第十一章
He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, aBully, or a Really Big Freak
如果他是个自私鬼、恶霸或奇葩，那么他只是没那么喜欢你
If You Really Love Someone, You Want to Do Thingsto Make That Person Happy
如果你真的爱某个人，你会想做些什么来让那个人快乐
"He's got so much good in him. He really does. I justwish he wouldn't tell me to shut up all the time."
“他本性是好的。真的。我只是希望他没有总是让我闭嘴。”
Yeah, that's a problem. Try not to ignore it. I know "he's got so many other great qualities."
那是个问题。试着别去忽略它。我知道“他身上还有别的很多优点。”
That's why you fell in love with him in the first place.
那是你最初爱上他的原因。
I know you wouldn't fall in love with an asshole.
我知道你不会爱上一个混蛋。
But here's the trick: Forget about him and his good qualities. Even forget about his bad ones.
但诀窍在于：忘记他和他的优点。甚至也忘记他的缺点吧。
Forget about all his excuses and what he promises.
忘掉他所有的借口和承诺。
Ask yourself one question only: Is he making you happy?
只问自己一个问题：他让你觉得快乐吗?
People are complicated. They are a mixed bag of lovable and dysfunctional qualities.
人是很复杂的。他们身上既有讨人喜欢之处，又有功能失调之处，混杂一体。
That's why they are so darn confusing. That's why trying to figure them out is a waste oftime.
这就是为什么他们总让人感到困惑。这也是为什么想看透他们是浪费时间。
Is he making you happy? I don't mean "some of the time" "on rare occasions"" not that often" "but the good still outweighs the bad".
他让你觉得快乐吗?我不是指“某些时候”，或者是“难得几次”“没那么频繁”“但好的总比坏的多”。
Does he make it clear in his actions every day that your happiness is important to him?
他有每天都用行动明确表示他很重视你的幸福感吗?
If the answer is no, cut him loose and go find a man with a higher "good count.”
假如答案是否定的，把他甩掉，然后找个男人
The "He's Really Trying to Be Better" Excuse
“他真的在努力变好”的借口
Dear Greg,
亲爱的格雷格，
My boyfriend is selfish. He says he loves me, and he does include me in his life.
我的男朋友很自私。他说他爱我，而且他也确实让我成为他生活的一部分。
We are close to each other's families and he is a very good man in many ways.
我们和对方家庭都很亲近，在许多方面他都是个好男人。
But we have been living together for four years and he never shares household responsibilities:
但我们已经同居四年了，他从来都不承担任何家庭职责：
doesn't put any effort into going on nice dates with me, doesn't make a big deal about mybirthday, never brings me flowers, won't walk the dog, rarely compliments me, doesn't thankme when I make a nice dinner for him and his friends, isn't that affectionate, and doesn'twant to go on nice vacations with me.
他从不为和我有个美好约会作出努力，他觉得我的生日不是什么大事，他从不给我买花，不遛狗，很少夸奖我，当我为他和他的朋友做了一顿美味晚餐时也不会表达任何感谢，不怎么显露爱意，也不想和我度过美好的假期。
We talk about it all the time, and he swears that he's trying to change, but his changes arepretty imperceptible.
我们经常说这件事，他也发誓他在努力改变，但这些改变太细微了，几乎觉察不到。
The question is, can he really love me as much as he says he does, and be this much of a dick?
问题是，他能同时真如他所说的一样爱我，又表现得如此混蛋吗?
Signed Paula
宝拉
