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0:00:04.12,	Can I get everybody's attension. Real quick.	各位安静一下 听我简单说几句
0:00:07.69,	Um, on this wonderful occasion--	在这个美好的日子里
0:00:09.74,	Our daughter leaving tomorrow for college...	我们的女儿明日即将离家步入大学
0:00:12.75,	If I could get everyone to raise their glass.	请各位一起举杯
0:00:15.56,	As I quote from one of our nation's great fathers--	容我引用我国一位伟大的父亲
0:00:18.05,	Jefferson.	杰斐逊
0:00:19.48,	George Jefferson.	乔治·杰斐逊
0:00:21.39,	I never dreamed that one of my own	我没想到我的孩子
0:00:22.59,	would be going off to a university,	有朝一日会进入大学
0:00:24.14,	but here I stand, a proud black man,	但今天我作为一个自豪的黑人
0:00:26.04,	knowing that all those hours I put in at the dry cleaner--"	明白我耗费在干洗机上的日日夜夜
0:00:28.31,	Phil.-Not now,Weezie.	菲尔-别打岔 维兹
0:00:30.22,	Where was I?	我说到哪儿了
0:00:30.92,	Quoting that president.	你在引用杰弗逊"总统"的话
0:00:32.16,	Okay, if she's the future of America,	如果她也算是美国的未来
0:00:33.58,	we should start using Chinese money now.	我们还是赶紧用人民币吧
0:00:35.63,	We already are.	我们早就在花中国人的钱了
0:00:37.06,	My arm is tired. To Haley.	我手都举酸了 祝贺海莉
0:00:39.26,	To Haley!	祝贺海莉
0:00:41.09,	And before everyone puts their glasses down,	在各位放下杯子以前
0:00:43.20,	uh, uh, we're also very proud of Lily.	我们也有莉莉的喜事宣布
0:00:45.42,	Tomorrow is her first day of kindergarten.	明天是她第一次上幼儿园的日子
0:00:49.53,	- To Lily. - Oh, Lily.	祝贺莉莉-莉莉
0:00:50.87,	To Lily. And you'll be impressed to know	祝贺莉莉 你们要知道
0:00:52.45,	that she's gonna be one of the smartest girls there.	她会是全班最聪明的小姑娘
0:00:54.01,	Lily, sweetie, what's the square root of 64?	莉莉宝贝 64的平方根是几
0:00:56.34,	8	8
0:00:57.12,	Wow. Hey!	好厉害啊
0:00:58.05,	Nice trick.	真狡猾
0:00:58.97,	Hey, Lily, what's the square root of this potato?	莉莉 土豆的平方根是几
0:01:01.60,	8	8
0:01:02.30,	Congratulations. You have a parrot.	恭喜你们 养出只大鹦鹉来
0:01:06.16,	We couldn't even get through the toast to Haley	海莉的祝酒词还没结束
0:01:08.19,	before you pulled focus to Lily.	你就让莉莉来抢风头了
0:01:09.90,	Oh, come on. It's--it's a big day for both of them. Huh?	拜托 今天是她们俩的大日子好吗
0:01:12.67,	Haley going to college is a miracle.	海莉能进大学是奇迹
0:01:14.79,	Lily going to kindergarten is the law.	莉莉进幼儿园却是法律强制规定
0:01:17.37,	Well, Haley and Lily aren't the only ones starting school.	海莉和莉莉不是唯一开始上学的人
0:01:20.90,	My mom and jay are going to parenting class.	我妈和杰要去上育儿班了
0:01:23.05,	We're doing it for the baby.	我们是为了宝宝才去的
0:01:24.33,	Not this baby. That baby.	不是她肚子里这个 是那个活"宝"
0:01:26.73,	Manny doesn't believe that we know what we're doing.	曼尼不相信我们能尽好父母之职
0:01:29.58,	A couple of new hairs under his arm,	腋窝的毛刚长出几根
0:01:31.41,	and now he thinks he knows more than his own mother.	他就觉得自己比他妈懂得多了
0:01:33.77,	I know not to embarrass my son	我至少懂得不去
0:01:35.13,	as he stands on the threshold of manhood.	羞辱儿子青春期的正常发育现象
0:01:36.73,	I don't know why I have to go to this thing.	我干嘛非要去上那个课
0:01:38.33,	In case you've forgotten, I raised two kids.	你们应该记得 我带大了两个孩子
0:01:42.13,	Stop pulling my hair.	别扯我的头发
0:01:42.89,	- Stop twisting my nipple. Ow! - Shut up. Shut up.	别拧我的奶头-闭嘴闭嘴
0:01:46.74,	Why look at me? It was their mother's fault.	干嘛看我 都是他们老妈的错
0:01:49.20,	I was barely around.	我基本就不在家
0:01:50.38,	No! Ow, ow!	好疼
0:01:52.41,	■
0:01:55.41,	■
0:01:58.41,	■
0:02:01.90,	第四季 第二集
0:02:05.56,	Haley, this is, like, the third bag	海莉 你这些化妆用品
0:02:06.95,	of makeup and hair care products.	和护发器材都装满第三箱了
0:02:08.30,	Dad, if you want me to get good grades, I have to look cute.	爸 要想得高分 就得靠脸蛋
0:02:10.84,	Don't say a word.	别吐我的槽
0:02:11.89,	No. No. I agree with that premise.	不 我同意你那句话的假设前提
0:02:13.46,	Thank you. Wait.	谢谢啊 等一下
0:02:16.26,	Yeah, thank you.	好吧 谢谢你
0:02:20.23,	Claire.	克莱尔
0:02:21.71,	In Haley's stuff, a box of condoms.	海莉的行李里有一盒保险套
0:02:24.28,	Yeah. Um, I-I bought those for her.	是的 是我买给她的
