听力课堂TED音频栏目主要包括TED演讲的音频MP3及中英双语文稿，供各位英语爱好者学习使用。本文主要内容为演讲MP3+双语文稿:我是怎么逃出美国的极端主义运动，希望你会喜欢！
【演讲者及介绍】Christian Picciolini
反极端主义专家·克里斯蒂安·皮乔利尼致力于帮助他人对抗种族主义和极端主义。
14岁时，克里斯蒂安·皮乔利尼(ChristianPicciolini)从一个天真的少年变成了白人至上主义者，并很快成为美国第一个新纳粹光头党的领袖。他是如何变得激进的?他最终是如何脱离这场运动的?在这个充满勇气的演讲中，Picciolini分享了一个让人惊讶的和反直觉的解决方法来对付各种形式的仇恨。
【演讲主题】我加入了美国的新纳粹运动，还有我是怎么逃出来的
【中英文字幕】
翻译者Lilian Chiu 校对者：品妤 劉
00:13
My journey away from violent extremismbegan 22 years ago, when I denounced racism and left the American whitesupremacist skinhead movement that I had helped build.
我走出暴力极端主义的旅程开始于 22 年前，当我公然谴责了种族主义并离开了我曾经协助建立的美国白人至上光头党。
00:24
(Cheers and applause)
（欢呼与掌声）
00:30
I was just 22 years old at the time, but Ihad already spent eight years, from the time I was 14 years old, as one of theearliest and youngest members and an eventual leader within America's mostviolent hate movement.
当时我只有 22 岁，但是我已经花了 8 年，从我 14 岁开始，成为了最早、最年轻的成员之一，最后还成为了美国最暴力的仇恨运动的领导人。
00:44
But I wasn't born into hate; in fact, itwas quite the opposite. I had a relatively normal childhood. My parents areItalian immigrants who came to the United States in the mid-1960s and settledon the South Side of Chicago, where they eventually met, and opened a smallbeauty shop. Right after I was born, things got a little bit more difficult.They struggled to survive with raising a young family and a new business, oftenworking seven days a week, 14 hours a day, taking on second and third jobs justto earn a meager living. And quality time with my parents was prettynonexistent. Even though I knew they loved me very much, growing up, I feltabandoned. I was lonely, and I started to withdraw, and then I started toresent my parents and become very angry. And as I was growing up, through myteenage years, I started to act out to try and get attention from my parents.
但我并不是生于仇恨；事实正好相反。我的童年还算挺正常的。我的父母是意大利移民，在 1960 年代中期来到的美国，在芝加哥的南城安顿了下来。他们在那里相识，并开了一家小型美容店。我出生以后没多久，生活就变得更困难一些。他们艰难地生活着，要养活一个年轻的家庭和生意，常常一周要工作 7 天，一天 14 个小时，还要兼职多份工作只为赚取一点微薄的生活费。和父母相处的宝贵时光基本是不存在的。虽然我知道他们非常爱我，但成长的过程中，我觉得我被抛弃了。我很孤独，我开始远离一切。接着，我开始憎恨我的父母，我变得很愤怒。我慢慢长大，在青春期，我开始做出格的事以试图得到我父母的注意力。
01:53
And one day, when I was 14, I was standingin an alley, and I was smoking a joint, and a man who was twice my age, with ashaved head and tall black boots, came up to me, and he snatched the joint frommy lips. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and he looked me in the eyes, andhe said, "That's what the communists and the Jews want you to do to keepyou docile." I was 14 years old, I'd been trading baseball cards andwatching "Happy Days" -- I didn't really know what a Jew was.
有一天，我 14 岁时，我正站在一个小巷里，吸着大麻，一名光头男子，年纪有我的两倍，穿着黑色长靴，走到了我面前，从我的唇边夺走了大麻。然后他把手放到了我的肩上，看着我的眼睛，说到：“这正是共产党和犹太人想让你做的，把你变得容易驯服。”当时我 14 岁，我还在交换棒球卡片，看“欢乐时光”（电视剧）－－我并不太知道什么是犹太人。
02:29
(Laughter)
（笑）
02:31
It's true. And the only communist that Iknew was the bad Russian guy in my favorite Rocky movie.
