剧情概要
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Claire为了让Phil开心，决定早起去排队买第一天发行的Ipad作为Phil的生日礼物，可Claire还是忍不住困意睡着了。Mitchell以为有人闯进Lily的房间而被吓住，但事后他对自己应付突发状况的反应而感到忧心。Jay买了棋盘当礼物送给Phil，顺便和Manny下了一盘，不过荣辱心很强的Jay能忍受Manny故意输给他吗?
中英字幕
1
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今天山姆·莱利踢足球
Today Sam Riley kicked a soccer ball...
2
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,910
狠狠砸中某小孩 他眼珠都爆出来了
and it hit another kid so hard his eye popped out.
3
00:00:07,910 --> 00:00:09,240
帅呆了
Awesome!
4
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,280
是吗 眼珠真爆出来了吗
Really? His eye popped out.
5
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,090
-算了 -钻被窝咯 明天周六大日子哎
- Never mind. - Well, gotta hit the sack. Big Saturday tomorrow.
6
00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:16,440
没错 某人过生日
That's right. It's somebody's birthday.
7
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,600
不止生日 iPad要开卖了
Not just that. The iPad comes out-
8
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,280
就在我生日这天
on my actual birthday.
9
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:23,010
像是乔帮主和上帝勾肩搭背地说
It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say,
10
00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:23,970
"我们爱你哟 菲尔"
"We love you, Phil."
11
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那玩意儿到底棒在哪儿
What is so great about that doohickey anyhow?
12
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"玩意儿" 艾丽·梅
"Doohickey," Elly May?
13
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{\an8}[60年代电视剧角色 天使外表傻妞心]
14
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电影院 图书馆 音乐商店
It's a movie theater, a library and a music store...
15
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都集成在那神奇的小本里
all rolled into one awesome pad.
16
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图书馆知道吗 是个看书的地方
A library is a place where people get books.
17
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电影院知道吗 是个约会的地方
A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.
18
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我得把沙滩椅装到车里
I better load the beach chair into the trunk.
19
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明早好坐着排队
I'm gonna need it for the line in the morning.
20
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:43,490
等等亲爱的
Wait, honey. Hang on.
21
00:00:43,490 --> 00:00:46,040
你生日怎么能排一天队呢
You can't spend your birthday in line.
22
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,300
不会排一天啦
Well, not the whole day.
23
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,520
我6点去 不用你惦记
I have to be there at 6:00, you'll forget about it.
24
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,820
-10点就买到啦 -我去排怎么样
- Then I'm out by 10:00. - Why don't you let me do it?
25
00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:53,650
克莱尔 没必要吧
Claire, you don't have to do that.
26
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是没必要 但我想替你
No, I know, but I want to.
27
00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:56,680
那样的话 你生日这天
And that way on your birthday
28
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,740
一睁眼 面前就是新玩具啦
you'll wake up and you'll have your brand-new toy.
29
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,630
好吧
Okay.
30
00:01:03,550 --> 00:01:05,030
你将之称作"玩具"是大不敬
Well, in spite of you calling it a toy,
31
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但明天貌似会超过我曾过得最开心的一个生日
this is shaping up to top the best birthday I ever had.
32
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,110
感谢上帝 再不用听那故事
Oh, thank God we don't have to hear that stupid story
33
00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:12,680
-什么地方来着 -在欢乐地带球场
- about that place... - It was called the Fun Zone.
34
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,670
那年我11岁
I was 11.
35
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:16,730
连续击中10个直线快球
I hit 10 straight fastballs in the batting cage.
36
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:18,870
然后我的铁哥们杰夫·斯威尼冒出来
Then my best friend Jeff Sweeney stepped in
37
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被我正中胯下
and took one in the groin.
38
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,830
我喊道 又中两"球"
I yelled out "Ball two!"
39
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所有人爆笑
Everybody laughed.
40
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,850
那时我就知道 我很搞笑
That was when I knew I was funny.
41
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:30,670
晚安
Good night.
42
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B-E-L-I-E-V-E 相信
B-E-L-I-E-V-E. Believe.
43
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:38,270
中间不是E-I吗 你确定吗
Are you sure there's not an "E-I" In the middle?
44
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- 不 是I-E -好样滴 宝贝
- No. It's "I-E." - Good, papi!
45
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,650
我绕不晕你 你老师也别想成功
If I can't fool you, then your teachers can't fool you either.
46
00:01:43,790 --> 00:01:45,310
老师没必要绕晕我吧
I don't think they're trying to fool me.
47
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:48,320
猜猜我给菲尔买了什么生日礼物
Wait until you see what I got Phil for his birthday.
48
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,530
天维购物淘到的
I found it on the SkyMall catalog.
49
00:01:50,530 --> 00:01:53,330
啧啧 不是那种会说话的闹钟吧
Ay. It's not one of those talking alarm clocks?
50
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:57,040
"6:05啦 6:25啦 醒醒啦醒醒啦"
"It's 6:05. It's 6:25. Wake up. Wake up."
51
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,050
比那个棒多了 一套紫檀木棋
Even better. A rosewood chess set.
52
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,530
话说 不如我等会再包装
As matter of fact, before I wrap this thing,
53
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:02,740
我们先来一局怎么样
what say we take it for a spin?
54
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:04,120
来吧曼尼 我教你
Come on, Manny. I'll teach you.
55
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,870
他会下的啦 他老爸教过的
He knows how to play. His father taught him.
