AUGUST 30.

Unhappy being that I am! Why do I thus deceive myself? What is to come of all this wild, aimless, endless passion? I cannot pray except to her. My imagination sees nothing but her: all surrounding objects are of no account, except as they relate to her. In this dreamy state I enjoy many happy hours, till at length I feel compelled to tear myself away from her. Ah, Wilhelm, to what does not my heart often compel me! When I have spent several hours in her company, till I feel completely absorbed by her figure, her grace, the divine expression of her thoughts, my mind becomes gradually excited to the highest excess, my sight grows dim, my hearing confused, my breathing oppressed as if by the hand of a murderer, and my beating heart seeks to obtain relief for my aching senses. I am sometimes unconscious whether I really exist. If in such moments I find no sympathy, and Lotte does not allow me to enjoy the melancholy consolation of bathing her hand with my tears, I feel compelled to tear myself from her, when I either wander through the country, climb some precipitous cliff, or force a path through the trackless thicket, where I am lacerated and torn by thorns and briers; and thence I find relief. Sometimes I lie stretched on the ground, overcome with fatigue and dying with thirst; sometimes, late in the night, when the moon shines above me, I recline against an aged tree in some sequestered forest, to rest my weary limbs, when, exhausted and worn, I sleep till break of day. O Wilhelm! the hermit’s cell, his sackcloth, and girdle of thorns would be luxury and indulgence compared with what I suffer. Adieu! I see no end to this wretchedness except the grave.

八月三十日

不幸的人呵！你可不是傻子吗？你可不是自我欺骗吗？这无休止的热烈渴慕又有何益？除了对她，我不再向任何人祷告；除了她的倩影，再没有任何形象出现在我的脑海里；我周围世界的一切，在我眼里全都与她有着关系。这样的错觉也曾使我幸福了一些时候，可到头来仍不得不与她分离！威廉呵，我的心时时渴望到她身边去！

我常两个小时、三个小时地坐在她身旁，欣赏着她优美的姿态举止，隽永的笑语言谈，所有的感官渐渐紧张到了极点，直至眼前发黑，耳朵任何声音都再听不见，喉头就像给谁扼住了似的难受，心儿狂跳着，渴望着使紧迫的感官松弛一下，结果反倒使它们更加迷乱。威廉啊，我这时候常常不知道，我是否还在这个世界上活着！有时候，抑郁的心情占了上风，要不是绿蒂允许我伏在她手上痛哭一场以舒积郁，从而得到可怜的一点点安慰的话，我就一定得离开她，一定得跑出去！随后，我便在广阔的田野里徘徊，攀登上一座陡峭的山峰，踯躅在没有路径的森林里，穿过满是荆棘的灌木丛，让它们刺破我的手脸，撕破我的衣履！这样，我心中会好受一点儿！但也就是这一点儿而已！有时，我又渴又累，倒卧途中；有时，在深夜寂静的林间，我头顶一轮满月，坐在一棵弯曲的树杆上，让我磨伤了的脚掌得到些许休息，接着，在黎明前的朦胧晦暝中，由困人的寂寥送入梦乡，沉沉睡去。威廉，修道士寂寞的斗室，赎罪者羊毛织成的粗衣和荆条编成的腰带，现在才是我灵魂渴求的甘露啊！再见了！我看这眼前的悲苦是无休无止，除非进入坟墓。