这是真的。而我唯一知道的共产党员是在我最喜欢的“洛奇”系列电影中的俄罗斯反派。
02:38
(Laughter)
（笑）
02:40
And since I'm here baring my soul with you,I can reveal that I did not even know what the word "docile" meant.
既然我是在这里坦白，我可以告诉你当时我也不知道“驯服”这个词是什么意思。
02:47
(Laughter)
（笑）
02:48
Dead serious.
我是认真的。
02:50
But it was as if this man in this alley hadoffered me a lifeline. For 14 years, I'd felt marginalized and bullied. I hadlow self-esteem. And frankly, I didn't know who I was, where I belonged, orwhat my purpose was. I was lost. And overnight, because this man had pulled mein, and I had grabbed onto that lifeline with every fiber of my being, I hadgone from "Joanie Loves Chachi" to full-blown Nazi. Overnight.
但那个巷子里的男人像是给了我一条生命线。14 年来，我曾感到被边缘化，被欺负。我的自尊心很低。说实话，我并不知道我是谁，我归属于哪里，我的人生目的是什么。我很迷茫。一夜间，因为这个男人拽了我一把，我用尽全身抓紧了那条生命线。我已从“乔安妮爱恰奇”（电视剧） 走向了彻头彻尾的纳粹。一夜间。
03:29
I started to listen to the rhetoric andbelieve it. I started to watch very closely as the leaders of this organizationwould target vulnerable young people who felt marginalized and then draw themin with promises of paradise that were broken. And then I started to recruitmyself. I started to do that by making white-power music. And soon, I becamethe leader of that infamous organization that was led by that man in that alleywho recruited me that day, who was America's first neo-Nazi skinhead and whohad radicalized me. For the next eight years, I believed the lies that I hadbeen fed. And though I saw no evidence of it whatsoever, I didn't hesitate toblame every Jewish person in the world for what I thought was a white, Europeangenocide being promoted by them through a multiculturalist agenda. I blamedpeople of color for the crime and violence and the drugs in the city,completely neglecting the fact that I was committing acts of violence on adaily basis, and that in many cases, it was white supremacists who werefunneling drugs into the inner cities. And I blamed immigrants for taking jobsfrom white Americans, completely neglecting the fact that my parents werehardworking immigrants who struggled to survive, despite not getting help fromanybody else.
我开始倾听他们的言论，并相信它。我开始密切的观察着这个组织的领导者们，他们会针对弱势的、感到自己被边缘化的年轻人，然后许下自己以后会违背的天堂般的承诺 来吸引他们。接着，我自己也开始招募新人。为了招募人，我开始制作宣传白人至上的音乐。不久，我成为了那个声名狼藉的组织的领导者，之前的领导人就是那个巷子里招募了我的男人，他是美国第一个新纳粹光头党成员，并极端化了我。在接下来的八年中，我相信了那些喂给我的谎言。尽管我没有看到任何证据，但我毫不犹豫的责怪了世界上每一个犹太人，因为我以为他们在用多文化的事程推进欧洲白人的种族屠杀。我怪罪了有色人种，怪他们造成了城市里的犯罪、暴力、和毒品，完全忽视了事实上，我自己也天天都在犯下暴力行为。而且在很多时候，是白人至上主义者把毒品带到了城市内部。我怪罪了移民，怪他们抢走了美国白人的工作，完全忽视了事实上，我父母也是辛勤劳作的移民，需要奋斗以生存，即使没有任何他人的帮助。
05:17
For the next eight years, I saw friendsdie, I saw others go to prison and inflict untold pain on countless victims andtheir families' lives. I heard horrific stories from young women in themovement, who'd been brutally raped by the very men they were conditioned totrust, and I myself committed acts of violence against people, solely for thecolor of their skin, who they loved, or the god that they prayed to. Istockpiled weapons for what I thought was an upcoming race war. I went to sixhigh schools; I was kicked out of four of them, one of them, twice. And 25years ago, I wrote and performed racist music that found its way to theinternet decades later and partially inspired a young white nationalist to walkinto a sacred Charleston, South Carolina, church and senselessly massacre nineinnocent people.
