The lady's maid

Eleven o'clock. A knock at the door.

... I hope I haven't disturbed you, madam. You weren't asleep—were you? But I've just given my lady her tea, and there was a nice cup left, so I thought perhaps...

... Not at all, madam. I always make a cup of tea at this time. She drinks it in bed after she's said her prayers, to warm her up. I start to boil the water when she kneels down, and I always say to the water, 'Now, don't be ready too quick.' But it always boils long before my lady finishes her prayers. You see, madam, we know such a lot of people, and my lady has to mention all their names in her prayers—everyone. She keeps all their names in a little red book. Oh dear! Whenever we have a new visitor, and my lady says after they've gone, 'Ellen, bring me my little red book,' I feel quite wild, I really do.

And do you know, madam, she kneels right down on the hard carpet. It makes me worried sick to see it, knowing her the way I do. I've tried putting a soft woollen blanket down. But the first time I did it she gave me such a look—such a sweet, suffering look it was, madam. 'Did our Lord Jesus have soft woollen blankets, Ellen?' she said. But—I was younger then—I wanted to say, 'No, but our Lord Jesus wasn't as old as you, and He didn't have your poor bad back!' Terrible of me, wasn't it? But she's too good, you know, madam. When I went in to see if she was all right just now, and saw her lying there asleep—so pretty—I couldn't help thinking, 'Now you look just like your dear mother on her deathbed.'

... Yes, madam, I took care of everything after the death. Oh, she did look sweet. I did her hair—ever so soft and pretty it was—and I put the most lovely flowers all round her head. She looked a picture! I shall never forget those flowers.

... Only the last year, madam. She came to live with us after she became a bit—well—forgetful, as they say. Of course, she was never dangerous; she was the sweetest old lady. But what happened was—she thought she'd lost something. She couldn't sit still. All day long she used to search the house, up and down, up and down. When she saw me, she'd say, 'I've lost it; I've lost it,' just like a child. And I'd say, 'Come along and we'll have a nice game of cards.' But she'd take my hand—I was a favourite of hers—and whisper, 'Find it for me, Ellen. Find it for me.' Sad, wasn't it?

... No, she never got any better, madam. The last thing she ever said was—very slow, 'Look in—the—Look—in—' And then she was gone.

... No, madam, I never noticed it. Perhaps some girls. But you see, it's like this. I've got nobody but my lady. My mother died when I was four, and I lived with my grandfather, who had a hairdresser's shop. I used to sit under a table in the shop, brushing my doll's hair. I suppose I was copying the assistants. They were really kind to me. I used to sit there all day, as quiet as can be—the customers never knew I was there.

... But one day I managed to get a pair of scissors, and—would you believe it, madam? —I cut off all my hair! What a little monkey! Grandfather went mad, he was so angry. He picked up the red-hot curling tongs—I shall never forget it—caught hold of my hand and shut my fingers in the tongs. 'That'll teach you!' he said. It was an awful burn. You can still see the mark.

... Well, you see, madam, he'd been so proud of my hair. He used to sit me in a high chair, before the customers came, and give me such a beautiful hair-do. I remember the assistants all standing and watching. Grandfather used to give me a penny to sit still for him. But he always took it back afterwards. Poor Grandfather!

When he burned my hand, I was so frightened! Do you know what I did, madam? I ran away. Yes, I did, right down the street and round the corner. Oh dear, I must have looked funny, with my hand rolled up in my skirt and my hair sticking out all over my head. People must have laughed when they saw me...

... No, madam, Grandfather never forgave me. He couldn't even eat his dinner if I was in the room. So my aunt gave me a home. She was a dress-maker. Tiny little woman, she was. She had to stand on a chair to measure some of her ladies. And it was when I was helping her that I met my lady...

... Not so very young, madam. I was already thirteen. And I don't remember ever feeling I was—well—a child. You see, there was my uniform and one thing and another. My lady insisted on my wearing a proper uniform from the start.

... Oh yes—once I felt like a child! That was—funny! It was like this. My lady had her two little nieces staying with her, and there was a fair in a park nearby. 'Now, Ellen,' she said, 'I want you to take the two young ladies for a ride on the donkeys.'

Off we went. Quiet little girls, they were. They both held my hand. But when we came to the donkeys, they were too shy to go for a ride. So we stood and watched. Those donkeys were so beautiful! They were a lovely silver-grey colour and they had little red saddles and bells on their ears. And quite big girls—older than me—were riding them. And they looked so nice, just enjoying themselves. I don't know why, but when I saw those donkeys, with their little feet and their eyes—so gentle—and their big soft ears—well, I wanted more than anything in the world to ride on a donkey's back!

