The One Where Old Yeller Dies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]

PHOEBE: Hey. Watcha guys doin?

RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.

PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: What're you talkin' about?

PHOEBE: C'mon, happy family gets a dog, frontier fun.

ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?

PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?

RACHEL: That's not the end.

PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.

MONICA: What about the part where he has rabies?

PHOEBE: He doesn't have rabies, he has babies. That's what my mom said.

RICHARD: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.

PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV]
[Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]

MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.

[Chandler and Joey come sprinting in]

JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.

MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.

CHANDLER: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?

JOEY: Oh, hey, Monica, we've got a question.

MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.

JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.

CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'

MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?

JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?

RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.

CHANDLER: Ok, that's Eric.

RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]

MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?

JOEY: I don't know.

MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.

CHANDLER: I don't know, Richard's really nice and everything, uh, it's just that we don't know him really well, ya know, and plus he's, ya know, old [Monica gives him a glare] -er than some people, but, uh, younger than some buildings.

MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag. [walks off]

JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?

CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough.

JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.

CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is holding Ben.]

ROSS: [smells Ben's butt] No no, you're fine, you're fine.

CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello

ROSS: Hi.

SUSAN: Hey.

CAROL: Hi honey.

ROSS: Oh you guys are not gonna believe what happened.

CAROL: What?

SUSAN: What?

ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.

CAROL: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.

SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.

ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?

CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.

ROSS: Ooh, I, I'm so sick of missing stuff. Ya know, I want him for more than, than a day, I want him for a whole weekend. No listen , I mean, I feel like-

CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.

ROSS: Really? I mean, I, I had a whole speach prepared.

SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.

ROSS: Oh look, did, did you just see that? Did you see? He just waved, he just waved, he's never waved before, you've never waved before. Yes he has. Very good.

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there. Phoebe enters carrying video tapes.]

PHOEBE: Hey.

RACHEL: Hey Phoebs, whatcha got there?

PHOEBE: Ok, Love Story, Brian's Song, and Terms of Endearment.

MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.

PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.

[Chandler and Joey enter]

CHANDLER: Hey.

JOEY: Hey.

RACHEL: Hey.

MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?

JOEY: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.

MONICA: So'd you guys have fun?

CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.

MONICA: Really?

CHANDLER: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.

RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.

JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].

CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].

JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler

CHANDLER: I think they get it.

JOEY: Ok.

[Richard enters]

CHANDLER: There's the man.

JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]

RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.

JOEY: Ok. He kept my dollar.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]

MONICA: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what're you guys gonna do?

CAROL: Uh, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.

SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.

ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.

CAROL: Think I better go before mommy starts weeping.

ROSS: Buy mommy.

CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.

ROSS: Have a good time. Ok, Ben.

MONICA: Ross.

ROSS: Yeah.

MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?

JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?

ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.

MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.

JOEY: Not like him, per-se, just not un-like him.

[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]

ROSS: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.

CHANDLER: Just tryin' somethin' here, ya know.

MONICA: So Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?

JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.

ROSS: Yeah, you really sidestepped that land mine.

CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.

MONICA: You're meeting Richard?

JOEY: Yeah, we're goin' to a Ranger game.

CHANDLER: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?

MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.

CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.

JOEY: We're the guys.

MONICA: With that moustache doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?

ROSS: Thank you.

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is working. Ross enters with Ben.]

ROSS: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da. Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your momies you said it anyway so you might as well try.

RACHEL: No luck huh?

ROSS: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, which I thought, ya know, might turn into sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take this off.

RACHEL: Oh, yeah sure, Ok. [she takes Ben and holds him at arms length]

ROSS: What're you doing?

RACHEL: Uh, I'm holding Ben.

ROSS: Yeah, well, he's a baby not a bomb.

RACHEL: Ok.

ROSS: Well just hold him like you'd hold a football.

RACHEL: This is how I would hold a football.

ROSS: Ok, here, here. There we go.

RACHEL: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I mean, you know, since I was one.

ROSS: It's alright, it's no big deal.

RACHEL: Really?

ROSS: Yeah, definitely, I'm sure you'll feel totally different when it's our baby.

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: You think about stuff like that?

ROSS: Uhh, yeah. I mean, actually I kinda think that we'll have, we'll have two babies.

RACHEL: Two, two babies?

ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.

RACHEL: Then what's gonna happen?

ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.

RACHEL: Uh-huh.

ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.