56
00:02:05,950 --> 00:02:08,830
我要教他正经下法 不是哥伦比亚版的
I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version.
57
00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:10,640
在我们这 棋子是用来下的
We actually use the pieces to play the game,
58
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,340
不是用来藏毒走私的
not smuggle stuff out of the country.
59
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:15,650
那你也少来玩我这哥伦比亚女子
I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later.
60
00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:17,240
曼尼快来 试试你能耐
Manny, come on. Let's see what you got.
61
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,270
会让你大吃一惊的
You'll be surprised.
62
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,040
{\pos(193,210)}让他赢
63
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:26,880
曼尼棋艺高超 杰的棋品可不咋滴
Manny's an excellent player, but Jay is a grumpy loser.
64
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,840
输了就生闷气 吊脸子 还摔门
He mopes, he makes the face, he slams the door,
65
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,550
摔完门还不承认
then he said he didn't slam the door.
66
00:02:32,490 --> 00:02:34,050
让他赢比较好啦
It's better that he wins.
67
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:41,220
我来
Um, I got this.
68
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,540
没事的
Everything's gonna be okay.
69
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,030
好啦 别哭啦
It's okay. It's okay.
70
00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,350
-小卡 -别吵我
- Cam! - Leave me alone.
71
00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:58,540
莉莉 莉莉房里有个人
There's a...there's a man in Lily's room.
72
00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:00,060
莉莉房里有个人啊
There's a man in Lily's room!
73
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,000
大棒走起
It's go time.
74
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,310
感谢上帝
Oh, thank God.
75
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:17,090
是我是我 别打 是我
It's me, it's me, it's me, it's me.
76
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:18,920
她没事
She's fine.
77
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,680
邻居的监控器和我们串线了
We must have just heard a neighbor with the same monitor.
78
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:21,780
感谢上帝
Thank God.
79
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,390
老天 要是有蜘蛛闯入
Boy, if a spider would have broken in here,
80
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:26,430
你捏个报纸也就能吓吓它而已
he would have been in trouble.
81
00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:39,920
摩登家庭
第一季第十九集
82
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:44,730
灯光烧烤夹
Light-up barbecue tongs.
83
00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:46,750
我就给菲尔准备了这破礼物
This was the lame gift I got Phil.
84
00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:51,340
所以5点起床排队 我郁闷吗
So, was I bummed to get up at 5:00 and wait in line?
85
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,560
不 不会 我总算能给老公
No. No, because I was finally getting my husband
86
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,870
买到梦寐以求的礼物了
something that he really, really wanted.
87
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,420
我和他一样兴奋
I was every bit as excited as he was.
88
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:07,440
不行
No.
89
00:04:18,830 --> 00:04:19,790
嘿 哥们
Hey, buddy.
90
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:22,280
昨天输给我 没生气吧
I hope you're not upset about our chess match yesterday.
91
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,750
再来一盘怎么样
Hey, what do you say we play again?
92
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:25,890
-我挺好 -态度不错
- I'm good. - That's the spirit.
93
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,930
我给你下载的
Downloaded this for you.
94
00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,970
儿童级国际象棋入门
It's kind of a kid's guide to chess.
95
00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:32,170
不了 杰 我好得很
No, Jay. I'm good.
96
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,690
下棋不无聊的 可以很有趣嘛
Nah, it's not all dry like that. They have fun with it.
97
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,800
看 可以用蜡笔给小人上色呢
See, you can color in the little players with your crayons.
98
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,780
还真让我兴趣大增
Now you are making me want to play again.
99
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,350
有兴趣就对了 我们来打个赌吧
Now we're lighting a fire. Let me toss this out.
100
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,760
如果终有一天 你下赢了我
If you beat me, if that day should ever come,
101
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,800
我就给你...
I'll give you-
102
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,930
-你那块表 -哟 早看上了啊
- I want your watch. - Wow, you had that loaded up.
103
00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:54,530
成 来吧
Okay. Game on.
104
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,910
来 你先下
Now, I want you to go first.
105
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,210
记住 努力清出中路
Now remember, try to open up the middle of the board.
106
00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:04,630
我觉得你该走两步
I'd have moved that guy two spaces.
107
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:06,130
更有攻击性
More aggressive.
108
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:10,220
皇后也别那么早出来
And you don't want to bring your queen out that quickly.
109
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:12,380
看 它应该守在原地的
See, now you could've protected that with that,
110
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,450
它一动 就露了...
but now you're vulnerable-
111
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:16,330
-将军 -哈? 什么
- Checkmate. - Huh? What?
112
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,330
怎么将的
How'd you do that?
113
00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:22,930
你肯定猜不到
You will not believe what's going on
114
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:24,720
杰克和黛比家出了什么事
at Jake and Debbie's house.
115
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,520
-谁 -和我们串线那家 肯定就住附近
-Who? -The people on the monitor. They must live nearby.
116
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,920
他家太狗血了
So much drama.
117
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:32,660
杰克跟黛比说 他要加班
Okay, Jake told Debbie that he had to work late.
118
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:34,010
黛比打给他老板
So she called his boss
119
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,130
发现没加班 抓包
and found out that he didn't. Busted!
120
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:37,710
她就打了一早上电话
So she spent all morning on the phone
121
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:39,890
跟她妈妈哭啊哭啊哭
crying and crying and crying to her mother...
