TEXT  Freedom in Dying
　　The process of dying involves fewer and fewer choices available to us.
　　Even in dying,however,
　　we still have choices concerning how we handle what is happening to us.
　　The following account deals with the dying of Jim Morelock,
　　a student and close friend of mine.
　　Jim is 25 years old.
　　He is full of life witty,bright,honest,and actively questioning.
　　He had just graduated from college as a human services major
　　and seemed to have a bright future when his illness was discovered.
　　About a year and a half ago,Jim developed a lump on his forehead
　　and underwent surgery to have it removed.
　　At that time,his doctors believed that it was not a cancer.
　　Later,more tumors appeared,and more surgery followed.
　　Several months ago,Jim found out that the tumors had spread throughout his body
　　and that even with treatment,he would have a short life.
　　Since that time he has steadily grown weaker and has been able do less and less;
　　yet he has shown remarkable courage in the way
　　he has faced this loss and his dying.
　　Some time ago Jim came to California,
　　and took part in the weekend seminar that I had with the reviewers of this book.
　　On this chapter,he commented that although we may not
　　have a choice concerning the losses we suffer in dying,
　　we do retain the ability to choose our attitude toward our death.
　　Jim has taught me a lot
　　during these past few months about this enduring capacity for choice,
　　even in extreme circumstances.
　　Jim has made many critical choices since being told of his illness.
　　He chose to continue taking a course at the university,
　　because he liked the contact with the people there.
　　He worked hard at a boat dock to support himself.
　　He decided to undergo treatment,
　　even though he knew that it most likely would not result in his cure,
　　because he hoped that it would reduce his pain.
　　It did not,and Jim has suffered much agony during the past few months.
　　He decided not to undergo chemical treatment
　　because he didn't want to prolong his life if he couldn't really live fully.
　　He made a choice to accept God in his life,which gave him a full sense of peace.
　　Before he became bedridden,
　　he decided to go to Hawaii and enjoy his time in luxury.
　　Jim has always disliked hospitals,
　　so he chose to remain at home,in more personal surroundings.
　　As long as he was able,
　　he read widely and continued to write in his diary about his thoughts
　　and feelings on living and dying.
　　With his friends,he played his guitar and sang songs that he had written.
　　He maintained an active interest in life and in the things around him,
　　without denying the fact that he was dying.
　　More than anyone I have known or heard about,
　　Jim has taken care of unfinished business.
　　He made it a point to gather his family and tell them his wishes,
　　he made contact with all his friends
　　and said everything he wanted to say to them.
　　He clearly stated his desire for cremation:
　　he wants to burn those tumors
　　and then have his ashes scattered over the sea
　　a wish that reflects his love of freedom and movement.
　　Jim has very little freedom and movement now,
　　for he can do little except lie in his bed and wait for his death to come.
　　To this day he is choosing to die with dignity,
　　and although his body is getting weaker and weaker,
　　his spirit is still very much alive.
　　He retains his mental sharpness,his ability to say a lot in a very few words,
　　and his sense of humor.He has allowed himself to grieve over his losses.

　　As he puts it,
　　"I'd sure like to hang around to enjoy all those people that love me!"
　　Realizing that this isn't possible,
　　Jim is saying good-bye to all those who are close to him.
　　Throughout this suffering,Jim's mother has been truly great.
　　When she told me how remarkable Jim has been in complaining so rarely
　　despite his constant pain,
　　I reminded her
　　that I'd never heard her complain during her months of caring for him.
　　I have been continually amazed by her strength and courage,
　　and I have admired her willingness to honor Jim's wishes and accept his beliefs,
　　even though at times they have differed from her own.
　　She has shown how much she loves him
　　without depriving him of his free spirit and independence.
　　Her acceptance of Jim's dying and her willingness to hide nothing from him
　　have given him the opportunity to express openly whatever he feels.
　　Jim has been able to grieve and mourn because she has not objected to this.
　　This experience has taught me much about dying and about living.
　　Through Jim,
　　I have learned that I don't have to do very much for a person who is dying
　　except to be with him or her by being myself.
　　So often I have felt a sense of helplessness,
　　of not knowing what to say or how much to say,
　　of not knowing what to ask or not to ask,of feeling unable to speak.
　　Jim's oncoming death seems such a loss,
　　and it's very difficult for me to accept it.
　　Gradually,however,
　　I have learned not to be so concerned about what to say or not to say.
　　In fact,in my last visit I said very little,
　　but I feel that we made significant contact with each other.
　　I've also learned to share with him the sadness I feel,
　　but there is simply no easy way to say good-bye to a friend.
　　Jim is showing me that his style of dying
　　will be different from his style of living.
　　By his example and by his words,
　　Jim has taught me how to evaluate my own life.