The One Where Eddie Moves In

[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]

JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.

ROSS: Get out.

ALL: No.

MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...

JOEY: Art.

MONICA: Art it is.

ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.

RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?

PHOEBE: [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.

JOEY: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.

PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.

JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?

ROSS: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.

JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.

PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?

JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?

RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet.

JOEY: No no no, behind it.

ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?

JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.

MONICA: Joey, promise me something.

JOEY: Yeah.

MONICA: Never call me from that phone.

OPENING TITLES

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]

[Someone bumps into Rachel and she drops the pie in a guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]

RACHEL: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.

[Phoebe enters]

PHOEBE: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.

CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.

PHOEBE: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.

ALL: OK.

PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.

ALL: [congradulating her and celebrating]

PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.

ALL: [celebrating more]

PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.

[everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]

PHOEBE: I'm done now.

ALL: [celebrating]

[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]

RACHEL: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.

ROSS: Get the what?

RACHEL: Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go.

[Ross goes over behind the guy and grabs the pie out of his hood as he leaves]

GUY: What're you doing?

ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.]

MONICA: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.

ROSS: Calm down, I'm blow drying.

[Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]

MONICA: Blow drying what, you have no hair.

RACHEL: What's goin' on?

MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .

RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.

MONICA: GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!

RACHEL: Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.

ROSS: [comes out] All yours.

MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.

ROSS: [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.

MONICA: Shut up.

ROSS: [childish voice] Shut up.

MONICA: Cut it out.

ROSS: [childish voice] Mi-mi-mii.

[Monica goes in the bathroom]

RACHEL: [sarcastically] I've never wanted you more.

[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]

CHANDLER: So, whaddya say boys, should I call him? [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks] Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.

[Joey's apartment, phone rings]

JOEY: Hello.

CHANDLER: Hey.

JOEY: Hey!

CHANDLER: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.

JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.

CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.

JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'

CHANDLER: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.

JOEY: Oh, well great.

CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.

JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?

CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...

BOTH: Baywatch!! [both turn on TV's]

JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?

CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.

JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.

CHANDLER: Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?

JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'

CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.

[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]

MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.

JOEY: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.

PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?

JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.

MONICA: I promise you, he would definitely want you back.

[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.]

ROSS: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.

CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.

ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.

RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.

CHANDLER: But...

ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.

[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]

PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?

PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?

PRODUCER:They're your backup singers... beind you.

PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.

PRODUCER: Alrighty. From the top.

PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.

PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.

PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]

ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?

MONICA: I was.

ROSS: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. [back on with Tony] Hi.

MONICA: Did she leave a number?

ROSS: Did you see me write one down?

MONICA: I don't have her number, butt-munch.

ROSS: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.

MONICA: I'm not a baby, you're the baby.

ROSS: Look, you wanna get off my back?

MONICA: You wanna get out of my face?

ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.

MONICA: Give me that.

ROSS: OK.

MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]

[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]

JOEY: Hey.

CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace?

JOEY: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?

CHANDLER: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.

EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?

CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.

EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.

JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?

EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.

JOEY: Wow.

CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.

JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?

CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.

JOEY: Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] I'll uh, I'll see you guys.

CHANDLER: Hey Jo. When'd you start usin' mousse in your hair?

EDDIE: [annoying laugh] Is this guy great or what?

JOEY: Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Ross are there.]

MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?

ROSS: Uh, Eddie something. He just met him.

RACHEL: It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate.

[Pheobe enters]

PHOEBE: Hey.

ALL: Hey.

PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.

ALL: [cheer]

PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.

[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]

PHOEBE: Oh my God.

ROSS: I know.

PHOEBE: I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so cool, now I can hear what you hear.

RACHEL: Pretty uhm, different huh?

PHOEBE: Oh, I am sorry but I am incredibly talented.

[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]

EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?

JOEY: Eddie.

CHANDLER: Morning.

JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?

CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.

JOEY: You don't keep it over here on this table any more?

CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.

EDDIE: Alright, here you go my friend. Eggs a-la Eddie, huh?

CHANDLER: Oh, ooh.

JOEY: Huh.

CHANDLER: What?

JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.

CHANDLER: Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this way and, well they're pretty darn good.

EDDIE: Well you guys, I'm outta here. See ya pals.

CHANDLER: See ya. [Eddie leaves]

JOEY: So how you two gettin' along?

CHANDLER: Oh, I couldn't be happier.

JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.

CHANDLER: There's another carton right over there.