0:02:26.67,	What? Why don't you just buy her some fishnet stockings	什么 你怎么不直接给她买双渔网袜
0:02:29.25,	and a nurse's outfit?	再加套护士制服装呢
0:02:30.92,	Not that that's my thing. That just popped into my head.	我不是制服控 只是脑海突然冒出了这画面
0:02:33.07,	Honey, she's an adult, and she's going to college.	亲爱的 她已成年了 又将去上大学
0:02:35.41,	I want to be realistic.	我必须现实一些
0:02:36.66,	I don't want her to get caught unprepared.	我不希望她"套到用时方恨少"
0:02:38.37,	24 times? What, are you buying her a 4-year supply?	24个套套 你这是准备了4年份吗
0:02:41.40,	Please. Phil, that would've lasted me	拜托 菲尔 那才够我
0:02:43.33,	and my college boyfriend, like, a long--	和大学男友来一次长时间的
0:02:44.53,	La, la, la, la, la, la, la!	不听不听不听
0:02:47.41,	Okay, we gotta hit the road.	好 我们该走了
0:02:49.01,	Give your sister a hug good-bye.	你们姐妹俩拥抱再见吧
0:02:52.78,	Don't dork up our room.	别把房间弄得太书呆气了
0:02:53.92,	Don't slut up your college.	别在大学里和同学睡成一片
0:02:59.45,	Seriously, though, don't study too hard, okay?	说真的 别太努力学习了
0:03:02.23,	I'm totally going to have fun.	我会玩得很开心的
0:03:04.08,	I'm Iceland in the mock U.N.	我在模拟联合国中代表冰岛呢
0:03:06.90,	Mom, we're gonna lose her.	妈 我们要失去她了
0:03:08.27,	I am doing my best.	我会尽力阻止的
0:03:10.39,	Luke, come say good-bye to your sister.	卢克 过来和姐姐说再见
0:03:12.67,	I'm right here.	我来了
0:03:15.54,	Bye, Haley. Have fun.	再见海莉 玩得开心点
0:03:17.76,	Don't drink too much beer and shots of tequila.	别喝太多啤酒和龙舌兰
0:03:20.03,	Why are you wearing that mask?	你带着面具干什么
0:03:22.21,	Uh, I like it.	我喜欢
0:03:23.58,	He doesn't want you to see him cry.	他是不想让你看到他流泪
0:03:25.14,	He's literally masking his emotions.	他用面具罩住了自己的情绪
0:03:26.99,	No!	不是的
0:03:27.69,	- That's so sweet. - Come here.	真感人-过来
0:03:29.66,	It's not sweet. I'm an evil cyborg.	没什么感人的 我是邪恶电子人
0:03:32.37,	Half my face was burned off in an industrial accident,	半边脸都在工业事故中烧毁了
0:03:35.13,	and the mask is hiding the servos that control my mouth.	面具是用来掩饰让我的发声设备的
0:03:40.28,	Yes, I am sad Haley is leaving,	是的 海莉离家我很难过
0:03:42.37,	but I'm gonna be okay knowing I've done everything I can	但我很放心 因为我已经尽了一切努力
0:03:45.20,	to get her set up and prepared and off on the right foot.	让她万事俱备 即将迈出自立的第一步
0:03:49.38,	Not me. When we're standing in her dorm room saying good-bye,	我没有 我们在宿舍向她道别的一刻
0:03:52.19,	it's gonna be one of the most emotional moments of my life.	将是我人生中最激动的时刻之一
0:03:55.50,	I'm gonna cry harder than the first time I saw "Air bud"...	我会比第一次看《神犬巴迪》哭得还厉害
0:03:59.24,	Especially when I give her this.	尤其是在我交给她这个时
0:04:02.33,	Phil's-osophy.	《菲尔之道》
0:04:03.76,	A hardbound collection of all the life lessons I've learned,	我总结出的人生道理精装版
0:04:06.67,	such as...	比如
0:04:10.62,	Always look people in the eye,	永远直视对方的双眼
0:04:12.82,	even if they're blind.	哪怕对方是盲人
0:04:14.26,	Just say, 'I'm looking you in the eye.'"	告诉他们 我正看着你的双眼
0:04:17.62,	Or...	或者
0:04:19.66,	If you get pulled over for speeding,	如果你因超速被拦住
0:04:22.54,	tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea."	告诉警察你同伴有拉肚之急"
0:04:28.64,	Phil's-osophy.	《菲尔之道》
0:04:32.47,	Look how much fun you're gonna have here, Lily.	看看这里多好玩啊 莉莉
0:04:35.11,	So many great toys to play with,	这么多好玩的玩具
0:04:36.94,	and you're gonna make so many new friends.	你会交到好多朋友的
0:04:39.19,	Oh, I wish I was in kindergarten again.	真希望我再读一次幼儿园
0:04:40.87,	Oh, not me. Did I ever tell you about David Anthony?	我可不要 我说过大卫·安东尼的事没
0:04:42.54,	He used to call me "Cam the ham."	他以前叫我"肉卡"
0:04:44.31,	- Okay, Lily's day. - Yeah, you're right.	今天的主角是莉莉-你说得对
0:04:45.70,	You know what? It's gonna be a great day.	知道吗 你今天一定会很开心
0:04:47.68,	I'm just saying, it's difficult to grow up	不过 名字和"火腿肉"押韵
0:04:48.84,	with a name that rhymes with "ham."	成长过程就比较艰辛
0:04:50.11,	Hello? Mitch? Witch. Twitch.	是吗 米奇 巫气 抽泣
0:04:52.99,	Bitch.	贱器