RACHEL: Wow. Wow, that's great. Great. Ok, wow, you know what.

ROSS: Huh?

RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]

PHOEBE: Hey.

RICHARD: Hey Phoebs, what's happening?

PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.

MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?

PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.

RICHARD: Charlotte who?

PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.

MONICA: Alright, you wanna feel better?

PHOEBE: Yeah.

MONICA: Ok, here, watch this.

PHOEBE: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this.

MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.

PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.

RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?

PHOEBE: Phoebe, just watch that, I promise it will resotre all your faith in humanity.

CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time.

RICHARD: Hey, be right there.

MONICA: There's a game?

CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.

RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.

MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.

RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'

MONICA: Alright that's great, then just go. Go Knicks.

RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs.

MONICA: Oh, then go Vassar.

RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.

MONICA: Ok, then just go.

RICHARD: Ok. [leaves]

MONICA: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.

PHOEBE: Sure.

MONICA: It's just that he doesn't have that much free time, ya know, and I don't know, what do I do?

PHOEBE: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.

RACHEL: [enters] Aghh.

PHOEBE: Me too. [leaves]

MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.

RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.

MONICA: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there. Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles.

ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?

RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.

ROSS: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.

RACHEL: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.

ROSS: C'mon, what, you never think about our future?

RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.

ROSS: No, no, I mean, ya know, I, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily and I thought, I thought that might be good.

RACHEL: What was the book?

ROSS: The big book of childrens' names.

RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.

ROSS: Yeah.

RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.

ROSS: Ok fine.

RACHEL: Thank you.

ROSS: We're not done.

RACHEL: I didn't know that.

ROSS: Ok, then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows that we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough, 'cause you're gonna have to deal with that.

RACHEL: Fine, I will.

ROSS: Good, 'cause I love you.

RACHEL: Oh yeah.

ROSS: Yeah.

RACHEL: Well I love you too.

ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.

RACHEL: Yes it is.

ROSS: Well, I'm gonna kiss you.

RACHEL: Well you better.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]

PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.

MONICA: Did you like it?

PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.

MONICA: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?

PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing Richard at foosball.]

CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.

RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?

JOEY: Man you are incredible.

RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.

CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.

RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.

MONICA: [enters] Honey. Uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.

RICHARD: Ok, just one more point.

MONICA: [grabs the other two bars on Richard's side and scores] Score! Now can we go?

CHANDLER: See, that's why we don't let her play.

RICHARD: Is everything all right?

MONICA: Um-hmm.

RICHARD: Uh-oh.

CHANDLER: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.

JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.

RICHARD: Well.

JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.

RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?

JOEY: Oh yeah.

CHANDLER: No.

JOEY: Nooooo.

CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.

RICHARD: Uh-huh, yeah.

CHANDLER: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad, Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.

RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.

MONICA: Nighty-nite.

CHANDLER: You're not a dad. You're not a dad.

JOEY: Not a dad.

CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]

MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?

RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.

MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.

RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.

MONICA: Yeah, well they suck too.

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel is changing Ben's diaper under Ross's supervision.]

ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.

RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.

ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] Hello.

CAROL: It's us.

ROSS: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together. [walks in his room]

RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.

BEN: Hi.

RACHEL: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you just say hi? Oh my God, Ross, Ross, Ben just said 'Hi'.

ROSS: Wha, what?

RACHEL: Ben just said hi.

ROSS: What, the word hi?

RACHEL: Ye-, no, my Uncle Hi.

ROSS: Great, great, and I miss that too, I miss everything.

RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I just bring it out in him.

CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.

RACHEL: Guess what. Ben just said his first word.

CAROL: What did he say?

ROSS: Something about hi.

SUSAN: That's so exciting.

CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.

RACHEL: You know, actually it's more like, hi.

CAROL: Hi.

RACHEL: Hi.

CAROL: Hi.

RACHEL: Hi.

CAROL: Hi.

RACHEL: Hi.

CAROL: Hi.

SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.

CAROL: We've got a cab waiting downstairs.

ROSS: Well, this was fun. Uh, we should really do it again sometime, wha'dya say? Ok. Alright so I've got him.

CAROL: Tuesday.

ROSS: Tuesday right. Ok, bye you guys.

RACHEL: Take care.

ROSS: Bye Ben.

BEN: Bye.

RACHEL: Did, did he just, did he, did he just say, he said bye. He said bye. You said, you said bye to me. You said bye to me.

SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.

CAROL: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.

ROSS: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.

BEN: Bye.

ROSS: Bye.

BEN: Bye.

ROSS: Bye.

BEN: Bye.

ROSS: Bye.

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]

ERNIE: Oh wow, look at this nice deep hole I've been digging. Hey Bert, isn't this a nice hole here. Hey.

PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]

ERNIE: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.

PHOEBE: Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

END

嘿，你们在干什么？
Monica在让我们看“老黄狗”。
那你们怎么这么难过？
是 “老黄狗”，喜剧片。
- 什么？- 你在说什么？
当然，幸福的家庭养了一条狗非常有趣。
是的不过Phoebs，结局如何？
老黄狗从野狼那里救出这一家，大家都很高兴阿？
- 这不是结局！
- 噢—呃。
我妈妈就在这时关上电视，并且说“完了”。
那他得了狂犬病的那部分呢？
他不是有了狂犬病，他是有了孩子。
这是我妈妈说的。
呃， Phoebe，我觉得你妈妈是不想让你看到将要发生什么事情。
什么，将要发生的事情？
我从来没看过这段。
嘿， Travis，你要用那把枪干嘛？
欧，不，Travis，放下枪。
不，不……他是你的伙伴，是你的老黄狗，
不，不，结束了，完了！
OK，简直是又有病又自私的人!
嘿，你们吃过了么？
呃，Richard和我刚吃完，剩了些东西。
鸡肉和土豆……
我穿着什么？……
实际上，只带了橡胶手套。
你要是真的想裸体，我们并不会过来看。
好的，我有一条腿，三个乳房和一个翅膀。
（意即鸡腿，鸡胸和鸡翅膀）
那你怎么会觉得衣服都这么合适？
欧，嘿， Monica，有个问题问你。
好，第一亿次告诉你，没错，
我在体育馆看到一个女的在洗澡，
不过，不，我没有去看她。
不，不是这个。我们想知道能带谁去看尼克斯队的比赛。
我们有张多余的票。
Ross去不了，所以只能选择我朋友Eric Prower有口臭
或者Dan，老是戳来戳去的家伙
你看了那场球了么？你还要啤酒么？
那个是Spike Lee么？（大导演）
Ok，嘿，
你们怎么不问问Richard？
如果你有一张多余的尼克斯队的球票
而你不得不从你的两个朋友里选：
一个口臭，一个老弄伤你——你会选谁？
哇，我自己作为尼克斯的铁杆球迷，
当然认为你应该带去的是——尼克斯的铁杆球迷。
Ok，Eric的想法。
很高兴能有帮助。火柴。
我的意思是：你们为什么不带Richard去看这场球赛？
什么？
我不知道。
别这样，除了手指，他其它地方还是蛮好闻的
我不知道，Richard是相当棒
呃，是因为我们对他不是十分了解
你知道，而且他有点……老。
于一些人，但是，呃，比一些房子年轻。
那又怎么样，他是有点年纪大，很……
我的意思是，他对我很重要。
你知道如果你请他去
他可能会去开他的美洲虎哦。
我们现在答应如何，
这样看起来我们不是冲着这辆酷车的。
- Ok, 有点不好办。
- Ok ok ok ok。
Monica，我们叫上他，但他必须得开美洲虎去。
欧，你差点就办到了。
不 不，没事，没事。
- Hello
- 嗨。 / - 嘿.
Hi 亲爱的。
- 欧，你们肯定不会相信发生了什么事情。
- 什么？ / - 什么？
Ok，我们坐在那里，在地板上玩，
他自己站了起来。
他自己站了起来 —— 站立。
