41

I LONG to speak the deepest words I have to say to you; but I dare not, for fear you should laugh.

That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.

I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.

I long to tell you the truest words I have to say to you; but I dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them.

That is why I disguise them in untruth, saying the contrary of what I mean.

I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.

I long to use the most precious words I have for you; but I dare not, fearing I should not be paid with like value.

That is why I give you hard names and boast of my callous strength.

I hurt you, for fear you should never know any pain.

I long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out at my lips.

That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words.

I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.

I long to go away from your side; but I dare not, for fear my cowardice should become known to you.

That is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence.

Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.

41

我想对你说出我要说的最深的话语，我不敢，我怕你哂笑。

因此我嘲笑自己，把我的秘密在玩笑中打碎。

我把我的痛苦说得轻松，因为怕你会这样做。

我想对你说出我要说的最真的话语，我不敢，我怕你不信。

因此我弄真成假，说出和我的真心相反的话。

我把我的痛苦说得可笑，因为我怕你会这样做。

我想用最宝贵的名词来形容你，

我不敢，我怕得不到相当的酬报。

因此我给你安上苛刻的名字，而夸示我的硬骨。

我伤害你，因为怕你永远不知道我的痛苦。

我渴望静默地坐在你的身旁，

我不敢，怕我的心会跳到我的唇上。

因此我轻松地说东道西，把我的心藏在语言的后面。

我粗暴地对待我的痛苦，因为我怕你会这样做。

我渴望从你身边走开，我不敢，怕你看出我的懦怯。

因此我随随便便地昂首走到你的面前。

从你眼里频频掷来的刺激，使我的痛苦永远新鲜。