0:04:54.08,	Elaine Stritch.	伊莱恩·斯特里奇
0:04:55.24,	What?	什么
0:04:56.01,	Not all bullies are straight.	不是只有直男才欺负人
0:04:57.80,	Okay, parents...	好了 各位家长
0:04:59.62,	Oh! We'll see you at 12:00.	12点再来接孩子吧
0:05:01.54,	All right. Mm!	稳住
0:05:02.69,	This is when the crying starts.	这时候眼泪就开始止不住了
0:05:05.07,	Does it ever stop?	有停止的时候吗
0:05:06.44,	Come on, Cam.	别这样 小卡
0:05:07.42,	Okay. You know what, Lily, sweetie?	莉莉 我的宝贝
0:05:09.35,	I know this is gonna be difficult--	我知道离别总是伤人心
0:05:10.77,	Bye!	再见
0:05:12.12,	Okay. That was a knife to the heart.	好吧 真是一刀直戳我心
0:05:14.24,	No, it's--it's a good thing. Come on.	别 这是好事 别这样
0:05:16.85,	Oh, you know what? She forgot her snack. Oh.	糟了 她忘了拿零食
0:05:20.96,	Where'd she go?	她去哪儿了
0:05:22.58,	Ow! That hurts! Ow! That hurts!	好疼 好疼
0:05:25.97,	Oh, Lily, honey!	莉莉宝贝
0:05:26.67,	Sweetheart, come here. Come here.	宝贝 过来 快过来
0:05:29.37,	If you ever put your hands on my daughter again,	你再把你那小脏手伸向我女儿
0:05:33.20,	I will string you up by your feet, run you up the flagpole,	我就把你倒栽葱挂在旗杆上
0:05:35.42,	and let the birds peck out your eyes.	让鸟活生生啄出你的眼珠子来
0:05:38.93,	You understand?	你听懂了吗
0:05:40.26,	Mr. Tucker, put that boy down!	塔克先生 把那孩子放下来
0:05:46.26,	He pulled my daughter's hair.	他拉了我女儿的头发
0:05:47.79,	Please apologize to Connor	请你向康纳道歉
0:05:49.47,	for using your hands instead of your words.	因为你动了手 而非动口
0:05:53.53,	Sorry, little fella.	对不起了 小家伙
0:05:55.67,	I would like to see you in my office. Right.	请你们到我办公室来
0:05:57.66,	- Now, please. - Me, too? Oh.	现在就来-我也要去吗
0:06:07.68,	Stop it. Leave him alone.	够了 别惹他了
0:06:17.56,	Mr. Tucker, what happened out there was unacceptable.	塔克先生 刚才的事是不可接受的
0:06:19.78,	I agree. Is this kindergarten or "The hunger games"?	我同意 这是幼儿园还是饥饿游戏啊
0:06:22.31,	I'm speaking of your behavior.	我说的是你的行为
0:06:24.13,	We've never had an incident like this,	我们从没遇到这种事
0:06:25.62,	and now we've had one on the first day,	现在开学第一天就发生了
0:06:27.23,	Before circle time.	还没到班级集合时间呢
0:06:28.90,	What the fudge were you thinking?	你们到底在想什么
0:06:30.52,	Now the boy's parents are coming in, and trust me,	现在这孩子的家长也来了 相信我
0:06:32.51,	they're mad as hello kitty.	她们简直是愤怒的凯蒂猫
0:06:33.94,	Oh, you told his parents on us?	你向他家长告状啦
0:06:36.56,	That is--that is so not cool.	这实在 太不够意思了
0:06:38.12,	Well, I'm sure once they hear what their boy did,	我相信一旦他们听到自己儿子的所为
0:06:39.52,	they will be understanding.	他们也会理解的
0:06:42.15,	All right, whoever made our son cry	哪个吃了雄心豹子胆
0:06:43.70,	has messed with the wrong moms.	敢惹我们家宝贝儿子
0:06:47.22,	Lesbians.	拉拉们
0:06:49.17,	While often lumped together, gay men and lesbians	虽然基佬和拉拉常被人扯在一起
0:06:51.46,	have less in common than one might think.	但实际我们之间并没有什么交集
0:06:53.49,	Like in the Venn Diagram of sexual identity,	就好比性别认同的交集图
0:06:56.47,	You have gay men...	我是基佬
0:06:57.77,	And straight men.	我是直男
0:06:59.81,	Both the same gender.	我们性别一样
0:07:01.58,	Then you have gay men...	我是基佬
0:07:03.26,	And straight women.	我是直女
0:07:04.97,	Both attracted to the same gender.	我们都爱男人
0:07:07.53,	But gay men and lesbians?	可基佬和拉拉们呢
0:07:10.50,	No.	不行
0:07:11.13,	Nothing.	毫无交集
0:07:12.61,	I am so sorry we have to meet like this,	抱歉以这种方式和你们见面
0:07:14.94,	but I'm sure you can understand, as parents,	但我想同为家长 你们可以理解
0:07:16.72,	the instinct to protect your child.	保护自己孩子的那种本能
0:07:19.21,	Yeah, it's what makes me want to punch you in the neck right now.	是啊 所以我想一拳狠狠砸在你脖子上
0:07:21.66,	Wow. I see where your son gets all of his aggression.	哇 我终于明白你儿子的暴力倾向源自何处了
0:07:24.03,	Okay, let's all take a time-out.	好了 二位都消消火吧
0:07:25.88,	That's a good idea. This is getting a little heated.	真是个好主意 战火烧得有点大
0:07:27.73,	Yeah, Pam,	是啊 帕姆
0:07:28.46,	we don't want another incident like at the lumberyard.	别又闹出上次在木材场那样的事故
