[00:00.00]Unit 6 Holidays

[00:13.51]With Christmas Cards(E)

[00:16.95]Sally was taking a shower when her two-year-old daughter

[00:22.99]Susie,came into the bathroom and wrapped herself in toilet paper

[00:29.44]Although Susie made a mess,she looked cute,

[00:35.00]so Sally ran for her camera and took a few pictures.

[00:40.78]The pictures came out so well that she had copies made

[00:47.62]and included one with each of their Christmas cards

[00:53.08]Days later,a relative talked about the picture

[00:58.64]laughing loudly and suggesting Sally take a closer look

[01:06.19]Sally stared at the photo

[01:10.27]and was shocked to find that in addition to her daughter

[01:15.60]she had captured her own reflection in the mirror-wearing nothing but panties!

[01:23.25]Unit 7 Home and Family

[01:37.62]My Dog (E)

[01:40.36]When I come home,my dog always runs to the front door to greet me

[01:46.42]On warm days,he lies on the cool grass

[01:53.08]On hot days,he drinks lots of water and lies under a tree

[01:59.85]He always takes naps and stretches before rising

[02:04.81]He delights in the simple joys of a long walk

[02:09.78]When he is happy ,he dances around and wags his entire body

[02:15.94]When I'm having a bad day,he is silent,sits close by and nuzzles my leg gently

[02:23.41]Deathbed(D)

[02:26.47]Mr.Brown lying on his deathbed,barely able to breathe

[02:33.13]At this moment,the smell of freshly baked cookies comes to him

[02:40.57]He has always liked home-made cookies and thinks to himself,

[02:47.42]'If I could just have one more cookie,I could die in peace!"

[02:54.37]He calls to his wife but his voice is so weak that she cannot hear him.

[03:02.31]Not getting an answer,he slides out of the bed and onto the floor

[03:10.48]Down the hall and down the stairs he goes ever so slowly.

[03:17.85]At the bottom of the stairs he pulls himself along painfully

[03:24.80]crwling hand over hand closer to that heavenly smell

[03:31.77]He drags himself across the living room into the dining room

[03:38.44]Making one great final effort,

[03:42.98]he throws himself toward the dining table landing on his knees

[03:50.03]His dry lips part,and the taste of the cookies is already in his mouth

[03:57.61]seemingly bringing him back to life

[04:03.07]He reaches across the table and grabs the plate of the cookies

[04:09.60]As he drags the plate towards himself,it makes a scraping sound

[04:16.37]and suddenly he hears his wife yell from the kitchen

[04:22.01]"Don't touch the cookies.They're for the funeral!"

[04:27.05]Unit 8 Jobs and Occupations

[04:42.59]You're Fired(E)

[04:45.75]As a woman comes into the store,Jim turns to the other salesman and says,

[04:53.59]"I waited on the last fat ugly old lady.This one's your turn."

[05:00.64]His boss is standing behind him,very angry.

[05:06.10]Jim is shocked to find that the fat lady is the manager's wife

[05:13.08]and he's kissing her hello right now

[05:17.83]while his boss is at lunch

[05:22.09]Jim sneaks into his office and looks at some information on the boss's computer

[05:29.64]He spills coffee on the keyboard.It shorts out

[05:35.70]He returns from a week's vacation

[05:40.06]to find that he had scheduled this week as vacation,

[05:45.84]not last week. And that's why Jim gets fired.

[05:51.48]All Right,Get In(M)

[05:54.95]A strong young man at the construction site was bragging

[06:00.52]that he could do better than anyone in a feat of strength

[06:04.96]He made fun of one of the older workmen

[06:08.74]After several minutes,the older worker had had enough

[06:14.00]"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,"he said.

[06:19.27]"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a cart

[06:24.91]over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

[06:29.77]"You're on,old man,"the young man replied."Let's see what you've got."

[06:35.65]The old man reached out and grabbed the cart by the handles

[06:40.51]Then,nodding to the young man,he said,"All right,get in."

[06:46.47]A Bab Day(M)

[06:49.91]Henry worked in a small shop on the other side of town

[06:56.76]This morning he got up late

[07:01.43]He went without breakfast and hurried out to the car

[07:08.09]but he locked the door with both the house

[07:14.34]and car keys inside the house and car keys inside the bouse.

[07:19.38]He had to break a window to get into the house for his keys

[07:28.05]When Henry finally got to the store,

[07:33.02]there were a lot of people waiting for him to open up

[07:40.07]He opened the store and started waiting on these people

[07:46.00]Then Henry had to bread a roll

[07:50.15]of quarters against the cash register drawer to make change

[07:57.81]and they spilled all over the floor

[08:02.56]He got down on his hands and knees to pick up the coins

[08:10.11]When he came up,he bumped his head on the open cash drawer

[08:18.36]It made him stagger back against a showcase

[08:24.61]with a bunch of perfume bottles in it

[08:29.07]and half of them hit the floor and broke

[08:34.53]E-mail(M)

[08:37.88]Ben goes to apply for a job as a floor cleaner with a computer company

[08:44.04]The manager says,"You will be employed at $5 an hour

[08:49.82]Let me have your e-mail address

[08:53.58]so I can send you a form to complete

[08:57.23]and tell you where to report for work on your first day."