很遗憾你们错过了，不过我录了下来
你们肯定想看。
呃，我们知道，上个礼拜他就能这样了。
如果愿意你可以看我们的录像带。
我不相信。
我错过了，我错过了所有的第一次。
我错过了，他第一次打滚，第一次爬
我还错过了什么？
他现在能说话么，他会开车么
他现在有最喜欢喝的酒吗？
事实上，他快能说话了。
他还不能说“妈妈”，但他有一次说“也门”。
欧，我讨厌总是错过这些事。
你们知道，我想和他待…几天
和他度过整个周末。
听着，我的意思是，我想……
太棒了，这样很好。
真的？我的意思是…， 我本来准备了
长篇大论来说服你们的。
欧，不是吧，早知道那样就有意思了。
欧，看那，你们看见了吗？看见了吗？
他刚才挥手了。
他挥手了，他以前从没挥过手
（对着孩子说）你从来没挥过手。
是的，他挥过。
很好。
- 嘿.
- 嘿 Phoebs，你在干什么？
Ok, ‘爱情故事’, ‘布瑞安之歌’，和‘母女情深’.
哇，要是再有‘战火屠城’这个片子
加上一些吃的，你就能开个派对了。
是的，我和我姥姥谈了老黄狗里的剧情
而她告诉我
我妈妈以前从不给我们看悲剧电影的结尾，
以此来使我们远离痛苦和悲伤。
在她自杀之前。
- 嘿。
- 嘿。 / - 嘿。
嘿。他呢，Richard去哪了？你们把他甩了？
是的，就在我们偷了他的午餐钱
并装作不知道之后。
你担心什么那，他在泊车。
- 这么说你们玩的很高兴了？
- 你男友太酷了。
- 真的？
- 当然，他让我们开他的美洲虎。
Joey开了12个街区，我开了15个。
哇，他一定很欣赏你。
欧，他给那个家伙小费的方式如何，
把我们带到位置上的那个
你根本就看不见钱在哪儿，像这样：
- 嘿 Chandler，谢谢你把我们带到位置上来。
- 不客气。
嘿 Joey，谢谢你帮我泊车。
没问题。
- 嘿 Chandler。
- 我觉得她们明白了。/ - Ok。
- 这家伙来了。
- 嘿—嘿……。
嘿，你做的好多了。
- 顺便我留着这个了。
- Ok。
他拿走我的钱了。
这是你们第一个不用照顾Ben的全周末，
你们打算干些啥？
呃，我们要去Colonial Williamsburg。
是阿，以前和我一起上大学的女生
成了那里的第一个女铁匠。
你看她们就像只离开
Colonial Williamsburg没多久。
我看该走了，不然妈妈要舍不得了。
- 拜拜，妈咪。/ - 我们爱你。拜…
- 好好玩。
- Ross。
- 嗯？
看。
Joey，你知道我们在这儿能看到你么？
为什么Richard配上这玩意看着比我酷？
嗯，对于初学者来说，你应该
点着雪茄，再把刮刀扔掉。
你知道的，我觉得这样不错
你正在努力使自己更像Richard。
不是像他，是——，不去…不像他。
看，这个艺术家以前叫做Chandler。
我正在试着做些什么，
那么Joey，
你为什么不蓄胡子？
我们分开做了
我抽雪茄，他留胡子。
相象一下如果我们都这样
那我们就成乡巴佬了。
是的你们的确不像
嘿，听着，我们得走了
我相信能在楼下碰到Richard。
- 你们要去找Richard？
- 是的，我们要去看一场Ranger队的比赛。
是的，他没告诉你吗？
他告诉我他要和哥们们出去，
我当然不知道你们就是“哥们们”。
- 听到了吗？我们是“哥们们”
- 我们是“哥们们”
Chandler留胡子的样子
有没有让你想起Sylvia婶婶？
太谢谢你了。
Hi，我们来参观了。
是Ben和他的 爸 — 爸。
爸 — 爸。
你能说 爸 — 爸 吗？
欧，我想告诉你的妈妈们你说出来了
所以你能试试说吗？
不走运？
不，刚才我听到他说了声“撒”。
我还以为紧跟着会说出“第二位护理员”
但……
嘿，你能帮我抱他一会么
我得把这个放下来。
欧，当然, Ok.
- 你在干嘛？
- 呃，我在抱着Ben啊。
- 是，嗯，他是个孩子，不是炸弹。
- Ok。
抱着他就像你抱着一个橄榄球。
这就是我抱着橄榄球的样子。
Ok，给我，这儿，来喽。
Ok，我很抱歉，我照顾不好小孩子。
我意思是我从未照顾过小孩
自从我是个小孩以来。
- 没事，这并不难。
- 真的？
当然，如果他是我们的小孩，
我肯定你感觉一定很不同。
- 什么？
- 什么？
你在想这方面的事情？
呃，是的。
事实上我想我们能有两个，有两个小孩。