122
00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:42,710
说如果杰克再"加班"
and said if Jake has to work "late" one more time,
123
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,440
她就要离婚
she's filing for divorce.
124
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,660
就这样吗 我端上狗血大菜
That's it? I give you that tasty dish
125
00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:50,200
你就只"哈"一声吗
and all you give me is a "Huh"?
126
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,390
对不起小卡 昨晚我吓呆了
I-I'm s- Cam, I froze last night.
127
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:53,570
真是呆了
I froze.
128
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:55,910
我以为莉莉有危险 就吓呆了
I thought Lily was in danger and I froze.
129
00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:57,900
可你没有 你立刻行动
But not you. No, you sprung right into action.
130
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,600
居然还拉风地说了句"走起"
You even had the cool "It's go time" line.
131
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,130
那是本能啦 我做过一年交管员
That comes to me naturally. I spent a year as a crossing guard.
132
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,010
小卡 我算是什么爸爸啊
Cam, I mean, what kind of parent am I
133
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:07,990
连自己的家人都保护不了
if I can't even protect my own family, you know?
134
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:11,560
我真想有那么一次无所畏惧
Just once I would love to be the guy with no fear...
135
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,150
站起来 该 该出手时就出手
who can stand up and, I don't know, you know, kick some ass.
136
00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,240
你那小粉拳挥得真萌
You're so cute when you're angry with your little fists.
137
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,780
真想把你装进口袋里
Just wanna put you in my pocket.
138
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,180
老爸下楼了
Think he's coming.
139
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,210
-来了吗 -来了来了
- He's coming? - Here he comes.
140
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,590
-老爸 -生日快乐
- Dad! - Happy birthday!
141
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:29,130
孩子们 帅呆了
You guys! That's awesome.
142
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:32,060
-谁送来的气球 -小卡和米奇尔
- Oh, who are these from? - Cam and Mitchell.
143
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,670
典型的基情温馨
Those guys are a class act.
144
00:06:33,670 --> 00:06:35,520
我们给你做早餐呢
We're making you breakfast.
145
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,240
法式华夫饼哦
French waffle cakes.
146
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:41,850
我猜猜 两片法式吐司夹华夫
Let me guess: One waffle in between two pieces of French toast
147
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:43,470
外面裹着煎饼
wrapped in a pancake.
148
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,360
全对
Nailed it.
149
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,630
过来吧孩儿们
Bring it in here, monkeys.
150
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,170
老爸爱你们 快过来
Love you! Get over here!
151
00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:50,590
真棒
Good enough.
152
00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:51,930
老妈人呢
Where's Mom?
153
00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:53,560
你是说史上最棒的女人吗
You mean the greatest woman in the world?
154
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,130
正在苹果店门外排队呢
She is standing in line at the Apple Store,
155
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,510
要实现我所有的生日愿望
making all my birthday wishes come true.
156
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,380
看看味道怎样
Let's see how these bad boys taste.
157
00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:02,660
-别碰 -老天 烫
- Oh, no... - Son of a... Oh! It's hot!
158
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,820
-没事吧 -刚出炉是吧 真是
- Are you okay? - Fresh out of the oven? That is...
159
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:07,610
-要冰块吗 -要
- Do you want some ice? - Yes.
160
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,730
靠 真是...
Oh, man! This...
161
00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:12,120
-舒服多了 舒服舒服 -对不起 老爸
- Oh, that feels better. That feels better. - Sorry, Dad.
162
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,540
没有 太诡异了
No, it actually- That feels weird.
163
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:15,850
换了种疼法
That burns in a different way!
164
00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:20,910
烤盘别洗啊 我皮还黏在上面呢
Don't wash this until we see if I can get my skin back. Okay?
165
00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:26,570
让我看看
Let me see it!
166
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,920
不行 派对要晚上才开始呢
No! Your party's not until tonight.
167
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:29,910
你得等等
You're just gonna have to wait.
168
00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:31,750
让我看看包装袋嘛 留在车里了吗
Just let me see the bag. Did you leave it in the car?
169
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,390
-对啊 -谁招待你的
- Yeah! - Hey, who'd you deal with?
170
00:07:33,390 --> 00:07:35,280
是叫莫哈吗 他们管他叫"兽男"
Was it a guy named Mehar? They call him "The beast."
171
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,410
矮个子 他肯定忙着疯狂搬货
He's a tiny guy. He must've move a ton of product.
172
00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:39,960
吊胃口哈 我喜欢
I kinda love that you're making me wait.
173
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,030
你是史上最棒老婆啦
You are the best wife ever!
174
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:45,140
史上最棒 绝对的
You are the best wife ever!
175
00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:46,860
我没买到iPad
I didn't get you the iPad.
176
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,970
我到的时候已经卖光了
I got to the store and they were all out.
177
00:07:48,970 --> 00:07:50,300
真对不起
I'm so sorry.
178
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:52,680
我不懂 我网友都买到了
I don't understand. My online buddies got it.
179
00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:55,180
高考落榜君和机器兄8点才到店里
SAT800 and Brobot didn't get there until 8:00.
180
00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:56,470
你肯定比他们早
And you definitely got there before they did,
181
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:57,880
你不是六点半就去了
because you got there at 6:30.
182
00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:01,280
不不不 你没早去吗 你上哪去了
No, no, no! You didn't get there at 6:30? Where were you?
183
00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:02,850
我闹钟定了五点的
I set the alarm for 5:00.
