在TED演讲节目中，演讲者清晰的口语表达及其内容的写作手法都是值得我们学习借鉴的。在本期的TED演讲中，演讲者将表达“决定关系成败的关键在于如何'吵'”的观点。请结合视频内容，开始口语练习吧！

原文及翻译

It's not if we fight that determines relationship success; it's how we fight. In fact, our researchers reveal that sun fighting actually increases connection and even improves our life. So, how do we fight right? We found that there were three major styles of conflict: avoiders, who just agreed to disagree; conflict validators, who would bring up an issue by expressing their feelings calmly and then jumping immediately into problem-solving; then there were the conflict volatiles, who would express their feelings intensely and very passionately, then leap into trying to prove that they were right. 

决定关系是否成功的不是我们是否吵架，而是我们如何吵架。事实上，我们的研究人员发现，吵架实际上可以增进联系，甚至改善我们的生活。那么，我们如何正确地吵架呢？我们发现，冲突主要有三种类型：回避者，他们只是同意持不同意见；冲突确认者，他们会通过平静地表达自己的感受来提出问题，然后立即投入到解决问题中；还有冲突易变者，他们会强烈而热情地表达自己的感受，然后立即投入到试图证明自己是对的中。

The couples who fight right will bring up the issue with what we call softened startup. Softened startup consists of a bunch of "I" statements that describe you and not your partner at all. You start with what you feel, then you describe the situation at hand, and then what you do need from your partner to make things better, rather than what you resent. Ending this win-lose mentality and leading a couple to a compromise that honors both people's dreams.

正确吵架的夫妻会以我们所说的“软启动”的方式提出问题。软启动包括一堆“我”的陈述，这些陈述描述了你而不是你的伴侣。你从你的感受开始，然后你描述眼前的情况，然后你确实需要你的伴侣做些什么来让事情变得更好，而不是你怨恨什么。结束这种胜负心态，让夫妻达成妥协，尊重双方的梦想。

以上就是本期TED演讲的分享，希望对您的口语、写作水平都有帮助！您也可以访问网站主页，获取最新的英语学习资料，全方位提升英语水平。