两，两个小孩？
是啊，一个男孩一个女孩。
希望先有女孩
这样Ben就不会感到太大竞争压力。
…然后…呢？
- 嗯，我们不会在这个城市里抚养小孩
所以我们很可能搬去，呃，Scarsdale.
是的，我想这样我们就能离开我们的父母
远到…
不用老是去看望他们，而且又近到
只要我们愿意，他们随时来照看孩子。
而且，我知道那里税要略高于，嗯，Nassau镇
但教育系统很不错。
哇，真不错，不错。
- Ok，你知道么，
- 呵？
我该干活了，来，你抱着他，
我得去给人们倒上好的咖啡。
Ok。欧，看那，我没有拿壶，我没有拿壶
嗯，嘿，也许家里有一个，要不就在Scarsdale
嘿，这个是门吗？
嘿。
嘿 Phoebs，如何？
欧，ok，谋杀，癌症，
橄榄球队在安第斯山自相残杀。
- 那么，你看电影了是吧？
- 呃，世上发生了什么事情？
我意思是，不不，因为ET外星人离开了
而Rocky失败了，Charlotte死了。
Charlotte是谁？
网子、蜘蛛——她死了
她有了小孩，然后死了。
像你所知的，嘿…欢迎从医院回家来。
- 好吧，想感觉舒服点么？
- 当然。
Ok，这儿，看这个。
是‘美丽人生’。是的我听说过这个。
那就不能错过了。看这的标题
“本片里充满了惊奇”
我几乎觉得就像在看‘国族之光’，
我想我当时准备看一部关于国家荣誉的电影，然后……
嘣，那个人患上了Lou Gehrig的病。
呃，那个人就是Lou Gehrig，
你没看到他出场么？
Phoebe，看看吧，
我保证它能重建你的人生信念。
- 嘿，老伙计。比赛时间到了。
- 嘿，在那儿等我。
- 有比赛？
- 呃，是的，我刚从商店弄来棍子
（指棍子桌球）
绷紧你的神经。
是篮球的加时赛。
听着，亲爱的，我很感谢你能和他们一起玩，
为了我。
- 我的意思是，他们已经有对方来陪了。
- 不，不，亲爱的，不用担心。
我喜欢和他们俩在一起，挺有意思的，
他们不像我的其它朋友，
他们不会用这种句子和你开始聊天
‘知道谁在铲雪的时候死了吗？’
好吧，很好。去吧。
- 尼克斯加油。
- 呃，是大学里的比赛。
- 欧，那加油，Vassar.
- 呃，不是在那儿。
- Ok，反正就是—加油！
- Ok。
欧，为什么我老为这种事情烦恼？
我并不想当一个让她男友一天24小时
都陪在身旁的女人。
当然。
不过他的休息时间可没那么多，你也知道。
我真不知道自己该怎么办？
这有什么大不了的？你最终还不是要死，
或者离婚，或者把你的宠物的头拧下来。
- 啊……。
- 我也是。
有个问题困扰我。
Richard又计划了和这些家伙去玩。
是…嗯，Ross把整一个世纪都给计划好了。
我还是回房间去读些宇宙学的东西，
也许那玩艺能对我有些帮助。
知道吧，至少我能学学怎么用比基尼蜡除毛
用圣诞节剩下的蜡烛。
Ok，你到底怎么了？
我不知道，你来说啊
我头里还像抱橄榄球那样抱着本，
你立马就说我有2个孩子，住在Scarsdale
还在抱怨那里的税太高。
嗯，对不起，我经常会想这些东西。
我意思是，你在工作，在挣钱
但没怎么打算过。
Ross，你把我们未来20年的生活都计划出来了，
可我们不过才约会了6个礼拜。
欧，别这样。
你从未设想过我们的将来？
我想过，但我是考虑
明晚咱们在哪个公寓过夜，
和下礼拜六的晚上我们该出去吃饭。
我可没想过我们的孩子该取什么名字。
你想过孩子该取的名字了。
不，没有。
嗯，我读了一本书，里面有个女孩叫Emily
我觉得这个名字不错。
什么书？
孩子名字大全。
Ok， Ross，Ross，
听着
- 我们在一起的确很棒。
- 是啊。
但我很不喜欢让所有的事都为我决定好了。
从小到大老是这样，和Barry在一起的时候也是
这也是让我离开他的一个原因。
我，我不想现在就把什么事计划好。
很抱歉这样会吓到你，但既然我们
要在一起，你就得面对这个。
- Ok 好…
- 多谢你。
- 还没完那
- 没注意
Ok，那你得意识到和你在一起的这个男人
决不会停下他对两个人未来的计划。
既然我们会永远在一起，如果你觉得害怕的话，
那太糟了，因为‘你就得面对这个’
- 好，我会的。
- 很好，因为我爱你。
- 我也爱你。
- 这是我们第一次说这话。
- 是的。
- 我要吻你。
那最好
