Hungry for Your Love 渴望你的爱
◎ Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D.
It is cold, so bitter cold, on this dark, winter day in 1942. But it is not different from any other day in this Nazi concentration camp. I stand shiveringly in my thin rags, still in disbelief that this nightmare is happening. I am just a young boy. I should be playing with friends; I should be going to school; I should be looking forward to a future, to growing up and marrying, and having a family of my own. But those dreams are for the living, and I am no longer one of them. Instead, I am almost dead, surviving from day to day, from hour to hour, ever since I was taken from my home and brought here with tens of thousands of other Jews. Will I still be alive tomorrow? Will I be taken to the gas chamber tonight?
那是1942年冬季，一个寒冷阴暗的日子。但是在德国纳粹集中营内，这与其他的日子并没有什么不同。衣着单薄的我站在那里瑟瑟发抖，仍然不相信这场噩梦的发生。那时我只是个小男孩。我本应该同朋友们在一起玩乐，应该去上学，应该展望我的未来，憧憬着长大结婚，有一个自己的家庭。但是这些梦想是属于那些活着的人的，而我已经不能算其中一个了。实际上，自从我从家里被人带走，与成千上万的犹太人一同被带到这里之后，我几乎就是个死人了，每一天每一小时都在拼命与死神抗争着。明天我还会活着吗？今晚我是不是就会被带进毒气室？
Back and forth I walk next to the barbed wire fence, trying to keep my emaciated body warm. I am hungry, but I have been hungry for longer than I want to remember. I am always hungry. Edible food seems like a dream. Each day as more of us disappear, the happy past seems like a mere dream, and I sink deeper and deeper into despair. Suddenly, I notice a young girl walking past on the other side of the barbed wire. She stops and looks at me with sad eyes, eyes that seem to say that she understands. That she, too, cannot fathom why I am here. I want to look away, oddly ashamed for this stranger to see me like this, but I cannot tear my eyes from hers.
我沿着带刺的铁丝网来来回回地走着，试图让我单薄的身体暖和起来。我饿了，但我饿得太久了，我都不想去记有多长时间了。我总是特别饥饿。可以吃的食物就像个梦一样。每天随着我们当中更多人的突然消失，往日的快乐就像是一场梦境，而我也一天天地深陷绝望之中。突然，我发现一个小女孩从铁丝网那边走来。她停下脚步，用一种悲伤的眼神看着我，仿佛在告诉我说她能够理解我。不过，即便是她，也同样不明白我为什么会在这儿。我想移开我的视线，被一个陌生人这样盯着，我觉得特别害臊，但我的眼睛却无法从她身上挪开。
Then she reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a red apple. A beautiful, shiny red apple. Oh, how long it has been since I have seen one! She looks cautiously to the left and to the right, and then with a smile of triumph, quickly throws the apple over the fence. I run to pick it up, holding it in my trembling, frozen fingers. In my world of death, this apple is an expression of life, of love. I glance up in time to see the girl disappearing into the distance.
然后她把手伸进口袋，掏出一个红苹果。这个红苹果多么鲜艳、多么美丽！噢，我都不记得上次见到这种苹果是什么时候了！她小心翼翼地左右看了看，然后带着胜利的微笑，迅速将苹果抛过铁丝网来。我跑过去捡起了它，用我那颤抖的、冰冷的手指紧握着它。在这到处充斥着死亡的世界里，这个苹果就是生命和爱的象征。等我再次抬头时，瞥见那女孩已经消失在远处。
The next day, I cannot help myself——I am drawn at the same time to that spot near the fence. Am I crazy for hoping she will come again? Of course. But in here, I cling to any tiny scrap of hope. She has given me hope and I must hold tightly to it.
第二天，我情不自禁——我无法控制自己，又在同一时间来到铁丝网那里。她还会再出现吗，是我痴心妄想吗？当然。但是在这种地方，一丁点的希望我都要抓住。她给了我希望，我必须要牢牢抓住。
And again, she comes. And again, she brings me an apple, flinging it over the fence with that same sweet smile.