JOEY: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.

CHANDLER: Alright, so what's it about?

JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?

CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.

JOEY: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.

CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Monica are fighting over the remote.]

MONICA: I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.

ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.

RACHEL: Would you guys stop.

MONICA: It's my TV.

ROSS: Wha-, oh, quit it.

MONICA: Bite me.

RACHEL: Oh my God.

ROSS: Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.

MONICA: Oh that's great, why don't you tell mommy on me.

RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]

MONICA: OK, what're we gonna do about this?

ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.

MONICA: Not that, this, US. Oh my God, Ross, you-re, you're, it's jus-, you-, ever sin- you been here.

ROSS: Ow, ow, OK. Alright, alright, Mon, Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again, alright.

MONICA: I just can't stand you being here all the time.

ROSS: Why, why, why can't you stand me being here? I don't, I, we're just, ya know, we're just havin' fun.

MONICA: Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?

ROSS: Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when we were kids.

MONICA: Ross, I hated you when we were kids.

ROSS: You hated me when we were kids?

MONICA: Yes. I hated you. I mean I, I, loved you in a 'you're my brother so I have to' kind of way, but basically, yeah, I hated your guts.

ROSS: Why did you hate me?

MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.

ROSS: And that wasn't fun for you?

MONICA: Duh-huh!

ROSS: I can't believe you hated me.

MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.

ROSS: Really?

MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.

ROSS: I can do that.

MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you.

ROSS: So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment Tonight?

MONICA: Yeah, thanks. You know what?

ROSS: What?

MONICA: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.

ROSS: Ohh... OK. [changes the channel]

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Monica are hanging out.]

[Phoebe enters]

PHOEBE: Hey.

ALL: Hey.

PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.

ALL: No.

PHOEBE: Yes.

RACHEL: Well, how did you find out?

PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.

MONICA: So what're you gonna do?

PHOEBE: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.

MONICA: Sure.

PHOEBE: I mean this poor woman.

ROSS: What woman?

PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.

RACHEL: OK, Phoebs. But what about you?

PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.

[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]

CHANDLER: Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play some foosball?

EDDIE: No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really into sports.

CHANDLER: [stares in disbeliefe] Yeah o-, OK, alright. [oven timer goes off] Doesn't matter, time for Baywatch.

EDDIE: Y-, y-, you like that show?

CHANDLER: You don't like that show?

EDDIE: Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya know.

CHANDLER: Well that's the brilliance of it. The pretty people... and the running.

EDDIE: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.

CHANDLER: Oh o-, OK man.

[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]

[Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]

[Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]

[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]

PHOEBE: [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Everybody.

ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.

PHOEBE: Monica.

MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.

PHOEBE: Chandler.

CHANDLER: [reluctantly sings] You're obviously not their favorite pet.

MONICA: Joey.

JOEY: [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.

PHOEBE: Rachel.

RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.

PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.