0:07:31.09,	Oh, my god. You guys go to the lumberyard, too? D--	天啊 你们也去木材场啊
0:07:33.94,	I didn't know they had a ladies' night.	我不知道那儿也办"女士之夜"呢
0:07:35.63,	Not the bar, sally.	不是说"木材场酒吧" 蠢蛋
0:07:37.34,	Okay, you know what? He's trying to be nice,	其实 他是想友善示好
0:07:39.24,	And you just called him "Sally."	你却叫他蠢蛋
0:07:40.54,	Yeah, you're not being very helpful, peppermint patty.	是啊 你简直是越帮越乱 小甜心
0:07:42.72,	Okay. Let's just stick to our actual names.	好吧 我们就叫真名好吗
0:07:44.57,	Enough.	够了
0:07:45.72,	I'm gonna give you a little homework assignment.	我要给你们分配一项家庭作业
0:07:47.94,	I want you and your kids to have a family playdate.	我希望你们和孩子们一起来个家庭欢聚会
0:07:50.96,	Maybe if the four of you can get along,	如果你们四个可以和睦相处
0:07:52.26,	You can set a better example for your children.	也可以为孩子们树立个好榜样
0:07:54.57,	I think that's a wonderful idea. Pam?	我觉得那是个好主意 帕姆
0:07:57.67,	Fine.-Cam?	好吧-小卡
0:07:58.95,	Fine. We'll host, obviously.	好吧 不过显然是由我们来主持
0:08:00.86,	Obviously?	显然吗
0:08:01.70,	I assume you have an unfinished woodworking project at your house.	我猜想你们家一定还有木工活没做完吧
0:08:04.28,	You've got a lot of nerve.	你真是胆大 出言放肆
0:08:05.57,	Yeah, and you've got half a canoe in our living room.	是啊 你做了半个独木舟还在我们家客厅里呢
0:08:09.38,	I look forward to your frittata.	我很期待尝尝你们做的馅饼
0:08:11.30,	Oh. Why, are you visiting us in 2008?	那么老套的东西 你当现在是2008年啊
0:08:13.53,	Oh, my god.	老天啊
0:08:21.23,	You have some explaining to do.	你得好好解释一下为什么生个黑娃了
0:08:23.16,	I'm so sorry that you had to find out like this, Jay.	我很抱歉娃出生了你才发现我的奸情 杰
0:08:27.43,	Wow, you two are really far along.	哇 你肚子那么大了 怀孕挺久了吧
0:08:29.54,	We're, uh, we're still in our first trimester.	我们才刚刚处于怀孕前三个月
0:08:31.70,	Ay, that's nice.	真好
0:08:32.94,	Yeah, we've been trying to get pregnant for ages.	是啊 我们多年来一直都在努力生个孩子
0:08:35.00,	She's Latina. You just gotta look at her funny.	她是拉丁人 做个鬼脸笑笑都能怀孕
0:08:38.36,	Okay, now that everyone has their doll,	好了 现在大家手上都有娃娃了
0:08:41.91,	Let's talk about swaddling.	我们先来讲一下怎么包孩子
0:08:43.70,	Now you want to start by turning one corner of the blanket	首先 你们要把毯子的一角
0:08:46.45,	toward you, like a diamond,	折向自己 折个菱形
0:08:48.48,	And folding the top down,	从上面折起来
0:08:51.35,	Like this.	就像这样
0:08:52.72,	I think they made a mistake at the hospital.	我觉得医院把我们的孩子搞错了
0:08:57.79,	Tough room.	全教室的人都没笑点
0:08:58.98,	Now we are going to pull the other corner 'round,	然后将另外一个角折过来
0:09:02.19,	And tuck it in nice and snug	整齐服帖地掖到一起
0:09:05.24,	Like a burrito.	就像玉米煎饼一样
0:09:06.28,	Done! I win.	完成 我胜了
0:09:08.79,	It's not a race.	这不是比赛
0:09:09.90,	You're darn right. It wasn't even close.	你说得太对了 跟比赛差远了
0:09:14.89,	Okay, it's good, but it's a little tight.	好吧 你包得不错 但有点太紧了
0:09:18.14,	It's a burrito. You don't want the meat to fall out.	是你说玉米煎饼的啊 不能让里面的肉掉出来
0:09:20.88,	Here. And try like this.	看着 像这样
0:09:25.58,	And see?	瞧见了吗
0:09:27.92,	Now your baby can breathe.	现在你们的宝宝可以呼吸了
0:09:31.93,	I wrapped my son with one hand while driving a stick.	我一手开车 一手都能将我儿子包好
0:09:35.62,	I think I know how to keep a baby safe.	我很清楚该怎样保证宝宝的安全
0:09:41.42,	Man, I love being back in the dorms.	天啊 我真喜欢重归宿舍的感觉
0:09:43.41,	It's like I never left.	就像我从未离开过
0:09:45.94,	Throw up a David Copperfield poster,	贴张大卫·科波菲尔的海报
0:09:47.36,	this could be my room.	简直就跟我的宿舍一模一样
0:09:49.06,	Honey, Haley and I have to go fill out some paperwork.	亲爱的 我陪海莉去填一些文件
0:09:51.56,	Why don't you throw the linens on the bed?	你就把亚麻衣服放床上吧
0:09:53.97,	- Oh, and move the car before they tow us. - Okay.	-然后把车挪个位置 别被拖走了 -好
0:09:56.41,	Oh, my god. What is that shirt?!	老天啊 你那T恤是怎么回事
0:09:57.79,	Pretty sweet, huh? "Haley Dunphy moving co."	超有爱的吧 海莉·邓菲搬家公司
0:10:00.33,	cause we're moving you here and here.	因为我们要把你"搬"到这里 上面也是
0:10:02.92,	And also...	还有...
