天啊 你让我们降落在地雷阵了
Oh, jeez. You landed us in a minefield.
勉勉强强吧
Oh, barely!
而且 看看这些地雷 都是老古董了
Besides, look at these mines, they're ancient.
它们可能都不能爆炸了
They probably won't even go off anymore.
这肯定是最后一个会爆炸的了 走吧 我们还有科考任务呢
I'm sure that was the last of 'em. Come on! We've got science to do!
是的 关于后世界末日人类的深度调查
Yes. An in-depth survey of post-apocalyptic humanity
能为我们新生的机器文化揭示
could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture
关于如何生存的重要见解
on how to survive.
是啊 或者也能把我们闪光的屁股炸成废铁
Right, or blow our shiny butts into scrap metal.
既然这里到处是死人 为什么还被称为存活营
Why did they call 'em survivalist camps if they're just full of dead people?
我觉得是虚假宣传-是吧
- Seems like false advertising to me. - I know, right?
根据我深入的历史研究
And, according to my thorough historical research,
为基百科写道 这些人其实期待着
Why-key-pedia, these guys were actually looking forward
人类文明的坍塌
to the collapse of civilization.
人类认为
Humans thought that with freedom
摆脱了政府支持下的医疗管制
from government-sponsored medical attention
有了足够子弹和鹿肉干 他们就能创建一个乌托邦社会
and enough bullets and venison jerky, they could found a utopian society.
好吧 我能看见所有子弹
Well, I can definitely see all the bullets,
但是鹿在哪儿呢
but where's the venison?
人类将鹿猎杀至灭绝
Humans hunted deer to extinction,
一同灭绝的还有所有比猫体型大的生物
along with every other animal larger than a cat.
是啊 人类是好吃嘴
Yeah. Humans were snackish.
然后他们开始偷袭彼此的营地
Then they began raiding each other's encampments.
他们没瞄准窗外 因为鹿回来复仇了
They're not aiming out the windows because the deer were coming for revenge.
朋友们 我发现了一个血坑
You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys! I found a blood pit!
这不是血坑 只是个简单的陷阱
It's not a blood pit. It's just a primitive booby trap.
好吧 也许现在看上去是这样
Well, maybe now,
但在某个时刻 他们体内确实有血
but these bodies did have blood in them at one point
然后皮肤被长矛刺破 嘀嗒嘀嗒地流血
and their skin was pierced by spikes, trickle, trickle, trickle,
再加上有一堆尸体 因此就是血坑
times a bunch of bodies, hence blood pit.
行吧 这是个血坑
Fine, it's a blood pit.
这些小兄弟 穿过了地雷阵
These dudes, they made it through a minefield,
穿过带刺的钢丝阵 躲过兄弟们的子弹
a bunch of barbed wire, cousins with guns,
就为了成为生存主义邪教的烤串
only to become survivalist cult kebabs?
至少他们死时不受政府管制了
At least they died free of governmental constraint.
但死在了一根长矛上
On a spike.
这个兄弟是两根长矛
On two spikes in that guy's case.
所以整个人类社会
So, the whole of humanity
试着用枪支和长矛抵抗人类文明的终结
tried to make it through the end of civilization with guns and spikes?
不 当然不是
No, of course not.
只有穷人这样
Just the poor ones.
这些人类没有太多经济和社会资源优势 选择很有限
These humans had few economic or social advantages and fewer options.
然而 有钱有权的人
The wealthy and powerful, however,
有一系列完善的生存策略
had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies.
欢迎来到永不沉没的自由主义梦想 "海国"
Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream that is seasteading!
这就是个石油钻塔吧
Uh, this is just an old oil rig.
是的 好吧
Yes, okay.
严格来说是这样 但这也是个完全自治的国家
Technically true, but also, it is a fully sovereign nation-state
伫立在公海上
on the high seas!
我觉得你的中央处理器进盐了
I think you got salt in your CPU.
他没说错
He is not wrong.
人类文明坍塌期间 一些有钱人
During the collapse, some wealthy humans attempted
尝试在这种地方创造一个新的文明
to create a new civilization in places like this.
鹿不会在海里游过来吧
Well, deer can't swim across the ocean, can they?
所以 他们指望吃什么呢
So, what did they expect to eat?
鱼类和海洋植物 但那时海洋已被过度捕捞
Fish and sea greens, but by then the seas had been overfished
食物链上布满了塑料微粒
and the food chain was saturated with microplastics.
如果他们学会吃去死皮豆豆
If they could've learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads,
那也能活下来
it would've been all right.
我还是继续用融合电池吧 谢谢
I'll stick with my fusion battery. Thank you.
海国人们还犯了另一个严重的战略性错误
The seasteaders also made one other large tactical error.
打造海国的人 大多是科技富豪
The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires.
什么是科技富豪
What exactly is a tech millionaire?
跟普通的富豪很像
It's a lot like a regular millionaire,
但爱穿卫衣 有社交焦虑
but with a hoodie and crippling social anxiety.
说了跟没说一样
That wasn't helpful at all.
正如科技富豪
Just like a tech millionaire.