... Of course, I couldn't. I had to look after my young ladies. But all the rest of the day I thought about those donkeys. I had nothing but donkeys on my mind. I felt I would burst if I didn't tell someone; and there was no one to tell. But when I went to bed—I was sleeping in cook's bedroom at the time—as soon as the lights were out, I could see them again. My donkeys, with their neat little feet and sad eyes.

Well, madam, would you believe it, I waited for a long time and pretended to be asleep, and then I suddenly sat up and said, as loud as I could, 'I want to ride on a donkey. I want a donkeyride!' You see, I had to say it, so I pretended I was talking in my sleep. That's just what a silly child would do, isn't it?

... No, madam, never now. Of course, I wanted to when I was younger. But I never did. He had a little flower-shop. Funny, wasn't it? I've always loved flowers. We were having a lot of parties in the house at that time, and I was in and out of the flower-shop all the time. And Harry and I (his name was Harry) started arguing about what flowers were best—and that was how it began.

Flowers! You wouldn't believe it, madam, the flowers he used to give me. It was lilies more than once, and that's the honest truth. Well, of course, we were going to get married and live in rooms over the shop. I was going to arrange the flowers in the shop-window. Oh, how often I've arranged that window! Not really, of course, madam. Just in my dreams. I've done it all red and green for Christmas, and with a lovely star for Easter all made out of daffodils. I've put—well, that's enough about that.

The day came when we were going to choose our furniture. Shall I ever forget it? It was a Tuesday. My lady wasn't very well that afternoon. She didn't say anything, of course—she never complains. But she kept asking me if it was cold, and rubbing her little hands together. I knew she wasn't well. I didn't want to leave her, and I said, 'Shall I tell him that we'll go another day?'

Oh, no, Ellen,' she said, 'you can't disappoint your young man.' So sweet, madam, never thinking about herself. It made me feel worse than ever.

And then she dropped a little perfume bottle, madam, and she tried to bend right down and pick it up herself—a thing she never did. 'Whatever are you doing!' I cried, and I ran to stop her.

Well,' she said, smiling, 'I shall have to get used to doing things for myself now.' Oh, madam, I almost burst into tears when she said that! I couldn't stop myself, and I asked her if she would rather I didn't get married.

No, Ellen,' she said—that was how she spoke, madam, just like that—'No, Ellen, not for the world!' But while she said it, madam, I was looking in her mirror. Of course, she didn't know I could see her, and she put her little hand on her heart just like her dear mother used to, and she looked so sad... Oh, madam!

When Harry came, I had his letters all ready, and the ring, and a dear little silver brooch with a heart on it that he'd given me. I opened the door to him. I never gave him time to say a word. 'There you are,' I said. 'Take them all back,' I said, 'it's all over. I'm not going to marry you,' I said, 'I can't leave my lady.' White! He turned as white as a woman. I had to shut the door, and I stood there, shaking all over, until he went. Then I opened the door and I ran out into the middle of the road, and I just stood there... staring. People must have laughed if they saw me...

...What's that? The clock? Oh, madam, you should have stopped me! Let me cover up your feet. I always cover up my lady's feet, every night. And she always says, 'Goodnight, Ellen. Sleep well and wake up early!'

...Oh dear, I sometimes think... whatever would I do if anything happened... But thinking's no good, is it, madam? Thinking won't help. When I find myself doing that, I say to myself, 'Come along, Ellen! Stop it this moment, my girl! Stop that silly thinking...!'

maid n. woman servant. 女仆；侍女。

prayer n. solemn request to God or to an object of worship. 祈祷；祷告。

woollen adj. made wholly or partly of wool. 纯毛的；（含毛）混纺的。

can't help doing sth. cannot prevent or avoid (sth.) 不得不；不由自主。

deathbed n. bed in which a person is dying or dies. 临终时躺卧的床。

red-hot (of a metal) so hot that it glows red. （指金属）热得通红的，炙热的。

curling tongs metal device for curling hair, using heat. 卷发钳。

hairdo n. style or process of arranging (esp. a woman's) hair. 发型；（尤指女子的）美发。

stick out project. 突出；伸出。

dress-maker n. person who makes women's clothes. （专做女服的）裁缝。

nothing but only. 仅仅；只。

burst v. (cause sth. to) break violently open or apart, esp. because of pressure from inside; explode. （使某物）爆炸；胀破。

argue about express an opposite opinion; exchange angry words; quarrel. 争论；争辩；争吵。