在接下来的八年里，我看到了朋友死去，看到了他人进入监狱并施加无法形容的痛苦到无数个受害者 和他们家人的生活。我从参与运动中年轻的女性 听到过可怕的故事，她们被自己习惯性信任的男人强奸，而我自己也对他人犯下了暴力行为，只因为他们的肤色，他们爱的人，或者他们祈祷的神。我积攒了武器，为了我以为会到来的种族战争。我去了六所高中：我被四所开除，其中一所被开除了两次。25 年前，我编写并表演了种族歧视的音乐。它十多年后传到了网上，并部分的启发了一个年轻的白人民族主义者走进一个神圣的教堂，在查尔斯顿，南卡罗来纳州然后毫无感觉的 屠杀了九个无辜的人。
06:28
But then my life changed. At 19 years old,I met a girl who was not in the movement, who didn't have a racist bone in herbody, and I fell in love with her. And at 19, we got married, and we had ourfirst son. And when I held my son in my arms in the delivery room that day, notonly did I reconnect with some of the innocence that I had lost at 14 yearsold, but it also began to challenge the very important things that drew me tothe movement to begin with: identity, community and purpose -- things that Ihad been struggling with as a young boy. And now, I struggled with the conceptof who I was again. Was I this neo-Nazi hatemonger, or was I a caring fatherand husband? Was my community the one that I had manufactured around me toboost my own ego, because I felt self-hatred for myself and I wanted to projectit onto others, or was it the one that I had physically given life to? Was mypurpose to scorch the earth or was it to make it a better place for my family?And suddenly, like a ton of bricks hit me, I became very confused with who I'dbeen for the last eight years. And if only I'd been brave enough to walk awayat that moment, to understand what the struggle was that was happening inside ofme, then maybe tragedy could have been averted.
但接着，我的人生改变了。19 岁时，我遇到了一个不在这个运动中的女孩。她身体里没有一根种族歧视的骨头。然后我爱上了她。19 岁时，我们结了婚，然后有了我们第一个儿子。当那天我在产房中用双手抱起我儿子时，我不只重新找回了一部分我 14 岁时丢到的纯真，我也开始质疑最一开始把我吸引进这个运动的重要因素：身分，集体，和目的－－当我还是小男孩时一直在挣扎的东西。而现在，我再一次挣扎于 “ 我是谁 ” 的概念。我是个煽动仇恨的新纳粹，还是一个有爱心的父亲和丈夫？ 我的集体是那个我自己捏造出来的、 为了膨胀自我的集体，因为我曾经恨着自己 并想把这恨意投射到他人身上，还是那个给了我生命的社会？ 我的目的是把一切变成焦土，还是让我的家庭活得更好？ 突然间，就像一吨砖块 砸到了我身上，我变的非常困惑，不知道过去 8 年的我是谁。如果当时的我能足够勇敢地走开，能理解在我内心所发生的斗争，那悲剧就可能会被避免。
08:17
Instead, I did compromise. I took myselfoff the streets for the benefit of my family, because I was nervous that maybeI could go to jail or end up dead, and they would have to fend for themselves.So I stepped back as a leader, and instead I opened a record store that I wasgoing to sell white-power music in, of course, because I was importing it infrom Europe. But I knew that if I was just a racist store selling racist musicthe community would not allow me to be there. So I decided I was going to alsostock the shelves with other music, like punk rock and heavy metal and hip-hop.And while the white-power music that I was selling was 75 percent of my grossrevenue, because people were driving in from all over the country to buy itfrom the only store that was selling it,
但是我选择了妥协。为了家庭，我离开了街头，因为担心我可能会进监狱或者死去，导致我的家人会需要为自己谋生。所以我从领导者的位置退了一步，然后开了一家唱片店。当然，我打算卖宣传白人至上的音乐，因为我在从欧洲进口这些唱片。不过我知道如果只是一个种族歧视的店家贩卖种族歧视的音乐社区肯定不会容许我把店开在那里。所以我决定也在架子上放些其它唱片，像是朋克摇滚、重金属、和嘻哈。虽然我贩卖的白人至上音乐占到了我总利润的 75 %，因为人们会从全国各地开车到这唯一一家卖这种音乐的店，
09:10
I also had customers come in to buy theother music. And eventually, they started to talk to me. One day, a young blackteen came in, and he was visibly upset. And I decided to ask him what waswrong. And he told me that his mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer.And suddenly, this young black teenager, who I'd never had a meaningfulconversation or interaction with, I was able to connect with, because my ownmother had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and I could feel his pain. Onanother occasion, a gay couple came in with their son, and it was undeniable tome that they loved their son in the same profound ways that I loved mine. Andsuddenly, I couldn't rationalize or justify the prejudice that I had in myhead.