184
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,620
起床下楼 结果又睡着了
I got up, I came downstairs, I fell asleep.
185
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:07,200
不要啊 老天爷
No! Oh, my goodness.
186
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,120
我做了什么 我做了什么
What have I done? What have I done?
187
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,280
-我该自己去的 -亲爱的 没事
- I should've done this myself. - Sweetie, you know what?
188
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,530
下周会补货的呀
They're gonna get more in next week.
189
00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:13,580
下周
Next week?
190
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,080
让抢鲜族等下周 你太残忍了
That's the worst thing you can say to an early adopter.
191
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:18,400
你上哪去
Where are you going?
192
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,590
去找个重视别人生日的地方
To a place where birthdays still mean something.
193
00:08:29,830 --> 00:08:30,890
我去开门
I'll get that.
194
00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:33,410
-曼尼 -米奇尔
- Hi, Manny. - Mitchell?
195
00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:35,310
你有何贵干呀
What are you doing here at...
196
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:38,030
现在时间 周六下午4点17分
4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?
197
00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,870
我来还老爸的工具包
Oh, I'm just returning my dad's belt of tools, so-
198
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,460
周六下午4点17分吗
At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?
199
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,600
你没别的事可干了吗
Don't you have something better to do?
200
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,140
-装扮成功吗 -什么
- So, were you a big hit? - What do you mean?
201
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:52,490
你借这玩意多半是参加化妆派对嘛
Well, I just assumed there was some kind of costume party.
202
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,860
小卡扮印度阿三是不
Was Cam the Indian?
203
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:55,460
不 跟你说 爸
No. For your information, Dad,
204
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,670
我们确实是在家建了东西
we were actually doing a little construction at the house.
205
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,800
建了什么
What'd you build?
206
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,630
礼品包装小站
A gift-wrapping station.
207
00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:01,840
真够基情的哈
And we're back.
208
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:05,260
-谢了 -不客气
- So, thank you for that. - You're welcome.
209
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,980
老爸 你记不记得我11岁时
Hey, uh, Dad, do you remember when I was, probably 11...
210
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,280
你教我拳击 我半途而废来着
and you were teaching me how to fight, and then I quit?
211
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,770
是啊 你说你要学的招数
Yeah, when you said everything you needed to learn
212
00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:14,640
《西区故事》那种歌舞片里都有
you'd learn from West Side Story.
213
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,050
-对 -花拳绣腿好用吗
- Yeah. - How'd that work out for you?
214
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:18,140
哪天斗了舞 一定告诉你
If I'm ever in a dance fight, I'll let you know.
215
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:23,190
那 你还想教我吗
So, yeah- Is the offer, uh, still good?
216
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:25,470
怎么了 你和小卡闹矛盾啦
Why? What's the matter? You got problems with Cam?
217
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:27,870
怎么会呢 你咋猜那个
No! Why would you say that?
218
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:31,190
拜托 和男人同居哎
Well, come on. I mean, you know, sharing a room with a guy?
219
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:33,770
我跟我弟弟睡过上下铺 天天暴力
I bunked with my brother. I know that can get pretty rough.
220
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,450
我和小卡可不睡上下铺
I don't "bunk" with Cam.
221
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,040
爸 我就是想学点自卫术
Dad, I just wanna learn a little self-defense, you know.
222
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,420
还记得哪招 耍来看看
Show me what you remember.
223
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,790
-现 现在吗 -来吧
- Right now? - Yeah.
224
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,270
好吧 老天 拇指外扣
Okay, uh- Gosh, uh- Thumbs out.
225
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,920
-没错 乖仔 -然后
- Thumbs. Attaboy. - And then-
226
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,190
不咋漂亮 是不
That wasn't- That wasn't very pretty, was it?
227
00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:57,780
其实 恐怕是太"漂亮"了
You know what? Maybe it was a little too pretty.
228
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,620
没错
That's the thing.
229
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,260
起飞了哈
Here it goes.
230
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:03,970
老天
Oh! Oh, man!
231
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:05,130
哥们
Buddy!
232
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:08,470
你起跳点太低了 才没飞起来
Think the problem is, you're not jumping from high enough.
233
00:10:09,220 --> 00:10:10,600
去车库顶试试
You should get on top of the garage.
234
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,240
艾丽克斯 别害你小弟了
Alex, stop trying to kill your brother.
235
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,420
各位 妈妈要求助你们
Listen, guys, I need your help.
236
00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:15,640
得给老爸找个iPad来
We've gotta find your dad one of those iPad thingies.
237
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,800
海莉 给你朋友群发短信
So, Haley, text everyone you know.
238
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,630
艾丽克斯 Facebook 推特什么的都发一圈
Alex? Facebook, chat, tweet, buzz, bling,
239
00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:22,110
我不懂那些玩意 你要通过一切渠道
I don't know! Just do what you have to do.
240
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:24,320
千万找个iPad来 好吗
We have got to find one of these iPads. Okay?
241
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,610
卢克小可爱 别挡路
Luke? Sweetie, that means stay out of everyone's way
242
00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:28,510
也别吸氢气
and stop inhaling the balloons.
243
00:10:28,890 --> 00:10:30,230
我哪有吸氢气
I'm not inhaling them.
244
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,330
少撒谎了
Stop lying.
245
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,440
她怎么发现的
How did she know?