0:10:04.91,	Here.	心里
0:10:06.71,	Man, you used to love it when we swung you like that.	女儿 以前你可喜欢拉着我们的手荡秋千了
0:10:09.35,	I bet we could still do it.	我觉得现在还是可以做的吧
0:10:10.87,	- Yeah! - Yeah.	是啊-是啊
0:10:11.99,	Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.	噢不不不不
0:10:13.21,	Don't you dare pick me up! And take that shirt off.	你们敢来拉我 还有 赶快把那衣服脱了
0:10:14.99,	- What? Why? - It's cute!	-什么 为什么 -多有爱啊
0:10:17.21,	It's not cute! Do you see what's happening out there?	一点都没有爱 你没看见现在的状况吗
0:10:19.55,	People are walking around and judging each other.	大家都转来转去互相吐槽鄙视
0:10:21.73,	No, they're not.	不 才没有呢
0:10:22.86,	Oh, really?	是吗
0:10:23.45,	You didn't see the way	你们没看见
0:10:24.04,	muffin top across the hall was looking at me?	大厅对面向我投来的各种淫邪眼光吗
0:10:25.49,	People can be cruel. So take it off.	大学生的嘴是很恶毒的 赶紧脱下来
0:10:28.53,	Fine.	好吧
0:10:31.75,	Oh, my god! Put on a shirt!	天啊 快把衣服穿上
0:10:33.29,	I don't know what you want from me!	我不知道你到底想让我搞哪样
0:10:35.23,	You only get one chance at a first impression.	第一印象一旦定下就无法更改
0:10:37.85,	I suggest Julia Child, because it's easy to do."	我建议模仿厨神茱莉亚 因为那很简单
0:10:41.97,	Save the giblets.	留着内脏别扔
0:10:46.27,	Time to go to the beach!	该去沙滩了
0:10:47.62,	You're gonna go to the beach with a dog?	你想带着狗去沙滩吗
0:10:49.93,	I don't know what I did	我真不知道我干了什么好事
0:10:50.78,	- to deserve this. - Yeah.	得到这样一个好孩子-是啊
0:10:52.76,	I want to show Connor my toys.	我想带康纳去看我的玩具
0:10:54.53,	Oh, okay. You do that, sweetie.	好啊 去吧 宝贝
0:10:56.17,	Hey, Connor, uh, no hair pulling.	嘿 康纳 别再扯人家头发了
0:10:58.44,	Thank you for that.	谢谢你
0:10:59.62,	Okay, we have an assortment of spring rolls here.	好了 我做了各种春卷
0:11:03.38,	All vegetarian, of course.	都是素馅的 当然了
0:11:05.18,	Oh, 'cause I'm a lesbian, I'm automatically a vegetarian?	因为我是拉拉 我就肯定是个素食主义者吗
0:11:08.26,	Well, I saw it on "The L word."	我在《拉字至上》那部剧中看到的
0:11:08.98,	I assume they have consultants.	人家编剧也不是乱编的吧
0:11:10.44,	I'm just saying it's an offensive stereotype.	我想说 那是世人对拉拉冒犯性的刻板印象
0:11:12.21,	Okay, Pam, you are a vegetarian.	够了 帕姆 你确实是素食主义者啊
0:11:15.72,	Knock it off.	别装了吧
0:11:16.52,	Worked out.	碰对了
0:11:18.62,	Yeah. So glad that we are doing this.	是啊 真高兴我们可以这样和睦地相处
0:11:21.00,	- Yeah. Yeah, me, too. - Yeah.	-是啊 我也是 -是啊
0:11:22.84,	I mean, we're the only gay parents in the class.	我们是班里唯一的同性恋家长
0:11:24.90,	Yeah, we should be supporting one another.	是啊 我们该互相支持才对
0:11:26.43,	I mean, we have so much in common.	我是说 我们有那么多共同点
0:11:28.27,	Exactly.	就是啊
0:11:33.36,	So...	所以
0:11:35.16,	Tell us about yourselves.	介绍一下你们自己吧
0:11:36.23,	I'm an environmental lawyer.	我是个环保法律师
0:11:38.04,	Uh, and I'm a homemaker.	我是个家庭主夫
0:11:41.72,	And--and, uh, and what do you do?	你 你们是干什么的
0:11:43.22,	I'm a financial consultant.	我是个理财顾问
0:11:45.06,	I'm a contractor.	我是个承包商
0:11:48.63,	You thought I was a P.E. teacher?	你以为我是个体育老师吗
0:11:50.31,	Well, figured.	猜的
0:11:51.40,	Hey, I have a question real quick.	我有个小问题要问
0:11:52.46,	How do you guys get the car seat on the motorcycle?	你们是怎么把儿童座椅绑上摩托车的
0:11:54.53,	Uh, you know, Connor is having a birthday next week.	话说 康纳的生日会就在下周
0:11:57.01,	Maybe Lily would like to come.	不知道莉莉愿不愿意去
0:11:58.32,	Oh, she would love that.	她一定非常乐意
0:11:59.51,	Oh, great. Are you guys having a clown?	真好 你们要请小丑吗
0:12:01.08,	Oh, god, no.	天啊 当然不要
0:12:02.34,	I hate clowns they're so creepy.	我最讨厌小丑了 慎得慌
0:12:04.64,	Maybe you just don't like them because they wear makeup.	你不喜欢 或许是因为他们会化妆吧
0:12:08.33,	You know what? I'm out.	算了 我走了
0:12:10.23,	Okay.-Pam.	好吧-帕姆
0:12:11.21,	Connor, we're leaving!	康纳 我们要走了
0:12:12.24,	- You--you don't understand. - Pam! Pam!	你误会了-帕姆 帕姆
0:12:13.72,	Cam used to be a clown.	小卡曾经是个小丑
0:12:14.67,	Used to be? Once a clown, always a clown.	曾经吗 一日为小丑 终身为小丑
0:12:16.20,	God! Not now! Not now!	天啊 别现在发作 别挑现在
0:12:18.27,	Connor, let's go.	康纳 我们走了
0:12:19.52,	Pam.	帕姆
0:12:24.39,	Why is this door locked?	为什么门是锁着的
0:12:25.27,	Here. Let me, please.	过来 让我来
0:12:27.31,	Lily, open this door right now.	莉莉 立刻把门打开
0:12:30.29,	Okay. I'm not hearing anything.	好吧 里面一点声音都没有
0:12:32.22,	I'm sure they're fine.	我确定他们平安无事的
0:12:33.41,	Oh, how are you sure?	你怎么确定的
0:12:35.70,	Connor!	康纳
0:12:36.57,	- Lily! - Connor!	莉莉-康纳
0:12:37.91,	Lily!	莉莉