但我也有顾客来买其它音乐。久而久之，他们也开始和我交谈。一天，一个年轻的黑人青年走了进来，他看起来就很不开心。而我决定问问他出了什么事。他告诉我他的母亲被诊断为患有乳腺癌。忽然间，这个黑人青年，一个我之前从来没有过任何有意义的交谈或互动的人，和我产生了联系，因为我自己的母亲也被诊断患有乳腺癌，而我能感受到他的痛苦。还有一次，一个同性恋情侣和他们的儿子走了进来，而我无法否认他们爱着自己的儿子，就像我深深地爱着我儿子一样。突然间，我无法再解释或合理化之前脑海中的偏见。
10:13
I decided to pull the white-power musicfrom the inventory when I became too embarrassed to sell it in front of my newfriends. And of course, the store couldn't sustain itself, so I had to closeit. At that same time, I lost nearly everything in my life. I used it as anopportunity to walk away from the movement that I'd been a part of for eightyears, the only identity, community and purpose that I'd really known for mostof my life. So I had nobody. I lost my livelihood because I closed the store. Ididn't have a great relationship with my parents, even though they tried. Andmy wife and children left me, because I hadn't left the movement and disengagedquickly enough. And suddenly, I didn't know who I was again, or where I fit inor what my purpose was supposed to be. I was miserable inside, and I often wokeup in the morning wishing that I hadn't.
我决定把白人至上的音乐从库存抽走，因为我觉得在新朋友面前卖这些音乐太惭愧了。当然，我的店无法经营下去，所以我把它关了。同时，我失去了生命中几乎所有的东西。我把它用作一个机会来离开我曾参与了 8 年的运动：我大半生唯一知道的身分、集体、和目的。我没有任何人。我丢掉了生计，因为把店关了。我和父母的关系并不好，虽然他们有过尝试。我的妻子和孩子离开了我，因为我并没有及早离开运动。突然，我再一次不知道我是谁，我归属于哪里，或者我的目的应该是什么。我的内心很痛苦，每天早上醒来时，我常常希望我没有醒来
11:17
About five years in, one of the few friendsthat I had was concerned about my well-being, and she came to me and she said,"You need to do something, because I don't want to see you die." Andshe suggested that I go apply for a job where she worked, at a company calledIBM. Yeah, I thought she was crazy, too.
大概五年后，我少数几个朋友之一很担忧我的身心健康，所以她找到了我，然后说：“你必须做点什么，因为我不想看你死去。”她建议我去她工作的地方申请一个职位，一个叫 IBM 的公司。是啊，我也以为她疯了。
11:39
(Laughter)
（笑）
11:40
Here I was, a closeted ex-Nazi covered inhate tattoos. I didn't go to college. I'd been kicked out of multiple highschools multiple times. I didn't even own a computer. But I went in, andsomehow, miraculously, I got the job. I was thrilled.
看看我，一个私底下满身都是关于仇恨的刺青的前纳粹。我没上过大学。我曾被不止一所高中开除过不止一次。我甚至都没有电脑。但我走了进去，不知道这样，奇迹般地，我得到了一份工作。我非常激动。
12:04
And then I became terrified to learn thatthey'd actually be putting me back at my old high school, the same one I gotkicked out of twice, to install their computers. This was a high school where Ihad committed acts of violence against students, against faculty; where I hadprotested out in front of the school for equal rights for whites and even had asit-in in the cafeteria to try and demand a white student union.
接着，我知道了一件让我惶恐的事：他们安排我到 我原来的高中，就是那个把我开除了两次的高中，去安装他们的电脑。在这所高中，我曾犯下暴力行为对学生，对老师；我曾在学校的门口抗议来争取白人平权，我甚至在食堂静坐抗议来试图取得一个白人学生会。
12:34
And of course, as karma would have it,within the first couple of hours, who walks right by me but Mr. Johnny Holmes,the tough black security guard I had gotten in a fistfight with, that got mekicked out the second time and led out in handcuffs from the school. He didn'trecognize me, but I saw him, and I didn't know what to do. I was frozen; I wasthis grown man now, years out of the movement, and I was sweating and I wastrembling. But I decided I had to do something. And I decided I needed tosuffer under the weight of my past, because for five years I had tried tooutrun it. I'd tried to make new friends and cover my tattoos with longsleeves, and I wouldn't admit it because I was afraid of being judged the sameway I had judged other people. Well, I decided I was going to chase Mr. Holmesout to the parking lot -- probably not the smartest decision that I made.
