In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. We also should realize, women’ likerty are limited. For example, many factories want men become its workers but the chance of women is less than men. Everyone should do their best to change this condition. I’m sure, the liberation of women would be increased.
东方教育点评：基本切题。但表达思想不清楚，连贯性差。有较多的严重语言错误。
具体问题剖析：（1）各段围绕中心句论述不深入，没有说服力。
（2）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。