0:12:45.65,	Make the water comfortably warm	将水温调到舒适的温度
0:12:47.86,	90 to 100 degrees max.	最多90-100华氏度
0:12:50.27,	And never leave the tub unsupervised.	千万别将宝宝一个人放在澡盆里
0:12:55.70,	Is there something you two want to share with the class?	你们有什么好笑的事要跟全班人分享一下吗
0:12:58.21,	No. It's dirty.	没有 是下流的笑话
0:13:00.45,	Excuse me. We're trying to learn here.	不好意思 你们不学我们还想学呢
0:13:02.91,	Don't worry so much. Babies are tougher than you think.	别太担心 宝宝们是很强悍的
0:13:06.88,	When I was 5 years old, my babysitter was a goat.	我5岁的时候 我的保姆是只山羊
0:13:09.88,	What?	什么
0:13:10.77,	Ay, please. You know about Lupe.	别惊讶 我跟你说过洛佩的啊
0:13:12.56,	You never said she was a goat.	你从来没说她是只山羊
0:13:13.70,	You know, it's great that we have	其实 班里能有一对
0:13:14.87,	a couple of experienced parents in the class.	有经验的父母是件好事
0:13:18.13,	Perhaps you can share some of your wisdom with the rest of us.	或许你们可以和大家分享一下你们的育儿经
0:13:21.60,	Absolutely. It's not rocket science.	必须的 又不是造火箭那种高科技
0:13:23.46,	It's babies. They're hungry, you feed 'em.	不就是宝宝嘛 饿了 你就喂
0:13:25.22,	They're teething, you give 'em some scotch.	他们出牙的时候 就喂他们喝苏格兰酒
0:13:26.76,	Scotch?	苏格兰酒
0:13:27.32,	Really? Are you serious?	真的吗 当真吗
0:13:28.93,	What?	怎么了
0:13:30.50,	So we left.	然后我们就离开了
0:13:31.56,	I didn't need a lecture from Mary Poppins.	我可不需要那个人来教导我
0:13:33.72,	And I was suddenly in a mood for a burrito.	而我突然想去吃玉米煎饼了
0:13:43.81,	I'd like admission to your student body.	请允许我"进入"你学生般的娇嫩身体
0:13:46.50,	Oh, my goodness!	噢 老天啊
0:13:47.35,	I am so sorry. I thought you were my wife.	我很抱歉 我以为你是我妻子
0:13:49.05,	What's going on?	发生什么事了
0:13:49.88,	He grabbed me and said--	他抓了我 而且说
0:13:51.49,	I thought she was my wife. My wife works out a lot.	我以为你是我老婆 我老婆经常健身的
0:13:53.41,	Dad?	老爸
0:13:54.56,	How'd he grab you?	他怎么抓你的
0:13:55.45,	He squeezed my butt.	他捏了我的屁股
0:13:57.58,	He what?	他什么
0:13:58.15,	- Phil! - I thought it was you!	菲尔-我以为那是你
0:14:00.11,	Believe me, sir. I'm a respected realtor.	相信我 先生 我是个受人尊敬的房产中介
0:14:02.07,	This is an innocent mistake.	我绝对是无心之过
0:14:03.16,	Honey, turn around and show him your--your butt.	亲爱的 转过去 让他看看你的屁股
0:14:04.91,	- It--it's uncanny. - Dad.	简直让人不可思议-爸
0:14:06.49,	I am very normal. Please do not judge me based on them.	我很正常的 千万别认为上梁不正下梁歪
0:14:09.17,	Are those your my little pony sheets?	那是你的小马床单吗
0:14:10.80,	What? No!	什么 不
0:14:12.77,	I ordered them online.	我在网上淘的
0:14:14.01,	They must've sent the wrong ones. I'm very sorry.	肯定是发错了图案 非常抱歉
0:14:15.31,	That's what was in the box.	直接从箱子里拿出来的
0:14:19.80,	Okay.	好吧
0:14:20.78,	Uh, for the record, I am a respected realtor.	我澄清下 我是个受人尊敬的房产中介
0:14:24.35,	Those are not my condoms.	那些不是我的安全套
0:14:26.02,	She bought 'em.	她买的
0:14:27.31,	Oh, my god.	我的天
0:14:28.26,	Apparently, that's what people do these days--	很显然 如今的家长就会这么做
0:14:29.91,	Buy condoms for their kids.	给自己的孩子买安全套
0:14:31.74,	When I went to college,	我上大学的时候
0:14:32.31,	my parents bought me a bicycle helmet.	我爸妈给我买的是单车安全头盔
0:14:33.78,	That was their idea of safety.	那是他们对安全的概念
0:14:35.31,	Certainly didn't need condoms.	显然不需要安全套
0:14:36.44,	Mm, not if you were wearing	你戴着单车安全头盔
0:14:37.29,	a bike helmet around campus, you didn't. Am I right?	在校园里溜达当然用不上安全套了 对吗
0:14:41.56,	Why don't we let you guys finish,	你们先收拾好吧
0:14:43.40,	and we'll come back later?	我们等下再来
0:14:45.04,	Okay.	好的
0:14:46.08,	Yeah.	就这样
0:14:46.63,	Yep.	好
0:14:47.92,	Yeah, that sounds good.	好 这主意好
0:14:49.54,	See you on parents weekend!	周末家长活动时见啦
0:14:52.67,	They seem nice.	他们看起来不错哦
0:14:54.40,	- Guys, I-- - I know. I know.	-爸妈 我 -我知道 我知道
0:14:55.80,	Look, we need to reorganize a little.	我们需要重新整理下
0:14:57.30,	Your dad will go out and get us some new sheets.	你爸出去买新的床单
0:14:59.40,	You and I can hang up all the pictures on the walls.	我们可以把照片挂在墙上
0:15:01.78,	You know what? I think it's best if you guys get going.	知道吗 我觉得你们最好还是离开
0:15:04.91,	But we--we wanted to help you, sweetie.	但我们想帮你 亲爱的
0:15:06.64,	No, I got it.	不 我可以的
0:15:07.85,	W-what if you wanna move the furniture around?	如果你想把家具挪个地方呢
0:15:09.54,	And we were gonna take you to dinner before we left.	我们想在离开前带你去吃晚餐
0:15:11.52,	I like the furniture where it is, and I'm not hungry.	我喜欢家具现在的摆放位置 而且我也不饿
0:15:14.04,	So...	所以...
