我想谈论一下我的婚姻，因为那很重要。我的婚姻，正如人们所知的那样，是个“牛轭事件” 【1】。
I had a rough marriage. Well, my wife was animmature woman and, ah, That's all I can say,she...See if this is not immature to you.
我的婚姻很不平静。我妻子是个很不成熟的女人，我就是这么认为的，你们看一下这是不是很不成熟。
I would be home in the bathroom, taking a bath, and my wife would walk right in, whenevershe felt like, and sink my boats.
我在家里的卫生间里正在洗澡，我妻子只要心血来潮就会闯进来，把我在玩的船只弄沉。
It was partially my fault that we got divorced, I had a lousy attitude toward her.
我们离婚部分是我的错，我对她的态度很恶劣。
The first year of marriage I had a bad...basically a bad attitude toward her, I guess.
结婚的第一年，我的脾气……基本上以很坏的脾气对待她，我想是的。
I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal all the time.
我甚至老是在想将我妻子压到某个基座底下去。
We used to argue and fight, we finally decided, we either take a vacation on Bermuda or get adivorce, one of the two things, and we discussed it very maturely, and we decided on thedivorce, 'cause we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend, y'know.
我们经常争论和吵架，最后我们终于决定，要么我们去百慕大群岛度假，要么就离婚，两者择其一。我们心平气和地商量完，我们决定去离婚，因为我们觉得我们的钱已经所剩无几。
A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you'd always have.
去百慕大度假两周一过就结束了，而离婚这件事你可以一辈子离个没完。
And I saw myself free again, living in the Village, y'know, in a batchelor apartment with a woodburning fireplace and a shaggy rug, y'know, and on the walls one of those great Picassos by VanGogh, and just great swinging...Airline hostesses running amok in the apartment, y'know.
我发现自己又重获自由，我住在格林尼治村，一间单身公寓里，里面有燃烧木料的壁炉和粗糙的地毯，墙上挂着的是梵高画的众多的毕加索伟大画像中的一幅。我享受着放浪形骸的生活??和空姐们在屋子里胡作非为。
And I got very excited, and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time, listeningto Conelrad on the radio, y'know.
我兴奋异常，跑进我妻子的房间，她那时就住在我隔壁，正在收听“电磁波辐射控制”电台【2】。
I laid it right on the line with her, I came right to the point, I said "Quasimodo, I want adivorce".
我开门见山、直接了当地对她说：“卡西莫多【3】，我要离婚。”
And she said "Great, get the divorce", but it turns out, in New York state, they have a strangelaw that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery, and it's weird, because theten commandments say "Thou shalt not commit adultery", but New York state says you have to.
她说：“好啊，离婚就离婚。”可是事与愿违，在纽约州，有一条奇怪的法律：除非你能证明存在通奸行为，否则不予离婚。这真的很怪异，因为“十戒”里说：“汝等不许行邪淫。”可纽约州却说你不做不行。
Well, finally, what happened was, my wife committed adultery for me.
好吧，最终发生的事是：我妻子为了我行了邪淫。
She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.
她总是比我更加容易机械地受到影响。
【1】《牛轭事件》，1940年出版的西部小说，故事讲的是美国西部一个小镇上的人们，动用私刑处死了三个被怀疑是偷牛贼的无辜者。
【2】冷战时期美国政府为了对付前苏联的进攻轰炸而设立的应急广播系统。
【3】《巴黎圣母院》中的钟楼怪人。