不出所料，按着命运的因果报应，就在我进学校的前几个小时，走过我身边的是Johnny Holmes先生，我曾经打过架的强悍黑人保安。这事导致我第二次被开除，我还戴着手铐离开了学校。他没有认出来我，但是我看见了他，而我不知道该做什么。我僵在了那里；我是一个成年人的，离开了运动很多年了，而我当时满身是汗，全身发抖。但我决定必须做点什么。我决定我需要背负过去的重量，为它遭受痛苦，因为五年来我一直试图避开它。我曾尝试交新的朋友，用长袖衣服遮住我的刺青，而我不敢承认，因为我害怕被评判，就像我当初评判他人一样。于是，我决定去追霍姆斯先生一直到停车场－－大概不是我做过的最聪明的决定。
13:33
(Laughter)
（笑）
13:34
But when I found him, he was getting intohis car, and I tapped him on the shoulder. And when he turned around and herecognized me, he took a step back because he was afraid. And I didn't knowwhat to say. Finally, the words came out of my mouth, and all I could think tosay was, "I'm sorry." And he embraced me, and he forgave me. And heencouraged me to forgive myself. He recognized that it wasn't the story of somebroken go-nowhere kid who was going to just join a gang and go to prison. Heknew that this was the story of every young person who was vulnerable, who wassearching for identity, community and purpose, and then hit a wall and was unableto find it and went down a dark path. And he made me promise one thing, that Iwould tell my story to whoever would listen. That was 18 years ago, and I'vebeen doing it ever since.
当我找到他的时候，他正要上车，于是我拍了下他的肩膀。当他转过身来并认出我时，他因为恐惧往后退了一步。而我不知道该说什么。终于，字句从我的嘴中脱出，而所有我能想说的是：“我很抱歉。” 然后他拥抱了我，并原谅了我。他还鼓励我原谅自己。他看出了这不只是一个破碎的、一无所成的孩子的故事，一个只会加入黑帮、蹲监狱的人。他知道这是每一个容易受伤的年轻人的故事，他们在寻找自己的身分、集体、和目标，碰壁了，找不回来了，然后走上了黑暗的道路。他让我承诺了一件事：我要把我的故事 讲给任何一个想听的人。这是 18 年前，从那时起我就一直在做。
14:38
(Applause)
（掌声）
14:49
You might be asking yourself right now: Howdoes a good kid from a hardworking immigrant family end up going down such adark path? One word: potholes. That's right. Potholes. I had a lot of potholeswhen I was kid. We all had them -- you know, the things in life that we hitthat invariably just kind of nudge us off our path, and if they remainunresolved or untreated or not dealt with, sometimes we can get dangerouslylost down pretty dark corridors. Potholes can be things like trauma, abuse,unemployment, neglect, untreated mental health conditions, even privilege. Andif we hit enough potholes on our journey in life, and we don't have theresources or the help to navigate around them or to pull us out, well,sometimes good people end up doing bad things.
你现在可能会问自己：一个从勤劳工作的移民家庭来的好孩子是怎么走下了这么一条黑暗的道路？一个词：凹洞。没错，凹洞。我小时候有着很多凹洞。我们都曾有过－－你知道的，我们人生中撞到的东西无可避免的把我们轻轻推离自己的道路，而如果它们一直没被解决，没被治愈，没被处理，我们有时会危险地走丢到黑暗的角落。凹洞可以是创伤、虐待、失业、 忽视、 没被治疗的心理疾病、 甚至特权。而如果我们在人生的旅途上 碰到了很多凹洞，并且没有资源或者协助 来帮我们绕开它们 或把我们拉出来，有的时候好人也会做出坏事。
15:52
One such person who had potholes isDarrell. Darrell is from upstate New York. He had read my memoir, and he wasreally upset about the ending. You see, I'd gotten out of the movement and hewas still in. And he emailed me and he said, "I didn't really like the waythat turned out." And I said, "Well, I'm sorry."