0:15:15.17,	Okay.-Okay.	好的-好吧
0:15:16.55,	Um, well, uh, before we leave,	那个 在我们离开前
0:15:18.82,	I wanted to give you a little present.	我要送你一样小礼物
0:15:20.33,	It's actually not a little present.	其实不是什么小礼物
0:15:21.68,	It's probably the best present you're ever gonna get.	有可能是你这辈子收到的最好礼物
0:15:24.89,	- It's a collection of all the things I've learned-- - Thanks.	这是我的人生感悟精选集-多谢
0:15:29.56,	Attention.	请注意
0:15:30.36,	Dorm meeting in the common room.	宿舍会议在公共休息室举行
0:15:31.98,	Okay, so...	好啦
0:15:33.54,	I better go.	我要去开会了
0:15:34.88,	- I know. - Okay.	我知道-去吧
0:15:35.75,	Okay, come here. That's my girl.	过来抱抱 我的宝贝女儿
0:15:38.95,	- Let me get in there. - Okay.	给老爸抱下-好
0:15:40.86,	- All right. - Bye!	好啦-拜
0:15:42.19,	Bye.	拜
0:15:45.92,	The most amazing things that can happen to a human being	作为人来说可以遇到的最美妙的事情
0:15:49.39,	will happen to you	你也会遇到
0:15:50.97,	if you just lower your expectations."	只要你降低期望值
0:15:55.37,	Oh, they've got something over the hole.	他们把锁孔也挡住了
0:15:57.43,	- Lily! - Connor!	莉莉-康纳
0:15:59.38,	We can't see anything from outside.	从外面什么也看不见
0:16:00.65,	The curtains are closed.	窗帘关上了
0:16:02.67,	Open up, Connor! We'll let you have a hot dog!	开门 康纳 开门了就给你吃热狗
0:16:05.71,	What if something happened to them?	如果他们出了事怎么办
0:16:07.11,	What kind of hazards do you keep in there?	里面有没有什么危险物品
0:16:08.73,	Well, let's see. That's where we keep our gun collection,	我想想 我们在里面放着枪支收藏
0:16:10.53,	our abandoned refrigerator,	我们家的废弃冰箱
0:16:11.73,	and our chocolate-covered hypodermic needles.	还有涂满巧克力的皮下注射针
0:16:13.20,	Why are gay men always so sarcastic?	为什么基佬说话总是冷嘲热讽的
0:16:14.93,	It's my coping mechanism!	那是我的应对机制
0:16:16.04,	Okay, that's it!	够了
0:16:17.45,	Lily, Connor, if you can hear me,	莉莉 康纳 如果你们能听到
0:16:20.02,	back away from the door. I'm gonna break it down.	离门远一点 我要撞门了
0:16:22.01,	I'll help you.	我来帮你
0:16:22.59,	I don't want Connor to go!	我不要康纳走
0:16:24.72,	I wanna stay!	我要留下
0:16:26.12,	Oh, thank god they're alive!	谢天谢地他们还活着
0:16:27.66,	I love him!	我爱他
0:16:28.73,	No, you love the idea of him. Now open this door, sweetie.	不 你只是喜欢这个想法 快开门 宝贝
0:16:32.31,	Can we really have hot dogs?	我们真的可以吃热狗吗
0:16:34.39,	Yes, we promise.	是的 我保证
0:16:38.09,	Oh! Come here, sweetheart.	快过来 小甜心
0:16:39.62,	If you ask me...	要我说
0:16:40.74,	Sometimes we get so hang up on our differences.	有时候我们太过关注我们的差异
0:16:43.43,	We forget there's one thing that we have in common.	我们忘记了彼此最大的共同点
0:16:45.70,	When it comes to the safety and well-being of our children,	当涉及到我们孩子的安全与幸福时
0:16:48.81,	we're all a little bit nuts.	我们都会抓狂
0:16:52.14,	You have dainty little hands, just like your daughter.	你的纤纤小玉手和你的女儿一样
0:16:54.63,	You have boots like my dad.	你的大脚丫子跟我爸一样
0:16:57.99,	I'm not saying that the goat put me to sleep or brushed my teeth.	我又没说那只山羊哄我睡觉给我刷牙
0:17:01.86,	It just stayed outside my bedroom window	它只是待在我的卧室窗户外面
0:17:04.11,	and scared all the strangers away.	吓跑所有的陌生人
0:17:05.81,	Well, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little disappointed.	我不打算说谎 我有点失望
0:17:07.86,	Hey, kid!	嘿 孩子
0:17:09.13,	Jay, mom, how was class?	杰 妈 课上得怎么样
0:17:11.42,	It was great. It was very educating and--	非常棒 非常有教育意义
0:17:14.33,	And now we know everything about the baby, no?	现在我们了解了关于宝宝的一切 对吗
0:17:17.70,	Interesting, because your teacher called,	有意思 因为你们的老师打电话来
0:17:20.09,	and you forgot your sunglasses when you left...	你离开时忘了拿太阳镜
0:17:22.49,	Three hours early.	三小时之前
0:17:25.04,	Ay, Manny, don't be mad.	曼尼 别生气
0:17:26.25,	I'm not mad. Just disappointed.	我没生气 只是失望而已
0:17:29.32,	I hate this. I prefer when he screams.	我讨厌这样 他尖叫我还好受些
0:17:31.64,	Manny, it's no big deal.	曼尼 没什么大不了的
0:17:33.19,	They weren't telling us anything we didn't already know.	他们教的我们都已经知道了
0:17:35.54,	We're going to have a baby.	马上就有宝宝要出世了
0:17:36.87,	Am I the only one who's terrified?	难道只有我一个人害怕吗
0:17:38.46,	But why?	为什么呢
0:17:40.20,	Why are you so terrified?	你为什么这么害怕呢
0:17:42.36,	What if it doesn't know not to pick up knives	如果宝宝不知道不该拿刀
0:17:44.20,	or stick its finger in an electric socket?	或是把手指插进了电插孔怎么办
0:17:46.19,	You were pretty lax, mom.	你是个很马虎的人 妈
