《单身才懂的15件小事》
1. It's like boys are the Oscar, and I’m Leonardo Dicaprio.
对我来说
男孩们就像奥斯卡奖
而我就是小李子
不!现在小李都有小金人了!!!
而我......
2. Please be as weird as me.
Please be as weird as me.
Please be as weird as me.
-Me every time I meet someone
拜托他是个像我一样的怪咖
拜托他是个像我一样的怪咖
拜托他是个像我一样的怪咖
——每次我遇到喜欢的家伙都会这样默念
3. I’m worried that I may have already met the man of my dreams.
But probably told him to fuck off.
我担心
我的白马王子其实早就出现过
但是我已经让他滚了......
4. Guys I find attractive:
- Famous.
- Taken.
- Twice my age.
- Don’t know I exist.
- Not real.
我喜欢的类型：
—名人
—有对象了
—比我大一轮
—根本不知道我的存在
—不是现实中的人物
(好吧，说的就是你手机锁屏上的男神)
5. What if I got a boyfriend?
I wouldn’t know what to do...
What do they eat?
How often do they have to be walked?
如果有了男票要怎么办?
我完全不懂啊...
需要喂食吗?
需要多久遛一次呢?
6. Just because I don’t have a boyfriend.
It doesn’t mean I’m alone.
I have food and the Internet.
没有男票不代表我孤单
我有食物有网络
还孤单个屁啊
7. Who am I shaving for?
剃毛......剃毛线啊!
我剃了给谁看?
8. I’m single by choice.
Not my choice, but still a choice.
单身是一种选择。
只不过不是我选的。
9. Everything I like is either expensive, fattening or won’t text me.
我喜欢的，
要么买不起，
要么很催肥，
要么……根本不会甩我……
10. Relationship status: Eating.
我的感情状态永远是：吃吃吃
11. Dear future husband,
I hope you’re a good cook.
致我亲爱的未来老公：
你可一定要会做饭哦!
12. Everyone’s getting a boyfriend and you know what I’m getting?
Fatter.
别人有男票
我有肉肉
13. My boyfriend is like square root of −1.
Imaginary
我的男票就像负1的平方根
请自行想象
14. I really really really love my boyfriend cat.
我真的很爱很爱我的男票
哦不，我的喵
15. How to get a boyfriend:
① I have absolutely no idea.
② Cry.
论获取男票的正确姿势：
① 我压根不知道
② 开始哭
单身的菇凉们，
很多人会来问你：
一把年纪怎么还没有男朋友?
那么请你拿出这篇文章告诉他：
这是世界性的课题，看，外网都刷爆了
我单身主要是为了
和国际接轨.....