246
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:41,740
妈妈有没教你 别坐陌生人的车
Didn't your mama teach you never to take a ride from a stranger?
247
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:43,800
快放假了吧
Got a little vacation time coming up?
248
00:10:44,170 --> 00:10:45,820
上月球好好玩吧
Have fun on the moon!
249
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,620
最近身体不爽是吗
Not feeling too well lately?
250
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,040
来看看医生
Maybe you should come see the doctor...
251
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,850
哥帮你解决
and I'll get rid of it!
252
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,240
你瞎嚷嚷啥呢
What's that supposed to mean?
253
00:10:58,410 --> 00:11:01,220
请注意 参加菲尔生日派对的朋友们
Attention. If you're here for Phil's birthday party,
254
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,290
请到野餐区集合
they're gathering in the picnic area.
255
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:05,070
菲尔的生日派对
Phil's birthday party.
256
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,060
我老婆知道我会来这
My wife knew I'd be here.
257
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,060
给我准备了派对哎
She put together a whole party for me.
258
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,600
这能弥补iPad的事儿吗
Does that really make up for not getting an iPad?
259
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,800
我跟你交心了 你可别挑拨我们
Don't make me sorry I shared that with you. Okay?
260
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,940
拜啦各位
See you, fellas.
261
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,950
侬好呀
Howdy-do!
262
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:25,450
广播说菲尔的生日派对在这
I just heard the announcement for Phil's birthday party.
263
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,400
对的 拐弯就是
Oh, yeah. It's right around the corner.
264
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,610
-太棒了 -好好玩
- Awesome. - Have fun!
265
00:11:28,610 --> 00:11:30,500
谢谢你 美女
Thank you. Thanks, my lady.
266
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:39,030
冰激凌蛋糕吗 真棒
Ice-cream cake? Ice-cream cake's good.
267
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,950
菲尔 生日快乐
Happy birthday, Phil!
268
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,360
太帅了
This is awesome!
269
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,570
-生日快乐 -生日快乐
- Happy birthday! - Happy birthday!
270
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,040
生日快乐 宝贝
Happy birthday, sweetie.
271
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,660
-生日快乐 -玩得开心呀
- Happy birthday. - Have a really good birthday.
272
00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:57,120
-看到蛋糕了吗 -超棒的
- Did you see the cake? - Oh, yeah. It's great.
273
00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:01,040
喂
Hello?
274
00:12:01,770 --> 00:12:03,810
没事 我哄小孩睡觉呢
No, that's fine, I'm just putting the baby down.
275
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,350
那是杰克 出轨的那个
Okay, that's Jake. He's the one that's having an affair.
276
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,020
-我知道的 -明晚没问题
- I know. - Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night.
277
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,190
向我老婆编个谎就行
I'll just give my wife some excuse.
278
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:13,800
混蛋汉子
Men are pigs.
279
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,620
-那也没办法 -有呀
- I don't really have a choice, do I? - Yeah.
280
00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,720
别劈腿不行吗
You could not cheat on her! How about that?
281
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,670
我得给她个惊喜嘛
Because it has to be a surprise.
282
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,940
等我跟她外婆说起意大利语
When she hears me speaking Italian to her grandmother,
283
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:24,170
我偷偷摸摸这么长时间也值了
it'll be worth all this sneaking around.
284
00:12:24,170 --> 00:12:26,330
莉莉 我猜错了 他是个好男人啊
Lily, I had it backwards. He's wonderful.
285
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,220
别担心 我就说要加班
Don't worry. I'll just tell her I'm working late.
286
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,390
不行杰克 别那么说
No, Jake, don't do that.
287
00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:30,960
说加班你就惨了
That's the worst thing you could do.
288
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,940
晚安啦[意大利语]
Buonanotte.
289
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,950
坏了莉莉 我们要怎么办
Oh, no, Lily, what are we gonna do?
290
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,610
得帮帮他们啊
We have to fix this.
291
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,990
米奇尔 我就教你几招
Okay, Mitchell, I'm gonna teach you
292
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:41,540
基本的巴西柔术吧
a couple of basic Brazilian jiu-jitsu moves.
293
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,750
现在 来打我
Now, just attack me.
294
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,070
什么
I'm sorry- What?
295
00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:48,300
释放你内心的怨恨
Take any deep-seated anger you may have,
296
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,710
冲过来打我吧
get a running start and come at me.
297
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:51,170
老爸 我没记恨过你啊
Dad, I don't have any deep-seated anger.
298
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,430
记得那次万圣节
Remember that Halloween when
299
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:54,030
我不让你扮奥利维亚·纽顿-约翰吗
I wouldn't let you go as Olivia Newton-John?
300
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:58,810
懂了吧 借力打力
You see what I did? I used your momentum against you.
301
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,650
格雷西柔术创始人教我的
I learned this choke from the Gracie brothers.
302
00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:02,780
这招叫"伏狮锁"
It's called the lion killer- mata lella.
303
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,080
-懂 -试试挣脱 挣一下
- Okay. - Now try to get out. Try to get out.
304
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,900
-难不 -挣不开
- See? - I can't.
305
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,500
挣不开就对了
Yeah, all right. Now-
306
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,880
-我要晕了 -这招就厉害在
- Passing out... - See, the beauty of this is,
307
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,430
你不用贸然攻击
you don't have to make the first move.
308
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,470
对手可能会轻敌嘛
You know, chances are your opponent's gonna be overconfident.