她又来了。而且她又给我带来了一个苹果，并且带着同样甜蜜的微笑把它抛过了铁丝网栅栏。
This time I catch it, and hold it up for her to see. Her eyes twinkle. Does she pity me? Perhaps. I do not care, though. I am just so happy to gaze at her. And for the first time in so long, I feel my heart move with emotion.
这次我接住了它，并且举起来让她看。她的眼睛在闪烁。她是在可怜我吗？可能吧。我才不会在乎。能这样注视着她我就很开心了。这么久以来，我第一次感觉到，我的心中涌动着某种情感。
For seven months, we meet like this. Sometimes we exchange a few words. Sometimes, just an apple. But she is feeding more than my belly, this angel from heaven. She is feeding my soul. And somehow, I know I am feeding hers as well.
接下来的七个月里，我们就这样相会。有时我们会交谈几句。有时只是一个苹果。但是，她不只是安抚了我的胃，她就像天堂来的天使一样，安抚了我的灵魂。而且，我知道我也同样安抚了她。
One day, I hear frightening news: we are being shipped to another camp. This could mean the end for me. And it definitely means the end for me and my friend.
一天，我听到一个可怕的消息：我们将被押往别的集中营去。这对我来说就是末日来临，这就意味着我和她将要永别了。
The next day when I greet her, my heart is breaking, and I can barely speak as I say what must be said. “Do not bring me an apple tomorrow,” I tell her. “I am being sent to another camp. We will never see each other again.” Turning before I lose all control, I run away from the fence. I cannot bear to look back. If I did, I know she would see me standing there, with tears streaming down my face.
第二天，当我跟她打招呼时，我的心都碎了，我勉强对她说了我必须要说的话。“明天不用再给我苹果了。”我告诉她说，“我即将被转移到别的集中营去。我们再也见不到对方了。”在我完全失控前，我转身从铁丝网旁边跑开了。我忍不住想回头看。但我不能回头，我不能让她看到我在这儿泪流满面的样子。
Months pass and the nightmare continues. But the memory of this girl sustains me through the terror, the pain, the hopelessness. Over and over in my mind, I see her face, her kind eyes, I hear her gentle words, and I taste those apples.
一晃又过了几个月，噩梦依然在继续。但对这个女孩的美好回忆支撑着我度过了那段恐怖、痛苦和绝望的日子。在我的脑海中，我一遍又一遍地看到她的脸庞，看到她那双善良的眼睛，听到她温柔的话语，品尝到那些苹果。
And then one day, just like that, the nightmare is over. The war has ended. Those of us who are still alive are freed. I have lost everything that was precious to me, including my family. But I still have the memory of this girl, a memory I carry in my heart and gives me the will to go on as I move to America to start a new life.
直到有一天，噩梦突然之间就结束了。战争结束了。我们这些幸存下来的人自由了。我已失去了所有珍贵的东西，包括我的家庭。但我仍然保留着对这个女孩的回忆，这记忆一直被放在心底里，它给了我继续走下去的意志，在我移居美国后，依然激励着我开始新的生活。
Years pass. It is 1957. I am living in New York City. A friend convinces me to go on a blind date with a lady friend of his. Reluctantly, I agree. But she is nice, this woman named Roma. And like me, she is an immigrant, so we have at least that in common.
岁月流逝，转眼间就到了1957年。那时我住在纽约，一位朋友劝我和他的一位女性朋友去约会，尽管不太情愿，我还是答应了。其实她还不错，叫罗玛。同我一样也是移民，因此至少我们之间还存在一个共同点。
“Where were you during the war?” Roma asks me gently, in that delicate way immigrants ask one another questions about those years.
“战争期间你在哪儿？”罗玛用移民们互相问及那段岁月所特有的微妙语调，小心翼翼地问我。
“I was in a concentration camp in Germany.” I reply.
“我当时在德国的集中营里。”我回答。
Roma gets a far away look in her eyes, as if she is remembering something painful yet sweet.
罗玛的眼神陷入了一片遐想之中，仿佛回忆起了什么痛苦而又甜蜜的事情。
“What is it?” I ask.
“怎么了？”我问她。
“I am just thinking about something from my past, Herman,” Roma explains in a voice suddenly very soft. “You see, when I was a young girl, I lived near a concentration camp. There was a boy there, a prisoner, and for a long while, I used to visit him every day. I remember I used to bring him apples. I would throw the apple over the fence, and he would be so happy.”