嘿。
- 欧，多谢你的招儿。
- 怎么样？
欧，我并不知道我是不是感觉不错
当……George Bailey毁掉了家族企业…
Donna Reid在痛哭…
还有那个小气的药商
把自己的耳朵弄伤的时候
好吧，先别管这些，
你不认为片子的结局很精彩么？
我没看结局，我觉得很不爽
情节越来越让人难受
这个电影应该叫做，“糟糕透顶的人生
你想象不出还能有比这更糟糕的。”
防守…守住了
…又过来了，传中，调整……
这个射门太漂亮了！
- 你真厉害。
- 上大学的时候常玩这个。
真的？我还不知道在19世纪就有这玩艺了。
胡子挺漂亮。
但你这么年轻就留胡子，没啥好处。
亲爱的，我并不想催你，
不过，晚饭好了
Ok，再玩最后一个球。
进了！
能走了吧？
看，所以我们不叫她来玩。
没事吧？
欧，嘿，不关他的事。
是我们不好，占了他这么多时间
对，我们处的很好。
不，认真的说，Chandler和我正在讨论这个问题。
他比我们的老爸酷多了。
我们的老爸当然没事，我指的是…
Richard很 … 啊，啊
干嘛踢我？
我只不过想说说话。
呃，你们把我看成你们的父辈了？
- 欧，当然。
- 不。
不……
你只是，和我们这样的年轻人不太一样。
我们嘴上说“老爸”，指的就是“哥们”。
- 我们指的是伙伴。
- 呃—呃，是的。
别笑
Joey是我“老爸”
Monica是我“老爸”
在单位我也有不少“老爸”。
好吧。嗯，你们的这个“老爸”要和我
去度过一个浪漫的夜晚。
- 该和你们两个小家伙说拜拜了。
- 好好玩。
- 你不是老爸……
- 你不是老爸
你看你把我们搞的这么惨。
还好吧？
只是觉得自己好像有100岁
我是把自己当成小伙子了。
来，我来让你觉得自己是个小伙子
不过要想当个酷哥，你还得练练你的球技。
你说什么那
我刚赢了他们俩。
他们也很菜。
Ok，拿着简易尿布，给他带上。
Ok Ross，不过你也知道，虽然叫
简易尿布，可是一点也不简单。
- Hello
- 我们
上来吧，
我去拿剩下的东西。
Ok，我们能搞定这个，是吧Ben？
能搞定，能搞定
好了，我成功了，成功了。
看那
欧，都在上面，一个没落
Hi.
Hi.
你刚才说什么？
你在说‘hi’么？
欧，天啊， Ross， Ross
- Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
- 什，什么？
- Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
- 什么，说这个单词了？
不，我那个叫Hi的叔叔
太棒了，—我又错过了
任何东西我都会错过。
Oh，不好意思
我只是逗他说出来了。
Hello.
小宝贝，你好吗？
知道吗，Ben说出了他的第一个单词。
他说什么了？
类似‘hi’的东西
- 真让人兴奋
- 妈妈真为你骄傲
Hi. Hi.
你看，实际上更像— hi
- Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
- Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
Ok，看来得等会再看了
出租车还在楼下
很有趣，改天还该试试
你觉得呢？？
Ok，知道了
- 礼拜二
- 礼拜二，好。拜拜
- 保重。
- 拜，Ben.
拜
他，他是不是，是不是刚说‘拜’
他说‘拜’了。
对我说‘拜’了
对我说‘拜’了
我几乎看到他在上大学了。
- 我们得走了，出租车在等
- 好的，好的。ok. Bye.
- 拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
- 拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
看我挖的这个漂亮的洞
嘿，Bert，这个洞漂亮吧
Ok， Ben，这段讲的就是Ernie把Bert
埋到沙子里去了，然后找不到他
现在我跳过这段，这样他又能找到他了。
在这之前，有些比较有趣的情节
不过我想没关系
现在是刚开始，不过我们已经知道结局了
Ok，看着
我朋友Bert怎么了？他刚才还在这儿的
欧，不，我的老朋友Bert不见了
欧，真高兴你在这儿