END

你认为怎么样?
乔伊的窝
我自己布置的
乔伊，这个是…
艺术就是艺术
瞧，这是一张咖啡桌呢
还是一只豹?都无所谓
好漂亮的枕头
这是真的布偶皮吗?
好极，好极了的桌上型水东西
谢了，我很喜欢这个东西,但你知道吗？
它会让我想尿尿
对呀，我也是对呀，我想挑战就在那儿
为什么钱德没来?
因为他有一件事
…他有事
我懂了
带我们去参观其他的部分吧
最棒的部分，来…
好帅的马桶
不…后面那个
你这里装了电话?没错
我这里装了…
…电话
乔伊，答应我一件事
别用那个电话打给我
来了
抱歉，苹果派卖完了最后一片刚被干掉
天啊，你们绝对不会相信的
我刚刚被发现了
等一等，我四年前就宣布你为法国领地了
总而言之
答应我，你们不会发狂直到我说完为止，好吗?
我刚刚认识了一个小唱片公司的制作人…
…她说我的声音很清新很特别…
…她要帮我录制”臭臭猫”的试听带
我说过不要太兴奋的
她还说要帮我做MTV呢
我还没说完
天哪
如果结果不错的话他们或许还会帮我做一个专辑
我说完了
罗斯，如果你关心我的话就把馅饼从他帽子里拿出来
拿什么?帽子里有馅饼…快去
你干什么?
对不起，我的馅饼…在…在你帽子里
现在我得去那个家伙的裤子上拿我的咖啡…
…我七点以前会回医院去
该死，罗斯，你快给我滚出来
别激动，我在吹头发
吹什么头发呀?你没有头发啦
怎么了?
你男朋友在里面关了一个多小时
真不敢相信这就像我们又住在一起
我睡觉时他在，醒来时他在想洗澡的时候他也在
我好像回到十六岁了
你不是十六岁而且你们现在都是大人了
出来呀，蠢货
你知道啊他是橡胶，你是胶水
该你了
希望你清了排水孔的头发
住口
住口
我从来没有这样想要过你
怎么样，孩子们我该打电话给他吗?
俗语有云
问你拖鞋一个问题•，
…你疯了
乔伊，对不起我今天没有过去
没关系
你…你有事嘛
对，听说你那里很棒
别提了，我开心死了
你那儿怎么样了?
很棒呀，一个空间
…的大聚合
那太棒了
是呀，我只是…
…打个电话跟你聊一聊而已
好啊
那是烤箱定时器吗?
没有错，朋友
应该看
“海滩游侠”
你相信他们让芬妮得皮肤癌吗?
我还是不敢相信他们升她为副队长
你那么说是因为你最喜欢毕雅敏了
怎么可能会有人不爱毕雅敏呢?
她们在跑了
瞧，这个节目棒就棒在这里
我说她们应该不停地跑
直跑
跑
跑
跑啊，雅敏，像风一样的跑
我以为你想自己一个人住
没错，我以为会很棒
我以为我会有时间自己思考
但我发觉我的思想没有你们想得那么多
乔伊，你跟钱德说你想搬回去好了
你认为他会答应吗?
我们昨晚聊得很开心…
…可是我搬走时把他伤透了
我保证，他绝对想你搬回去的
我告诉你他绝对不可能搬回来的
可是我们从没像昨天晚土聊得那么开心过
那就像是…
我们刚刚住在一起时一样
钱德我知道你现在听不进去…
…但我们看过他在新家的样子，他很快乐
他都装潢好了
听着，钱德他向前走了，你也要这样
你必须接受我们只是朋友这个事实
你们不再是
…室友了
菲此，可以试了吗?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
非常臭的臭臭猫
我的天啊
是谁在唱?
你的伴唱团，在你后面
我还以为她们只是在看
就像像水族馆那样
好了
从头开始
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
对不起
我没感觉到…
大家都懂…
…这只猫到底有多臭
也许我们应该谈一谈
…因为我必须要感觉到你们真的…很关心那只猫
我们可以谈的
只是录音间是算时间的一分钟一百块耶
好，那只猫很臭，但你们非常爱她，开始
不，它绝对不可能是一只迅猛龙的
不，东尼，你看他的头盖脊骨
帝诺要是一只迅猛龙它早吃了摩登原始人了
你在睡觉?
本来是
等等，东尼，等一下，好吗?我有插拨
对，她在我叫她回电话，好吗?
好，谢了
打给乔安娜
她留了号码?
你看到我写下来了吗?
我没有她的电话，呆瓜
那她会再打来的你不要耍孩子脾气了
我才没有，你自己才是
听着，你别烦我，好不好?你不要碍眼，好不好?
慢着，等一下，东尼
对，不，她在，等一下
东尼，我再打给你，好吗?
那是我妹妹的男朋友
电话给我
甜心，听着，趁我还记得我的避孕器是否留在你那儿?
吗
皇宫生活过得怎么样了?
真有趣，既然你提起这个我在想…
这些箱子怎么回事?
事实上，我有个消息
那个乔伊会回来拿他的麋鹿帽吗?还是我把它扔了?
这个…你何不自己问他呢?乔伊，这是我的新室友艾迪
幸会
彼此，你好吗？
那我带走了
我就是回来拿这个的
这倒新鲜你们是哪儿认识的?
我们在超市的民族食品区
我帮他挑西班牙香肠
我们开始聊，他说要找地方住而我又刚好有一个空房
那儿成了空房了?
是啊，那房间没有人用…