“我只是在想从前的一些事情，赫尔曼，”罗玛突然用一种轻柔的语气向我解释道。“你知道，那时我还是个小女孩，就住在一所集中营附近。那儿有一个男孩——一个小囚犯被关在营里，有很长一段时间我天天都去看他。我记得我给他带去苹果。我把苹果从铁丝网上扔过去，他就特别开心。”
Roma sighs heavily and continues. “It is hard to describe how we felt about each other——after all, we were young, and we only exchanged a few words when we could——but I can tell you, there was much love there. I assume he was killed like so many others. But I cannot bear to think that, and so I try to remember him as he was for those months we were given together.”
罗玛重重地叹了一口气，接着说道：“很难描述出我们当时对彼此的感觉——毕竟，我们那时还很小，有机会时我们也只是谈过几句话——但我可以告诉你，我和他之间包含着很多爱。我猜他可能和其他人一样被杀了。但我无法去那样想，所以我总是记起我们在一起相处的时光，记起那几个月里他的样子。”
With my heart pounding so loudly I think it wil1 explode, I look directly at Roma and ask, “And did that boy say to you one day, ‘Do not bring me an apple tomorrow. I am being sent to another camp’?”
我的心猛地狂跳起来，我想它快爆炸了。我盯着她的眼睛问道，“是不是那男孩有一天对你说，‘明天不用给我带苹果了，我将被转移到别的集中营去了’？”
“Why, yes,” Roma responds, her voice trembling.
“哎？是啊，”罗玛颤抖着嗓音回答道。
“But, Herman, how on earth could you possibly know that?”
“但是，赫尔曼，你怎么会知道这个？”
I take her hands in mine and answer, “Because I was that young boy, Roma.”
我握起她的手，答道：“因为我就是那个小男孩，罗玛。”
For many moments, there is only silence. We cannot take our eyes from each other, and as the veils of time lift, we recognize the soul behind the eyes, the dear friend we once loved so much, whom we have never stopped loving, whom we have never stopped remembering.
长久的静默。随着时间的面纱被揭开，我们再也无法将眼光从彼此身上移开，我们认出了隐藏在眼光后面的那颗心，我们曾深深爱恋着对方，我们从未停止过相爱，我们从未停止过那段思念。
Finally, I speak, “Look, Roma, I was separated from you once, and I don’t ever want to be separated from you again. Now, I am free, and I want to be together with you forever. Dear, will you marry me?”
最后，我说：“你看，罗玛，我与你分离过，但我再也不想与你分离了。现在，我自由了，我想和你永远在一起。亲爱的，你愿意嫁给我吗？”
I see that same twinkle in her eyes that I used to see as Roma says, “Yes, I will marry you.” and we embrace, the embrace we longed to share for so many months, but barbed wire came between us. Now, nothing ever will again.
在她的眼里，我又一次看到了过去的那种光芒。罗玛回答我说：“愿意，我愿意嫁给你。”我们拥抱在一起，这是多少年前我们曾渴望的拥抱，只是当时被铁丝网挡住了。现在，这种事情再也不会发生了。
Almost forty years have passed since that day when I found my Roma again. Destiny brought us together the first time during the war to show me a promise of hope, and now it has reunited us to fulfill that promise.
我和罗玛的重逢差不多40年过去了。在战争年代，命运第一次让我们相聚，给了我希望的承诺，而如今它又和我们团聚来履行这一承诺。
Valentine’s Day, 1996. I bring Roma to the Oprah Winfrey Show to honor her on national television. I want to tell her in front of millions of people what I feel in my heart every day:
1996年的情人节。我带着罗玛去参加奥普拉·温弗里脱口秀，在这个全国性电视节目中我向她表达了爱意。我想在亿万观众面前告诉她，每一天我心里一直想说的话：
“Darling, you fed me in the concentration camp when I was hungry. And I am still hungry, for something I will never get enough of: I am only hungry for your love.”
“亲爱的，当我在集中营里非常饥饿时，是你给我送来了食物。但现在我仍然很饥饿，因为有些东西我永远也不会满足：我只渴望你的爱。”