Easter n. annual Christian festival that occurs on a Sunday in March or April, and celebrates the resurrection of Christ after the crucifixion; period about this time. 复活节（基督徒一年一度的节日，于3月或4月的一个星期日，纪念基督在十字架上受刑死后复活）；复活节期间。

complain v. say that one is dissatisfied, unhappy, etc. 投诉；抱怨。

not for the world whatever the inducement is or was. 绝对不。

女主人的贴身女仆

11点钟。有人敲门。

……希望我没有打扰您，太太。您还没睡——是吧？我刚给我们夫人送了茶，这儿还剩下一满杯呢，所以我想，也许……

……没什么，太太。我总在这个时候沏茶。她做完祷告后，就在床上喝茶来暖暖身子。她跪下去的时候，我就开始烧水。我总是对水说：“听着，别开得太快了。”可往往是水都开了好半天了，我们夫人还没有做完祷告。您知道，太太，我们认识这么多人，我们夫人祷告时要把他们的名字全都念叨一遍——一个也不漏。她把他们所有人的名字都记在一个小红本子上。哎呀！每次来了新客人，他们走后我们夫人就会说：“埃伦，把小红本子给我拿来。”我都气坏了，真是气坏了。

您知道吗，太太，她就跪在硬邦邦的地毯上。我是了解她的，看着她那个样子真叫我担心得不得了。我试过给她铺上一条柔软的羊毛毯。不过我第一次那么干的时候，她就那样看了我一眼——那是多么亲切又多么痛苦的眼神啊，太太。“我们的主有柔软的羊毛毯吗，埃伦？”她说。可是——我那时候还年轻——我想说：“没有，但是我们的主可不是您这般年纪，他的后背也不像您那可怜的后背一样有毛病！”我很坏，是吧？可她实在是太好了，您知道的，太太。刚才我进去看她是否一切都好的时候，我看到她躺在那儿已经睡着了——真美——我禁不住在想：“现在您看上去，和您亲爱的母亲临终时躺在床上的样子一个样。”

……是的，太太，后事全是由我操办的。噢，她看上去真的很安详。我给她做的头发——她的头发非常柔软，非常美——我在她头上插满了最漂亮的花。她看上去就像画一样美丽！我永远也忘不了那些花。

……那是去年才发生的事，太太。她来和我们一起住，在她变得有点儿——嗯——健忘以后，他们是那么说的。当然啦，她可一点儿也不危险；她是个最和气不过的老太太。可事情是这样的——她总以为自己丢了什么东西。她无法安安静静地坐着，整天都在房子里找东西，到处找，到处找。她见着我就对我说：“我把它弄丢了；我把它弄丢了。”像个孩子似的。我会说：“来，我们好好玩会儿牌吧。”可她却拉着我的手——我是她最喜欢的人——小声说：“帮我把它找回来，埃伦。帮我找回来。”真叫人难过，是不是？

……没有，她再也没有好起来，太太。她说的最后几个字是她说得很慢：“看——那里——看——那里——”然后她就去世了。

……没有，太太，我从没注意过。也许有些女孩子可以。不过，您看，事情是这样的。除了我们夫人，我就没什么亲人了。我四岁的时候母亲就死了，我和爷爷住在一起，爷爷是开理发店的。那时我老是躲在店里的桌子底下，给我的洋娃娃梳头。我想我是在学那些店员的样吧。他们对我真的很好。我就整天坐在那儿，尽量安静——那些顾客从来都不知道我在那儿。

……可有一天我设法弄到了一把剪子，于是——您会相信这事吗，太太？——我把我的头发都剪了下来！真像个小猴子！爷爷都快发疯了，他气坏了。他抄起一把炽热的烫发钳——我永远都忘不了——抓起我的手，就把我的手指头钳在了里面。“这是给你的教训！”他说。这下子真把我烫得够戗。现在还能看见伤疤呢。

……嗯，您知道，太太，他一直以我的头发为骄傲。他老是在顾客还没来的时候，让我坐到一把高椅子上，给我做一个漂亮的发型。我记得店员们都站在旁边看。爷爷总给我一个便士让我安静地坐好，但是过后他总要把钱拿走。可怜的爷爷！

他烫我的手时，我简直给吓坏了！您知道我干出了什么事吗，太太？我逃走了。是的，我逃了。我沿着大街往前跑，跑到街角时拐了过去。哎呀，我的模样肯定很滑稽：手包在裙子里，满头的头发奓着。人们看见我的时候肯定会笑话我的……

……不，太太，爷爷根本没有原谅我。如果我在屋里，他甚至连饭都吃不下。所以我姑姑把我领了去。她是个裁缝，一个身材矮小的女人。她得站在椅子上才能够得着为一些女顾客量身。就是在我给她帮忙的时候，我遇上了我们夫人……

……也不是特别小，太太。我那时已经13岁了。我不记得我有过那种——嗯——是个孩子的感觉。你想，我得穿制服，还有这样那样的事情。一开始我们夫人就坚持让我穿正规的制服。

……哦，对了——我曾经有过一次感觉自己像个孩子！那真是——好笑！是这么回事。我们夫人和她的两个小侄女一起住，附近的公园有个集市。“喂，埃伦，”她说，“我想让你带两位小姐骑着驴子出去走一走。”