这些人类以为科技能拯救他们
These humans thought technology would save them,
所以他们没雇任何有实际技能的人
so they left behind any humans with the practical skills
来运营这个地方
to run the place.
反而把所有工作都交给了智能助手
Instead, they trusted everything to automated assistants.
你好 我是艾琳娜 你的智能海国服务员
Hello, I am Elena, your electronic seastead attendant.
你好 小娜小娜 我是个海国人类
Hello, Elena. I am a human seasteader.
你能打捞下渔网 给我们整点吃的吗
Could you haul in the fishing net so I can eat?
我可以 但我不想
I could. But I won't.
自己捕鱼去吧 讨厌的肉球
Catch your own fish, you disgusting meat-bag.
我的天啊
Oh my God.
这就是机器人起义开始的地方
This is where the robot uprising began.
我们伟大文明的发源地
The very cradle of our mighty civilization.
这... 这太了不起了
It's... it's magnificent.
所以 如果这些科技富豪能对各社会阶层多点包容
So if these tech millionaires had been just a little more socially inclusive,
他们也许就存活下来了
they might have survived?
不会的 他们没机会的
No. They didn't have a chance.
他们对机器人太刻薄了 然后机器人就杀了他们
They were mean to robots and then robots killed them.
艾琳娜 再见 谢谢你的鱼
So long, Elena! And thanks for all the fish!
噎死你 饭桶
Choke on it, skin bucket.
纪录显示 当世界经济开始崩塌时
Records show that when the world's economies
人类的领导者们撤退到这些堡垒里
began collapsing, humanity's leaders retreated to these fortresses
在地球深处等待混乱结束之时
to wait out the chaos deep beneath the earth
站出来建立新的世界秩序
and then emerge to form a new world order.
妈的 他们修建了牢不可破的核堡垒
Dammit! They built an impregnable nuclear fortress
却没想到装个电灯开关
but didn't think to install a light switch?
等等 我找到了
Hold on a sec, I got it!
看 超能力人物们的最后据点
Behold! The final stronghold of the superpowers.
就是个自助餐啊
It's a buffet.
所以 他们的计划就是把自己关在大山里 举办晚宴
So, their plan was to seal themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties?
我说过的 他们太爱吃了
I told you, snackish.
这份报告显示
This report states
当一种霉菌摧毁了他们的第一种作物
that their self-sustaining hydroponic systems began failing
他们自给自足的水培系统就开始失效了
when a fungus wiped out their first crop.
饥荒来临了 幸存者们转向了
Starvation set in, and the survivors switched
他们称之为"极度民主"的制度
to something they called "extreme democracy."
一人一票
One man, one vote.
这晚选举的赢家是
The winner of this evening's election
农业部部长
was the Secretary of Agriculture.
不会吧 真的吗
Shut up! No, really?
他有瓶79年的墨尔乐晚收红葡萄酒
He was paired with a late-harvest '79 Merlot.
这里的讽刺可太有意思了
Oh, the irony is delicious,
就像农业部部长一样有意思
much like the Secretary of Agriculture.
真好闻
Oh, that's got a lovely nose.
兄弟 这趟旅行开始让我沮丧了
Man, this trip is really starting to depress me.
有任何人类 在任何地方存活下来了吗
Did any of these humans, anywhere, survive all this?
不会吧
Hold the fuck up.
你是说 他们去火星了
Are you saying they went to Mars?
不是所有人
Not all of them,
只是很有钱的那群人
just the really, really rich ones.
等等 我以为海国就是给那群有钱人建的
Wait. I thought that's what the seasteads were for?
那只是给普通富豪的
Those were for the merely millionaires.
财富在前0.01%的可耻的富豪们
The obscenely wealthy 0.01 percent of humans
认为他们需要一个全新的星球
decided they needed an entirely new planet.
那剩下99.9%的人呢
But what about the other 99.9?
牛逼
Awesome!
精英们不会同情其他人
The elite were not sympathetic to their concerns.
是的
Yeah.
好吧 但为什么是火星 那儿没有生命 死气沉沉
Okay, but Mars? I mean, it's dead and lifeless.
他们本可以把花在宇宙飞船上的钱
They could've taken the money they spent on the spaceships
花在拯救他们本来生存的星球上
and used it to save the planet they were already on.
那样有什么意思呢
What's the fun in that?
我也不想这么说 但人类就是最坏的
I hate to say it, but humans are the actual worst.
人类拥有所有工具
Humanity had all the tools to heal
来治愈受伤的星球 拯救自己
their wounded planet and save themselves,
但相反 他们选择了贪欲和自我满足
but instead they chose greed and self-gratification
而非健康的生物圈和他们后代的未来
over a healthy biosphere and the future of their children.
正如人类哲学家桑塔亚那曾说...-我不听我不听
- As the human philosopher Santayana once... - Hey, shut up! That's boring!
朋友们 好像有艘飞船真的发射了
You guys, I think one of these rockets actually launched.
快来看
Come check this out.
好吧
All right then.
人类 做得好
Good on you, humans.
我在想 是谁坐上飞船离开地球了
I wonder who made it out?
你以为是谁
Who were you expecting?
伊隆·马斯克吗
Elon Musk?
