Oh, they're not gonna know it's me.

他们不会知道是我。

Are you being funded by Al-Qaeda?

资助你的是恐怖组织吗？

If they're buying, I'm taking. And action.

他们要是真愿意资助，我也照收不误。开拍。

Hi. I can't tell you my name, and I can't show you my face because I'm too ashamed.

大家好，我不能告诉你们我的名字，我也不能露出我的真容，因为实在太难为情了。

Sadly, I find myself in a situation where I am no longer able to provide myself with the garments I need

可悲的是，我发现自己处于一种困境，就是我再也买不起衣服，

in order to be the best in my day-to-day life.

让自己在日常生活中看起来明艳照人。

I'm aware that this is not a problem for everybody.

我知道这对各位来说可能不是个问题。

Stop, stop! I need to take a picture of myself having the most fun I've ever had.

停！等下！我得自拍一张，因为我现在处于人生最欢乐的时刻。

Your nose is coming out of your eyehole.

你鼻子从你眼洞冒出来了。

No. No, no, no, Max, don't stop. I'm in a groove.

不行。不行，麦克斯。不能停啊。我正进入状态呢。

No, you're in a bag.

错，你进入的是纸袋。

Please let me take a picture of you in a bag and then turn it into a dog and then call it a doggie bag.

拜托让我拍一张你戴着纸袋的照片，然后弄成狗的版本，这样就是俗称的"外带狗食袋"了。