5. Baked beans

A man had a passion for baked beans One day, he ate a lot of baked beans in a cafe. All the way home he had gas.

His wife seemed excited to see him, told him she would give him the most wonderful surprise. She blindfolded1 him and led him to his chair at the dining room table. Just as she was to remove the blindfold, the phone rang.

Seizing the opportunity of her absence, he shifted his weight to one leg and let the gas go. It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin2 from his lap and fanned the air about him. When he felt another urge coming on, he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again, then he made a third fart3. Yet somehow his wife didn't hear him. While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall, he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his freedom.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked4. He assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise—Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

Notes:

1. blindfold 蒙眼

2. napkin 餐巾

3. fart 放屁

4. peek 窥视

烘焙豆

有个男子很喜欢吃烘焙豆，一天，他在咖啡厅里吃了很多烘焙豆。于是，在回家的路上，他就一直在放屁。

他的妻子见到他时似乎很兴奋，并且告诉他有最美妙的惊喜给他。她用东西蒙住他的眼睛并把他领着坐到了餐厅他的座位上，正要把遮挡物拿开时，电话响了。

抓住她去接电话的机会，他把重心移到一只脚偷偷放了个屁。声音不大，但是很臭。他摸索着从腿上拿起餐布在身体四周扇着。肠胃又一阵不舒服，他把重心移到另一只脚又放了一个，接着的第三个声音很响，然而他妻子并没有听见。侧耳听着客厅里的电话，他用力地扇着餐布直到听见那边电话说再见，这意味着他不能再肆无忌惮了。

在为自己去了这么久表示道歉后，妻子问他有没有偷看。他向她保证自己没有。然后，妻子把他眼睛上的遮挡物拿开了，他目瞪口呆地发现，桌子周围坐着12位客人等着给他以惊喜来庆祝他的生日！

Useful link:

英、美等国有这样的习惯，朋友们约好一起在过生日的那个人回家之前悄悄藏起来，等他／她一开门突然一起出现并大叫“Surprise！”给过生日的人以惊喜。