309
00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:16,960
以为你是个菜鸟
He's gonna think you don't know anything.
310
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,450
反而被骗 就显得很二
Basically, he's being suckered into thinking-
311
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:23,440
曼尼 曼尼这小子耍我
Manny. Manny, that little bastard, he hustled me.
312
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,380
糟
Oh, crap.
313
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:29,430
糟了 米奇尔
Ah, crap. Mitchell!
314
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:34,150
得 吸气 加油
Oh, crap. All right. Come on. Breathe.
315
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,170
好小子 快醒来
Attaboy. You all right? Coming around.
316
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:39,100
-我怎么趴地上了 -醒过来 米奇尔
- Why am I on the floor?- Come on, Mitchell.
317
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:43,840
海莉 我又没买着
Haley, I just struck out again.
318
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,660
拜托给点好消息
Please tell me you have some good news.
319
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,130
格氏又进了一批货
Okay, so The Grove just got a new shipment.
320
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,670
我短信你地址
I'm texting you the directions now.
321
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:52,220
很好 很好 真棒真棒
Oh! Okay, that's good. That's good. That's good.
322
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,530
我这就去 立刻滚去
I'm there. I'm on that.
323
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:01,320
那小子把我手表骗走了
That kid stole my watch.
324
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,300
-啥 -什么
- Huh? - What?
325
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:04,010
他骗我跟他下棋
He hustled me at chess.
326
00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:07,070
你不是保证让他赢吗
I thought you promised you were gonna let him win.
327
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:09,730
-我让他赢了一盘 -等等 你也知道
- I did the first time. - Wait a minute. You're in on it too?
328
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,820
曼尼 换派对衣服去
Manny, go and get dressed for the party.
329
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,160
能洗个澡吗
Do I have time for a steam?
330
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,870
-行 但要快 -好
- Yeah, but a quick one. - Okay.
331
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,770
干嘛叫他输给我
Why tell him to lose to me?
332
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:18,910
你一输棋就发小孩脾气
Because you're like a baby when you don't win.
333
00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:20,750
乱踢东西 皱眉头
With the kicking and the eyebrows...
334
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,110
还狂吃瓜子
and the angry eating of the sunflower seeds.
335
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,230
不是那样的
Actually, that's not true.
336
00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:29,100
输给小天才 我怎么会不服气呢
I don't mind losing to a chess genius, which Manny obviously is.
337
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,340
他天才 他还没我下得好呢
Chess genius? He's not even as good as I am.
338
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,390
你下棋不怎么样啊
You're not that good in chess.
339
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:34,950
-蜜月那次输给我了啊 -我让你的
- I beat you on our honeymoon. - Or did I let you win?
340
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,230
你才没让我
You didn't let me win.
341
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:41,240
我干嘛要把皇后送入你的魔爪 杰
Why would I sacrifice my queen for your pawn, Jay?
342
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:48,980
别哼了
Stop saying that.
343
00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:57,880
卢克 宝贝 怎么了
Luke, honey, hi. What's going on?
344
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,700
老爸的蛋糕送来了
They guy came with Dad's cake,
345
00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,770
可它缺了一块
but just so you know, it's missing a piece.
346
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,650
-你偷吃老爸蛋糕了吗 -没啊
- Luke, did you take a bite out of your father's cake? - No.
347
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:07,220
-别撒谎 卢克 -我哪有
- Stop lying, Luke. - I'm not lying.
348
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,820
哦对 我用你的卡付了钱
By the way, I used your credit card to pay him.
349
00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:10,840
没问题吧
Is that all right?
350
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,680
没问题啊
Oh, no, that's fine.
351
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,100
我把钱包留给你们就是为这个的嘛
Whatever. That's why I left the wallet there.
352
00:15:16,410 --> 00:15:17,390
上帝啊
Oh, my God.
353
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,740
上帝啊
Oh, my God!
354
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,210
我把钱包留家里了
I left the wallet there! I left the wa-
355
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:24,590
你可怜的老爸
Your poor father.
356
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,390
我们乱成一团
All this running around,
357
00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:28,100
他肯定以为没人在乎他生日
and he's gonna think nobody cares about him on his birthday.
358
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:29,180
再来点蛋糕吗
More cake?
359
00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:31,430
行啊 小菲尔
Why not, Little Phil?
360
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:33,380
反正我也没地儿去
I got no place else to go.
361
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,380
先生 先生 打扰你了
Sir! Sir! Sir, hi. Excuse me.
362
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,030
我有点唐突
Um, yes. I know this is highly unusual,
363
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,850
但我需要你帮忙 挽救一段婚姻
but I need your help to save a marriage.
364
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:54,510
这附近有对夫妇
There is a couple in this neighborhood...
365
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:57,200
就因为一个小误会 快要离婚了
that is about to get a divorce for a simple misunderstanding.
366
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,930
他们叫杰克和黛比
Their name is Jake and Debbie.
367
00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,810
我知道您宣过誓
And I know you've taken an oath...
368
00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:02,810
不能泄露他人住址
to not tell people where other people live,
369
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:03,690
我也尊重您
and I respect that,
370
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:05,150
但我们能不能想办法
but maybe we could work out some sort of
371
00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:06,710
设计一套暗号
super secretive spy signal,
372
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,650
比如你挠左耳
where if you scratch your left ear,
373
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:09,870
暗示我他们住在左手边
you know, maybe they live on the left,
374
00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:11,340
如果挠右耳 就是...
and if you scratch your right ear, they live on-
375
00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:12,690
就住这
They live right here.