我们就出发了。她们真是温顺的小姑娘，两个人都拉着我的手。可是我们走到驴子跟前时，她们却畏畏缩缩地不敢骑，所以我们只好站在那儿看着。那些驴子可真漂亮！它们的毛色是那种可爱的银灰色，驮着个小小的红马鞍，耳朵上还挂着铃铛。有些大姑娘——比我都大——正在那儿骑驴子。她们看上去那么高兴，玩得很快活。我也不知道是什么原因，当我看到那些长着小蹄子的驴子，看到它们的眼神——那么温柔——还有那柔软的大耳朵——嗯，整个世界上我最想做的事情就是骑驴子！

……当然了，我是不能骑的。我得照顾我们的年轻小姐。但在那天余下的时间里，我一直在想着那些驴子。我的脑子里装的只有驴子。我觉得如果我不找人说说的话，会憋坏的，可我没人可以倾诉。上床睡觉时——那时我睡在厨娘的卧室里——灯一关，我就又看见它们了。我的驴子呀，它们那漂亮的小蹄子，还有那忧伤的眼神。

嗯，太太，您可能不会相信，我等了好长时间，装作睡着了，然后“霍”地坐起身来，用最大的声音叫起来：“我真想骑驴子，我真想骑啊！”您知道，我不说不行啊，所以我就假装在说梦话。傻孩子才会这么做，是不是？

……不，太太，现在再也不了。当然啦。我年轻的时候是想那么做的，可我以后再也不想了。他开了一家小小的花店。很好笑，是不是？我向来喜欢花的。那时候，我们这幢房子里举行很多晚会，我老是进进出出那家花店。我和哈里（他叫哈里）开始争论什么花最漂亮——我们就那样开始了。

那些花呀！您可能不信，太太，他以前老给我送花。他不止一回地送给我百合花呢，我可一点儿没有瞎编。嗯，当然了，我们打算结婚了，婚后就住在花店上面的房间里，以后要由我来摆放橱窗里的那些花了。噢，我摆过多少次橱窗啊！当然了，我可不是真摆，太太，我只是在梦里摆。过圣诞节，我把它整个布置得红红绿绿的，过复活节，我做了颗可爱的星星，全都是用水仙花做的。我还挂起了——哦，说得够多了。

我们选家具的日子到了。这我哪能忘得了？那天是星期二。那天下午我们夫人身体不太舒服。当然了，她什么都没说——她从来不抱怨的。可她一个劲儿地问我天冷不冷，两只小手还不停地搓来搓去。我知道她不舒服。我不想离开她，于是我就说：“我告诉他我们改天再去好吗？”

“哦，不要，埃伦，”她说，“你可不能让你那小伙子失望。”她真太和善了，太太，从来都不想着自己。这让我更不好受了。

这时她的小香水瓶掉到了地上，太太，她要弯腰自己把它捡起来——这事儿她可从来没做过。“您在干什么呀！”我叫着跑过去拦住她。

“哦，”她笑着说，“我现在得适应自己做事了。”噢，太太，她说这话的时候，我都差点儿哭了！我控制不了我自己，我问她是不是不希望我嫁人。

“不能这样，埃伦，”她说——她就是这么说的，太太，就是这样——“不能这样，埃伦，绝对不能这样！”但是她说这话的时候，太太，我正看着她的镜子。当然啦，她不知道我能看得见她，只见她把小手捂在心口上，就像她亲爱的妈妈以前常做的那样，她看起来是那么的悲伤……哦，太太！

哈里来的时候，我把他写给我的信都预备好了，还有他给我的戒指和一枚可爱的银制小胸针，胸针上刻有一颗心。我给他开了门，根本就没给他说话的时间。“给你，”我说，“把这些东西都拿回去，”我说，“事情都了结了，我不准备嫁给你了，”我说，“我不能离开我们夫人。”白了！他的脸色变白了，白得就像女人的脸一样。我不得不把门关上。我站在那儿，浑身抖个不停，直到他走了才停下。然后我把门打开，跑到路中间，我就站在那儿……呆呆地望着。人们要是看见我，肯定会笑话我的……

……什么声音？是钟在响吧？哦，太太，您早应该拦住我的！我把您脚下的被子给您盖好。我们夫人脚下的被子也总是我给盖好的，每天晚上都是如此。她总对我说：“晚安，埃伦，睡个好觉，起个大早！”

……哎呀，我有时就想……要是万一发生点儿什么事，我该怎么办呢……不过光想是没什么好处的，是不是，太太？光想是没用的。我发现自己这么做的时候，就会对自己说：“赶快，埃伦！马上打住，我的姑娘！不要再胡思乱想了……！”