其中一个有凹洞的人是Darrell。达雷尔来自纽约州北部。他读过我的回忆录，对结局感到非常失望。你看，我已经离开了运动，而他还在其中。于是他发了封电子邮件给我，说：“我不是很喜欢最后结局的发展。”然后我说，“喔，我很抱歉。”
16:13
(Laughter)
（笑）
16:15
"But if you want to talk about it, wecould certainly do that."
“但是如果你想聊聊，我们当然可以。”
16:18
And after a couple of weeks of going backand forth with Darrell, I learned he was a 31-year-old military veteran who hadbeen injured and was really angry about not being able to go to Afghanistan tokill Muslims. And one day on the phone, he told me that he had seen a Muslimman in the park praying, and that all he wanted to do was kick him in the face.I flew to Buffalo the next day, and I sat down with Darrell, and I asked him,"Have you ever met a Muslim person before?" And he said, "No!Why the hell would I want to do that? They're evil. I don't want anything to dowith them." I said, "OK." So I excused myself, and I went intothe bathroom and I took my phone out in the bathroom, and I Googled the localmosque, and I called them very quietly from the bathroom, and I said,"Excuse me, imam, I need a favor. I have a Christian man who would reallylove to learn more about your religion."
和Darrell来往回信的几周中，我了解到他是一个 31 岁的因伤退役的军人，他很气愤自己不能去阿富汗杀穆斯林。一天，在电话上，他告诉我他看到了一个穆斯林男子在公园祈祷，而他唯一想做的是一脚踢到他的脸上。第二天，我飞到了水牛城，和Darrell坐下来谈，然后我问他：“你曾认识过任何一个穆斯林吗？”他说，“没有！ 我为什么见鬼了要这么做？ 他们是邪恶的。我不想和他们扯上任何关系。” 我说，“ 好吧。” 于是我走进了洗手间，拿出了我的手机，谷歌搜索了当地的清真寺，然后我在从洗手间很小声地打电话给他们，我说：“不好意思，伊玛目［领袖］，我需要帮忙。我这有一个基督教徒非常想了解你们的宗教。”
17:20
(Laughter)
（笑）
17:22
"Do you mind if we stop by?"
“你会介意我们去拜访吗？”
17:26
Well, it took some convincing for Darrellto go, but finally we got there, and when I knocked on the door, the imam saidhe only had 15 minutes left for us, because he was preparing for a prayerservice. I said, "We'll take it." We went in, and two and a halfhours later, we came out after hugging and crying and, very strangely, bondingover Chuck Norris for some reason.
我花了不少功夫来说服Darrell，不过最终我们到了那里。我敲了敲门，伊玛目说他只有 15 分钟留给我们，因为他需要准备祷告。我说，“没问题。” 我们走了进去，两个半小时后，我们已经历了泪水和拥抱，很奇怪的，我们还因为查克·诺里斯拉近了距离。［动作片演员］
17:50
(Laughter)
（笑）
17:51
I don't know what it was about that, butthat's what happened. And I'm happy to say now that Darrell and the imam, youcan often find them at the local falafel stand, having lunch together.
我不知道那是怎么回事，但它就是发生了。现在我可以很开心的说，你经常能看到达雷尔和伊玛目在当地的中东小吃摊一起吃午饭。
18:03
(Applause)
（掌声）
18:12
You see, it's our disconnection from eachother. Hatred is born of ignorance. Fear is its father, and isolation is itsmother. When we don't understand something, we tend to be afraid of it, and ifwe keep ourselves from it, that fear grows, and sometimes, it turns intohatred. Since I've left the movement, I've helped over a hundred peopledisengage from extremist movements, from white supremacist groups --
你可以看出，问题是人们缺乏联系。仇恨来源于无知。恐惧是其父，孤立是其母。当我们不理解一个东西时，我们常常会害怕它，而如果我们让自己远离它，这恐惧会加大，有时会变成仇恨。自从离开运动，我已经帮助了超过一百个人脱离极端主义运动，白人至上群体－－
【碍于字符限制，讲稿无法全部呈现。建议大家：点击播放界面上的“词”按钮就能看到同步的完整版中英文字幕哦~】