376
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,820
我不会说出去的
This conversation never happened.
377
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:23,760
-抱歉晚了 -感谢上帝
- Sorry. - Oh, thank God!
378
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,200
谢谢你 谢谢
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
379
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:27,380
老爸把我整晕了
Dad just put me to sleep.
380
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,040
他给你讲催眠的打猎故事了吧
The hunting story.
381
00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:30,560
不是啦
Hmm. No.
382
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,300
老天 你可不能插队 对不起
Oh, my gosh, no. You can't cut the line. Sorry.
383
00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:35,060
-我本来就排这 -哪有
- I was here. - Uh-uh.
384
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:37,200
我排了一个半小时
I-I've been here for an hour and a half
385
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,310
都没看见你 你这是插队
and you haven't been, so you cut the line.
386
00:16:39,310 --> 00:16:41,900
-你管我 -这位先生
- Whatever. - Whoa. Excuse me, sir.
387
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,230
您好像没弄清楚
I don't think you understand.
388
00:16:43,230 --> 00:16:44,350
你不可以插队的
You're not getting in front of us.
389
00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:45,800
淡定点啦 红毛小子
Calm down, gingerbread.
390
00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:49,960
-你走还是不走 -不走
- Are you gonna move or not? - No.
391
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,750
别啊
Oh, no.
392
00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:53,870
那我别无选择
Then you leave me no choice.
393
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:55,670
上帝啊
Oh, my God.
394
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,260
晕吧你
Go to sleep.
395
00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,930
快点 快晕过去
Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
396
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:00,670
没晕啊
No.
397
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,370
-米奇尔你干什么 放开他 -闭嘴
- Mitchell, what are you doing? Get off of him. - Shut up.
398
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,550
-他就要晕了 -才没有呢
- He's about to go to sleep. - No, I'm not.
399
00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:07,600
请不要打架 三位请出列
Okay, folks. Break this up. You three- out of line.
400
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,940
抱歉先生 我和他们无关
Oh, no. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't have anything to do with this.
401
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:11,820
我只是排队买iPad而已
I'm just waiting in line to get an iPad.
402
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:13,570
我都不认识他
I don't even know this guy.
403
00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:14,670
老天 我得用你的信用卡
Oh, my God. I need your credit card.
404
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,050
-是他挑事 -闭嘴 你怎么还不晕
- He's the problem. - Shut up! You're supposed to be asleep.
405
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:18,410
-没事我拿到了 -放开我
- It's okay. I have it. - Get off!
406
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:19,580
-我拿到了 -什么
- I've got it. - What?
407
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,830
你的卡 我没犯事 没犯事
I've got your card. I'm good. No, I'm good.
408
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,980
我排在这呢 这儿
I'm good. I'm here. I'm here!
409
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:26,230
我要给我老公买iPad啊
I've gotta get my husband an iPad!
410
00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:29,640
生日快乐的秘诀就是 别期待太多
Key to a good birthday? Low expectations.
411
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:32,720
我以为能有iPad 期待错了
Thought I was getting an iPad. I was wrong about that.
412
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:36,000
以为球场有惊喜派对
Thought I was getting a surprise party at the batting cages.
413
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,130
不好意思 大菲尔
Sorry, Big Phil.
414
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,190
我觉得 说到底
Guess when it comes right down to it,
415
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,820
我就跟被踢中蛋蛋的杰夫·斯威尼一样
we're all just Jeff Sweeney taking a fastball to the plums.
416
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:50,050
老爸 蛋糕掉地下了
Hey, um, Dad, your cake fell off the counter,
417
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:51,910
但小卡舅夫正补救呢
but Uncle Cam's trying to fix it.
418
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:52,890
他只会偷吃掉
He won't.
419
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,780
披萨一直都没送来
And the pizzas never showed up.
420
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,440
没来就没来呗
And they won't!
421
00:17:58,610 --> 00:17:59,760
基情小气球啊
Hey, balloons.
422
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,300
得 反正没法知道了
Fine. I guess we'll never know.
423
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,820
要么现在见分晓
Or we can find out right now.
424
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:05,110
曼尼 棋盘给我
Yeah, Manny, give me the chess set.
425
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:07,030
-送我棋盘啊 -待会再给你
- Oh, it's a chess set. - Yeah. You'll get it later.
426
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:08,270
我们得决一死战
We got something to settle now.
427
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:10,360
-往里走 - 生日快乐 菲尔
- Go in there. - Happy birthday, Phil.
428
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,760
一定快乐哟
Happy happy.
429
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,630
好香 克莱尔烤了干酪吗
Is that Claire's baked brie I smell?
430
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,180
没
No.
431
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,200
小卡小卡 你不会相信的
Oh, Cam, Cam, you'll never believe what happened.
432
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,690
-生日快乐 菲尔 -当然啦
- Happy birthday, Phil! - Sure!
433
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:23,620
你绝不会相信的
You'll never believe what happened.
434
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:24,990
我和人打架了
I got in trouble for fighting.
435
00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:26,770
我们还挽救了一段婚姻
And we saved a marriage.
436
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:29,160
-今天真是史上最棒 -没错
- Well, this is the best day ever. - It really is.
437
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,330
可不是嘛
Ain't it though?