…而我就把它空出来
我拿到我要的了
改天见了
改天见了
你什么时候开始抹慕丝的?
他是不是很棒?
是呀，他很棒
真不敢相信他有新室友了这家伙是谁啊?
好像叫艾迪，他们刚认识
不会长久的，他只是个替代品
看这个
是”臭臭猫”的MTV
我自己都还没看呢如果你们不喜欢的话呢…
…那又怎么样?你们又没有MTV
滚出去，猫，你臭死了
美呆了
看看我
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭…，非常臭的臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭猫…
臭臭猫…
我的声音好美喔
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
我从没听过自己唱的歌
除了在我的头里面
这太酷了我可以听到你们听到的了
蛮不同的吧?
不要介意，我实在太才华洋溢
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
乔伊，近来如何?
艾迪
早安
我只是过来拿我的信
信在哪儿?在那边那张桌上
你不再把信放在这张桌上了?
不了，艾迪喜欢把信放在那边
好了，请用吧，朋友这是艾迪秘方蛋
太棒了
干嘛?
我只是以为你喜欢…
…面包挖一个洞，中间放蛋呢
我喜欢呀，但艾迪是这样煎得，还真是蛮好吃的
好了，两位…
…我要出去了
再见，兄弟们
再见
你们处得怎么样?再快乐也不过了
很好
我替你高兴
好吧，够了
那个人就这样进来新蛋先生…
…变了放信的地方，还有”再见，兄弟们”
现在果汁也没有了
需要果汁跟要果汁的人没得喝我需要果汁
那边还有一盒果汁啊
这不再是关于果汁了，好吗?
好呀
那么是关于什么呢?
蛋
你比较喜欢谁的蛋?他的还是我的?
我两个一样喜欢少来了
没人一样喜欢两种不同的蛋我知道你比较喜欢哪一种
那有什么差别呢?你的蛋已经不在这个地方了
你已经带着你的蛋走了
你真的期望我再也找不到一个新的蛋吗?
我要看”今夜娱乐”
真不幸我们要看”瑟伦格提掠食者”
不要吵了，好不好?
这是我的电视
你，住手，你咬我呀
摩妮卡她一直在转台呀
棒透了你去跟妈咪打个小报告啊
现在我变成妈咪了
好，听着，我拒绝卷入…
…这一类畸型的盖勒家庭纠纷
我现在要去洗个香啧啧热腾腾的泡泡浴…
…因为妈咪快要被你们这疯了
这件事我们怎么解决?
我们可以把”今夜娱乐”录下来
不是那个
我是说这个，我们
天啊，罗斯，你...你只是你
从你到这儿开始我都快要被你这疯了…
摩妮卡，你又开始高八度了
我受不了…
…你老是在这里!
为什么?你为什么受不了呢?
我们只是在闹着玩而已
玩?这叫好玩吗?
少来了，我以为我们只是在闹就像我们小时候一样
罗斯，小时候我恨你耶
小时候你恨我?
对，我恨你
我是说，我就像”你是我哥所以我必须爱你”那样爱你…
…但基本上，我恨死你了
你为什么要恨我?
因为你对我太烂了
而且…你…你嘲弄我你总是…你总是得逞
你觉得那不好玩?
真不敢相信你恨我
现在我爱你
不只是因为我必须这样
真的？
只是你现在必须停止惹怒我
我可以办得到
那我就用不着杀你了
你要看”今天娱乐”?
谢了
知道吗?
如果你真的想看那个节目我还是可以让你
听着，你们绝对不会相信的…
…但是MTV上的歌声不是我的
你怎么知道的呢?
唱片公司送了一张纸条来叫我签名，要我同意…
…他们找别人来替我唱的那是我的第一个线索
那你打算怎么办?
我没有办法跟这种人一起工作
那当然
这个…这个可怜的女人
什么女人?
那个代唱的女人
她的声音真是棒透了可是她没有MTV啊
菲菲，那你呢?
我有MTV，你得要留心听
这个代唱的人她很有才华
可是那些制作人说她长得不够好看之类的啦
她就像那种动物收容所里面的动物…
…没有人要就因为她长得不够漂亮而已
或者是像只老狗，浑身发臭…
我的天啊，它就是”臭臭猫”
那首歌具有深度
艾迪
来玩桌上足球怎么样?
不，谢了，老兄我不太喜欢运动
好吧
没关系”霹雳游龙”要开演了
你喜欢看那个节目?
你不喜欢吗?
不，那只是一群俊男美女在海滩上跑来跑去
棒就棒在那里啊
俊男美女
跑来跑去
我要进我房间看书了
好的，老兄
我想到和我相知相惜的友人
但我拨电话时
没有人在家
孤孤单单
我不想要一个人
孤孤单单
不想再孤单
孤孤单单
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?一起唱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
你或许不是一床玫瑰
也没有人会喜欢间你
罗斯，歌词都唱完了，抱歉好了，回到合唱的部分