0:17:47.75,	I was the one who told you	是我告诉你
0:17:48.82,	to turn the pot handles towards the stove	把水壶手柄转向炉子
0:17:50.27,	so I couldn't reach them.	这样我就够不着了
0:17:51.23,	Manny, I didn't worry about those things	曼尼 我不操心这些事情
0:17:53.07,	because you worried for the both of us.	因为有你替我们两个操心
0:17:55.57,	What if this baby doesn't think things through?	如果这个宝宝考虑事情不周全呢
0:17:57.63,	It's part Jay.	有杰的遗传在里面
0:17:58.54,	No offense taken.	就当你没伤到我吧
0:18:00.97,	If the baby's different, we'll be different.	如果宝宝和你不一样 那我们的表现也会不一样
0:18:03.47,	Hey.	听我说
0:18:05.43,	When you were growing up,	你成长的时候
0:18:06.42,	you had to be the man of the house and the kid.	必须身兼家里的顶梁柱与小孩两个角色
0:18:08.71,	Now I'm here. You just have to be the kid.	现在有我 你只要做小孩就行了
0:18:11.25,	I'm not gonna let anything happen to the baby,	我不会让宝宝出任何事
0:18:13.48,	just like I'm not ever gonna let anything happen to you.	就好像我永远不会让你出任何事一样
0:18:16.72,	Okay?	好吗
0:18:18.14,	Okay. That is a load off.	好吧 真是松了口气
0:18:21.13,	Although you forgot to pick me up last week after tango class.	不过上周探戈课结束后 你们可是忘了接我
0:18:24.50,	We didn't forget. We were just ten minutes late.	我们没忘 我们只是迟了十分钟
0:18:26.94,	Ten minutes is a long time in a sketchy neighborhood.	在不安全社区十分钟可是一段漫长的时间
0:18:28.83,	Please. It was between a gymboree	得了 教室旁边是"金宝贝早教中心"
0:18:30.19,	and a pottery barn.	和"陶瓷大谷仓"
0:18:32.08,	Dance until your feet hurt.	舞到脚痛
0:18:34.54,	Sing until your lungs hurt.	唱到肺痛
0:18:37.32,	Act until you're william hurt."	演到莎翁附体 心痛无比
0:18:44.26,	How you doing? Are you okay?	你怎么样 还好吗
0:18:46.35,	Yeah. No, I'm...	还好 我...
0:18:48.02,	I'm--I'm--I'm good. You?	我很好 你呢
0:18:49.55,	Fine. Yeah.	我还好 没事
0:18:51.37,	Great.	很好
0:19:04.47,	Take a lesson from parakeets.	要有鹦鹉学舌的精神
0:19:06.82,	If you're ever feeling lonely,	如果你感觉孤单
0:19:08.84,	Just eat in front of a mirror."	就在镜子前吃饭吧
0:19:12.17,	Never be afraid to reach for the stars,	永远不要害怕摘星星
0:19:14.73,	because even if you fall,	因为就算你跌下来
0:19:16.48,	[parachute降落伞 音近parent父母]
0:19:16.48,	you'll always be wearing a parent-chute."	你永远有"父母牌降落伞"防身
0:19:19.63,	TM."	注册专利
0:19:24.28,	Haley. Hi, honey. You okay?	海莉 亲爱的 你好吗
0:19:27.22,	Yeah.	很好
0:19:29.06,	Where are you guys?	你们在哪里
0:19:29.98,	Almost home, honey.	快到家了 宝贝
0:19:31.59,	Dad, I really like that book.	爸 我真的很喜欢那本书
0:19:33.74,	You do?	真的吗
0:19:35.04,	Sweetheart, is everything okay?	小甜心 一切都好吗
0:19:37.31,	Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for everything,	很好 我只是想感谢你们所做的一切
0:19:41.24,	you know, today and stuff.	今天 还有以前的一切
0:19:46.18,	O-of course.	客气什么
0:19:46.93,	- Sure. - Of course. If--if you need anything at all...	应该的-不用谢 如果你有任何的需要
0:19:48.89,	You just call us.	打电话给我们就行
0:19:50.35,	I'll probably need some more condoms soon.	我可能很快需要更多的安全套
0:19:52.11,	Not funny.	不好笑
0:19:53.52,	I'm sending you some care bear sheets.	我会给你寄爱心熊床单过去
0:19:55.65,	Anyway,	总之
0:19:57.09,	I should probably get going. We have orientation at 7:00 a.m.	我得挂了 明早7点有新生入学会
0:20:00.22,	G-good luck with that, sweetie.	祝你好运 宝贝
0:20:03.75,	I love you, guys.	我爱你们
0:20:06.06,	We love you, too, honey.	我们也爱你 亲爱的
0:20:08.37,	So, so much.	非常爱
0:20:09.95,	Bye.	拜
0:20:11.16,	Bye, Haley.	拜 海莉
0:20:13.60,	I'll miss you.	我会想你们的
0:20:29.33,	Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.	结婚要找看起来性感与失望并存的人
0:20:34.48,	See?	明白不
0:20:36.21,	Older black ladies make the best iced tea.	年老的黑人女性做的冰茶最好喝
0:20:41.31,	Success is 1% inspiration,	成功来自于1%的灵感
0:20:43.86,	98% perspiration,	98%的努力
0:20:46.72,	and 2% attention to detail."	以及2%对细节的注意
0:20:49.51,	You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.	通过一个人的自传 你可以很好地了解他
0:20:55.16,	Watch a sunrise at least once a day.	一天至少看一次日出
0:20:59.25,	If you love something, set it free,	如果你爱着什么 给它自由
0:21:01.62,	unless it's a tiger."	除非它是只老虎
0:21:04.37,	If you're ever in jam,	如果你碰到塞车
0:21:05.85,	a crayon scrunched up under your nose	两嘴嘟起在鼻子下夹支蜡笔
0:21:07.53,	makes a good pretend mustache."	就是一撇完美的假胡子
0:21:10.27,	When life gives you lemonade,	生活给了你甜甜的柠檬水
0:21:10.27,	[原文是生活给了你酸柠檬 你就把它变成柠檬水	意为不怕困难苦中作甜]
0:21:12.47,	make lemons.	你就把它变成酸酸的柠檬
0:21:13.78,	Life will be all like, 'what?!'"	生活就会大吃一惊说 你搞毛啊