你过于为别人而活的6个迹象

Living for others, if understood in a positive way, is to put the interests of other people next to your own, not before your own good.

为别人而活，如果用积极的方式来理解，就是把别人的利益放在自己的利益之前，而不是自己的利益之前。

As explained by Erika Myers, a psychotherapist in Bend, Oregon, USA: “Living for others often transcends ordinary kindness. This involves one person changing his or her words or behaviors for the sake of others' feelings and interests." Accordingly, you tend to ignore your own thoughts and do things in a way that you think others will like. So, are you living for others too much?

正如美国俄勒冈州本德市的心理治疗师Erika Myers所解释的那样:“为他人而活往往超越了普通的善良。这包括一个人为了他人的感受和兴趣而改变自己的语言或行为。”因此，你往往会忽略自己的想法，以你认为别人会喜欢的方式做事。那么，你是不是为别人活得太久了?

6 signs you are not living for yourself

你不是为自己而活的6个迹象

You lose your own opinion

你失去了自己的观点

The most obvious manifestation of those who live excessively for others is the loss of their own opinions and positions. For them, self-worth is calculated by the trust and recognition of others.

过分为别人而活的人，最明显的表现就是失去了自己的观点和地位。对他们来说，自我价值是通过他人的信任和认可来衡量的。

According to Myers, these people often live with the thought: "I only deserve to be loved when I give everything I have to people around". They feel really good about being appreciated by people and believe that people only care for them when they are useful.

按照迈尔斯的说法，这些人生活中常常带着这样的想法:“只有当我把我所有的东西都给了周围的人，我才值得被爱。”他们对被人们欣赏感到很高兴，并且相信只有在他们有用的时候人们才会关心他们。

You need someone else to like you

你需要别人喜欢你

If you are someone who lives too much for others, you are often afraid that others will hate you or be rejected by them. This fear often drives you to do something to please others and to avoid being rejected by them.

如果你是一个为别人而活得太久的人，你经常会担心别人会讨厌你或拒绝你。这种恐惧常常驱使你去做一些取悦他人的事情，以避免被他们拒绝。

You will also have the desire to be needed by people and believe that you will have a chance to receive more love from those who need you. There is one thing that you may not know, before you want to be loved by others, you must love yourself.

你也会渴望被别人需要，并且相信你有机会从那些需要你的人那里得到更多的爱。有一件事你可能不知道，在你想被别人爱之前，你必须爱你自己。

It is very difficult to say "no" to others

对别人说“不”是非常困难的

Sometimes, you may feel that saying "no" or rejecting someone's request will make them feel like you don't care for them. Therefore, agreeing to do what others want is sometimes a safe choice to help you maintain a relationship, even though there are times when you don't have the time or the ability to help them.

有时候，你可能会觉得说“不”或拒绝某人的请求会让他们觉得你不关心他们。因此，同意做别人想做的事有时是帮助你维持一段关系的安全选择，即使有时你没有时间或能力去帮助他们。

Not stopping there, you sometimes even disagree to do things that you personally do not like or things that you think are wrong. This seems simple but can cause many big problems. They prove that you are putting the thoughts of others above your own. Some people may take advantage of it and "manipulate" you to do what they want even if it's wrong, because they know that you won't be able to say no to others.

不止于此，有时你甚至会不同意做一些你个人不喜欢或你认为是错误的事情。这看起来很简单，但却会导致很多大问题。它们证明你把别人的想法放在你自己的之上。有些人可能会利用它，“操纵”你去做他们想做的事，即使这是错的，因为他们知道你不会对别人说不。

You apologize even if you did nothing wrong

即使你没做错什么，你也要道歉

Are you always the one to apologize when something unexpected happens? Please answer this question honestly.

当意外发生时你总是那个道歉的人吗?请诚实地回答这个问题。

People who live to please others are often willing to admit all their mistakes, even when they have done nothing wrong. For example, a colleague asked you to order food for the office, but because the restaurant was missing an application, everyone had to wait 2 hours to have lunch. Even though you carefully ordered your food before meal time and missing the menu is the restaurant's fault, you still apologize and feel sorry to your co-workers, you even believe your co-workers will hate it. and never trusted you to order lunch again.

为取悦他人而生活的人往往愿意承认自己所有的错误，即使他们什么都没做错。例如，一个同事让你为办公室点餐，但是因为餐厅没有申请，每个人都必须等2个小时才能吃午饭。即使你在用餐前很仔细地点了菜，错过了菜单是餐厅的错，你仍然会向你的同事道歉和感到抱歉，你甚至相信你的同事会讨厌它。再也不相信你会叫午餐了。

You quickly agree with someone, even though you think it's wrong

你很快同意某人的观点，即使你认为那是错的

You think that getting the same opinion with someone often means gaining their recognition.

你认为和某人意见一致通常意味着得到他们的认可。

Sometimes, you are asked how you feel about a colleague's opinion or ideas. While others commended, "What a great idea", you also said, "This is a good idea" even though you feel the idea is flawed and not really good.

有时，你会被问到你对同事的意见或想法的看法。当别人称赞你的时候，你也说"这是个好主意"，尽管你觉得你的想法有缺陷，不是很好。

You have trouble defining your own desires

你很难定义自己的欲望

People who live for others too much often find it difficult to realize what they really want. The reason is because they choose to ignore their own thoughts in order to satisfy the wishes of those around them. Gradually, they become disoriented and do not know what they need or really want.

太为别人而活的人往往很难意识到自己真正想要的是什么。原因是他们为了满足周围人的愿望而选择忽略自己的想法。渐渐地，他们迷失了方向，不知道自己需要什么，真正想要什么。

Sometimes these people do not dare to speak their true feelings, even though they want others to listen. For example, you often avoid telling coworkers that they make you feel tired, “They didn't mean it. If I say that, I will hurt them ”. But, unknowingly, you are denying an important fact: They are the ones who hurt you.

有时这些人不敢说出自己的真实感受，即使他们想让别人倾听。例如，你经常避免告诉同事是他们让你感到累了，你会说:“他们不是故意的。”如果我那样说，我就会伤害他们。”但是，在不知不觉中，你否认了一个重要的事实:他们就是伤害你的人。