the big chairs. He had shot himself.

THE END.

第二十四章

科特看着阿德尔海德所在的房间问道：

“芬在哪里？”

“我想他应该在老屋子里。”

科特关上房间门，迅速下了楼梯。阿德尔海德坐在窗户旁，看着下面的广场，科特站在那里，抬头望着这房子。然后，他走远了，从他走路的方式阿德尔海德就知道，科特并没有什么事情要去办。

仆人点燃房间里的蜡烛。阿德尔海德坐在壁炉旁，手放在膝盖上，听着静得出奇的房子里发出的每一个声响。

不久，科特返回家里。

阿德尔海德听到他在走廊上说话的声音。

然后他走进自己的房间，又走了出来。她知道，科特要去找芬。但一扭头，科特走进她所在的房间，和她隔着一段距离坐下来，“你今天去见他了吗，阿德尔海德？”

“没有。”

科特在他的椅子上不安地动来动去，站起来又坐下。阿德尔海德挣扎着要不要走到科特面前，握住他的手跟他讲讲话。此刻，科特说道：

“芬最近很奇怪。比平常开朗，但心不在焉。虽然他没有假装什么，但他也不是他自己。”

科特接着讲芬的事情，没有看阿德尔海德一眼，他讲这些不是为了讲给阿德尔海德听，而是他没有办法保持沉默。阿德尔海德看清楚了这一切，转过脸，悄悄地哭了起来。此刻，科特问道：

“你注意到这一点了吗？”

“我觉得他跟平常一样。”

科特站起来，穿过房间。他在壁炉旁站了一会儿，盯着壁炉里的火苗。阿德尔海德抬头看着科特，眼含泪水。然后科特又走回到他原先坐的地方，说道：

“我在想，阿德尔海德，你是不是该上去看看他？”

科特听不到阿德尔海德的回答，于是朝她看了一眼。此刻，阿德尔海德站了起来，正在朝他走来。科特看得出阿德尔海德脸色十分苍白，知道她在哭泣，但并没有太在意。

阿德尔海德在科特身边坐下来，她离科特那么近，她的礼服遮住了科特的脚。她双手合十放在腿上，然后又把手分开，低着头说道：

“科特。”

当她喊他的名字时，阿德尔海德开始颤抖，不得不双手握紧。

“嗯？”

“你应该上楼看看他，科特。”

科特沉默了一会儿，然后低声说道，就好像房间里还有其他人，而他不希望其他人听到他要讲的话，“我不敢。我已经让他害怕了。他会站在我房间门外，等到鼓足勇气才进屋和我道早安。我打算远离他一阵子，可能去旅行，直到他内心平静下来。”

阿德尔海德看着科特，想象着他在外面四处晃悠，为了能让芬恢复宁静。她想象着科特在遥远的城镇漫步，一个人，内心无法平静，牵挂着他的儿子。既渴望早日回家和他团聚，又害怕看到他不好的样子。

阿德尔海德坐在科特面前的地板上，把脸放在他手掌里，眼泪顺着脸颊慢慢流下。

科特没有看到阿德尔海德的眼泪。他目视前方，眼神紧张又充满痛苦，“他不喜欢我们的聚会，阿德尔海德，我们这么做，对他有害无益。”

“是的。”

“但，如果你上楼去找他，阿德尔海德，悄悄地，陪他坐一会儿，让他说说他的想法。你们两个总是相处得很好，你知道的，每当你去找他，他总是很开心。”

“现在他见到我已经不再开心了，科特。”

科特惊奇地看向阿德尔海德，看到了她泪光闪闪的眼睛。

“如果我现在上去，科特，我无法像以前那样陪他坐着。因为我跟以前不一样了。”

“唉，好吧！”

科特说得平静冷漠，好似原本他就对这个解救芬的办法也没有抱太大的希望，必须再去找其他的方法。

“科特！”

阿德尔海德尖叫道。

科特吓了一跳。然后，就好像他刚刚看到阿德尔海德跪在他面前一样，他往后推了推椅子，站了起来。

科特穿过房间又走了回来，站在阿德尔海德身旁看着她，眼神中的嫌恶每一分钟都增加一分。阿德尔海德爬到科特刚才所坐的椅子那里，把头放在椅子上。她闭上眼睛，静静地抽泣。

“你？”科特缓慢地说道。

阿德尔海德像被这个词打击到一样，无法呼吸，她睁开眼又立刻闭上，脸色苍白，一动不动地躺在了科特的脚下。

科特眼里充满怒气和嘲笑，“自从我们相识，都这么多年了，阿德尔海德，这是多么痛苦难熬的岁月啊！”

“没错。”阿德尔海德抬起头，然后又靠在椅子上。

“你离开，追寻你充满激情的幸福。你不满足于你爱着的且深爱你的丈夫，你必须让所有的男人都拜倒在你的脚下，你必须看到他们眼中的欲望之火燃烧，看到他们那不洁的手抽搐，因为他们不敢触碰科特的妻子。”

“是的。”阿德尔海德说道。

“那么，你找到让你心甘情愿的情人了吗？当他看穿你那双迷人的眼睛，他是不是一脚把你踢开了？或者，你选择离开他，去寻找你那更有激情的爱人？”

“我没有情人。”阿德尔海德低声说道。

科特将额头的头发甩到脑后，握紧了拳头说：

“是的，你没有。那是你的耻辱和你的审判。”

“科特，科特，假如我有……”