438
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:36,720
宝贝 看我这招
Look at this, papi, huh?
439
00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:38,980
淡定
Easy.
440
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,050
别唱《冠军之歌》[皇后乐队名曲]
You can't sing "We Are the Champions"...
441
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,370
你的皇后都没了
without your queen.
442
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,510
该死 要是我输了 我就烧掉这房子
Damn it! Listen, I lose and I burn this house down!
443
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:51,890
-看这儿 -亲爱的 亲爱的
- Ah, but look at this... - Honey, honey.
444
00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:53,880
我们闹什么呢 太滑稽了
What are we doing? This is ridiculous.
445
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:55,990
我们总有个要赢
One of us is gonna win the game,
446
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:58,460
另一个就不爽 只会两败俱伤
the other's gonna feel lousy, and we both lose.
447
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:04,730
成啊 把我的礼物扔地上吧
Yeah, just leave my birthday present on the floor.
448
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,550
好老婆 她已经赢定了
That's my girl. She had me.
449
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:09,020
我没戏了 我知道的
There was no way I could win. I knew it.
450
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:11,040
幸好她不知道
I'm just glad she didn't know it yet.
451
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,110
只需两步 就能杀他个...
Two moves, and then-
452
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,300
我可是个下棋高手
I'm a very good chess player.
453
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:17,170
但我更是个好老婆
But I'm a better wife.
454
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,520
-买到了吗 -没有
- Hey, did you get it? - No.
455
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,910
-爸爸怎么样 -古怪 更古怪了
- How's your dad? - Acting weird... er.
456
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,370
-老婆 -亲爱的
- Hey, wife. - Honey, hi.
457
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:29,530
-是这样 -妈妈
- Um, listen... - Mom.
458
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:30,860
卢克 等会再说
Yeah, Luke, hang on one second.
459
00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:33,570
老婆 没关系啦 我已经没感觉了
Honey, it's okay. I don't feel things anymore.
460
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,560
-可我想让你... -妈妈
- But, sweetie, I want you to feel... - Mom!
461
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:38,270
卢克我一会就来 你上哪去
Luke, I'll be with you in just a second. Where are you going?
462
00:19:38,270 --> 00:19:40,770
去院子里拿铲子 清理我的蛋糕
Just heading out to the yard to get a shovel for my cake.
463
00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:43,040
-老妈 -卢克你要干嘛
- Mom. - Luke, what do you want?
464
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,740
我上了老爸的电脑
I went on Dad's computer,
465
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:47,050
联系了他的宅男网友们
contacted some of his geek friends,
466
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,840
说老爸快死了
told them that he was dying
467
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,110
有个iPad才能瞑目
and his last wish was an iPad.
468
00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:52,730
卢克 我怎么教你的
Luke, what have I told you about-
469
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:55,610
有个人很同情 就送来台多余的
One of them felt so bad, they brought over an extra.
470
00:19:56,850 --> 00:20:00,540
上帝啊 你拿到了 你这个乖仔撒谎精
Oh, my God. You got it. You beautiful little liar!
471
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,760
老爸回来了
Here comes Dad.
472
00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:12,160
谁想吃蛋糕呀
Who wants some cake?
473
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,480
我之前想 可我不想吃...
I used to, but I don't desire food any-
474
00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,780
老天 你买到了
Oh, my God. You got it!
475
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,260
我说了半天不在乎
All this time I said I didn't care,
476
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,140
可我真想要 超想要的
but I do care. I care so much!
477
00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:21,630
-想吹蜡烛吗 -好
- Do you want to blow out the candles? - Yes.
478
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:24,040
吹吧 使劲
Go on. Go.
479
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,860
居然真能吹灭
It did not just do that!
480
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,860
-是真的 -老婆我爱你
- Yes, it did! - Honey!
481
00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:33,290
瞧这刚出炉热乎乎的iPad啊
Oh, who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives?
482
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:35,600
-菲尔 生日快乐 -看啊
- Phil, happy birthday! - Look at this!
483
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,890
-我能摸摸吗 -摸 别掐 摸摸
- Can I touch it? - Yeah, not so hard, but touch it.
484
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,820
摸它 别摸 摸 别摸
Touch it, but don't touch it. Touch it, but don't touch it.
485
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,390
对不起 我不该怀疑你
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.
486
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:48,680
我爱你
I love you.
487
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:50,420
感谢上帝送来了那个人
Thank God that guy came over.
488
00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:51,760
他叫什么来着
What did he say his name was?
489
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,760
他没说 肯定是位天使
He didn't. Must be an angel.
490
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,420
听到了吗 说我是天使呢
Did you hear that? I'm an angel.
491
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,190
-或者是个变态 -对啊
- Or some creepy perv. - Yeah.
492
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,600
他怎么知道的 恶心
How did he know? Eww.
493
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:05,040
-我该报警吗 -没错 报警吧
- Maybe I should call the police. - You should call the police.
494
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,590
-这就报 -他们从此幸福地生活在一起
- I'm gonna call the police. - And they lived happily ever after.
495
00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:10,470
别啊小卡 你上哪去 才刚开始精彩
No, Cam. Where are you going? It was just getting good.
496
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,260
我想听 多好的节目
I want- That's my program.
497
00:21:14,670 --> 00:21:15,690
我爱你
I love you.
498
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:18,880
-我也爱你 亲爱的 -好吧
- I love you too, honey. - Oh. Okay.
