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　　As I listened to Maureen recite those crazy vows, it hit me...

　　I might get thousands of likes and retweets and favorites,

　　but it's entirely possible that no one will ever look at me the way Terrance was looking at her.

　　So I did what I have always done when I needed to distract myself from my feelings.

　　Do you, Terrance, take Maureen to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to ho...

　　Sorry. Thought it was on silent.

　　I'm not used to paying attention to super-boring long stuff, okay?

　　No, it's not okay.

　　It's not just yourself you embarrassed.

　　I specifically said no phones.

　　Okay, okay!

　　God. Haven't you ever made a mistake before? !

　　Yeah, I have when I agreed to help you.

　　Oh, really? Are you helping me, or am I helping you?

　　Don't think I didn't notice you didn't have a date for this event.

　　And literally anyone else in the world would have been a better choice.

　　So you admit it.

　　And it's no surprise you don't have a date, because you are an unfun man.

　　"Unfun" is not a word.

　　And according to your ex-girlfriend's blog, that's why she broke up with you, so...

　　My ex-girlfriend?

　　Did you Google me?

　　Don't you dare Google me!

　　I was just confirming what I already know...You're a holier-than-thou, antisocial, judgmental, hypercritical,workaholic...Coxcomb!

　　Oh, I'm a coxcomb?

　　Well, you, my dear, are a lost cause.