“是，如果你有情人，且他现在就在这里，那我应该握着你的手，把你带到我们儿子的面前，告诉他，‘这是你的母亲，她一直都不幸福。她爱过你的父亲，但当她遇到这个对她意义更大的男人的时候，她对你父亲的爱就死去了。这么多年她都没有过一天开心，因为她的命太硬。现在她又回来了，渴望你的喜爱并且需要它。’”

科特穿过房间又走回来，“站起来，阿德尔海德。”

阿德尔海德从地板上站起来，坐在她的椅子里，她洁白的双手交叉放在腿上，沉默无语。科特看着她，好似阿德尔海德谦卑的遵从更加激怒了他，“当你结束你的婚姻时你去哪儿了？是老屋子的空气对你来说太纯洁太强大了吗？自那以后你都去哪儿了？”

“我去上帝那里了。”

科特大声笑道：

“给我看看你的上帝。”

科特俯下身去看着阿德尔海德的脸，说道：

“我不相信你的上帝。”

阿德尔海德看着科特的眼睛，伸出她哆嗦的双手，她红色的嘴唇颤抖着说道：

“那么，我也不相信他，科特。”

科特转过身。阿德尔海德静静地低下头，她的眼泪滴在她的手上，她聆听着科特暴风雨般的话语，且渴望更多。

科特坐在窗户旁，看着窗外的倾盆大雨，路灯的光辉在风雨中闪烁。此刻，科特的怒气已经消逝。他已经不记得他们刚才一直在谈论什么。他脑子里一直在想芬，其他的什么也没想。

突然，他站了起来，双手按着太阳穴，看着阿德尔海德，眼中充满恐惧地说道：

“阿德尔海德，你觉得芬今天晚上会不会不下来跟我们道晚安？”

阿德尔海德知道，一切都已经晚了，无可挽回地晚了。阿德尔海德无法告诉科特她灵魂深处的煎熬。科特永远都不会知道，她无法回到他身边是因为她太疲惫，因为她害怕，但她诚恳地改正她生命中堕落的时光，如今又以科特会喜欢的样子站在科特面前。

“他会来跟我们道晚安的。”阿德尔海德平静地说。

阿德尔海德双手合十放在嘴边。

她可以等，如果能让她在科特的家里找到一个她可以停留的地方，即便要求她赤脚穿过石子地也无妨，她想，那里总会有一条路通向科特。

夜色深了。

阿德尔海德坐在科特身旁，握住科特的手，科特没有反对，这让阿德尔海德开心不已。她想把科特的头发从他那满是皱纹的额头上拨开，想把手放在科特那疲惫的眼睛上，但却不敢。

他们讨论着芬的事情，阿德尔海德像个孩子那样温柔地对科特讲话，愿意顺着科特。阿德尔海德的话语变得那么温柔，让人印象深刻，她脸上又有了笑容。阿德尔海德扭头看看科特，看到科特的脸上闪现的笑容，就像从乌云深处透出来的一束阳光，转眼就消失了。

科特几乎没有听到阿德尔海德在讲什么，但她说话的声音让科特安静下来。阿德尔海德柔柔的嗓音，窗外的细雨声，让科特感到温暖平静。

那每时每刻都驱使笼罩着他的每一滴想法的恐惧，在这安静的一小时里，变得麻木。他坐在那里，像个经历太多痛苦的老人一样，好似他的身体机能都麻木了。

科特看着阿德尔海德，像年轻时郁郁寡欢的他看着母亲一样。在他眼里，他母亲好似一个小女孩，对他的父亲知之甚少，且对他没有任何亏欠，但母亲会亲自把玫瑰花送到父亲手上，这样家里的气氛就变得令人愉快一些。

科特又一次在椅子里很不自在地挪了挪身体，神情异常地看着阿德尔海德说：

“阿德尔海德，为什么我除了他再没有其他的孩子？”

科特平静地说道，顿了一会儿，又重复了一次，而这次，他不是说给阿德尔海德听，而是他自己。阿德尔海德啜泣起来，因为她知道科特没有在看她。

夜色笼罩大地。

他们安静地坐着。然后阿德尔海德说：

“科特，让我们一起上去找他吧！”

“我们两个？”

阿德尔海德焦躁地等待科特会不会继续说些什么，会不会突然反应过来她是谁，然后狠狠地将她推开。

但科特并没有这样做，他沉默地坐在椅子上，眼睛盯着壁炉里的红色火焰。

然后阿德尔海德站起来，向科特伸出手，“走吧，走吧，让我们赶紧走。我们跟他一起聊会儿天，平静地，愉快地，直到那些阴影消失。然后我们就下楼来，那些阴影会再次笼罩他。但我们每天都去陪他一会儿，和那些阴影斗争，直到他好起来。”

科特沉重地站起来，握住了她的手。

阿德尔海德像带着孩子一样带着科特在房子里穿行。他们穿过长长的走廊，走上那段隐秘的台阶，阿德尔海德在科特前面一点儿。她的眼睛充满了欢乐。她灵魂深处的钟声响起，她紧紧地握着科特的手，再也不愿松开。

两人来到老屋子门前，敲了敲门，静静地听屋内的动静。阿德尔海德看着科特，又俯身吻了科特的手，她双眼满含泪水。

然后，阿德尔海德轻快地推开门，拉着科特昂首挺胸地走进屋里。

窗户旁坐着科特的儿子，在其中一把大椅子上。他用枪结束了自己的生命。