[09:01.68]Taken aback,Ben says he doesn't have an e-mail address

[09:07.53]To this,the manager replies,

[09:11.68]"Well,then,that means you can hardly expect to be employed

[09:16.83]Ben leaves.Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet

[09:23.88]he decides to buy a 25-pound box of potatoes in a supermarket

[09:29.76]Getting up early every day and going to bed late,he makes profits quickly

[09:37.02]Just in a few year,he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks

[09:42.97]and manages a staff of a hundred formerly unemployed people,all selling potatoes

[09:50.34]Ben is doing business with a woman,

[09:54.00]and the woman asks him for his e-mail address

[09:58.36]in order to send some papers electronically

[10:02.33]When Ben says he has no e-mail,the woman asks,

[10:07.66]"What,you don't have e-mail,?

[10:11.50]How on earth have you managed to do business without e-mail?"

[10:16.15]Just imagine where you wold be now,

[10:20.70]if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!"

[10:25.24]After a moment of thought,Ben replies,"

[10:29.08]Why,of course!I would be a floor cleaner at a computer company!"

[10:35.32]Unit 9 People

[10:49.40]Thanks Anyway(M)

[10:52.93]A man was walking on a railroad

[10:58.18]when suddenly he got his foot caught in the tracks

[11:04.56]He tried to get it out but it was really stuck

[11:10.41]He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming

[11:16.57]He panicked and started to pray,

[11:21.30]"God.please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"

[11:28.07]Nothing happened,it was still stuckk,and the train was getting closer!

[11:36.32]He prayed again,"God,please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking and smoking."

[11:45.38]Still nothing happened,and the train was just seconds away!

[11:52.54]He tried it one more time,"God,please,if you get my foot out,

[12:01.08]I'll quit drinking,smoking,and gambling."

[12:06.65]Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks,

[12:11.38]and he was able to dive out of the way just in time

[12:16.97]He got up,dusted himself off,looked toward heaven and said,

[12:24.10]"Thanks anyway,God.I got it myself."

[12:29.53]$100,000(M)

[12:33.37]Nick won $100,000 from gambling

[12:37.92]After he came back,he immediately went to the backyard of his house

[12:43.69]dug a hole and planted the money in it

[12:47.63]The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole

[12:53.09]He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door

[12:58.97]which was owned by a Russian woman

[13:02.52]On the same street lived a professor who spoke Russian

[13:07.07]and was a friend of the Russian woman

[13:10.54]Grabbing his gun,Nick went to awaken the professor

[13:15.40]He dragged the professor to the Russian woman's house

[13:19.84]"You tell her if she doesn't give me back my $100,000,I'm going to kill her!"

[13:26.69]Nick screamed at the professor

[13:30.03]The professor told the message to his friend,and she replied in Russian

[13:35.80]"I hid it in my backyard,underneath the apple tree."

[13:40.85]The professor turned to Nick

[13:44.40]"She's not going to tell you.She said she'd rather die first."

[13:49.75]Firm Believer in God(M)

[13:53.91]Judy is sinking in her boat,and the water is up to her knees.

[14:01.77]A man in another boat pulls up to her and tells her to get into the boat

[14:09.82]Judy says,"I'm a firm believer in God,and He will save me."

[14:18.46]The man shrugs his shoulders and rows away

[14:24.21]Now the water is up to Judy's waist,

[14:29.56]and another boat pulls up to her and the driver tells her to get in.

[14:36.51]Like before,all Judy says is,"I'm a firm believer in God,and He will save me."

[14:46.67]So the second man drives away,too.

[14:52.63]Now with the water up to her chin,a rescue helicopter drops a rope ladder down

[15:02.19]and the man tells her to climb up

[15:06.45]All she says is,"I'm a firm believer in God,and He will save me."

[15:14.00]So the helicopter flies away

[15:18.23]A few hours later,Judy drowns in the water

[15:24.26]When she gets up to heaven,she says to an angel,

[15:30.90]"Hey,why didn't God save me?!"The angel replies,

[15:37.85]"Well,He sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

[15:43.73]Unit 10 Shopping

[15:57.18]Competition(E)

[15:59.95]The owner of a clothing shop was upset

[16:04.08]when a new clothing shop opened up next door

[16:08.44]and put up a huge sign,which read"Best Deals"

[16:13.69]He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right

[16:19.46]and annouced its arrival with an even larger sign,reading"Lowest Prices."

[16:26.12]The shopkeeper panicked,until he got an idea

[16:30.67]He put the biggest sign of all in front of his own shop.

[16:35.74]It read "Main Entrance."

[16:40.10]In a Supermarket(1)(M)

[16:43.65]David is in a supermarket,and he is a naughty boy

[16:49.21]He sets all the alarm clocks on the shelf to go off every five minutes

[16:55.38]He makes a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the restrooms

[17:00.73]He also moves a"Caution,Wet Floor"sign to a carpeted area

[17:06.61]He then sets up a tent in the camping department

[17:11.26]and tells other shoppers to bring pillows from the bedding department

[17:16.33]When a clerk asks if he can help him

[17:20.46]David begins to cry and ask"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

[17:27.09]In a Supermarket(2)(M)

[17:30.85]David looks right into the security camera in the supermarket

[17:36.10]and uses it as a mirror while he is picking his teeth

[17:41.38]He walks around the store suspiciously

[17:45.53]while loudly humming the theme from a "007"movie

[17:50.39]He hides in a clothing rack,and when browse through,he says,"Pick me!Pick me!"

[17:58.33]When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,he screams

[18:03.79]"No!No!It's those voices again!"

[18:08.55]Finally,he goes into a fitting room and yells loudly,

[18:13.51]"Hey!We're out of toilet paper in here!"